Hypocrisy when dating?

AdventureVia

So I've known for a long time that I am totally attracted to hotties and while I've dated a fatty or two like myself, I was never as sexually attracted or stimulated as when I dated someone fit. Somehow the hypocrisy of this never seemed to fully dawn on me though until the not so distant past and now a big part of why I want to be healthy is to be able to live the fit and active lifestyle with a fit and active partner.

I guess I just want to know how many of you were doing the same thing or if I am the only *kitten* out there? ;p

eillamarie

Being 6 feet tall and a size 14/16 makes me a pretty big girl, taller and bigger than most guys! I've always been attracted to tall athletic guys, which was fine when I was training 10X a week for competitive swimming-but I was a lot leaner then. I'm still attracted to those types of guys, but they aren't usually attracted to me anymore now that I'm overweight and I get SUPER frustrated. I've been approached by guys who resemble my present physical condition and I'm rarely attracted to them. I am a hypocrite in this sense for sure, but I guess it doesn't bother me as much because I used to be in phenomenal shape? And now I sound like a horrible person haha Well, what're you gonna do? You can't help who you do and don't find attractive!

People are strange.

HeatherMN

You're not the only one. When I was in the dating world, I found most guys wanted a Barbie look-alike, but they weren't "all that" themselves. It was frustrating, but I knew someday I'd find someone who liked me for me.

Congrats on realizing the hypocrisy. That's the first step!

just4peachy

I, too, am an *kitten*. I prefer military guys or boxers/MMA fighters.

PLUMSGRL

-nope, it hits both genders:huh:
I don't want to be involved with a couch potato, who dosen't understand the value of health.
They have the ability to gufha at your progress and try to sabotage the foods you eat and the time you use to work out.
I'd much rather be with someone like minded, and healthy-or at least serious about and actively getting there!

toots99

I think I am (or was) the opposite. I'd prefer to date someone bigger because I thought they'd be a bit more sensitive to weight issues and less likely to be a jerk. Since starting to become healthier, I find I prefer someone at the same fitness level that I am at currently. And I learned that big guys can be jerks too. :laugh:

I'm glad you posted this, because I had been thinking recently, wondering if as you become more fit, does what you find attractive change? In the past, I would have never seen a muscle-y guy at the gym and thought the was attractive...now I think "Wow, that built guy is sexy!" Maybe it's because I know the hard work that goes into it, maybe that's what I'm becoming attracted to?

bsweettt

disturbing that you call those girls 'fattys'.. not so great for their self-esteem.. just saying..

leslielove

I'm finding that as I lose weight/come out of my shell, more guys are attracted to what they're deeming my curves. I still think I'm fat and disgusting but most dudes that hit on me tell me that skinny girls are gross and they like my body. Maybe its my boobs? I don't know but either way I'm not complaining. I don't want to lose much more weight.. probably only about 10-15 pounds and its coming off slowly because its the last little bit but its encouraging to see that I'm being treated like a girl and not the funny fat one in the corner.

As for dudes, I don't like my dudes too skinny or muscley because it intimidates me. I'm still not quite over the mental image of myself as a whale so I find it hard to really have the courage to get in the bedroom with someone who looks like David Beckham because I'm intimidated. I like solid, pretty boys. Active but not ripped I guess. If you're too juiced to be comfy when I try and cuddle on your shoulder, that's kind of a deal breaker.

just4peachy

disturbing that you call those girls 'fattys'.. not so great for their self-esteem.. just saying..

Given that he calls himself the same I can't imagine he does it maliciously.

ChancyW

I think I am (or was) the opposite. I'd prefer to date someone bigger because I thought they'd be a bit more sensitive to weight issues and less likely to be a jerk. Since starting to become healthier, I find I prefer someone at the same fitness level that I am at currently. And I learned that big guys can be jerks too. :laugh:

I'm glad you posted this, because I had been thinking recently, wondering if as you become more fit, does what you find attractive change? In the past, I would have never seen a muscle-y guy at the gym and thought the was attractive...now I think "Wow, that built guy is sexy!" Maybe it's because I know the hard work that goes into it, maybe that's what I'm becoming attracted to?

I completely agree with you on that one. What I find attractive now has changed a lot because of how physically fit I am now. Guys that are built are definitely more attractive!

Michelle_J

You can't help who you're physically attracted to no matter what you look like youself. You may not always get that "hottie" but sure isn't wrong to be attracted to her

AdventureVia

disturbing that you call those girls 'fattys'.. not so great for their self-esteem.. just saying..

Hi, I'm Jake and I'm a fatty. I'm not ashamed of it but I have certainly never told a girl that they were a fatty, don't be a hater. Be sweet, bsweettt!

AdventureVia

I'm glad I'm not the only one! I totally understand what you're saying about the intimidation thing as well, especially now that I am starting to realize how much time, dedication and focus is spent on looking that good. It takes serious self discipline and that totally intimidates me at times. I'm terrified of the girls at the gym and being the outgoing guy that I am, well it's definitely a weird feeling for me. I think that when I can match them physically that fear will start to diminish a bit.

Anyway yeah, it's funny how we see what we want to see while ignoring the reality in the mirror eh?

roylawrence87

I'm finding that as I lose weight/come out of my shell, more guys are attracted to what they're deeming my curves. I still think I'm fat and disgusting but most dudes that hit on me tell me that skinny girls are gross and they like my body. Maybe its my boobs? I don't know but either way I'm not complaining. I don't want to lose much more weight.. probably only about 10-15 pounds and its coming off slowly because its the last little bit but its encouraging to see that I'm being treated like a girl and not the funny fat one in the corner.

As for dudes, I don't like my dudes too skinny or muscley because it intimidates me. I'm still not quite over the mental image of myself as a whale so I find it hard to really have the courage to get in the bedroom with someone who looks like David Beckham because I'm intimidated. I like solid, pretty boys. Active but not ripped I guess. If you're too juiced to be comfy when I try and cuddle on your shoulder, that's kind of a deal breaker.

Yep, its your boobs. Guys love boobs. What can I say? I loooove em. Though active but not ripped? You got me there. I kinda associated them together. I am active and ripped. And Ive only been active for 8 months. The way I see it, if a guy is active and healthy, he's gonna be ripped. Now depending totally what you define as "ripped". It may be something different.

creativefrugalmom

I know that when my husband and I met, I was in shape, working out 4 - 6 days a week. We were both very active and fit (he didn't work out and had a little bit of a beer belly but was still fit). I was able to maintain control of my food because it was just me most of the time. Since we got married 8 1/2 yrs ago, we have both put on a significant amount of weight, hence the reason I am working on losing it. He is being supportive and has begun working out as well, but with his back and knees, he is going at a slower pace.

I have never been attracted to the GQ type, even though I had several opportunities to date them. They seemed to be more into themselves than me. The main thing to take out of this is, would you rather have someone who is willing to take this journey with you and appreciate what you and they have done together? Someone who will understand if you put on a pound or 2 here and there and then lose it? Or go for someone who is naturally like that and has no understanding of what some of us have to go through to look like that?

apetty21

While my body has changed over the years, my tastes in guys hasn't. If I found you attractive when I was 16 I'd still find that attractive at 26. I don't mean I still find teenagers attractive...I mean body types have stayed the same. Blue eyes and a great smile will always work. Clearly, I go for taller (I'm 5'1"). Darker hair? Rawr. No matter my body, I tend to like guys on the scrawnier side of things. Not muscular. I don't really like overweight either. So I guess it is hypocritical. I will always have a little fat. I will always have curves. Even when I weighed 118 in high school, I still was chubby (in places). You can be active and play sports. I, however, won't.

BellaB777

I am attracted to tall athletic guys. I won't date anyone under 5'9". I am 5'4" myself but there is something about a tall fit guy that screams sexy to me. You like what you like. I know that I have to get my body in better shape because the types of guys I am attracted to are attracted to fit girls. How can I expect my guy to be what I want if I am not there myself?

dkrioux

you are not the only *kitten*! I know what I can be and have been there before and I know the kind of person I am and the kind of people I attract when there... healthy and fit and enjoying life... so, I would rather give up dating until I get there if I have to.:)

princessorchid

I would never date a guy who was "short", and for me short is anything under 6ft. My boyfriend is 6ft3 and thin - I've always gone for the tall skinny guys! I'm about 5ft3 and chubbers - but even when I was a bit chunkier I never had any shortage of guys I found attractive chatting me up. Heh, maybe if you're tall and skinny you'll look for a short fat girl? Hm...

dkrioux

I agree 100% with you!

dkrioux

-nope, it hits both genders:huh:
I don't want to be involved with a couch potato, who dosen't understand the value of health.
They have the ability to gufha at your progress and try to sabotage the foods you eat and the time you use to work out.
I'd much rather be with someone like minded, and healthy-or at least serious about and actively getting there!

I so agree!

alantin

I suppose its natural to find fit people attractive. Who wouldn't!
Just being fit isn't enough though if the person is a total a-hole. Better a nice gal with great personality than an arrogant model.. Actually, when talking just about body, being super fit isn't the most attractive trait a girl can have in my opinion. A little curve and padding are usually much more attractive than 14% body fat!

Healthy weight is attractive!

Wolfena

I like the exact same kind of guy I did when I was heavier... perhaps it's because I still love food and I like the fact that my less active heavier set boyfriend NEVER complains about what I look like, what I do or don't feel like doing regarding exercise - he'll eat whatever I feed him, healthy or not (also without complaint) In my head I'm still a "fatty" - I'll never see myself as an athlete or as "fit & trim" - I prefer a guy who makes me feel small, I always have!!! Guys who are thin or muscular aren't necessarily UN-attractive to me, but I can't see them as a romantic partner because I'd always feel like they were on a different level than I am. Doesn't matter if I'm a runner, doesn't matter if I'm actively counting calories on a daily basis and cooking in super healthy styles, doesn't matter that my weight may be the lowest it's ever been - I know that the true "ME" behind that healthy "facade" is still going to get lazy for a week or a month at times, want to pig out on ribs and ice cream sundaes at times, and even though I don't ever plan on giving up on my healthy lifestyle forever, it definitely falls by the wayside a lot of times (which is why I keep gaining and losing these last freakin' 10 pounds!!!)

But anyway - no hypocrisy on my end, I like heavier guys and always will.

ChuckgM3

. I won't date anyone under 5'9". I am 5'4"

BI%#$!

j/k

This is a very common point of view though... Many "curvier" women complain that men only like skinny women... 90% of the time there's something the bigger girls can do to fix that, not a damn thing us 5'7 guys can do about our height. Honestly though I think it has made me a better person... I've had to learn to be funnier, more charming, and more on top of my game than my tall/dark/handsome brethren... And I think that's a good thing.

Like many have said here... We like what we like and although it may at times be hypocritical, we shouldn't let others make us feel guilty about it. It's instinctual.

MissAnjy

I've never really been attracted to the GQ type of guy, or the really "ripped" guy at the gym. I was always thin (am thin again currently) but it just never appealed to me. When I started dating my husband, he was 320lbs. He is currently 240lbs. I think he's incredibly hot. I always liked a bit of meat on my guys. My husband is 6'4 so right now at 240, he has a little meat to him. He looks incredible. He's never had abs, never been ripped (when we first met he was 450lbs) but I loved him anyways.

When i was with my ex, I always encouraged him to keep a little belly pooch. It looked good on him. I've never been into the "hard body" even though I had one myself.

MissAnjy

this may be SUPER TMI, but i've always found that sex with a guy with a hard body (especially v-lines) is painful. I had an ex who was cut and had "v-lines" and his jagged *kitten* hip bones dug into me in an incredibly painful way. suckkkkks! am i the only one who thinks that? LOL

ChuckgM3

this may be SUPER TMI, but i've always found that sex with a guy with a hard body (especially v-lines) is painful. I had an ex who was cut and had "v-lines" and his jagged *kitten* hip bones dug into me in an incredibly painful way. suckkkkks! am i the only one who thinks that? LOL

My ex told me that, but I figured she was just trying to make me feel better about my beer gut :P

apetty21

Many "curvier" women complain that men only like skinny women... 90% of the time there's something the bigger girls can do to fix that, not a damn thing us 5'7 guys can do about our height.

I can promise you, I can't do a darned thing about my curves. I can reduce the fat in those curves but they will always be there. And, some shorties still consider 5'7 as "tall". That's half a foot on me. And, it was awkward with my last BF. He was 6'3 and, well, my "chest" came up to his belly button. Which was weird. Because he made it weird. Neither here nor there.

ginnyroxx

1. I'm a fatty (lol) but I've never had a problem attracting guys. I *do* have the boob thing going in my favor, i suppose, but i think confidence plays a big part here.

2. I could never be with a man that weighed less than i do.

3. I've never been into a typical "type" & if i think about it, big muscle guys never did much for me.....until I met my BF. He's got the biggest, yummiest arms & shoulders and OMG....i need to stop right there since this is a PG site

4. I still think any man is lucky to have me :laugh: but I've been like that since I was younger & thinner and I supposed that hasn't changed much even with a chubby tummy. I used to think if I could meet Ricky Schroeder or (and then as i got older) Zach Morris that they'd both want to date me. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

beethedreamer

i have always found that i am more attracted to guys with a little more meat on their bones. I would feel intimidated if i were dating a stick, especially if i looked like a balloon compared to him. now that I have started exercising, i feel a little more attracted towards guys that actually work out, but aren't totally ripped. anyways, I still find chubbier guys a hell of a lot sexier than the skinny guys. :P

alantin

I actually read a study that said that couples, with a certain difference in heights, were the happiest!

Are there any girls that prefer shorter guys than them or guys that prefer taller girls?