Depressed about my body

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  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    I feel the same, but a good friend gave me the following advice:

    Its your body not theirs, you have no idea what they do each day, they might be spending 12 hours a day in the gym or been training for 5+ years.
    Just be happy with what you have and what you are gaining.

    A year ago, you would have looked at people with your current body shape and wondered why you can't look like that

    Five years I know people in their 20s who have been training for over a decade.

    I am not to sure if age has anything to do with not building muscle well. I'm sure it makes no differences.
  • otter090812
    otter090812 Posts: 380 Member
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    You look good to me, face and body (I see the beard is being grown for a special reason). You have nothing to be ashamed of. Put simply, I think the problem lies within. You need to work on your self-esteem. Confidence (and I don't mean arrogance) is attractive. :smile:
  • marie3221
    marie3221 Posts: 77 Member
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    I think you look pretty good! Keep it up and don't get down on yourself! It takes time, and I think it is safe to assume that they guys you are referring to did not get that way over night.
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
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    Thanks folks, and many apologies. This thread has spelled it out to me that mentally and physically I'm poles apart. I'm desperate to get a good body because I can't do anything about my face and I just want to have SOMETHING about me that could one day be considered attractive and therefore finally be able to be comfortable in my own skin instead of ashamed of it.
    and why would want to?!:wink: You look awesome, looking at your other photos you are getting very muscular, nothing wrong with your face buddy, you look like you'd be a fun guy to hang around and are good looking.

    we truly are our worst enemies, something I too strive to overcome!

    But we can also be our best friend, learn to love ourselves unconditionally is one of the greatest things we can do for ourselves:heart::happy:
  • maddyk91
    maddyk91 Posts: 193 Member
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    you look amazing! don't be depressed!!
  • inhobbited
    inhobbited Posts: 11
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    Seriously! Newmeadow beat me to it and said it better than I could. You have a distinguished and approachable look and, personally, I think you're quite attractive. I've never tried to build a bunch of muscle before, so I can't really comment on that. However, you have a nice physique already and continuing to work out is only going to help. :) I like the phrase, "You are your own competition." Don't worry about "those other guys." I know it's hard, but once you change how you think about that it will really help.

    Confidence isn't just about believing in yourself, it's about moving your way through life with purpose. If there's something you believe in that you honestly pursue, it spills over into believing in yourself. Do you like to workout as a hobby? That's fine! What other things do you enjoy? What matters to you? I see you have a charitable spirit, according to your profile - that's fantastic! (As a woman, by the way, I say a big "THANKS!") You have everything you already need. You ARE good enough already. :)

    Just my two cents... :flowerforyou:
  • SuperVixen2B
    SuperVixen2B Posts: 218 Member
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    Oh my goodness, seriously? You have really good muscle definition! A big part of muscle growth is genetic, and I know quite a few men that would *love* to be able to get where you are and work for it too, but have issues because of genetics. You're blessed!

    That being said - that are two things you could do to make the best of what you have.

    1. Your posture. Think defeated thoughts to yourself like "I suck, I'm worthless, I'm not good enough", then take a selfie. Then spend some time thinking awesome thoughts to yourself, psyching yourself up like "I'm a total bad *kitten*!" "I'm a magnificent beast". Put on some PUMPED UP Music, Roar like a LION - OWN your space. FEEL the testosterone coursing through your veins. Spend some time standing like a super hero - imagine a cape flowing behind you. Then take another selfie with those thoughts in mind. I bet you see a big difference between the muscle definition in the two. Shoulders back, chin held high, chest forward - definitely makes your body POP. You need to spend some time in inner reflection. Defeated thoughts on the inside will make even the meatiest man look defeated on the outside. Turn that around. You da man!!

    2.) Tan. All the body builders I know spend time either using a bronzer and/or tanning before a competition. Darker skin makes muscles really pop, shows definition better.

    Now stop thinking those defeated thoughts and start owning your masculinity. You're not a sheep, you're a LION!!! ROAR! :flowerforyou:
  • I_need_moar_musclez
    I_need_moar_musclez Posts: 499 Member
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    Thanks again, everybody.

    <---This any better?
  • ilfaith
    ilfaith Posts: 16,769 Member
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    Thanks again, everybody.

    <---This any better?

    Yes. Stand proud. You look amazing.
  • otter090812
    otter090812 Posts: 380 Member
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    Thanks again, everybody.

    <---This any better?

    Yup! :smile:
  • jimmmer
    jimmmer Posts: 3,515 Member
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    I think you have a touch of dysmorphia...

    Others have mentioned it: you're way above average for most 40 year olds.

    To get bigger, you have to eat and train for it and then just give it time. It's hard to be patient when achieving these kinds of goals because all the worthwhile one's take a long time.

    So stick with it, keep eating and lifting and cut yourself some slack!
  • emilyisbonkers
    emilyisbonkers Posts: 373 Member
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    fishing for compliments?
  • I_need_moar_musclez
    I_need_moar_musclez Posts: 499 Member
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    fishing for compliments?

    I suppose I am..but it's answers I'm looking for more than anything. I'm training myself into the ground and I still feel inferior and not good enough for anybody (I haven't even been out with friends since March) That isn't right.
  • SuperVixen2B
    SuperVixen2B Posts: 218 Member
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    fishing for compliments?

    I suppose I am..but it's answers I'm looking for more than anything. I'm training myself into the ground and I still feel inferior and not good enough for anybody (I haven't even been out with friends since March) That isn't right.

    That's so sad :cry: I hope you have someone to talk to...maybe someone that specializes in body dysmorphia or depression. You don't have to be perfect to be deserving of happiness - everyone has the right to be happy.
  • CrusaderSam
    CrusaderSam Posts: 180 Member
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    When you say "other guys" who are you talking about? Like ifbb pro bodybuilders, guys at your gym, people here on mfp?

    The other guys on here with the ripped profile pics.

    Its funny because most of them like myself only have at most 5-6 more lbs or muscle and 7-8 lb less fat then you (AT MOST). It is not some big massive number. I think part of the problem is a lot of people on here are wanting to be helpful, giving advice, when you don't need it, because you are almost as big as you are going to get.

    For a second lets just think about it, how can dysmorphia not start to set in. When some people start saying, you need to eat this, do that, 500 cal, blah blah blah, like hes got some massive amount of muscle hes got left to put on. When in fact he doesn't need to do any of that, because he looks damn good, and we can just leave it that.

    Also a bro tip, most women like well dressed man in a good shirt way more then a guy showing off his abs in the bathroom/gym any day. If you want to look better you have to dress better, its not anywhere as much about your body as you think. As guys we can get rejected for so many things....so so so so many things, I know its super hard but you just cant let it effect your value as a person or your self image.
  • SuperVixen2B
    SuperVixen2B Posts: 218 Member
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    CrusaderSam is correct.
  • j4nash
    j4nash Posts: 1,719 Member
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    Focus on form and activating your muscle groups that you're trying to develop. I had the same issue until I was taught the right way. For example, with bench press it is common to overstress the shoulders and not activate the chest muscles.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6I0z_d4xqY

    Same issue with back. Very easy to do it the wrong way and activate the wrong muscle groups.

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