When people in your life aren't on board

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  • sadiebrawl
    sadiebrawl Posts: 863 Member
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    Thank you for all your kind thoughtful responses. I should tattoo "do it for you" on my wrist or something :)

    And to some of you, I would never tell others or especially others how to raise their kids. I literally just desired to be on the same team (or boat since that seems to be a theme here) as my family, just saying it would make life easier. I quit smoking a few years ago, have been running and trying to eat better for 3 years. Really, one sister kinda got on board. I never push my habits on others, but was hoping deep down more would follow. But a couple more got diabetes instead.

    Thank you all.
    Really.
    Even the tough love don't be a big baby replies... I needed those also.
  • _lyndseybrooke_
    _lyndseybrooke_ Posts: 2,561 Member
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    Are you doing this for you or for them?
  • sadiebrawl
    sadiebrawl Posts: 863 Member
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    Are you doing this for you or for them?

    at this point... my kids.
  • EternalFiend
    EternalFiend Posts: 9 Member
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    If you are struggling to make good choices around them when they are making bad ones, have a conversation with them! Tell them that you are doing your very best to be healthy and that although you're not saying they have to do the same, ask them to understand that there will be times when you say no to food. I had to get over this with my boyfriend because he used to get upset if I didn't eat dessert when we were out for dinner (he didn't either, he just likes to treat me!).

    That will help you, as for helping them? You can't. The only way being healthy sticks is if you made that decision to do it yourself! So yes, it is frustrating and it sucks and you want to do all that you can for the people that you love but you need to let them find their own way. You will end up inspiring them in some way - I never encouraged my mum to run, but once she saw me complete a 5k, she started up. Praise your family for the smaller, healthy choices that they make - positive reinforcement really works! They walked to the shops? Tell them how awesome that is! Talk about the other great things that come from eating healthy - more energy, better sleep etc casually around them. If this is something that they want, then they will associate heathy eating with awesome benefits. If you make them dinner, make them something super tasty and healthy - they may be associating healthy food with boring food! I know I did for ages!

    Stay positive! It's so easy to slip into old habits, but try your best not to! Maybe set up a motivation board up in your house? I did that at uni when it was all too easy to eat pizza like the rest of the students! I had all my favourite motivational quotes and goals on it!

    I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to turn into a mammoth reply... so I hope that is helps!
  • WelshPhil1975
    WelshPhil1975 Posts: 138 Member
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    I can very much relate to this. I am almost met with resistance from my wife and I have no idea why. I am doing this for me and the knock-on benefits the better health will have on my kids and I can't understand why she can't buy in to that. But no matter, I'm carrying on anyway, it will not stop me.
  • debraran1
    debraran1 Posts: 520 Member
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    I try to stress how much better I feel, less tired, etc after eating better and losing weight. How can you argue with going from feeling crappy to better? I also default at times, although I don't need an excuse saying, how I have gastric issues with eating fried foods now which is true and too much dairy. My family and friends see me eat cake and sweets, I just don't go overboard as often as before.
    I think without words, many feel, if you don't do something, it means you think they are "bad". My kids had that in college when they didn't drink or drank little. I feel it's their guilt and their problem and think about how hard I worked to get back in a better place.
    I do get snide comments at times, "I guess you aren't trying the "fill in the blank" at parties or picnics, but I let it slide, again it's more about them. My hubby also needs to lose weight and sometimes makes comments I workout too much, I don't at all, but being home now vs the gym, he sees it and feels, "I'm doing nothing". I've learned to make my health uppermost and not someones feelings and hope that in time, we can support each other instead of having it divide.
  • FindingAmy77
    FindingAmy77 Posts: 1,266 Member
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    I find it really hard when all 8 of my siblings and significant others and all 11 nieces and nephews are out of shape and over weight and I'm the only one trying. I studied Psychology in college and I believe human behavior is really affected by environment. So. I have been trying to be the "environment" for these kids. No support from their parents or my spouse. I'm losing my mind, and crying. It's so hard.


    I don't know what to do. I keep giving in to ice cream and awful habits.

    all you can do is lead by example. you cant force anyone to do what you do. you can eat ice cream. just make sure its portioned out. a level ice cream scoop is a portion. don't know what the awful habits are you mentioned but its all about the many small changes you make that lead you to your goals. you don't need anyone else involved to do this for yourself
  • shabaity
    shabaity Posts: 791 Member
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    I think I've got a similar problem my family is on board with me getting healthy they just go about showing it the wrong way. They push exercise which is great I appreciate it all on board with fitness. However they always push me to eat more, which again I do understand why. I spent most of my k-12 years on medication that side effects are appetite suppression ergo I don't actually have much in the way of eating habits. So now the same foods that were used to increase my caloric intake then are still being pushed in my general direction and I don't need them anymore. I'm eating more often and watching my caloric intake and cutting back on refined breads and sugar. I'm always on the go so yeah its not the greatest nutrition wise but I'm replacing fries with apple packets and grilled wraps instead of burgers. I just wish they could see I'm doing better with this than I was back then.
  • marsellient
    marsellient Posts: 591 Member
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    It's difficult to learn to say "no" to foods you don't want to eat, no to driving when you can easily walk, or to spending time doing for others or taking on responsibilities you don't have time for, but it's an important skill. What I've learned is that I don't have to explain or apologise (too much) when I say no. What I eat, when I exercise, how I choose to spend my time, is my decision and I don't owe anyone an explanation. What I'm trying to say is that you probably should just get on with your plan and forget justifying it to your family, and wait to see if any of them notice or are curious about how you've improved your health. Ask yourself this: do any of them feel the need to justify their choices to you?
    I hope you are successful in meeting your goals!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I find it really hard when all 8 of my siblings and significant others and all 11 nieces and nephews are out of shape and over weight and I'm the only one trying. I studied Psychology in college and I believe human behavior is really affected by environment. So. I have been trying to be the "environment" for these kids. No support from their parents or my spouse. I'm losing my mind, and crying. It's so hard.


    I don't know what to do. I keep giving in to ice cream and awful habits.
    Stop trying to control everyone else and worry about yourself. That's what to do.

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