Hubby wants to go to marriage counseling

GTOgirl1969

He told me that last night...I guess he wants to try to work through our issues. On the one hand, I'd like to kick his *kitten* and walk out on him for good, but on the other hand, I do have two lovely little girls with him and I want to do everything I can to give them a fair shake in this deal:ohwell: My parents divorced when I was 9 and it sucked not having my dad around all the time...and I don't want to do that to my kids.
I told him that he needed to be accountable for where he goes and who he is with, for me to even START to trust him again....and he needs to do a 180° as far as his personality goes. No more coming home and flopping down on the couch while I run around doing ten things @ once, no more nagging and complaining about stupid stuff....

OK I have ranted enough.

GTOgirl1969

He told me that last night...I guess he wants to try to work through our issues. On the one hand, I'd like to kick his *kitten* and walk out on him for good, but on the other hand, I do have two lovely little girls with him and I want to do everything I can to give them a fair shake in this deal:ohwell: My parents divorced when I was 9 and it sucked not having my dad around all the time...and I don't want to do that to my kids.
I told him that he needed to be accountable for where he goes and who he is with, for me to even START to trust him again....and he needs to do a 180° as far as his personality goes. No more coming home and flopping down on the couch while I run around doing ten things @ once, no more nagging and complaining about stupid stuff....

OK I have ranted enough.

KrisKabob

I suppose counseling is a start... at least he is TRYING, I guess.

Okay, stop me if you've heard this one... :bigsmile:

How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only 1, but the bulb has to REALLY WANT TO CHANGE!!!

Haha!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

beep

HOORAY!!!!! Hold him to that, find a Christian counselor (I say that because some of the others will not really try to keep your marriage together) Make that appointment and HOLD HIM TO IT. Try a counselor search through Focus on the Family (which is also a great place to read articles on marriage, child rearing etc.)

Praying for you. This is really awesome news.

beautifulbay

I don't know your situation, but I'd say that he is at least realizing that he's maybe done something wrong?? Its a start. if nothing else.
A marriage is always worth fighting to keep...but it needs to be fair from both sides. If he leaves you to do all the work at home, there is something terribly wrong...and he sounds immature and irrepsonsible...buuuutt, if he can change those things..... All I can say is I wish you the very best...and I hope something works out great for all of you.

iftcheiaf

Well, if he wants to go to marriage counseling, then maybe he is looking to fix things. Hopefully he isn't looking for someone to tell him that his point of view is right. But I would take the wanting to do marriage counseling as a positive thing on his part. Of course, i have one failed marriage behind me because I didn't want my kids growing up in a house with so much contention (my parents didn't divorce and i used to beg my dad to leave my mom - so I guess there are two sides), and now I have a good marriage to a great man, but still takes a lot of work...so what do I know. I certainly hope things work out for you. Don't let the stress eat at you too badly.

diannholland1965

Give it a shot. Do not think of a counselor as Dr Phil.
If that where the case I do not think ANYONE would go into counseling.
Do not except the counselor to beat up on you OR your husband.
Counselors are great for bringing out the reasons behind all of the problems in relationships.
This might be a really good thing.
I will keep you in my thoughts dear.
--Diann...:flowerforyou:

KrisKabob

Yeah, I agree... I'd give it a shot. What do you have to lose? And counselers, therapists, psychologists, etc. aren't so bad. If you find a good fit then they can really help in a bad situation.

You will be in my thoughts! :flowerforyou:

KB

GravyGurl

I'm glad to hear that he is at least willing to do something to attempt to fix things. This a good step in the right direction by him. Good luck.

Life_is_Good

That's a great start for patching things up.
Good luck & I hope it works out for you :flowerforyou:

kimber607

Hi

It's easy to say heck no and that you should walk out the door
But i think for the children and everyone involved....it's worth a shot!!
GOOD LUCK
I really think anyone can change, if they really want to

kim

kerrilucko

This is totally something I can't even give advice on. It's such a personal choice. I see what you mean about the girls having their dad around..... but if he is a good dad, he'll be around for the girls anyway, that doesnt mean you have to stay with him if you don't want to/ don't trust him. What he's done to you may be forgivable, or it may not be, but that is your choice. If I were you, I'd seek counseling on my own too, or first to get a grip on how you feel about everything. good luck! :flowerforyou:

mrsyac2

To this because you want to not because of the children alot of people make that mistake and as time goes by and the children get older and speak out they prefer their parents be apart rather than together-


I heard this quote the other day and it was great..

Never make someone a priority when you are just and option!!!

I dont know what your situation is just speaking from personal experiences and seeing things with my own eyes.

jamie77

I'm new here and really shouldn't be putting in my two cents, but I have been through this. I was married to my EX husband for less than a year before I got pregnant with my daughter. I did almost the entire pregnancy thing alone, because my "newlywed" husband had a girlfriend at work. He was never home, when he was he was insulting me and screaming at me, really bad situation. I tried to stay and work it out because I was about to give birth to our daughter, but it just didn't work, hints the word ex husband. Everyone is different and I do believe people can change, but I can't change and I know I would have never trusted anything he said ever again. I think peace of mind is worth everything. He is still a great father to our daughter and I believe she is better off without seeing us fight all of the time.
GTO, you never know what's around the corner. I was devasted when my marriage ended almost as quickly as it started, but now I'm so thankful. I have a great man in my life now that treats my daughter as if she were his. I truly believe everything happens for a reason.:flowerforyou:

Good luck! You are in my thoughts.

tlitzner

If he suggested to go, then you should. Even if you guys aren't able to continue in the marriage, counseling can be extremely beneficial to both of you. My husband and I have been in marriage counseling for over a year (I go solo now that he is back in Iraq). I firmly believe that if we hadn't received counseling, we would not be husband and wife today. He too screwed up big time (not going into detail) and he suggested counseling. He did all of the exercises and actively participated in the therapy. I can't tell you how many times I heard "C'mon honey, we have to do (fill in the blank), Slade (our counselor) said so!"

It's very easy to say "If he ever cheats, i'm burning all of his belongings and calling the divorce attorney!" Until of course, it happens to you. Things aren't always black and white, although that would make things so much easier....

Sorry this is so long, i'm sure you will make the right decision, whatever that is......

mommared53

Good luck to you in whatever you decide to do. I hope everything works out for you and your daughters.

zenmama

Sent you a private email......but to put it quite frank GO....and then make a more rational decision....trust me.

zen:flowerforyou:

fatsis

Heres hoping whatever u do is the right thing.

Helawat

The only time you can change a man is when he's a baby. He'll change for a few weeks but he'll go back to his old ways.

I do wish you nothing but luck and fortune for you and your girls :flowerforyou:

FatDancer

Hi GTO!

Sounds like a good thing...marriage counseling saved my Son's marriage...he puts the phone on speaker when they call and they sound really happy now...the girls serve him tea in their little play dishes and there is alot of giggling in the background.

It is difficult...if he is sincere he can make amends to you by changing his behavior...and if you want it to work you will truly have to forgive...you have to learn to trust again and just let the past go...you guys can't be on each others tail all the time with, where are you going, who will you be with, or checking up on each other all the time...if you start having gut feelings that he is blowing it again, don't discuss it with him, it will start trouble, just do your research and make your decision.

Take care and all the best to you!

peej76

Whatever you decide is the right decision for you and your family, I wish you lots of luck and hope that if this is what you really want that it works out for you! Sounds like he he might have finally figured out what he has. And there is no harm in trying as long as your not getting hurt! I think you are a strong woman for trying to do what is right for your family.

memaw66

I think counseling is a good thing, I'm all for it. I just have one question IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE KIDS TOGETHER, DO YOU LOVE HIM ENOUGH TO TRY AND SAVE THE RELATIONSHIP AND DOES HE LOVE YOU ENOUGH TO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN.

To me LOVE is the real answer. I know you don't stop loving someone over night no matter what they may do to hurt you. But this has been going on for awhile, with the not helping around the house and making you feel like you started the fights, etc.... Now over that time, has the love faded or do you still feel the same way about him. I think these are questions a counselor may ask. So you might want to start thinking about what your answers will be. It's great to stay together for the children but really in the end, tensions will flare up again, fights wiill happen and the kids will know something's wrong. Children are more perceptive than we give them credit for. If you are miserable then your children will be too. Just make sure the love is there or it will never work. Just my 2 cents.

GTOgirl1969

You guys have given me a lot to think about.

kaiyacali

Wow! That's eating crow for him! I would go for it! It can't hurt and it might even heal a few wounds.


Good luck honey!

sgtinvincible

And if it doesn't work out you can threaten him with my favorite threat.....


'I hope you brought your wallet!!! Because the rent in hell is payed in advance!!!'


(Hope it goes well for you GTO, it's not easy. Yell if you need anything)

FitJoani

its worth a try to do I always say....

GTOgirl1969

And if it doesn't work out you can threaten him with my favorite threat.....


'I hope you brought your wallet!!! Because the rent in hell is payed in advance!!!'


(Hope it goes well for you GTO, it's not easy. Yell if you need anything)

Thanks, that means a lot:flowerforyou:

sindyb9

I told you mine cheated years ago and we worked it out. I will never forget but now he does not give me a reason to doubt him. If I ask where he is going he tells me and is where he said. But it is still hard to forget. Go with your heart. This has to be what you want. :flowerforyou:

GTOgirl1969

I told you mine cheated years ago and we worked it out. I will never forget but now he does not give me a reason to doubt him. If I ask where he is going he tells me and is where he said. But it is still hard to forget. Go with your heart. This has to be what you want. :flowerforyou:

I basically told him that, and I also told him this would be his ONE second chance...if he fouls up again it's over.

cinandchris

I wish you the best with everything, and I admire that you are willing to try to work thru this for your kids. It is not an easy thing to do. However it all turns out, you will be at peace, because you will know you did all you could do.:flowerforyou:

ali106

hugs girl and want you to know whatever you choose to do you're supported here!!!

you rock girl....and I know you'll give it your all and be really smart about it....big hugs and prayers your way and to your family too!!!
:flowerforyou:
Ali