Shallow--me? seriously?

scrapalooza

I am so hurt, I seriously have never thought of myself as shallow.
So I am on a dating site & my friend was looking at profiles with me & I was a good match for someone & I said no pass & she asked why & I said because I am not attracted to him. She then goes on to say that is a stupid reason because we match up so well & that I am just being shallow. She said I should go on a date & that maybe over time I would become attracted to him. WTF???!!! um nooo!
That is called a friend. I have & have had plenty of very good male friends throughout my adult life & no I don't just become attracted to them. I am not looking for love at first sight or anything like that but I do need to be attracted to them.
I just need validation LOL! Am I wrong & she is right? Say it ain't so please.

Sweetout

You're right, she's wrong. Feel better?

sixout

You're wrong, she's right. Feel better?

beckybooo87xx

i have become attracted to people over time inner beauty can make people beautiful i think anyway. as they say dont judge a book by its cover...

MityMax96

I am right....and you both are wrong....

valkaree

Depends on the definition of shallow but if that is hers I would be ok with being shallow

BrillFit

Physical attraction is a part of any relationship. Anyone who states otherwise is lying to themselves.

Nothing wrong with not being attracted to someone and passing - tell her to mind her own business.

It's your love life and your future, not hers.

_SantaClause

You need thicker skin.

RunnerStephe

You are not shallow, I'm the same way.

Pipsg1rl

are you sure she didn't mean it as a tease?

jacques57

Attraction is a chemical reaction in your brain.
Love is an action, not a feeling, and requires constant work.

I know, it sucks.

angf0679

I've learned to never judge someone by their looks. Of the ones I have dated, the ones that were the best looking I've had the shortest relationship with. Looks shouldn't be the first thing, it's what is inside that counts. I've learned that lesson over much heartbreak.

sloth3toes

Just break up.

MinnieInMaine

Any chance she comes from a culture that is cool with arranged marriages? I only ask because that's what this mindset makes me think of.

I'm not sure either of you is right/wrong, it's just a difference of opinion or perspective. She's ok with dating someone who may not be gorgeous to her because personality, common interests, etc is more important to her than looks. And for you, physical attractiveness is more important. That's just how you both are.

justlistening

I would say you were shallow if you chose guys from the site solely based on their picture and nothing else.

Personally I think it is hard to know if you are attracted to someone unless you see them in their entirety, in person- how they behave, their body language, their expressions, their outlook etc.

BzNova

If you arent attracted, you just arent.

In the guys defense, maybe it was a bad pic?

scrapalooza

thats not shallow....he doesnt even know u said it....

I'd want to be with someone who found me automatic attracted but loved me for who I am. It takes both.

This is exactly what I am talking about.

scrapalooza

Thanks for all the answers, love all the different opinions.

wolverine66

i think that attraction is something that can spark from interaction. You do have to be attracted to someone for a relationship to thrive, but it doesn't matter if you are physically attracted to a person first and then get to know and like the person that they are or vice versa.

My inclination is to agree with your friend - not that you are shallow - but perhaps you should consider at least going out with someone just to be sure you are still not attracted by night's end.

JG762

No you're shallow... But it's ok.
If for instance you're attracted to really intelligent men would Stephen Hawking get your motor running, maybe, but once you saw him you would likely feel different.
So yeah you're shallow but so are the rest of us, there isn't person living who, if given the choice between 2 identical (personality wise) mates wouldn't pick the "prettier" one.

We above all people shouldn't judge others on personal appearance but unfortunately it's part of human nature and we should recognize that fault and attempt to minimize it. I say shoot him a note and see if you're really compatible, you might be pleasantly surprised when you meet me... er ahh him! LoL

UsedToBeHusky

I think maybe your friend was suggesting that once you met, you would discover a chemistry with him that isn't communicated over the website.

I kind of agree with her. Does it make you shallow? I don't necessarily think so. The problem with online dating is that you are judging individuals based on a representation of them. If you do have chemistry that would allow you to see past his appearance and you met in real life, you would realize the chemistry, and appearance would not enter into the equation. Because you are determining his attractiveness based off his internet representation, then you don't get the benefit of personal contact, and that might come off as shallow, but truly, that is just the nature of the beast.

Personally, I think you should give the guy a chance. I mean, aside from the fact that you are judging a representation of him, and not the individual, it is also possible that he just doesn't photograph well.