When MFP pals' diaries reveal problems...

wheird

Maybe ask them about it and perhaps give them some ED recovery links, but aside from that just leave it be.

BinaryPulsar

But, when I am concerned, I send a thoughful pm. They clear it up for me. If it's a full blown destructive eating disorder with no end in sight, I unfriend.

This but they usually close thier diary or unfriend you first. I think it's reasonable to ask a question.

I have never had a negative response to my question. I know how to ask. I had an ED when I was younger. And I have also had worry warts falsely accuse me of it. So, I know how to ask. Either they reassure me they are healthy. Or they tell me they do have an ED, and thank me for my insight.

Neda is a good link.

tiptoethruthetulips

We often give unsought advice on the messageboards. We read between the lines and try to encourage someone to eat more, we delve further, we frankly tell people that they have an eating disorder.

If we can't discuss such concerns with a friend why is it okay to do it to a stranger.

I say express your concerns about incomplete daily food diary and go from there.

amusedmonkey

I did have a person who consistently logged under 500 calories. I sent them a private message asking if they were being inconsistent with their logging or if that was a diet their doctor temporarily recommended. When it turned out to be neither I apologized that I would be removing them, and they were pretty understanding. If that person were interested in my advice they would have asked me for it saying they were having problems with their food intake, but beyond that I feel like an enabler if I keep them in my friends list.

When it's a few days every now and then, it's fine. I go through days when I don't feel like eating, feeling sick or too busy to eat and log pretty low. It's not the end of the world if it's just a few days here and there. Not too long ago for example I had a pretty hard oral surgery and was forced to go on a strictly liquid diet for a week. If someone looked at my diary back then they would think I'm detoxing or under eating.

icrushit

You can't force someone to listen, but you can make sure you've tried to reach them, or at least shared your concern that they're doing something harmful. Beyond that, I would just unfriend them, and perhaps in that action they may see you feel strongly about what you've said.

Some people may feel its an invasion of privacy to make such comments, but I don't agree with that, and if I feel cause for concern, I will share it. My personal feeling is I refuse to be complicit in someones harmful behaviours, especially complicity through silence.

icrushit

double post.

Mr_Knight

How do you approach someone about changing their habits around here in a way that they will actually listen to you?

You don't, unless it's a close friend. Especially if you're on the same journey, and a long way from the destination.

snapdragon1231

But, when I am concerned, I send a thoughful pm. They clear it up for me. If it's a full blown destructive eating disorder with no end in sight, I unfriend.

This but they usually close thier diary or unfriend you first. I think it's reasonable to ask a question.

I have never had a negative response to my question. I know how to ask. I had an ED when I was younger. And I have also had worry warts falsely accuse me of it. So, I know how to ask. Either they reassure me they are healthy. Or they tell me they do have an ED, and thank me for my insight.

Neda is a good link.

Yes. I f someone gets super offended there is a reason. I think politely asking is ok if it is a regular occurance. If it bothers me too much I unfriend them becuase I have ED and it messes with my head too much.

ChronicOptimist

Huh - it seems like if the person were really struggling with an eating disorder, wouldn't they close their diary?

But on another note, I'm very open with my friends about my struggle with ED, so when my calories drop low they're on me like white on rice! And I truly appreciate it. But then it's something that I'm open about and have requested their help with. I don't think I would have been very receptive to unsolicited advice.

Graelwyn75

I think you should remove them if it bothers you and not interfere.

You messaged me not long ago, out of the blue, when you are not even on my friend list, to suggest I am relapsing back into anorexia (which I had over 20 years ago when I was 18) and to suggest I look as if I am. I was actually quite offended as I eat well, work damn hard and my friends were quite shocked given they can quite clearly see my muscle definition in my photos, which did not come from self starvation. It is rare that someone eating that little, will take kindly to intrusion as usually the reason is an ED or a medical issue/bariatric surgery.

BinaryPulsar

But, when I am concerned, I send a thoughful pm. They clear it up for me. If it's a full blown destructive eating disorder with no end in sight, I unfriend.

This but they usually close thier diary or unfriend you first. I think it's reasonable to ask a question.

I have never had a negative response to my question. I know how to ask. I had an ED when I was younger. And I have also had worry warts falsely accuse me of it. So, I know how to ask. Either they reassure me they are healthy. Or they tell me they do have an ED, and thank me for my insight.

Neda is a good link.

Yes. I f someone gets super offended there is a reason. I think politely asking is ok if it is a regular occurance. If it bothers me too much I unfriend them becuase I have ED and it messes with my head too much.

Not necessarily, though. I met a new friend once. We had lunch. I ate a lot. Then went to the washroom. She accused me of bulimia. I never had bulimia. And the ED I had was very brief, when I was 16, and I fully recovered. I was offended by the accusation for a number of reasons. She said that since I was offended it must be true. Those were her issues, not mine. Friendship over.

Graelwyn75

But, when I am concerned, I send a thoughful pm. They clear it up for me. If it's a full blown destructive eating disorder with no end in sight, I unfriend.

This but they usually close thier diary or unfriend you first. I think it's reasonable to ask a question.

I have never had a negative response to my question. I know how to ask. I had an ED when I was younger. And I have also had worry warts falsely accuse me of it. So, I know how to ask. Either they reassure me they are healthy. Or they tell me they do have an ED, and thank me for my insight.

Neda is a good link.

Yes. I f someone gets super offended there is a reason. I think politely asking is ok if it is a regular occurance. If it bothers me too much I unfriend them becuase I have ED and it messes with my head too much.

Not necessarily, though. I met a new friend once. We had lunch. I ate a lot. Then went to the washroom. She accused me of bulimia. I never had bulimia. And the ED I had was very brief, when I was 16, and I fully recovered. I was offended by the accusation for a number of reasons. She said that since I was offended it must be true. Those were her issues, not mine. Friendship over.

Wow, that was really rude of her and I would have been majorly peed off. It would make you nervous to even go to the bathroom with a friend like that, lest accusations.

tmauck4472

But, when I am concerned, I send a thoughful pm. They clear it up for me. If it's a full blown destructive eating disorder with no end in sight, I unfriend.

This but they usually close thier diary or unfriend you first. I think it's reasonable to ask a question.

I have never had a negative response to my question. I know how to ask. I had an ED when I was younger. And I have also had worry warts falsely accuse me of it. So, I know how to ask. Either they reassure me they are healthy. Or they tell me they do have an ED, and thank me for my insight.

Neda is a good link.

Yes. I f someone gets super offended there is a reason. I think politely asking is ok if it is a regular occurance. If it bothers me too much I unfriend them becuase I have ED and it messes with my head too much.

Couldn't it be that's it's just non of your damn business? People always wanting to be up in someone else's business and then wonder why that person is offended. SERIOUSLY.....You do NOT know enough about this person on the INTERNET to determine the why's of their way of doing this. Don't judge, just assume they know what they are doing and stay OUT of their business.:grumble:

BinaryPulsar

But, when I am concerned, I send a thoughful pm. They clear it up for me. If it's a full blown destructive eating disorder with no end in sight, I unfriend.

This but they usually close thier diary or unfriend you first. I think it's reasonable to ask a question.

I have never had a negative response to my question. I know how to ask. I had an ED when I was younger. And I have also had worry warts falsely accuse me of it. So, I know how to ask. Either they reassure me they are healthy. Or they tell me they do have an ED, and thank me for my insight.

Neda is a good link.

Yes. I f someone gets super offended there is a reason. I think politely asking is ok if it is a regular occurance. If it bothers me too much I unfriend them becuase I have ED and it messes with my head too much.

Not necessarily, though. I met a new friend once. We had lunch. I ate a lot. Then went to the washroom. She accused me of bulimia. I never had bulimia. And the ED I had was very brief, when I was 16, and I fully recovered. I was offended by the accusation for a number of reasons. She said that since I was offended it must be true. Those were her issues, not mine. Friendship over.

Wow, that was really rude of her and I would have been majorly peed off. It would make you nervous to even go to the bathroom with a friend like that, lest accusations.

Yeah, and because I used lip balm, she said that was another sign (indicating dehydration).

LAT1963

Graelwyn I messaged you because your arms look unusually thin in your profile pic, you reported a body fat of 17%, you seemed to be trying to lose weight from where you are now, you listed anorexia as a problem in your profile, and you were endorsing sub-17% to someone as a reasonable target fat % for women at the time.

You reassured me. But my initial question to you was not out of line given the evidence then available to me.

In the situation I refer to now, the person (who has been on my friend's list all month) basically eats nothing but bread. Can you think of any medical reason or diet plan suggesting a bread-only diet is a healthy thing to do? I can't.

gypsy_spirit

Graelwyn I messaged you because your arms look unusually thin in your profile pic, you reported a body fat of 17%, you seemed to be trying to lose weight from where you are now, you listed anorexia as a problem in your profile, and you were endorsing sub-17% to someone as a reasonable target fat % for women at the time.

You reassured me. But my initial question to you was not out of line given the evidence then available to me.

In the situation I refer to now, the person (who has been on my friend's list all month) basically eats nothing but bread. Can you think of any medical reason or diet plan suggesting a bread-only diet is a healthy thing to do? I can't.

Wow. This is really weird. You not only have judgmental thoughts, you act on those thoughts.

Graelwyn75

Graelwyn I messaged you because your arms look unusually thin in your profile pic, you reported a body fat of 17%, you seemed to be trying to lose weight from where you are now, you listed anorexia as a problem in your profile, and you were endorsing sub-17% to someone as a reasonable target fat % for women at the time.

You reassured me. But my initial question to you was not out of line given the evidence then available to me.

In the situation I refer to now, the person (who has been on my friend's list all month) basically eats nothing but bread. Can you think of any medical reason or diet plan suggesting a bread-only diet is a healthy thing to do? I can't.

Regardless of my bodyfat %, which is actually below 17% and I am very healthy as per my doctor, it was not your place to comment. My arms may look thin to you, but they most certainly are not thin and carry me through 5 boxing classes a week quite adequately Not to mention many pushups during said classes.

I also never endorsed sub 17% bodyfat but if you can find the post where you believe I did, please do share it as I just searched through my post history and see no post where I endorsed low bodyfat in someone else. I honestly have no recall of ever endorsing low bodyfat.

LAT1963

Graelwyn I messaged you because your arms look unusually thin in your profile pic, you reported a body fat of 17%, you seemed to be trying to lose weight from where you are now, you listed anorexia as a problem in your profile, and you were endorsing sub-17% to someone as a reasonable target fat % for women at the time.

You reassured me. But my initial question to you was not out of line given the evidence then available to me.

In the situation I refer to now, the person (who has been on my friend's list all month) basically eats nothing but bread. Can you think of any medical reason or diet plan suggesting a bread-only diet is a healthy thing to do? I can't.

Wow. This is really weird. You not only have judgmental thoughts, you act on those thoughts.

I act on those thoughts if my "judgment" says that a person is in danger of self-harm, yes.

Graelwyn75

Graelwyn I messaged you because your arms look unusually thin in your profile pic, you reported a body fat of 17%, you seemed to be trying to lose weight from where you are now, you listed anorexia as a problem in your profile, and you were endorsing sub-17% to someone as a reasonable target fat % for women at the time.

You reassured me. But my initial question to you was not out of line given the evidence then available to me.

In the situation I refer to now, the person (who has been on my friend's list all month) basically eats nothing but bread. Can you think of any medical reason or diet plan suggesting a bread-only diet is a healthy thing to do? I can't.

Wow. This is really weird. You not only have judgmental thoughts, you act on those thoughts.

Yeah, fer sure.
In fact, in my 2 years here, this was the first time anyone here messaged me to comment in that way.

LAT1963

Then I may have misinterpreted one of your posts. If so I apologize. But you can still understand the logic behind me *asking* about your status.

BinaryPulsar

Op, you are out of line.

_SantaClause

Then I may have misinterpreted one of your posts. If so I apologize. But you can still understand the logic behind me *asking* about your status.

No. Its none of your business

meshashesha2012

who am i to tell someone they are wrong in their choices? unless i'm specifically asked to give feedback OR i'm volunteering to go cook them meals, buy their food, etc then i dont thik i should be doing any judgments on their eating in terms of telling them what they are doing wrong

Velum_cado

Did the person ask for your advice?

I totally get your point, but I would argue that by having a public diary and adding you as a friend, they are accepting the fact that they will potentially receive comments on their choices. Otherwise, their diary would be private.

I'd totally remove them, though. I've had my own unhealthy relationship issues with food and I don't need to deal with someone else's. Not why I'm here.

Olivia

Dear Posters,

We have recently updated our resource page for people who are struggling with food or exercise issues: https://myfitnesspal.desk.com/customer/portal/articles/1575987-eating-disorder-resources

Please see the section "For a Friend or Family Member" for guidance on how to help someone you are concerned about.

If you believe a member is using the app in way that is not intended and may me harmful, please contact our support team directly:
https://myfitnesspal.desk.com/customer/portal/emails/new

Respectfully,
Olivia
MyFitnessPal Community Manager