Have completely lost my motivation....

getdancing2013

So incredibly depressed that I literally walked off the track at the gym to go cry. Too frustrated, angry, sad......just failing all over. Sitting here waiting for my husband, who is of course in fantastic shape now, to finish. Nevermind that after a vacation full of sabotage from my family, he decided he "had" to have outback. I gained 5 lbs in one night. Just can't stop crying and can't shake the feelings of wanting to quit.

I have been fighting for so long and did well for a while, but now...this is the second time I've left mid workout to cry.

The frustration & sadness is overwhelming, & for all the progress I make (going up in reps/weight, smaller clothes) all I see is the fat frumpy wife. All my husband had to do was stop sodas and start working out-40 pounds gone in 4 months. I can't compete, & I know men are just that way, but I honestly don't know if I have any fight left. It seems a lost cause.

Sorry for the rant/vent. I just feel hopeless.

zman1313

You need to stop beating yourself up over the little things. The weight loss progress is a LIFESTYLE change. In your life, you have challenges, and you have to face them. Make no mistake, weight loss is no different. People go on vacations, and people indulge on vacations. That is OKAY!!! Beating yourself up over putting on a few pounds is (clearly) only making things worse. I'm sure you had a great time on your vacation, so remember that while you're working out. Think "I had a ton of fun on vacation, but now it's time to get back to where I was." Also, I highly doubt you put on 5lbs in one meal at Outback. That's more than likely water weight from the high sodium content.

So...RELAX....take a few deep breaths, get back to work, and remember that this is a lifestyle change. We all slip up at times, it's human nature. How ****ty would life be if we were all robots who never made mistakes and never indulged in good food or drinks?

You should also stop making excuses for things. You didn't HAVE to go to Outback with your husband, and you COULD HAVE ordered a healthy meal there. The NUMBER ONE most important thing to my weight loss has been personal accountability. I no longer allow myself to make excuses for ANYTHING, because that's a vicious cycle and before I know it I'd be back to eating 4 McDonad's sausage McMuffins for breakfast every morning.

nevertoooldtodoit

I'm sorry you are feeling so defeated. Have you heard of ANTS, automatic negative thinking? Sometimes I get stuck in this pattern of thinking and then start to believe that just because I think it, it is true. I have to consciously work to debunk my negative thoughts by speaking them and then talking myself through why none of it is true. I have to consciously refocus my thinking. You have lost 18 lbs and you are out making an effort to exercise. Those are both wins in my book. You cannot control what others say or do, you are in charge of how you respond. I wish you the best. One step at a time!

brenn24179

I think we have all felt like you, it is hard work getting this weight off but it is also hard being fat. Maybe you shouldn't vacation with your family. We need to put ourselves first and make taking care of ourself a priority. I am learning to set boundaries with myself and tell myself No. I just had two pieces of pizza and could have eaten the whole thing. I think after you eat right for a while it becomes a habit and you rarely overdo it. Start logging again and make up your mind to do this. It is miserable when you cant fit in your clothes. Love yourself and care for yourself and don't do this destructive overeating stuff.

Stiang

Any time I get frustrated with the lack of movement (or bad movement) on the scale, I go and look at the SUCCESS folder. I see some who lose it fast and then I see those who have lost it slow. Just keep moving and don't compare yourself to your husband. :flowerforyou:

mntwoman05

I know exactly how you feel. My husband started dieting about 3 weeks ago and has already lost 14 pounds. I've been dieting for over 2 months and have only lost 15. We also went on a short vacation around family and I too gained some weight back. I felt frustrated looking at that number knowing I did't cheat that much, but I then stepped off and had to remind myself that I will have some set backs. I just have to continuing plugging forward and hope all my hard work will pay off in the end. I have struggled with being overweight my whole life. I have yo-yoed far to many times. I really feel this time I am headed in the right direction. I know it will take time and focus, but I am determined this time. I have health issues that are forcing me to change my life style, but I also want to be happy with my body. Push through this. There has to be light at the end of the tunnel for those that fight for it!

AglaeaC

It's okay to have a crappy day from time to time. Then you need to be kind to yourself and remind yourself of what you have done already, not just what still lies ahead of you. You might benefit from comparing yourself to you only, nobody else.

The excess weight didn't come over night, so it can't come off quickly either. You're building a new you and that takes time, is supposed to as well, or you won't be solid in the foundation. Be patient. I know some dislike that word here, but this is a lifestyle change that includes changing any unhealthy habits you can think of. Patience and perseverance will take you there.

Also, ask yourself why it was that you wanted to change your lifestyle again. Do you have a moodboard, motivational quotes and photos, something scribbled down for moments like this? Go look at them. Tomorrow is a new day and a clean slate.

getdancing2013

I had a motivation folder...I deleted it when I got angry.

And yes, I know I'm ultimately responsible for what I eat. I did make better choices than before - steamed veggies, water vs alcohol, dressing on the side, no dessert. And I was proud of that. But I don't know what it is with me where I let setbacks devastate me.

Thank you all for your words - I will try to reflect more and regroup.

AglaeaC

I had a motivation folder...I deleted it when I got angry.

And yes, I know I'm ultimately responsible for what I eat. I did make better choices than before - steamed veggies, water vs alcohol, dressing on the side, no dessert. And I was proud of that. But I don't know what it is with me where I let setbacks devastate me.

Thank you all for your words - I will try to reflect more and regroup.

Do you think you extrapolate the feeling of one or two bad days to "forever and ever" maybe ("everything is ruined now")? Or is it just a feeling of having the whole house of cards come tumbling down in a huge kaboom, more in the present moment?

I'm in the habit of posting a daily quote on my feed whenever I remember to do it and today's quote is this:
"The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones." - Confucius.

If I may use it as analogy to your situation, what you already have achieved is a big pile of stuff next to the mountain (which has become mountain minus pile as a result). When you have a bad day, it is only about the small stones that are today's task. You don't reset the whole thing, but the pile already moved is still where you moved it. I'm not sure whether this is where the problem is in your case?

melodiarentsen

I watched an old Oprah Winfrey show about massive weight loss success stories the other day. Her old weight loss guru, Tom Green (think that is his name) was on the show. He said women have to be virtually perfect to lose weight whereas men get to cheat. You absolutely cannot compare yourself to your husband at all. My husband's calorie intake allowance alone could defeat my motivation if I allowed it. You are you. So you ate at Outback. You only live once. Continue from there. That weight will most likely not stick. What is it? One pound is like 3200 calories? Are you saying you ate that x five? You couldn't have. It will come right back off.

Be strong. Try to talk positively to yourself. Begin again. I think you can do it.

kateirving

I so feel for you. I am having to fight with myself to go out for my walks today. Perhaps talk to him about what you need in the way of encouragement to keep going. Also, how about considering antidepressants. Even for short term depression, it can help, or counseling can help you sort through your concerns. Please don't quit. You need to give yourself a break, ask for what you want, do something nice for yourself, massage, flowers, whatever.

mactaffy84

Losing weight is hard. Make no mistake about that. That is where we have to be harder. Women are strong. Heck, where do you think the human race would be if men had the children! ????????????

I also think you need to cut yourself some slack. Who is perfect? You just gotta find the will inside yourself to keep going. You know, I am woman, hear me ROAR! You can do this. One minute at a time. I get the frustration, I get the depression, I get the pity, and I get the anger. Been there, done that.

And, for goodness sake, not only do not compare your weight loss with your husband, don't compare with anyone else! That is a bad idea! You are you and no one else on the face of the earth has your own characteristics. Weight loss is individual.

Good luck. We have faith in your ability to do this, even if, right now, you don't.

Capt_Apollo

motivation is only good for so long. it might get you out the door and exercising every so often, but dedication is what will keep you going through the hard and tough days.

i recommend signing up for a race. a challenge that is just outside of your reach, a goal that you can accomplish, is a great way to maintain focus during the tough days.

AglaeaC

I watched an old Oprah Winfrey show about massive weight loss success stories the other day. Her old weight loss guru, Tom Green (think that is his name) was on the show. He said women have to be virtually perfect to lose weight whereas men get to cheat. You absolutely cannot compare yourself to your husband at all.

I wouldn't necessarily compare to Oprah Winfrey, whose weight has been going up and down in a very non-lifestyle change-y way. And I wonder where this generalisation comes about women having to be perfect, whereas men can cheat? I just wanted to point out that I definitely don't agree with that at all.

Capt_Apollo

I watched an old Oprah Winfrey show about massive weight loss success stories the other day. Her old weight loss guru, Tom Green (think that is his name) was on the show. He said women have to be virtually perfect to lose weight whereas men get to cheat. You absolutely cannot compare yourself to your husband at all.

I wouldn't necessarily compare to Oprah Winfrey, whose weight has been going up and down in a very non-lifestyle change-y way. And I wonder where this generalisation comes about women having to be perfect, whereas men can cheat? I just wanted to point out that I definitely don't agree with that at all.

ditto.

while many men can eat more than women, i have to be mindful of my meals just like anyone else.

getdancing2013

I had a motivation folder...I deleted it when I got angry.

And yes, I know I'm ultimately responsible for what I eat. I did make better choices than before - steamed veggies, water vs alcohol, dressing on the side, no dessert. And I was proud of that. But I don't know what it is with me where I let setbacks devastate me.

Thank you all for your words - I will try to reflect more and regroup.

Do you think you extrapolate the feeling of one or two bad days to "forever and ever" maybe ("everything is ruined now")? Or is it just a feeling of having the whole house of cards come tumbling down in a huge kaboom, more in the present moment?

I'm in the habit of posting a daily quote on my feed whenever I remember to do it and today's quote is this:
"The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones." - Confucius.

If I may use it as analogy to your situation, what you already have achieved is a big pile of stuff next to the mountain (which has become mountain minus pile as a result). When you have a bad day, it is only about the small stones that are today's task. You don't reset the whole thing, but the pile already moved is still where you moved it. I'm not sure whether this is where the problem is in your case?

That's a wonderful quote! And yes, that's exactly what my mind thinks. That I just will never be able to do it, so why bother to continue, and then it feels like everything is collapsing on me. All of a sudden it feels like everyone's looking and judging, that I'm the biggest person there (not by a longshot, but my brain thinks that), like everyone is doing so much better than me...then I start hyperventilating and it feels like everything's closing in, and off I go. Happens sometimes, but yesterday's just hit me incredibly hard.

getdancing2013

I watched an old Oprah Winfrey show about massive weight loss success stories the other day. Her old weight loss guru, Tom Green (think that is his name) was on the show. He said women have to be virtually perfect to lose weight whereas men get to cheat. You absolutely cannot compare yourself to your husband at all. My husband's calorie intake allowance alone could defeat my motivation if I allowed it. You are you. So you ate at Outback. You only live once. Continue from there. That weight will most likely not stick. What is it? One pound is like 3200 calories? Are you saying you ate that x five? You couldn't have. It will come right back off.

Be strong. Try to talk positively to yourself. Begin again. I think you can do it.

Not close to that amount...but all I know is what the scale said in the morning, and it was literally 5 pounds higher. I would assume that's the food plus water retention (since when you eat out the food tends to be saltier). I had also just done legs the day before and increased all my weights - squats, leg press, etc. Thinking about it makes sense; but my mind...well has a mind of its own sometimes. Frankly if he had mentioned it at home I would've told him to take the kids and I'd stay behind, but it was a 30 minute drive each way from where we were when he said it, and I caved to him and the kids.

AglaeaC

I had a motivation folder...I deleted it when I got angry.

And yes, I know I'm ultimately responsible for what I eat. I did make better choices than before - steamed veggies, water vs alcohol, dressing on the side, no dessert. And I was proud of that. But I don't know what it is with me where I let setbacks devastate me.

Thank you all for your words - I will try to reflect more and regroup.

Do you think you extrapolate the feeling of one or two bad days to "forever and ever" maybe ("everything is ruined now")? Or is it just a feeling of having the whole house of cards come tumbling down in a huge kaboom, more in the present moment?

I'm in the habit of posting a daily quote on my feed whenever I remember to do it and today's quote is this:
"The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones." - Confucius.

If I may use it as analogy to your situation, what you already have achieved is a big pile of stuff next to the mountain (which has become mountain minus pile as a result). When you have a bad day, it is only about the small stones that are today's task. You don't reset the whole thing, but the pile already moved is still where you moved it. I'm not sure whether this is where the problem is in your case?

That's a wonderful quote! And yes, that's exactly what my mind thinks. That I just will never be able to do it, so why bother to continue, and then it feels like everything is collapsing on me. All of a sudden it feels like everyone's looking and judging, that I'm the biggest person there (not by a longshot, but my brain thinks that), like everyone is doing so much better than me...then I start hyperventilating and it feels like everything's closing in, and off I go. Happens sometimes, but yesterday's just hit me incredibly hard.

Glad it helped. My suggestion then is to remind yourself of the fact that we only have today.

It's fine to make plans and such, but we only have the moment we are living in right now, so it is pointless to worry about what happens tomorrow.

Change what you can change when you can change it. In order to be able to change step 2 tomorrow, you need to start by changing step 1 first; that's today's task.

Topsking2010

You need to stop beating yourself up over the little things. The weight loss progress is a LIFESTYLE change. In your life, you have challenges, and you have to face them. Make no mistake, weight loss is no different. People go on vacations, and people indulge on vacations. That is OKAY!!! Beating yourself up over putting on a few pounds is (clearly) only making things worse. I'm sure you had a great time on your vacation, so remember that while you're working out. Think "I had a ton of fun on vacation, but now it's time to get back to where I was." Also, I highly doubt you put on 5lbs in one meal at Outback. That's more than likely water weight from the high sodium content.

So...RELAX....take a few deep breaths, get back to work, and remember that this is a lifestyle change. We all slip up at times, it's human nature. How ****ty would life be if we were all robots who never made mistakes and never indulged in good food or drinks?

You should also stop making excuses for things. You didn't HAVE to go to Outback with your husband, and you COULD HAVE ordered a healthy meal there. The NUMBER ONE most important thing to my weight loss has been personal accountability. I no longer allow myself to make excuses for ANYTHING, because that's a vicious cycle and before I know it I'd be back to eating 4 McDonad's sausage McMuffins for breakfast every morning.

Well said

getdancing2013

I so feel for you. I am having to fight with myself to go out for my walks today. Perhaps talk to him about what you need in the way of encouragement to keep going. Also, how about considering antidepressants. Even for short term depression, it can help, or counseling can help you sort through your concerns. Please don't quit. You need to give yourself a break, ask for what you want, do something nice for yourself, massage, flowers, whatever.

I haven't really found a good antidepressant. I was on Wellbutrin about 10 years ago, and ended up nearly killing myself. Cymbalta was okay but made me pack on the pounds. Same with Prozac and some others. Some also conflict with my anti-seizure medications, so I'm reluctant to go on any others.

As for something for myself, once I start my second job (family wants a cruise so that's about how we're going to afford it) I will build in a day once a month where I go get a massage or buy myself something small. You're right that I need to do stuff for me. Originally the gym was that - and there are days it feels good, don't get me wrong. Just the last few times...just so frustrated.

AglaeaC

As for something for myself, once I start my second job (family wants a cruise so that's about how we're going to afford it) I will build in a day once a month where I go get a massage or buy myself something small. You're right that I need to do stuff for me. Originally the gym was that - and there are days it feels good, don't get me wrong. Just the last few times...just so frustrated.

If you can handle a second job, it sounds nice for your family to be able to to go on a cruise. If it pushes you beyond what you can handle right now, I strongly advise against it. A vacation away from home is a vacation no matter where it takes place and what it looks like. You need to take care of yourself first, before you can take care of others, just like they say on the airplane "Assist yourself before assisting others."