Judging people and their weight

MichelleV1990

In all honesty, who on here has medical issues because of their weight and how many of those issues will be reduced or go away when then extra weight is gone? I am asking this because most of the people iknow that are obese have a lot of health issues but more physically fit people in my family and friends only have your general wear and tear issues that come with age.

This is true, too...a lot of health issues manifest themselves when one is overweight. However, there are also weight issues which happen because of medical ones. It's a double whammy when one has to deal with both, and my heart goes out to all of you who do!

The highest my scale ever got before my health issues was 156. I was in my mid-30's and 5'6" tall. I seriously buckled down and got down to 117. I had my last child at the age of 41, and couldn't seem to drop the weight. Not too long after, I discovered I had a slow progressing form of Muscular Dystrophy, which also caused scoliosis. I wear braces to keep from tripping and falling when I walk. I still got out there and walked, losing 33 pounds. When the lower back pain started, I quit exercising. Of course, the weight came back on, plus extra. I'm sure it's what added to the stress on my hips, which were out of alignment from the spine, all stemming from the Charcot-Marie-Tooth Disease.

This is my second time around on MFP, my beginning weight was 204 and I'm now 5'4". I'm starting this journey with CMT, arthritis, and sleep apnea...which also attributes to weight gain. From the sound of things, I've had the apnea for decades; even when I was slim. I'm addressing my medical issues and watching what I eat because at the moment, it's all I can do. Once the pain is under control, the plan is to begin exercising again. Mine is a unique set of circumstances. I know I need to lose weight, as it puts extra pressure on overly taxed joints. Weight loss won't cure my medical issues, but will help in the prevention of more.

I'm thankful for this site. You're a great group of people with a lot of knowledge and support to give. Here's to a healthier life for all of us! :drinker:

bennettinfinity

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_helplessness

SLLRunner

I am a true believer that not everything is black and white, especially when disease comes into play. This last year, my friend, who eats in moderation, exercises, and has maintained a healthy weight, started putting on weight and ended up with 40 pounds extra within a few months time. She went to the doctor several times, and he told her it was her thyroid. To make a long story short, she and her husband did not take this doctor's word for it, and got a second opinion. She was referred to a cardiologist. In fact, my friend's husband said to bring her in immediately.

She failed every stress test, heart test, whatever test there is, which led to a determination that my friend had to have triple heart bypass surgery immediately. Once the surgery was completed, the cardiologist told my friend's husband that she had very close to death's door. In fact, 15 minutes close.

Isn't it a wonder that her weight dropped off almost immediately after she had surgery? My friend thought she was getting fat, but the cardiologist said that she had been retaining horrible fluid from the heart problem. The first doctor should have sen this, and he got an earful from my friend's husband about what happened.

So, while I would say that the majority of us do gain weight simply from eating more than we burn, but really, disease can do some really strange things to our bodies. If you're taking a medication, you're taking it due to illness or disease, or some type of disorder.

After my friend's situation, I'm not a disbeliever that disease can cause weight gain.

Technically, she didn't gain fat. She gained water weight, aka "retaining fluid" because her heart wasn't pumping correctly and the body sensed an initial decrease in blood pressure and had the kidneys hold onto extra water to restore that blood pressure.

There is a big difference between gaining fluid and gaining fat.

That being said, I'm do think there are RARE people who have medical issues that make maintaining a healthy weight much harder than the rest of us. But those people are RARE. The far majority of us are not special little snowflakes, even though we sometimes try to convince ourselves that we are, becausing facing the truth....as in...I ate myself to where I am now, and am responsible for my choices, is a very hard thing to do. But I don't think you can lose the weight without taking the responsibility first.

I'm not judging anyone, either. I have been fat my entire life. I work in a profession where being overweight is frowned upon. Being fat is hard, but we do have a choice in what we put in our mouths.

You are correct, it was water weight rather than fat. However, she didn't know that and her doctor was pretty stupid not to check her out further. This situation is very rare indeed, and I would say that 99% of the time we gain because we eat too much.

However, this thread is about judging people and their weight. Next time we look at someone and think, boy that person could cut down on some calories, think again because there might be more to the story than that.

Finally, it is true that 99% of the time we get fat because we put too much food in our mouths. This is what happened to me, and I was fat my entire life up until 40 when I decided not to put so much in my mouth. Then I started the "excessive fork to mouth movement" again and put on 30 pounds. Now I'm at my ideal weight and have been maintaining.

lemurcat12

I don't see how recognizing that we are not powerless automatons means that we should be treated badly or that anyone here is defending such treatment.

But enjoy your straw man!

No, we only have lots of stuff implying that people that suffer from something are just lazy, like this"
" A lot of people don't want to be poor either, but don't lift a finger to educate themselves and invest their money wisely. If you want something badly enough then you work for it. Period. "

That's a back and forth to comments that in essence say "I have no control because [insert reasons]." As I see it, the first post set out the position that people who are overweight (outside of medical reasons, which I don't want to get into) are overweight because of choices they make. In response, we have lots of people jumping in saying that that obviously truthful statement is MEAN and not true, because of course no one WANTS to be overweight. At that, the point is made again that that there are consequences to choices that are not wanted--I'd like to blow off work responsibilities I don't like, but don't want to be fired, but if I blow off those responsibilities I'm making a decision to get fired (or assume the serious risk of that) regardless of what I WANT. I WANT to be able to eat every tasty treat or gourmet meal I have an opportunity to (and I'd kind of like to be able to drink excellent wine with it) and not gain weight and stay super healthy and have no negative repercussions at all, but that's kind of irrelevant, because it's not reasonably possible.

In frustration with the "I can't choose something I don't want to have happen," people are making comments like the one you pointed to. I don't personally think laziness is the broader issue, but it's obvious that most people making that argument are talking in large part about their own personal choices also, not--as has been falsely asserted--just insulting fat people. They are talking about coming to a realization about how they had chosen or were choosing a path that allowed the consequences they did not like, and deciding to change that.

Plus, I've been extremely clear that I am not "blaming" fat people or calling them (us) lazy and even that a lot of the tradeoffs made, while still tradeoffs, not something over which you have no control, are perfectly reasonable tradeoffs from a personal perspective. And yet the blanket generalization would seem to apply to my posts too.

So sure seems like a straw man to me. Especially when compared to the poster's former disgusting behavior insulting others for their personal appearance.

Straw man? Treated badly? Fat people are being treated badly right here in this thread. When you imply that they're all lying, lazy whiners who make up excuses not to exercise then yes, you are treating them bad.

Um, I haven't, and you don't need to exercise to lose weight, but most people who don't exercise are, in fact, capable of doing so. They just choose not to. Again, it seems to me that you are trying to twist comments that say people make choices, that they aren't just automatons to whom things happen, bad or good, into an insult, but it's not. What's wrong and sad is this denial of personal responsibility, that we all have choices. IMO, being fat (or eating more than maintenance) is actually not such a terrible choice. There are far worse ones. It's those who insist that they couldn't possibly have avoided being fat and can't possibly change it, no matter what, it just is, who seem to me to be saying that it's so, so terrible.

This is helping me understand why the "addiction" model is so popular on the forums, although of course "can't change it" isn't actually a legitimate excuse for addicts either.

When you act as if everyone has the same set of circumstances, and poor people are poor because of lazyness, and fat people fat because of laziness, then you are treating (poor) and fat people bad.

Please point to the post of mine where I mentioned laziness, because I'm pretty sure I didn't. YOU did. That said, there are choices that poor people made that contributed to their situation and choices that fat people did (and are making) that do as well. Since it can be hard to see the choices--to be empowered--I think it's important to help with this, societally, to help people see their options and opportunities. And I know at times I've failed to see mine. IMO, it's the people saying that there are choices that determine whether you are overweight or not (or that can help you get out of poverty or not) who are doing this, especially if they are willing to follow through with tools and constructive advice. It's the people who say "right, poor you, you can't help it, it must be terrible to be you" who are being destructive and encouraging an attitude that HURTS people.

baconslave

That said, there are choices that poor people made that contributed to their situation and choices that fat people did (and are making) that do as well. Since it can be hard to see the choices--to be empowered--I think it's important to help with this, societally, to help people see their options and opportunities. And I know at times I've failed to see mine. IMO, it's the people saying that there are choices that determine whether you are overweight or not (or that can help you get out of poverty or not) who are doing this, especially if they are willing to follow through with tools and constructive advice. It's the people who say "right, poor you, you can't help it, it must be terrible to be you" who are being destructive and encouraging an attitude that HURTS people.

Exactly. When did "personal responsibility" become a bad word?:grumble:
Just because we suggest that people become educated about their options and make better choices, because we lay the change they want in their lap and suggest it is THEM who must change it, we are the bad guy. We aren't saying that people who don't do this are bad people. I, for one, have been in that exact spot. I realized what needed to change and am making it happen. I wasn't a bad person. I became personally responsible for my health to the best of my ability. I'm now empowered. Still fat, but shrinking.

If others who are fat choose to not make the effort (for whatever reason), they aren't bad people, but it is still on them to fix their situation to the best of their ability. Suggesting that this is something they need to do for themselves, that it is their RESPONSIBILITY, is reality and not worth of vilification. What is, IS.

Doctors need to get their crap together. Educate and helpfully motivate patients. Society needs to be more supportive, sure. But there will always me mean turds who hurt your feelings. Regardless, it's on the individual to make changes. No one else can do it for them!

GatorDeb1

When I was fat I said to myself, I like eating, I don't like working out, so I'm "ok" being fat because I'm not willing to do anything to change it.

My oldest sister always told me it was not ok to be fat and happy. Less money, less opportunity, society looks down on you, but I decided I was "fat and happy" because I wasn't willing to do anything to change it, and I really was. She's still overweight and unhappy about it. Don't know what that says about outlook.

That's why I never considered surgery. I think if you are not going to change inside the surgery will fail and if you are ready to change inside you don't need the surgery anyway,

prettyface55

When I was fat I said to myself, I like eating, I don't like working out, so I'm "ok" being fat because I'm not willing to do anything to change it.

My oldest sister always told me it was not ok to be fat and happy. Less money, less opportunity, society looks down on you, but I decided I was "fat and happy" because I wasn't willing to do anything to change it, and I really was. She's still overweight and unhappy about it. Don't know what that says about outlook.

That's why I never considered surgery. I think if you are not going to change inside the surgery will fail and if you are ready to change inside you don't need the surgery anyway,

I love how you worded this.