Telling your significant other that they are gaining weight
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we're very open and honest in our marriage so when my husband had ended up gaining a bunch of weight I flat out told him he was a fatass and so was I. It was due to my CONSTANT pushing him to be better that he lost the weight has got in shape and at 37 years old is in the best shape of his life. His depression has all but gone away, his knees no longer hurt and he almost shines now. If I had just kept quiet and felt it was a "personal choice" then he would probably have gained more weight and been on medication by now. I think MORE people should speak up, not just spouses but family members too. I've also lost over 60 pounds and he is there with me every step of the way.
Oh and I'm sure someone will call me a control freak but you need to understand my husband told me to do this. He lacked and will power in the beginning and had to learn it so me telling him "maybe you don't need that third sandwich" or "only 1 serving of ice cream" is really helpful. Maybe that doesn't work for everyone but it works for us.
The best advice I can give anyone on marriage is talk to your partner, even if it might be silly talk about, don't be afraid to share your hopes and goals.0 -
I would NEVER be so rude and cruel to tell my husband anything like that, as he never once said anything to me when I gained some weight. I love him thin, chunky...whatever...he's still my best friend, my soul mate and a sexy beast no matter what he weighs. I am attracted to him on the deepest level that there is. It's the same as asking if you'd stay with someone if they became disfigured...answer is yes. I will always be with him.
I will tell you this , Your Husband is a lucky guy.0 -
I would let them know by mooing whenever we engaged in coitus.0
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I would say it depends on the relationship. My husband has never told me I was fat, but duh, I knew I was obese. I just didn't do anything about it. I started to do something about it because my family has a long history of heart disease, and I don't want major health issues so young.
I'm really glad my husband didn't say anything because I would have resented him. Why? Because this is the way I was when we got married. If he didn't like it then we could have dealt with that first. I don't think it mattered to him though. He's put on about 10 pounds since we've been together, but he's nowhere near overweight. I would never say anything unless it seriously effected his health (obese).
Plus that's not why I married him
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I would NEVER be so rude and cruel to tell my husband anything like that, as he never once said anything to me when I gained some weight. I love him thin, chunky...whatever...he's still my best friend, my soul mate and a sexy beast no matter what he weighs. I am attracted to him on the deepest level that there is. It's the same as asking if you'd stay with someone if they became disfigured...answer is yes. I will always be with him.
I disagree that it's rude and cruel to discuss the weight of somebody you care about. It has nothing to do with sexiness or appearance, it's about health. I love my boyfriend to pieces and if he was fat, I wouldn't love him any less, but I would be concerned for his health due to the health problems that run in his family (they're exacerbated by obesity). I feel that expressing your concerns in a polite fashion is anything but cruel. Pretending that I haven't noticed the person's changing body would make me feel like my relationship wasn't an open and honest one. I don't see how explaining your concern for their weight gain is ANYTHING like leaving somebody because they became disfigured.0 -
I would NEVER be so rude and cruel to tell my husband anything like that, as he never once said anything to me when I gained some weight. I love him thin, chunky...whatever...he's still my best friend, my soul mate and a sexy beast no matter what he weighs. I am attracted to him on the deepest level that there is. It's the same as asking if you'd stay with someone if they became disfigured...answer is yes. I will always be with him.
You love your husband regardless. I love my wife regardless.
But why would I want to keep information from her about the way she looks and if I have a concern about it? Do you really have ZERO preference in the way your husband looks? If yes, than that's cool. But, if you do have a preference, wouldn't he be better off knowing about it?0 -
Yeah, I had an ex who decided to inform me I'd gained weight via grabbing a love handle & stating "whose packing on the lbs?". Needless to say it didn't end well for him.0
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My hubby is very tactless he would tell me on a night out or on holiday, that I was gaining weight.0
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Sit them down and let them know that they have been gaining weight and they may not be aware. Then suggest that you both make a plan together because you realize that you need it too.0
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My husband and I have a 1.5 year old daughter, and we are older parents. I'm almost 39, and he is 41. I know he has gained weight and he needs to get into shape, not for vanity reasons, but because I want him to be there for his daughter when she grows up. He also smokes, and I am concerned about his health. I have started gently inviting him to work out with me and said we both need to get into shape for our daughter's sake. So far, he hasn't taken my suggestion, but he wasn't hurt by it. He's just happy right now with the way he is. I've done what I can. I would never tell him he was fat and I still let him know that I find him attractive, but he also knows I'd like him to lose some weight. If it's put in a health context and done gently, I don't think there's anything wrong with telling your SO they need to lose weight, especially if there's more at stake such as children to consider.0
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I would NEVER be so rude and cruel to tell my husband anything like that, as he never once said anything to me when I gained some weight. I love him thin, chunky...whatever...he's still my best friend, my soul mate and a sexy beast no matter what he weighs. I am attracted to him on the deepest level that there is. It's the same as asking if you'd stay with someone if they became disfigured...answer is yes. I will always be with him.
This is sweet and BS at the same time.0 -
Hmmmm if it was a significant amount and I thought that they were getting in the unhealthy range. However, before then i'd just help by preparing him healthy foods 0
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Often you get the opposite result. My mother tells my father he needs to lose weight and stop smoking, she stopped smoking a few years back, he tells her to leave him alone as it is his choice to eat what he eats and smoke.
My husband has gained the pounds over the years, as have I. I have lost most of them with 5:2 (just over a stone to go) where he has no interest in losing weight. We are both happy in our relationship and love each other fat or thin, we have never told the other that they are gaining weight or tried to be 'helpful', not because we are afraid to broach the subject but because we are adults and make our own choices and let's be honest we don't need someone to point out the obvious.
True happiness comes from accepting people as they are and not how you think they should be!0 -
If it started to affect his day-to-day life and he didn't seem to notice, then I might speak up, especially as, at that point, it would probably start to affect me, too.0
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Just stay in shape yourself and they'll usually get on board.
This is how I would want my boyfriend to "say it." Saying it without actually saying it.0 -
It depends on whether your SO is a man or a woman.
I told my husband he had "saggy old man butt." He started squatting. He no longer has "saggy old man butt."0 -
Avoiding difficult conversations, whether on the giving or receiving end, is not emotionally mature.
If you our your significant other has concerns about one or the other's weight, you should definitely speak about it. You should approach the subject carefully, because it's gonna hurt even if you're as gentle as you can be. But, you need to know how each other feels about the subject.
If you or your S.O. is badgering the other partner, well that's different. No good.
I've talked to her about more difficult things than weight. It's not really a big deal honestly. She's a grown woman.0 -
Absolutely. I see no reason to pass up a perfectly good opportunity to be cruelly frank. Then I follow it up with a hearty laugh and exclaim: "I can't help it, I'm just too honest!"Would you tell your boyfriend or girlfriend that they are gaining weight? I would if I was in that situation as I work hard to stay in shape. If its few pounds then no big deal but if they start gaining and still not making effort to loose weight then I would .anyone ever been in the situation0 -
I told my wife she was putting on too much weight, and that if she kept gaining I'd not find her attractive.
It scared her into joining MFP and trying to lose it.
She's down 14lb now0 -
I've talked to her about more difficult things than weight. It's not really a big deal honestly. She's a grown woman.
I agree. If it's not a big deal to you, then it's by definition not really a thing that needs to be discussed.
My point though, is if it is, avoiding the conversation isn't the best way to handle it.0 -
I agree. If it's not a big deal to you, then it's by definition not really a thing that needs to be discussed.
My point though, is if it is, avoiding the conversation isn't the best way to handle it.
True. I agree with you.0 -
Just stay in shape yourself and they'll usually get on board.
If this were the case it would make things much easier.
My husband is obese. He is well aware of this fact, and from time to time makes half-hearted attempts at losing wight. He was a bit overweight when we met, but has gotten heavier over the time we have been together. While I do try to make healthy meals at home for our family, he is on the road for work, and eating restaurant meals, close to 50% of the time.
I have brought of the subject of his weight from time to time...strictly in the context of his health and wanting hi to be around for his family. But the truth is, I am not as attracted to him at his current weight. I still love him, but I find his body less appealing at this size.
His parents, who are both overweight themselves) give him a much harder time about his weight than I do.0 -
I told my wife she was putting on too much weight, and that if she kept gaining I'd not find her attractive.
It scared her into joining MFP and trying to lose it.
She's down 14lb now
Frankly if my husband said that to me it would not 'scare' me to lose the weight but it would certainly make me lose weight. Then I would aim his backside out the door. I would not live with a man knowing his love was conditional on how I looked.0 -
I told my wife she was putting on too much weight, and that if she kept gaining I'd not find her attractive.
It scared her into joining MFP and trying to lose it.
She's down 14lb now
Adorable.0 -
I would NEVER be so rude and cruel to tell my husband anything like that, as he never once said anything to me when I gained some weight. I love him thin, chunky...whatever...he's still my best friend, my soul mate and a sexy beast no matter what he weighs. I am attracted to him on the deepest level that there is. It's the same as asking if you'd stay with someone if they became disfigured...answer is yes. I will always be with him.
Agree 100%. My husband is a grown, well educated man. We've been together almost 22 years. We have both gone through gaining & losing weight through the years. I know when I have gained & it would hurt my feelings if he pointed it out. He knows his own body & knows when he is gaining. He knows what is healthy & what's not. He doesn't need me to point his weight out to him. I am not his mother. I don't see the need to hurt his feelings by pointing out the obvious or by suggesting he not eat something. I love him however he is.0 -
I told my wife she was putting on too much weight, and that if she kept gaining I'd not find her attractive.
It scared her into joining MFP and trying to lose it.
She's down 14lb now
Aren't you a peach.0 -
We're pretty blunt with each other in my marriage, so I would do it and have done so. Normally we can discuss anything, although my husband can get defensive about his weight. If he's the one telling me, I just accept it because hey, if it's true. I can't deny the fact, and it's nice that we care about each other's health (that's typically our motivation, especially now that we're both getting older).0
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In B4 "Just break up."0
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true!0
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My husband and I have already made a pact that if either one of us thought the other was getting fat that we'd open our mouths and say so.
I disagree with those who say that the person obviously knows it and doesn't need to be told because that's not always true. People get complacent and happy in their relationships and the fact is that they don't always realize that they're gaining weight because their happy. They also don't realize that it might possibly bother their SO because they're husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend is too afraid to say anything because they don't want to hurt the other persons feelings. So the person who's gaining continues on their happy gain because they figure that since their SO hasn't said anything then they're fine with it so who cares.
There's nothing wrong with saying "Babe, don't you think you should put the cheetos down and maybe have a salad
ETA: For all of those who say "mums the word" or "no way! I don't want to deal with that!" What do you do when there is a serious conflict that needs to be hashed out? Bury your head in the sand and hope it goes away?
I agree.When I started gaining weight myself I didn't realize it because I was in denial until I gained a good 20 lbs when my clothes started getting tight etc0
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