The "you just fine the way you are" Talk

PennyVonDread

Yes. I find what people (including friends/family) are ultimately objecting to is change. Lots of people are adverse to change. Weight loss is a change and people may think a visual difference can change a personality. Maybe in some cases it can, for better (confidence, appearance, health) or worse (conceited behaviours, food anxiety/guilt, policing others' habits). That doesn't give anyone a say in your body, though. Bodily autonomy is a human right.

hearthwood

First of all don't tell anyone you're "trying" to lose weight, rather say I am going to lose weight.

And YES when you tell a man about your weight, don't expect him to say "good idea you need to lose weight"- LOL. They know very well that women are especially sensitive to their weight and they're certainly not going to want to hurt your feelings by agreeing with you that you're fat.

So don't say anything, you don't need to talk about it, this is not a diet it is a lifestyle change leading to a healthier happier you. And that's something he'll definitely agree with whether he says it or not. All you're doing is eating less, and moving more.

jennifer_417

As long as he's not actively trying to keep you from meeting your goals, then I wouldn't worry about it. He's probably just trying to be supportive, albeit perhaps a bit clumsily. After all, he started dating you the way you are, so he probably really does think you are fine the way you are.

benchsquad65

No one decides what your body looks like but YOU.

People want you stay in that weak, uncomfortable state that you are and they don't want you to rise above them as a stronger, healthier, and happier person.

DavPul

...So if he says 'Good, get to it!' you'd probably think he was an *kitten*. If he tells you you're fine and he likes you just the way he is he isn't supportive enough.


So what response, exactly, would be the proper one? A nomcommital grunt. A tone 'whatever you want dear'?

I don't get people

bajoyba

Just a thought, but maybe he really IS fine with you just the way you are.
And maybe he'll also be fine with you the way you are once you reach your weight loss/fitness goals.

My husband loved me and was attracted to me 80 pounds ago. He still loves me and is attracted to me now. His behavior toward me hasn't changed even though my body has, and when I ask his opinion, he says he loves me no matter what and just wants me to be happy. I'm sure he says that because he's a smart man, but I'm also inclined to believe him because he hasn't given me a reason not to.

And when I think about how I feel regarding his body, I feel the same way. I'm fine with him the way he is. If he decided to bulk or lose weight, I'd be fine with that too. I just want him to be healthy and happy with himself.

I'm also curious as to what response you would prefer to hear from your boyfriend.

cdahl383

I tend to fluctuate in a 10-15 lb range and once I get to the end of that spectrum I start to not like what I see in the mirror and that's when I usually decide to start getting back into shape and stuff. Of course I tell my wife and she says the same thing, she loves me no matter what, but she also says that if I don't feel good about myself, to do something about it, take action, etc. So she supports me by reassuring me that she still thinks I'm attractive but that if I want to better myself, then by all means do it. I would think that most people would feel the same way in a supportive relationship.

brower47

...So if he says 'Good, get to it!' you'd probably think he was an *kitten*. If he tells you you're fine and he likes you just the way he is he isn't supportive enough.


So what response, exactly, would be the proper one? A nomcommital grunt. A tone 'whatever you want dear'?

I don't get people

That first post and the following response... perfection epitomized in forum form. My hat's off to both of you. :drinker: