I'm becoming unattractive to him
rdltcltnl
Posts: 1
I'm not sure I'm thinking about the right reason to get more serious. A part of me wants to not try and another wants to show him but will I want to be with someone that put more meaning on looks. Sigh.... I wish I don't have to deal with this BS.
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Replies
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That is because our society is focused on looks. Its been programmed into us. I will tell you this, that the more you lose weight and do healthy stuff for your body is the more you will become more attractive to the person in the mirror. That is the only person you need to impress. Everyday when you wake up and check out yourself in the mirror: tell yourself Just for today I will be better than I was yesterday. Then make it happen. Cheer up. You are on here so that is a great step in the right direction. :flowerforyou:0
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That is because our society is focused on looks. Its been programmed into us
If by "society", you mean the human race since it began, then sure I guess.0 -
Yeah, just break up.0
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I don't understand why everyone complain about their SO not being attracted to them....
Sex is part of every healthy relationship. If he is not attracted to you, he is not. There is nothing he can do about it...
What do you prefer? Him telling you about it, or him going elsewhere to get satisfaction ?0 -
I agree that the honesty about failing attraction is a good thing. It may sting a bit but I'd rather my SO be honest than lie and resent staying with me. On the other hand, if you really feel he's a shallow jerk then don't stay with him. If you stay together, will there always be pressure to be "perfect"?
It's a simple choice really - put up with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself or move on and find someone who truly cares about you.
Don't lose weight for him, lose it for yourself so you can be healthy and fit.0 -
I love my wife and I'm attracted to her but as she loses weight, I'm even more attracted to her! With love comes attraction but as said above, attraction is physical too. I'd challenge your SO to not compare you against what may be attractive and to be supportive in you getting fit for you.0
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Sigh.... I wish I don't have to deal with this BS.
And you don't. Relationships can end.0 -
I have worried about this also. But for me, I'm not as much worried that he will say it as I am that I will become too thin for him. I have always felt that becoming unattractive to him would be devastating. But at the same time I do realize that change is evitable. I will not allow him to hold me back by not "growing" with me0
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That is because our society is focused on looks. Its been programmed into us. I will tell you this, that the more you lose weight and do healthy stuff for your body is the more you will become more attractive to the person in the mirror. That is the only person you need to impress. Everyday when you wake up and check out yourself in the mirror: tell yourself Just for today I will be better than I was yesterday. Then make it happen. Cheer up. You are on here so that is a great step in the right direction. :flowerforyou:
That's beautifully worded.
So yes, do this!0 -
I'm not sure I'm thinking about the right reason to get more serious. A part of me wants to not try and another wants to show him but will I want to be with someone that put more meaning on looks. Sigh.... I wish I don't have to deal with this BS.
Is this the whole post? Did I miss something? I don't really understand the question. :huh:0 -
I'm not sure I'm thinking about the right reason to get more serious. A part of me wants to not try and another wants to show him but will I want to be with someone that put more meaning on looks. Sigh.... I wish I don't have to deal with this BS.
Is this the whole post? Did I miss something? I don't really understand the question. :huh:
You have to read the title as the first line of the post. Otherwises it feels like you came in to the middle of a conversation.0 -
That is because our society is focused on looks. Its been programmed into us
If by "society", you mean the human race since it began, then sure I guess.
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I don't understand why everyone complain about their SO not being attracted to them....
Sex is part of every healthy relationship. If he is not attracted to you, he is not. There is nothing he can do about it...
What do you prefer? Him telling you about it, or him going elsewhere to get satisfaction ?
veux-tu m'épouser?
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Has he actually said that? If so, you know how he feels, now you have to decide if he is the kind of person you want to be with. If you want to be with him and keep him you'll have to fix yourself up some more. If you like yourself the way you are or just aren't ready to change, you may need to let him go.0
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I don't understand why everyone complain about their SO not being attracted to them....
Sex is part of every healthy relationship. If he is not attracted to you, he is not. There is nothing he can do about it...
What do you prefer? Him telling you about it, or him going elsewhere to get satisfaction ?
This with a "and"
being attracted to someone for a lot..not all but a lot of men has more to do with our (women's) confidence levels...regardless of looks or physical appearance.
My own personal experience tells me that regardless of my weight....and I have ranged from 151 (now) to 205 (3 years ago) that if I "feel" sexy and confident I attract all sorts of men...
Now that I am married it has been quite an eye opener...for example at 205 1 year after marriage I was so happy with him and our sex life was so good I felt so sexy it wasn't funny...I lost 25lbs but felt unattractive our sex life was eh...
So we talked and he was very blunt...and honest...it wasn't him it was me...sexy doesn't come from outside....it's from the inside.0 -
I've been a divorce lawyer for over 30 years.... relationships are highly over-rated, love is a sham and sex is a band-aid. Losing weight is like quitting drugs... it's only going to work if you want to do it for yourself. Doing it for someone else leads to failure and disappointment, because at the end of the day, no one really gives a **** if you lose weight or quit drugs or whatever... they are too worried about their own issues. And the last thing you ever, ever want to do is try to lose weight to make some guy happy. That will land you in relationship that will do nothing but run you down.0
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I don't understand why everyone complain about their SO not being attracted to them....
Sex is part of every healthy relationship. If he is not attracted to you, he is not. There is nothing he can do about it...
What do you prefer? Him telling you about it, or him going elsewhere to get satisfaction ?
+10 -
That is because our society is focused on looks. Its been programmed into us
If by "society", you mean the human race since it began, then sure I guess.
Beautiful creatures that make the most horrible screeching noise. And love to do so when I'm driving down a country road with the windows down and forget its there, lol.0 -
love is a sham
I honestly feel sorry for you.0 -
I don't understand why everyone complain about their SO not being attracted to them....
Sex is part of every healthy relationship. If he is not attracted to you, he is not. There is nothing he can do about it...
What do you prefer? Him telling you about it, or him going elsewhere to get satisfaction ?
I don't understand it either. My husband and I first got together because we thought the other was hot. Our compatible personalities are what made us marriage material.0 -
Yeah, if I ever gained so much weight that my SO wasn't attracted to me anymore I would want him to tell me. Sooner rather than later. It may be hard to hear but at least he's being honest. It's not his fault that he feels the way he does - attraction is mental, emotional, AND physical.
Now, what you choose to do with that information is entirely up to you.0 -
I've been a divorce lawyer for over 30 years.... relationships are highly over-rated, love is a sham and sex is a band-aid. Losing weight is like quitting drugs... it's only going to work if you want to do it for yourself. Doing it for someone else leads to failure and disappointment, because at the end of the day, no one really gives a **** if you lose weight or quit drugs or whatever... they are too worried about their own issues. And the last thing you ever, ever want to do is try to lose weight to make some guy happy. That will land you in relationship that will do nothing but run you down.
You sound completely disenchanted, which isn't surprising since you're a divorce lawyer.
Sex is how a lot of people feel love.0 -
.... relationships are highly over-rated, love is a sham and sex is a band-aid. Losing weight is like quitting drugs... it's only going to work if you want to do it for yourself. Doing it for someone else leads to failure and disappointment, because at the end of the day, no one really gives a **** if you lose weight or quit drugs or whatever... they are too worried about their own issues. And the last thing you ever, ever want to do is try to lose weight to make some guy happy. That will land you in relationship that will do nothing but run you down.
I agree with most of this but the first sentence - yikes.0 -
That is because our society is focused on looks. Its been programmed into us
If by "society", you mean the human race since it began, then sure I guess.
Hahaha, ^This!
I remember being 3 years old and looking at a chick in a swimsuit on the cover of a magazine and wondering why I didn't want to stop looking at her. It's part of human instinct, not society.0 -
I've been a divorce lawyer for over 30 years.... relationships are highly over-rated, love is a sham and sex is a band-aid. Losing weight is like quitting drugs... it's only going to work if you want to do it for yourself. Doing it for someone else leads to failure and disappointment, because at the end of the day, no one really gives a **** if you lose weight or quit drugs or whatever... they are too worried about their own issues. And the last thing you ever, ever want to do is try to lose weight to make some guy happy. That will land you in relationship that will do nothing but run you down.
This was inspiring and devastating at the same exact time0 -
I remember my husband once told me he wasn't comfortable with fat women, and hoped I never got to be that way. My feelings were hurt, and I was very thin at the time. I've never been attracted to very thin men, but guess what? We both learned something. He's underweight, I'm overweight, and it doesn't matter. Would he like to gain a little? Yes; and Lord knows, I'd be more comfortable if I was thinner; but I love him for his huge heart, and loyalty more than for his good looks. I'm old enough now to realize how quickly looks fade. It's what's on the inside that makes for lasting relationships. Yes, physical attraction is what gets the ball rolling, but it's the loving, gentle soul that keeps the game going. Our 24th anniversary is this month, and in those 24 years, I've gotten to see what he's really made of; which makes me love him even more. Work on improving you for you. If your SO is of good character, he will support you. If not, Mr. Right will be just around the corner.0
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Yeah, if I ever gained so much weight that my SO wasn't attracted to me anymore I would want him to tell me. Sooner rather than later. It may be hard to hear but at least he's being honest. It's not his fault that he feels the way he does - attraction is mental, emotional, AND physical.
Now, what you choose to do with that information is entirely up to you.
Unfortunately, a lot of people don't feel the same way you do about this topic. I gained quite a bit of weight after I got married; not because of complacency, but because I was eating a lot in an effort to become as strong as possible but the gain was gradual so I guess I just didn't notice it until I finally hit the point of being a flat-out fat *kitten*. When I found that my wife had been cringing at my fatness for a few months I was mad that she never told me it was bothering her! I immediately cut my calories and started doing cardio and now I'm down to an acceptable level of bodyfat (for a SHW powerlifter, anyway).0 -
I don't understand why everyone complain about their SO not being attracted to them....
Sex is part of every healthy relationship. If he is not attracted to you, he is not. There is nothing he can do about it...
What do you prefer? Him telling you about it, or him going elsewhere to get satisfaction ?
agreed!0 -
I remember being 3 years old and looking at a chick in a swimsuit on the cover of a magazine and wondering why I didn't want to stop looking at her.
Sears catalog.0 -
I was not expecting so many reasonable responses. I am pleased.
Now to await the assault on the guy's character for having a physical preference and being honest.0
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