how to deal with sister's body/food comments?

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Replies

  • Debmal77
    Debmal77 Posts: 4,770 Member
    aww you are just too sweet. I hope your family and friends tell you that all the time xoxox
  • SrMaggalicious
    SrMaggalicious Posts: 495 Member
    It's your sister... punch her in the throat and tell her to shutup! That's what I do to my siblings. jk

    I was just going to type the same thing.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    aww you are just too sweet. I hope your family and friends tell you that all the time xoxox

    Aaaw, thank you so much!!!
  • Galatea_Stone
    Galatea_Stone Posts: 2,037 Member
    I can help.
    I propose we do something along the lines of Dangerous Liaisons / Cruel Intentions.

    you're going to get her in trouble with mom for having a crush on the cello tutor? :huh:

    Don't forget the part where he dies at the end. All that trouble to die for a stranger. D_C, you are a giver, I tell you. A giver.
  • essjay76
    essjay76 Posts: 465 Member
    Wow. I feel fortunate that I did not have to grow up with insecure females in my family. That's the only reason that can explain why she acts the way she does and says the things she does.

    However, I've been around female friends like that. Fortunately it doesn't happen anymore but it used to when we were younger. I'm almost 40 as well, so I think it's just something that has come with maturity and self-acceptance.

    You're a grown woman. Don't let her talk to you that way. There are ways you can let her know that you're bothered without being so aggressive about it. Killing her with kindness and making a joke back, turning things around, are all great things to try.

    Good luck.
  • vulcanator5000
    vulcanator5000 Posts: 7
    My parents aren't around for it, and they don't tolerate gossip. If I can speak to them, they insist I must have done something to provoke him.
  • abcgfed
    abcgfed Posts: 26
    I can also commiserate. My sister has always done this, too. For example, years ago, she told me her boyfriend said we look a lot a like but I'm "thicker." We weighed almost exactly the same amount. Now, I never really believed he said that but even if he did, WHY WOULD SHE TELL ME??

    I confronted her about it at some point. She told me to stop being so sensitive - because she has a tendency to call me a cry baby every time I show any emotion. Anyway, after her initially being defensive, she really did get better. So, confronting her was definitely the right thing to do, even if it didn't seem like it right away.

    Wow, this all makes my sister sound like an awful person. It's really not true, but this issue bothered me for a long time and I had a lot of resentment because of it. Now that we're past it, we're a lot closer. I think she just didn't really realize what she was saying and that it was offensive until I told her.
  • Lesleycali
    Lesleycali Posts: 236 Member
    My parents aren't around for it, and they don't tolerate gossip. If I can speak to them, they insist I must have done something to provoke him.

    hmmm that sounds tough that your parents won't hear you out about it. I think there's a difference between still being young, in high school, and having that happen then being older like me and my sister. Plus it sounds very aggressive. I hope you can find a community here to help you with your goals, I'm sending you a friend request :flowerforyou:
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,030 Member
    The beauty of family is that sometimes, you can just tell them to shut the hell up. "Do you mind?" works wonders.
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
    Lots of great advice here.

    I've learned in my own family that setting boundaries is critical or those d*mn people will just walk all over me emotionally. They are my family, so there isn't really a filter. I've learned to let a lot of things my mom says just roll. My sister and I are close (not in proximity, but we get along well), but we are soooo different in the way we communicate. I no longer take offense to things she may say to me because I'm pretty happy with what I've accomplished in my weight loss and fitness level. So maybe try to focus on how confident you are in yourself, realize that she is insecure, and do your best to let her childish comments dissolve on contact. Just my two cents. :flowerforyou:
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    kill
  • morehealthymatt
    morehealthymatt Posts: 208 Member
    Your sister is insecure. (PERIOD).

    Her way of feeling better about herself is putting others down. She can't be happy on her own accomplishments.

    Understand that the problem is hers, not yours.
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
    I think family sometimes think they can just talk to you anyway they want. I know I have had to tell my adult son numerous times to don't say anything unless you have something nice to say. Seems to work for a while then it happens again. I think once I lost the weight I did not want people treating me badly and I have begun to say as others have said, that is rude, I'm uncomfortable with that, stop it! , its hurtful.
  • margannmks
    margannmks Posts: 424 Member
    What happens when you visit her? I dont get some peoples lack of manners and common courtesy, family or not.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    "You're being rude.

    Stay out of my closet.

    Eat what I cooked, without comment, or make your own."

    Some version of this.

    I had a friend who was a size 2 and would go on and on about how fat she thought she was. (I was a size 14 at the time). I finally told her one day how much it bothered me, telling her if she thought SHE was fat, she must think I was a beached while. She was genuinely apologetic, saying she didn't think I was fat and was just very critical of herself and never brought it up again. Sometimes the best thing you can do is be straightforward. The issue is obviously hers, and she may not even realize what she's doing.
  • Rabid_Hamster
    Rabid_Hamster Posts: 338 Member
    I would revert our relationship back to where it was in 70s & 80s and react accordingly - maybe 30 seconds of oxygen deprivation with a pillow or put a heavy shoe in a pillow case and bonk her several times below the neck where it won't leave a visible bruise. Would she fit in the dryer?

    ^^^^ This

    Then tell her to shut the F#$% up.

    If you can't be direct with family, who can you be direct with...
  • TriShamelessly
    TriShamelessly Posts: 905 Member
    "You're being rude.

    Stay out of my closet.

    Eat what I cooked, without comment, or make your own."

    This all day long!
  • JosieRawr
    JosieRawr Posts: 788 Member
    One of my biggest challenges in life is speaking up and communicating directly. It is true, I need to just say that I don't want to hear any comments about my (or other people's) bodies. The cooking thing seems harder though. I don't know how to say to her if you don't like it you don't have to eat it without sounding aggressive or mean.
    It's always hard to speak against family, or speak out to them(in my opinion as well), but sometimes limits must be set. You can't let her run over you in your home. Try to do it unaggressively, but firm and don't back peddle, get it all out in the open! Then say I <3 you... Good luck!
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    There were times I had to deal with this sort of behavior from my mother, and from a friend of hers.
  • Kate7294
    Kate7294 Posts: 783 Member
    Let it go or tell her to stop. Don't feel stressed over it. I know that's hard to do but your only hurting yourself by being bothered by it. My sister is by different Father and 16yrs younger. I've learned the hard way. I can't be un-happy over the favoritism she was always shown. I just have to accept things like why she was showered with affection and material things. She has started to grow up a little in the last few years finally.
    It's not her fault our Mom suffered abuse as a child, that my own Father was an abusive alcoholic, or that she developed epilepsy as a teenager. All these things were factors leading to how different we were raised.
    Good luck accepting her for the complainer she has become.

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