How do you know when you're done wiping?
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That's what the seeing eye dogs are for: they lick it out.0
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Cats don't pay bills.
That's a matter of opinion. :glasses:0 -
ROTFL! And ^^this^^ is why I go through toilet paper so quick.0 -
:sick: Too early for this post.0
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The Different Types Of Poop
Ghost Poop ~~ You know you've pooped. There's poop on the toilet paper, but no poop in the bowl.
Teflon Coated Poop ~~ Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of poop on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet bowl to be sure you did it!
Gooey Poop ~~ This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your butt 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This poop leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
Second Thought Poop ~~ You're all done wiping your butt and you're about to stand up when you realize it...you've got some more.
Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Poop ~~ This kind is the kind of poop that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
Bali Belly Poop ~~ You poop so much you lose 5 kilos.
Right Now Poop ~~ You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.
King Kong or Commode Choker Poop ~~ This poop is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of poop usually happens at someone else's house.
Wet Cheeks Poop ~~ This poop hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your butt wet.
Wish Poop ~~ You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poop!
Cement Block or Oh God Poop ~~ You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you poop.
Snake Poop ~~ This poop is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.
Cork Poop (Also Known as Floater Poop) ~~ Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This poop usually happens at someone else's house.
Mexican Food Poop (also called Screamers) ~ You'll know it's alright to eat again when your *kitten* stops burning.
Beer Drunk Poop ~~ This happens the day after the night before. Normally your poop doesn't smell too bad, but this poop is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of poop also usually happens at someone else's house.
The Frightened Turtle ~~ The kind of poop that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in.
The Bungee Poop ~~ The kind of poop that just hangs off your butt before it falls into the water.
The Ring of Fire Poop ~~ The kind of poop where you eat really spicy food and your *kitten* feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.
The Crippler ~~ The kind of poop where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.
The Big Bobber ~~ The kind of poop that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.
The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang ~~ The kind of poop that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.
The Incredible Hulk Poop ~~ The king of poop that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.
Jack the Ripper Poop ~~ The kind of poop that yanks out your butthair as it pushes its way out.
The Party Pooper ~~ The giant poop you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.
The Toxic Gas Poop ~~ The kind of poop that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.
Dirty Bowl Poop ~~ The kind of poop that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.
The Windy City Poop ~~ When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a poop.
Oh Poop! Poop ~~ You poop so much and wipe your butt so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH ****!
The Never Ending Poop ~~ It's the poop that keeps running out of your butt like pee, and just when you start wiping your butt your stomach gargles and splash, more poop runs out. This always happens after eating at K.F.C.0 -
OH THIS THREAD!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
As for the OP:
someone mentioned scratch & sniff... i'm gonna go with that. At least the "sniff" part.
Of course that only applies to me, because as another previous poster pointed out, women don't poop.0 -
OMG Lisa1971 I'm laughing so hard I'm crying! Thank you I needed that today.0
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Wipe my own butt???? That's what I pay people for!!!
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OH THIS THREAD!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
As for the OP:
someone mentioned scratch & sniff... i'm gonna go with that. At least the "sniff" part.
Of course that only applies to me, because as another previous poster pointed out, women don't poop.
But what if their *kitten* just smells like poop all the time?0 -
OH THIS THREAD!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
As for the OP:
someone mentioned scratch & sniff... i'm gonna go with that. At least the "sniff" part.
Of course that only applies to me, because as another previous poster pointed out, women don't poop.
But what if their *kitten* just smells like poop all the time?
Guess they'll be S.O.L. Literally.0 -
I just put the bidet on p-wash and endure immense pain for 3 minutes. I'm sure it's clean by then. You think I should go 4 min?0
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I wouldn't know. Girls don't poop.
^^science0 -
If I were blind, I'd hope they would install a bidet for me.
Wipe it hard, then use a baby wipe on your keister. Get it clean. Add a mint leaf and a dusting of powder.0 -
OH THIS THREAD!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
As for the OP:
someone mentioned scratch & sniff... i'm gonna go with that. At least the "sniff" part.
Of course that only applies to me, because as another previous poster pointed out, women don't poop.
But what if their *kitten* just smells like poop all the time?
Guess they'll be S.O.L. Literally.
HA!0 -
Braille toilet roll?0
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:laugh:0
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It was a REALLY bad idea to follow this post...at work...on a Monday...I literally hollered out loud...and before I knew it I was sharing the different types of poop with the girls in the office and we all had tears running down our cheeks...
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
It was a REALLY bad idea to follow this post...at work...on a Monday...I literally hollered out loud...and before I knew it I was sharing the different types of poop with the girls in the office and we all had tears running down our cheeks...
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
I'm not sure how this answers the question. So do you look at your poop paper?0 -
This would be a good truncated title for the MFP blogs:
How do you know when you're done wiping...(the gym equipment when you're finished)?
ETA: @Lisa1971's post - OMG - stomach cramps from laughing so hard!!0 -
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He doesn't know about the three seashells.0
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There isn't even any toilet paper!0
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do you place your bum cheeks over the metal shell things and they tell you if you have done a good enough job on polishing you're nipsy. you get 3 attempts and if its still not good enough on the 3rd attempt you get a nasty electric shock?0 -
do you place your bum cheeks over the metal shell things and they tell you if you have done a good enough job on polishing you're nipsy. you get 3 attempts and if its still not good enough on the 3rd attempt you get a nasty electric shock?
use google...described in unpostable pictograms...0 -
Love urban dictionary's definition and usage... So apt...John never really knew how to use the three sea shells0
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