Have completely lost my motivation....

ntime60

First, pick yourself up and work to not dwell on the short term. Look at the trend. MFP has a good report tool to see that. Feel good about producing a negative trend and don't beat yourself up over a spike.

Second, it is not a competition, especially with the opposite sex. We are made differently so the way we lose or gain and why is different.

It took me a long time to put on the weight I have and I know it will not melt overnight. This is a long term change and it will take longer than any of us want or like.

Set an attainable goal and stick to it, no matter what. Be a bulldog, never give up never quit, keep being persistent and dedicated and the reward will happen.

We are all either there or have been there. That is why we are here. No negative thoughts. Be persistent and always remember your end goal.

getdancing2013

motivation is only good for so long. it might get you out the door and exercising every so often, but dedication is what will keep you going through the hard and tough days.

i recommend signing up for a race. a challenge that is just outside of your reach, a goal that you can accomplish, is a great way to maintain focus during the tough days.

I honestly don't know about doing a race right now. I've never run really, and on my husband's pushing I tried walking/running, and my shins are so incredibly swollen...even the top of my foot was a mess. I have a lot of old injuries (torn calf, 2 torn ankles) and I'm just too heavy. I think with losing about another 20-30 lbs I'd be in a better place to try running again. As inefficient as it is, ellipticals are going to have to be good enough for now (husband's comments and opinion notwithstanding).

But I do like the idea of setting up a challenge. For now I guess I can put the cruise in April as a "challenge", but it almost feels like I'm putting pressure on my appearance at that point versus a "performance" challenge, which is what I think you're getting at. The company I'll be working for participates in a 5K (Corporate Challenge) where employees can run or walk, or walk and jog, whatever. My husband, of course, placed 4th for his company, so I guess he can sit there and get me a drink

ZaCkOX

So incredibly depressed that I literally walked off the track at the gym to go cry. Too frustrated, angry, sad......just failing all over. Sitting here waiting for my husband, who is of course in fantastic shape now, to finish. Nevermind that after a vacation full of sabotage from my family, he decided he "had" to have outback. I gained 5 lbs in one night. Just can't stop crying and can't shake the feelings of wanting to quit.

I have been fighting for so long and did well for a while, but now...this is the second time I've left mid workout to cry.

The frustration & sadness is overwhelming, & for all the progress I make (going up in reps/weight, smaller clothes) all I see is the fat frumpy wife. All my husband had to do was stop sodas and start working out-40 pounds gone in 4 months. I can't compete, & I know men are just that way, but I honestly don't know if I have any fight left. It seems a lost cause.

Sorry for the rant/vent. I just feel hopeless.

Interesting how your profile picture is exactly what I am watching right now... anyway, I know exactly what depression is.

Your mind is not balanced. You are so one sided you will lead to failure. What you need to do is look at it differently.

I was depressed for 10 years and I was fat because of it. I tried to lose weight many times but always went astray in the past. This time however was completely different. I looked at myself and realized I was overweight because I was depressed. I was determined to kill the depression. How does one do it? You fight, and you fight harder than you ever have, you fight as if you will die if you don't fight. I am fighting the hardest I ever have. I do 1,000 of minutes of exercise a week. I have taken control and regained who I actually am.

So what you need to do is take control. Just because your husband is winning easily at weight loss doesn't mean you cannot. When you quit, is when you lose. So what... you gained 5 lbs? You know you can lose that in a week or two? One WEEK possibility? Would you rather spend one more week dieting or gain another 50 lbs on top of what you are now??? The answer is clear right?

Here is how you get inside your head. After reading this go somewhere alone and think about why you are not happy. Think to yourself, alone. When I did this, I was very mad at myself. I was pissed. How could I let myself be unhappy and fat? You want to be your own hero. You must change yourself and the only person that can do that IS YOU. Sit down and think what will it take to be happy... weight loss? For me, it is exercise and weight loss. So I decided I would never give up. BECAUSE IF YOU WANT SOMETHING DEARLY, YOU WILL ACHIEVE IT.

Do you want it? YES YOU DO.

When I feel I'm tired and I feel hungry, I ask myself, are you quitting??? I stop, and ask myself, OUT LOUD, "ARE YOU QUITTING?" NOOOOOOOOOO, I will not quit until I have my life back.

Anyone can climb out of a hole, the climb might seem impossible but only is if you give up. Time flies and after months, you will look back and smile. Why? Because you will keep losing weight and you will be happy. Be your own hero, because no one else can do it, climb out of the hole and DO IT. FIGHT THE DEPRESSION AND WIN.

getdancing2013

As for something for myself, once I start my second job (family wants a cruise so that's about how we're going to afford it) I will build in a day once a month where I go get a massage or buy myself something small. You're right that I need to do stuff for me. Originally the gym was that - and there are days it feels good, don't get me wrong. Just the last few times...just so frustrated.

If you can handle a second job, it sounds nice for your family to be able to to go on a cruise. If it pushes you beyond what you can handle right now, I strongly advise against it. A vacation away from home is a vacation no matter where it takes place and what it looks like. You need to take care of yourself first, before you can take care of others, just like they say on the airplane "Assist yourself before assisting others."

This would be our first true vacation, I think. All our vacations are spent with our families in Florida because we live so far away, and that's about the only time they can see our kids. So I spent over 3 weeks (I work from home) with my family - mostly refereeing fights, etc , saw his family, and so on. So it'll be hard but not impossible, and we've always wanted to do it.

That's I think part of what's currently wrong right now, too. My folks knew how I was trying to lose weight. Heck my mother has never wasted a phone call where she hasn't commented about how fat I am (even when I was thinner than I am now), how I'm going to lose my husband...and now that he's in shape again, about how come I can't do what he's doing, why am I being lazy about it, how he's going to find someone else, that I look like a monster and I'm deformed, etc. Yeah, I have that THAT mom. So a cruise, at least, would be a vacation where it's just us as a family, and it comes as my oldest graduates from 8th grade.

AglaeaC

As for something for myself, once I start my second job (family wants a cruise so that's about how we're going to afford it) I will build in a day once a month where I go get a massage or buy myself something small. You're right that I need to do stuff for me. Originally the gym was that - and there are days it feels good, don't get me wrong. Just the last few times...just so frustrated.

If you can handle a second job, it sounds nice for your family to be able to to go on a cruise. If it pushes you beyond what you can handle right now, I strongly advise against it. A vacation away from home is a vacation no matter where it takes place and what it looks like. You need to take care of yourself first, before you can take care of others, just like they say on the airplane "Assist yourself before assisting others."

This would be our first true vacation, I think. All our vacations are spent with our families in Florida because we live so far away, and that's about the only time they can see our kids. So I spent over 3 weeks (I work from home) with my family - mostly refereeing fights, etc , saw his family, and so on. So it'll be hard but not impossible, and we've always wanted to do it.

That's I think part of what's currently wrong right now, too. My folks knew how I was trying to lose weight. Heck my mother has never wasted a phone call where she hasn't commented about how fat I am (even when I was thinner than I am now), how I'm going to lose my husband...and now that he's in shape again, about how come I can't do what he's doing, why am I being lazy about it, how he's going to find someone else, that I look like a monster and I'm deformed, etc. Yeah, I have that THAT mom. So a cruise, at least, would be a vacation where it's just us as a family, and it comes as my oldest graduates from 8th grade.

You don't have the obligation to listen to abuse like that. I totally see why you would want to go somewhere else. Earlier I wrote about step 1, step 2, and having only today, so that's still what I primarily would suggest to focus on. Make today day 1

getdancing2013

So incredibly depressed that I literally walked off the track at the gym to go cry. Too frustrated, angry, sad......just failing all over. Sitting here waiting for my husband, who is of course in fantastic shape now, to finish. Nevermind that after a vacation full of sabotage from my family, he decided he "had" to have outback. I gained 5 lbs in one night. Just can't stop crying and can't shake the feelings of wanting to quit.

I have been fighting for so long and did well for a while, but now...this is the second time I've left mid workout to cry.

The frustration & sadness is overwhelming, & for all the progress I make (going up in reps/weight, smaller clothes) all I see is the fat frumpy wife. All my husband had to do was stop sodas and start working out-40 pounds gone in 4 months. I can't compete, & I know men are just that way, but I honestly don't know if I have any fight left. It seems a lost cause.

Sorry for the rant/vent. I just feel hopeless.

Interesting how your profile picture is exactly what I am watching right now... anyway, I know exactly what depression is.

Your mind is not balanced. You are so one sided you will lead to failure. What you need to do is look at it differently.

I was depressed for 10 years and I was fat because of it. I tried to lose weight many times but always went astray in the past. This time however was completely different. I looked at myself and realized I was overweight because I was depressed. I was determined to kill the depression. How does one do it? You fight, and you fight harder than you ever have, you fight as if you will die if you don't fight. I am fighting the hardest I ever have. I do 1,000 of minutes of exercise a week. I have taken control and regained who I actually am.

So what you need to do is take control. Just because your husband is winning easily at weight loss doesn't mean you cannot. When you quit, is when you lose. So what... you gained 5 lbs? You know you can lose that in a week or two? One WEEK possibility? Would you rather spend one more week dieting or gain another 50 lbs on top of what you are now??? The answer is clear right?

Here is how you get inside your head. After reading this go somewhere alone and think about why you are not happy. Think to yourself, alone. When I did this, I was very mad at myself. I was pissed. How could I let myself be unhappy and fat? You want to be your own hero. You must change yourself and the only person that can do that IS YOU. Sit down and think what will it take to be happy... weight loss? For me, it is exercise and weight loss. So I decided I would never give up. BECAUSE IF YOU WANT SOMETHING DEARLY, YOU WILL ACHIEVE IT.

Do you want it? YES YOU DO.

When I feel I'm tired and I feel hungry, I ask myself, are you quitting??? I stop, and ask myself, OUT LOUD, "ARE YOU QUITTING?" NOOOOOOOOOO, I will not quit until I have my life back.

Anyone can climb out of a hole, the climb might seem impossible but only is if you give up. Time flies and after months, you will look back and smile. Why? Because you will keep losing weight and you will be happy. Be your own hero, because no one else can do it, climb out of the hole and DO IT. FIGHT THE DEPRESSION AND WIN.

I love Chef...I was watching Kitchen Nightmares just now...

Thank you thank you for the words. I know I want it...and I don't want to keep using my health issues as excuses. I've even gotten into alternative treatments to stop taking chronic steroids so I don't have meds to deal with. I think my issue is that some of the fight that you describe...I use it up giving to my kids, my parents, my husband, and I save none of it for me. So when I lose it or lose hope it takes a long time to fight back.

That's part of the reason why I posted. I don't have that support at home. I hardly talk to my husband really, and I've given you an insight into my mom so...

Right now I like the idea of setting up my motivation stuff again, but maybe this time putting something on my phone or on the fridge where I can see it plainly instead of logging in to see it.

I need to get the swelling in my legs back down, but I think (and God help me I may need to drink before this) that for tomorrow's workout I'll swim. Mind you, I've gone to a smaller swimsuit size, but my brain still thinks I look like a Blue Whale or something (I'm just a size 14-16 now....I was a 22). I think that'll be better on my joints, and I do love to swim, but I always let how I look dictate getting into the water, which means I never do.

I like the "get my life back" portion. To me I think it's more of what life do I want because I haven't had a "life" since I got married, or even before. Have never been by myself. Then it was all about getting my husband through school. Then I became a mom and it was all about my kid...then the second one came. Now he's finally going to school, and I'm finally going to be in an office again. So now I need to just get over this whole thing and lose the weight....but when I don't see results my brain switches to "self-defeat" mode.

I just need to get my fight back.

ZaCkOX

Changes to your body come from changes to your mental state. Just because you think you look awful doesn't mean you are. I'll give an example, if you did everything in your power to lose weight for weeks and didn't see weight loss, one thing changed. You fought and because you did, you will lose weight rapidly after. If you want to look in the mirror at yourself, look at be grossed out so that you will take it seriously. FIGHT! If you change your mental state you are already winning.

If your knees hurt and exercise is hard, I would switch to something like swimming, walking, and/or stationary bike. You need to build your foundation. Even losing weight from diet alone will make it easier to exercise later.

At first that was all I could do, diet. Then months later I was able to do exercise, more and more. Soon as you drop large amounts of fat, you will have more energy to do things. Your everyday life will get easier. This is why it is not worth quitting. Because winning is just around the corner.

Think positive!

lambchoplewis1

So incredibly depressed that I literally walked off the track at the gym to go cry. Too frustrated, angry, sad......just failing all over. Sitting here waiting for my husband, who is of course in fantastic shape now, to finish. Nevermind that after a vacation full of sabotage from my family, he decided he "had" to have outback. I gained 5 lbs in one night. Just can't stop crying and can't shake the feelings of wanting to quit.

I have been fighting for so long and did well for a while, but now...this is the second time I've left mid workout to cry.

The frustration & sadness is overwhelming, & for all the progress I make (going up in reps/weight, smaller clothes) all I see is the fat frumpy wife. All my husband had to do was stop sodas and start working out-40 pounds gone in 4 months. I can't compete, & I know men are just that way, but I honestly don't know if I have any fight left. It seems a lost cause.

Sorry for the rant/vent. I just feel hopeless.

Interesting how your profile picture is exactly what I am watching right now... anyway, I know exactly what depression is.

Your mind is not balanced. You are so one sided you will lead to failure. What you need to do is look at it differently.

I was depressed for 10 years and I was fat because of it. I tried to lose weight many times but always went astray in the past. This time however was completely different. I looked at myself and realized I was overweight because I was depressed. I was determined to kill the depression. How does one do it? You fight, and you fight harder than you ever have, you fight as if you will die if you don't fight. I am fighting the hardest I ever have. I do 1,000 of minutes of exercise a week. I have taken control and regained who I actually am.

So what you need to do is take control. Just because your husband is winning easily at weight loss doesn't mean you cannot. When you quit, is when you lose. So what... you gained 5 lbs? You know you can lose that in a week or two? One WEEK possibility? Would you rather spend one more week dieting or gain another 50 lbs on top of what you are now??? The answer is clear right?

Here is how you get inside your head. After reading this go somewhere alone and think about why you are not happy. Think to yourself, alone. When I did this, I was very mad at myself. I was pissed. How could I let myself be unhappy and fat? You want to be your own hero. You must change yourself and the only person that can do that IS YOU. Sit down and think what will it take to be happy... weight loss? For me, it is exercise and weight loss. So I decided I would never give up. BECAUSE IF YOU WANT SOMETHING DEARLY, YOU WILL ACHIEVE IT.

Do you want it? YES YOU DO.

When I feel I'm tired and I feel hungry, I ask myself, are you quitting??? I stop, and ask myself, OUT LOUD, "ARE YOU QUITTING?" NOOOOOOOOOO, I will not quit until I have my life back.

Anyone can climb out of a hole, the climb might seem impossible but only is if you give up. Time flies and after months, you will look back and smile. Why? Because you will keep losing weight and you will be happy. Be your own hero, because no one else can do it, climb out of the hole and DO IT. FIGHT THE DEPRESSION AND WIN.

Wow!!!powerful message that I needed to hear!! I lost the weight and have managed over the last year to gain it all back. I am pissed at myself. My issue is drinking wine. I quite two years ago, lost the weight slept great and exercised. I stated with a glass of wine here and there. Now the weight is back. I needed this kick in the $&& to stop the cycle.

Thanks

ZaCkOX

Anytime

No one wants to be in a depression state, it just happens. We should take control soon as we notice. It affects our lives so negatively. It can totally jack the mental well-being of a person.

LULU4178

Thank you for your post. While I was looking for motivational quotes, I found this and it has really helped me. "Being overweight is a challenge. Losing weight is a challenge. Maintaining your weight is a challenge. Pick your challenge."

I have to talk myself into exercising every day. I finally wrote a note to myself about how much better I feel after a workout and that I have never regretted working out, only regretted not working out. I read that letter often.

I also have a-hole for a father-in-law. After 20 years, I no longer speak to him on the the phone and I don't discuss his actions with my husband. I do not visit with him when he is in town. Whatever kind of relationship my husband wants to have with him is fine, but I am out. The world has not stopped turning as far as I can tell. It is very difficult but so what? I am happier and he is still an a-hole.

CipherZero

OP, I've posted this before in various forms, but I think it bears repeating. It's gonna be long.

I was a fatass at 230 lbs on a five-seven frame. Finally got the idea that this was bad for me and embarked on an 18-month program of weight loss and fitness, finally landing on my goal weight on the last week of November 2013.

Felt damned good at a company retirement party two weeks later - eating good hors d'ouvers, people complementing me on getting fit. Well, it did until I fainted.

Came to, went to the ER as a precaution, and they found a 16cc myxoma hiding inside my left atrium. Literally two weeks after hitting my weight loss and fitness goal I had open-heart surgery. I went from walking eight miles at a go to being more exhausted shuffling up and down a fifty-foot hallway. New restrictions were no lifting anything over ten pounds for three months at a minimum, cardio as I could, and nothing that involved twisting, reaching, or needed both hands overhead at once.

Got good news from my cardiologist a week after I was released. Tumor was benign, and my restrictions were just as listed - I escaped with no pacemaker, no physical therapy needed, no dietary restrictions, and no medications.

Thirty days after discharge saw the surgeon, who cleared me for cardio but left the other restrictions in place. I took this as a challenge and pushed myself HARD to do as much cardio work as I could stand, celebrating when I could break three miles an hour for a half our again.

Seven weeks post-discharge I went back to work.

Ninety-eight days after discharge I got the clearance from my cardiologist to resume weight lifting with the provision I take it VERY slow and protect my still-healing sternum.

It's seven months post-discharge today. My weight has gone up ten pounds total, mostly muscle mass as I shattered all my pre-op lifting records a month ago. I'm back to running, turning faster miles than I have in my life.


the tl;dr: You can hit potentially major problems along the way to better health. Never EVER give up because of them.

StrongHealthyPowerful

Like you, I also compared myself to my significant other while at the gym. I tend to be a bit competitive, and if we were working out together and he was going way faster/farther/harder than I was, I just gave up if I couldn’t keep up. I found that we just can’t work out together. We still go to the gym together quite often, but do completely different workouts. Men and women are built differently, and if you’re beating yourself up for not being able to do exactly what he can do, you’re just sabotaging yourself. You are strong in your own way, and getting stronger in your own way. Just because his progress looks different from yours doesn’t mean that your progress isn’t great.

getdancing2013

OP, I've posted this before in various forms, but I think it bears repeating. It's gonna be long.

I was a fatass at 230 lbs on a five-seven frame. Finally got the idea that this was bad for me and embarked on an 18-month program of weight loss and fitness, finally landing on my goal weight on the last week of November 2013.

Felt damned good at a company retirement party two weeks later - eating good hors d'ouvers, people complementing me on getting fit. Well, it did until I fainted.

Came to, went to the ER as a precaution, and they found a 16cc myxoma hiding inside my left atrium. Literally two weeks after hitting my weight loss and fitness goal I had open-heart surgery. I went from walking eight miles at a go to being more exhausted shuffling up and down a fifty-foot hallway. New restrictions were no lifting anything over ten pounds for three months at a minimum, cardio as I could, and nothing that involved twisting, reaching, or needed both hands overhead at once.

Got good news from my cardiologist a week after I was released. Tumor was benign, and my restrictions were just as listed - I escaped with no pacemaker, no physical therapy needed, no dietary restrictions, and no medications.

Thirty days after discharge saw the surgeon, who cleared me for cardio but left the other restrictions in place. I took this as a challenge and pushed myself HARD to do as much cardio work as I could stand, celebrating when I could break three miles an hour for a half our again.

Seven weeks post-discharge I went back to work.

Ninety-eight days after discharge I got the clearance from my cardiologist to resume weight lifting with the provision I take it VERY slow and protect my still-healing sternum.

It's seven months post-discharge today. My weight has gone up ten pounds total, mostly muscle mass as I shattered all my pre-op lifting records a month ago. I'm back to running, turning faster miles than I have in my life.


the tl;dr: You can hit potentially major problems along the way to better health. Never EVER give up because of them.

What an incredible story!! Thank you for sharing that. My health actually began this craziness, and for a while I just blamed my health and circumstances instead of just finding alternative ways to handle the stress or to physically move. And I did give up...for the longest time. But I decided to get in shape, and I should remember folks like you (and myself to an extent) that have gone through tougher battles. I just need to remember that motivation when I feel down. But it's like my brain shuts that "reasonable" part of my brain down or something...

getdancing2013

Thank you for your post. While I was looking for motivational quotes, I found this and it has really helped me. "Being overweight is a challenge. Losing weight is a challenge. Maintaining your weight is a challenge. Pick your challenge."

I have to talk myself into exercising every day. I finally wrote a note to myself about how much better I feel after a workout and that I have never regretted working out, only regretted not working out. I read that letter often.

I also have a-hole for a father-in-law. After 20 years, I no longer speak to him on the the phone and I don't discuss his actions with my husband. I do not visit with him when he is in town. Whatever kind of relationship my husband wants to have with him is fine, but I am out. The world has not stopped turning as far as I can tell. It is very difficult but so what? I am happier and he is still an a-hole.

I like the writing notes part. I'm thinking instead of using the gym's sheet of bringing a notebook where I can put quotes, stats, etc that I can look at when I get discouraged. I think having it "in your face" will help.

malasmom

We all cheat or go off our diet from time to time. That's just human nature. The best thing you can do is start fresh tommorrow. Tomorrow picture yourself in a skinny outfit & remind yourself that you would rather wear trim fitting clothes than eat too much and wear fat clothes. Order a big salad next time with chicken on it & that will help. A good book you may want to read for motivation is The ultimate weight solution by Dr. Phil. I keep mine at my bedside & that gives me encouragement. You can probably pick it up for under $7.00 shipped on ebay, if you don't have it. Just get back on that routine & don't dwell on one mistake. You can do it!

BlondeButtercup127

motivation is only good for so long. it might get you out the door and exercising every so often, but dedication is what will keep you going through the hard and tough days.

i recommend signing up for a race. a challenge that is just outside of your reach, a goal that you can accomplish, is a great way to maintain focus during the tough days.

I couldn't have said it any better.
:flowerforyou:

GabrielleLovely

Girl I've been there. like, yesterday. It broke my heart reading your post. But from what I can tell you've still got some fight in you. Why? Because you reached out when you felt hopeless. Depression is something I've dealt with my whole life and I feel familiar with the beast at this point. You writing this should tell you there is hope and YOU KNOW IT. This feeling will pass. "When you're going through hell, keep on going". If you felt that way during a workout imagine how much worse you would feel if you completely gave up? This feeling will pass, just keep doing what you gotta do bc the anger will be with you no matter what for now, But not forever. It will be replaced with an amazing sense of accomplishment if you just. keep. going.
You'll get there, I promise.

getdancing2013

Okay so update...after listening to everyone here and taking a super deep breath, I did something I haven't done in public in about 13 years.





I put on a bathing suit and swam at the Y.



Now I didn't swim as much as I'd like because the bathing suit I had bought (but never used - still had tags and I'd chickened out) a couple of years ago for a vacation was actually too BIG, especially up top.

I was a bit upset by how little I could swim considering I was a very good swimmer/snorkeler in my past, and I almost (almost) got out of the water and left.....but THIS time I remembered all the little voices and all your kind words, did some thinking, and just took little breaks between the laps...or I'd switch up a back stroke or just kicking while on my back or hanging on to the wall, then go back and do another lap. But this time I made it close to an hour in the water, and this was after I'd done my arm weights and some elliptical.
:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

thanks everyone

AglaeaC

I often wonder what happens to the people, who ask for advice, when they never come back, but this put a huge smile on my face! I'm so pleased on your behalf, well done!