A delicate issue....need advice on how to handle

2

Replies

  • aethre
    aethre Posts: 150 Member
    after boot camp, take her aside with NO ONE ELSE AROUND and very gently, politely tell her.

    "Michelle, I really enjoy having you in my groups during boot camp...you're a great motivator and you really get into it...but I noticed that when we arrive in the morning and get into our groups, there is a very strong odor coming from you...I think it is some body odor. I only say this because I really enjoy your company...but this one thing takes away from that. I know if it were me, and I smelled bad, I would want you to say something to me. Please don't be offended."

    Of course, make sure you don't say anything along the lines of..."everyone thinks you stink." Or "everyone noticed that..."

    I like this approach. Personally (and I could be wrong, but...) I think that if the smell isn't present beforehand and is THAT offensive, it could be a medical issue that she can't really help.

    Either that or she doesn't wash her workout clothes, in which case deodorant won't help.
  • catic32
    catic32 Posts: 105 Member
    If she smells THAT bad it's not something deoderant can fix. Did she just start to work out? It could be her diet . What you put into your body reflects in every aspect of your life.
  • decagrog
    decagrog Posts: 4 Member
    There is a kind of skin/health condition that cause the body to emanate intense and unpleasant odor from the body (fecal, feet, armpits odor most of the time). Causes are still unknown.
    Few peoples suffer this condition but if you google "bodyodor + community" or something similar you will able to find a couple of forum where those users gather to talk about their problem, I know a italian one : http://bodyodor.forumcommunity.net/

    Those people emit this odor even 1min after the shower and covering with other essences sometime make thing worse... they simply can't do much about it

    In conclusion she could be affected by this kind of problem, she's probably not able to smell her odor (even if strong she's accustomed to it) but she's well aware that the other people will react to the odor...even if you don't look into the forums you can try to image what mean the social life to them and how many problem those people have every day.

    She probably acknowledged you as a smell-tolerant type so that the reason she try to stay near you during the lesson.

    So my suggestion is: bear with it and maybe even ask to her privately if she suffer about this problem...at least she will find you sensible to the problem
  • earlnabby
    earlnabby Posts: 8,171 Member
    Put some Vick's Vapo-rub under your nose before class starts and just muddle through.
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,950 Member
    Sometimes I find it interesting the things we allow to get in the way of our fitness.

    Smells.
    What happens when discomfort occurs?

    Use it as an intensity multiplier and move.com.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    Apparently I'm the only one who would just come right out and say "please start wearing deoderant or you're going to have to find another workout buddy". *shrug*

    I would say the same.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    Apparently I'm the only one who would just come right out and say "please start wearing deoderant or you're going to have to find another workout buddy". *shrug*

    Totally my fix. I'd probably go to walmart and get the cheapest brand they have and just say "girl, I really love having you as a work out buddy, but I can't keep on if you don't start wearing this" Whip out the deodorant. "I got this for you. Keep it. Use it." Smile really big and change the subject. No harm no foul.

    Love this - short, honest, to the point. I like the longer version posted above too.

    I'm pretty shy and feel weird about confronting people with personal things like this but you have to think of it this way - if it was you, wouldn't you want someone to tell you? I know I would! Especially if it's super offensive BO! Yes, you'd think she'd notice but smells are funny. You can get used to them and tune them out pretty easily. Or maybe she doesn't have a very good sense of smell?

    I was walking behind a woman into the office the other day and saw she had a big white string hanging off the right butt cheek of her black leggings. Thankfully there was no one else walking in so I quietly said "excuse me, you have a piece of lint on your rear". It was awkward but she was SO thankful that I told her. She even had me double check she'd got it when I held the door open for her. LOL! And when I saw her later on the way back from my walk, she said to her friend "hey, that's my new buddy!" :flowerforyou:
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    Try playing ice hockey. Or maybe don't if you're sensitive to smells.

    I had a team mate who never aired her kit for a whole season.

    I always considered stinky body odour and kit odour to be something that happens when you play sport and that's why you take a shower afterwards.
  • Lou_Darling93
    Lou_Darling93 Posts: 29
    Honestly, I'd just politely say that maybe she needs to use some deodorant. What's the worst can happen? She gets mad at you and you don't work out next to her any more? I mean.. hardly a bad thing here.

    If it were you, wouldn't you rather someone said it to you nicely than later down the line someone said it in a nasty way?

    Just my 2c.
  • Archerychickge
    Archerychickge Posts: 606 Member
    Talk to the instructor. Politely tell them about the problem and ask if they could speak to her discreetly. That way, the woman doesn't know who complained, but the message still gets across and through the proper channels. Besides if it's as bad as you say, I'm sure there are other people who are wondering how to broach the subject as well.
  • mrsgoodwine
    mrsgoodwine Posts: 468 Member
    I would find a new class.
  • enterdanger
    enterdanger Posts: 2,447 Member
    I'd probably quit going. What if it's like a medical stink condition type thing. I saw that once on one of those medical shows TLC used to play before they only started playing stuff about weddings and hillbillies.
  • healthydoseofglitter
    healthydoseofglitter Posts: 532 Member
    Talk to the instructor. Politely tell them about the problem and ask if they could speak to her discreetly. That way, the woman doesn't know who complained, but the message still gets across and through the proper channels. Besides if it's as bad as you say, I'm sure there are other people who are wondering how to broach the subject as well.

    This!!!! And/or bring the spray kind with you, put it on in front of her and say hey you want some this class makes me really sweat and get stinky.

    edited for spelling
  • SweetJoanne
    SweetJoanne Posts: 106 Member
    This is a horrible situation, I was a a front end manager at a grocery store a few years ago and one of the cashiers had terrible bo and I had to tell her, she took it very badly. It is something that a person needs to do though I felt terrible but customers and other staff were complaining
  • 365andstillalive
    365andstillalive Posts: 663 Member
    Okay, I'm a stereotypical Canadian; I literally will profusely apologize to someone for almost bumping into them when we're still half a foot away from each other, but when it comes to problems like this, you should say something, just be polite.

    I ran into a similar situation with a girl at my university gym last year; we took a bunch of classes together where you get hot and sweaty, and by the end of session her scent would make me gag if we were beside each other. And do you know how I solved the problem? It was so easy I said something like, "man, that workout got me soaked in sweat. I'm pretty stinky, and you so are too, we should definitely double up on the deodorant next time, maybe even go clinical strength."

    Maybe she was a perceptive person, but she jokingly showed me her new deodorant the next week (which was a clinical grade one you can still get at the stores), and told me her new life goal was to try to smell awful after a workout wearing that. I never had a problem with her scent again.
  • willrun4bagels
    willrun4bagels Posts: 838 Member
    I had this situation years ago with a classmate that always sat near me. When someone said something to her, her response was that her religion / beliefs prohibited women from shaving, plucking their eyebrows, wearing makeup, wearing deoderant, etc... I'm also not sure she brushed her teeth with anything other than a toothbrush and warm water. :sick:

    So if you do say something to her... who knows... you might get a strange response like that lol. I thought it was very odd, and ended up moving my seat in the class to the other end of the room.
  • kangaroux92
    kangaroux92 Posts: 188 Member
    i understand what your going through

    where i work we have some (clients) that stink so badly mainly children, which is sad because its not there fault they dont have good parents to keep up with their hygiene. however it still leaves you in a very awkward position. i agree with some of this advice.

    i like the idea of mentioning your own b.o and that you use clinical strength deodorant. because some people really do need it . some of my closest girl friend have a stink/ swet problem.

    i also like the vapor rub idea.

    if these things dont work i would talk to the instructor privately about having a briefing on rules safety and hygiene.

    and if all of these don't work i would mention it in as kind of a way as possible it still will be awkward, she still will either be mad, embarrassed, or offended. but if the smell truly is that bad i understand why you cant put up with it.
  • whovian67
    whovian67 Posts: 608 Member
    I would just quit lol. Terrible yet honest advice.

    One of bestest GF is like that.... and guys dump her after she has been with them and marathon (you know)..... I still havent figured out how to mention that subtely
  • JennyBilyeu
    JennyBilyeu Posts: 51 Member
    I am the same way. I have absolutely ZERO filter, and would most definitely tell her "Please shower and put on deodorant before class". In all honesty, she may not realize it and be grateful for the advice. OR...she may tell you to go screw yourself and walk off to another group. Either way...you need to do something. You are working on you, so I most certainly will NOT tell you to quit. Just tell her. Sometimes you have to be brutally honest...and the truth hurts!
  • MKEgal
    MKEgal Posts: 3,250 Member
    there are people out there that don't believe in using deoderant and have no idea how bad they smell.
    I've tried many brands of deodorant, even prescription and "delicate" stuff, and every single one makes my underarms break out in a rash & itch for days after I've used it just once or twice.
    So no, I don't use deodorant.
    But since I work out nearly every day, I also have a shower nearly every day.
  • YaGigi
    YaGigi Posts: 817 Member
    Omg lmfao I would probably be as nice as possible but this

    Apparently I'm the only one who would just come right out and say "please start wearing deoderant or you're going to have to find another workout buddy". *shrug*

    I would say so too. Maybe I would use softer words but I would definitely let her know.

    You pay for your classes, you enjoy them. Why would you quit because of a stinky stranger?
  • YaGigi
    YaGigi Posts: 817 Member
    there are people out there that don't believe in using deoderant and have no idea how bad they smell.
    I've tried many brands of deodorant, even prescription and "delicate" stuff, and every single one makes my underarms break out in a rash & itch for days after I've used it just once or twice.
    So no, I don't use deodorant.
    But since I work out nearly every day, I also have a shower nearly every day.

    Oh you can try Botox. It really helps with sweaty underarms! And it can last up to 8 months.
  • THECaptainObvious
    THECaptainObvious Posts: 399 Member
    If you are sensitive to certain aromas but not comfortable enough to approach her directly, the suggestion to approach the instructor is a very good idea! If you're comfortable enough to just tell her straight up something about her scent is messing with your sensitivity, go for it, maybe she has a sensitivity too so you may find some common ground there! You deserve to be comfortable in your own class.
  • Greenbomb
    Greenbomb Posts: 89 Member
    Two more things: to those of you who are telling me to just suck it up and ignore it, I really don't think you get how bad it is.

    Also...there is no locker room. They just have a foyer area with cubbies that we put our water/keys in. So I can't apply deoderant there. I really do appreciate all the suggestions. I do feel badly for her, but I don't feel comfortable saying anything. I think I'm going to try to arrive a few minutes late, or there is one other class that is not quite as convenient to my schedule, but I could make it work if need be.

    Thanks again!
  • Bry_Fitness70
    Bry_Fitness70 Posts: 2,480 Member
    1) Unless the person is a friend, I would have no interest in discussing body odor with him/her. You could always go passive/aggressive and slip a note into her locker or something like that.
    2) If I am paying for this class, I would discretely speak to the instructor - quitting isn't going to accomplish anything
    3) Suggesting that the person should cover it up with deodorant isn't helpful - it sounds like a cleanliness issue, slopping deodorant on over stink isn't really the answer.
    4) If all else fails, stick it out and do the workout - if that is the most adversity that you face during the course of the week/month/year, life has been good to you!
  • decagrog
    decagrog Posts: 4 Member
    It's seems that anyone read my post in the previous page, if that girl suffer about the medical condition that I've mentioned before there's NO WAY to prevent the smell.
    She can wash 10 times at day and use all the deodorant stick you like but her odor will come out as strong as before.

    If she really have this kind of problem Is not something to talk so lightly and publicly disgrace her...
  • cldmolly
    cldmolly Posts: 66 Member
    1) Unless the person is a friend, I would have no interest in discussing body odor with him/her. You could always go passive/aggressive and slip a note into her locker or something like that.
    2) If I am paying for this class, I would discretely speak to the instructor - quitting isn't going to accomplish anything
    3) Suggesting that the person should cover it up with deodorant isn't helpful - it sounds like a cleanliness issue, slopping deodorant on over stink isn't really the answer.
    4) If all else fails, stick it out and do the workout - if that is the most adversity that you face during the course of the week/month/year, life has been good to you!

    This is good. I would hate to shame her to feel like she can't come to class anymore. If you were allergic to her perfume or something, that would be different. You are not. And she can't help how she smells when working out intensely. It's only an hour. I'm in the 'suck it up' camp.
  • Adaniel65
    Adaniel65 Posts: 105 Member
    When I took the train to work, you were often seated or stood next to someone that had terrible BO.

    I would put vicks vapor rub in a lip gloss palet (like a small compact) and I would take it out and put a small amount under my nose. The action looks like your putting gloss/balm on so feelings are spared and so is your nose.
  • SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage
    SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage Posts: 2,668 Member
    This.
    1) Unless the person is a friend, I would have no interest in discussing body odor with him/her. You could always go passive/aggressive and slip a note into her locker or something like that.
    2) If I am paying for this class, I would discretely speak to the instructor - quitting isn't going to accomplish anything
    3) Suggesting that the person should cover it up with deodorant isn't helpful - it sounds like a cleanliness issue, slopping deodorant on over stink isn't really the answer.
    4) If all else fails, stick it out and do the workout - if that is the most adversity that you face during the course of the week/month/year, life has been good to you!
  • FatFreeFrolicking
    FatFreeFrolicking Posts: 4,252 Member
    Talk to the instructor. Politely tell them about the problem and ask if they could speak to her discreetly. That way, the woman doesn't know who complained, but the message still gets across and through the proper channels. Besides if it's as bad as you say, I'm sure there are other people who are wondering how to broach the subject as well.

    I think this is the best way to go about the situation.

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