I don't feel like I could ever be that thin person

Chunkychunk2001

I'm 6 stone overweight and have PCOS. I have been advised by my doctors to lose weight but it doesn't sink in, it just makes me want to buy a bag of m&ms. I got married last year, even that couldn't motivate me into a diet and I looked huge on the day. I feel the pitying looks from people when I try and look nice. I can't wear heels for long. I get sweaty really quickly. My thighs rub together in a skirt and cause me agony. I have awful skin. I get heartburn. I have awful stretch marks. I struggle to cut my toenails. I shy away from sex. I hate how fat my face is. Nothing looks nice on me. People look down on me. It makes me sad when my husband says I look nice. I feel judged by everyone. I love to travel but I'm put off going away because I get tired so easily. I am so so unhappy. Yet the thought of anyone seeing me do any exercise in a gym fills me with humiliation and dread. I feel like people will s****** at me trying to way healthy because what's the point. I've been overweight my whole life and always felt conspicuous but over the last two years I've put on about 3 stone with no sign of it shifting. I don't know how to get myself in the frame of mind. I don't know where to start. I don't know what to eat. I can't imagine myself ever not feeling fat and self conscious and it makes me think what's the point of making myself miserable in the gym because it won't make any difference. So this is what I'm dealing with before I've even begun. Not the best start....

asia1967

Hi Kate: Are you sure you weren't reading my personal journal. You are not alone. If I may make a suggestion. What I did when I first started out was I picked one thing to work on at a time. My first thing that I worked on was replacing pop with a non caloric beverage. Flavoured water, Mio, Crystal Light what have you. I worked on that for a while. Then the next thing I worked on was a healthier alternative to potato chips. You get the idea. Baby steps, if you try to do to much then you are only setting yourself up for failure. You can do this, there is a lot of good information on here and some great people. Good luck.

pammclean61

Repeat after me: YOU (I) AM WORTH IT. You sound a lot like me-looking at the HUGE picture of weight loss, when in fact, you could do little things to make small changes. I always go to bed at night and hope that when I wake up I am the person I used to be!!! I have to force myself to remember I didn't get this way overnight, so the results are not going to happen overnight. Small changes...one more glass of water a day, an apple instead of a donut, salad with vegetables from my neighbor's garden, a walk around the block-whatever you can do to feel successful. I try not to focus on how other's goal and weightloss is doing because they are not me. I hope this helps a little. Hang in there and remember like anything else: ONE DAY AT A TIME-or sometimes it can be 1 MINUTE at a time!!: flowerforyou:

Luv2eatSweets

Your husband married you because he saw something in you that he loves. You need to take the wonderful things he is saying to you as genuine love. He is the most important person in your life. Imagine how he would feel if he knew his compliments made you sad. If you are surrounding yourself with people that look down on you.....I'm sorry but you need some new friends. From what I am reading you only feel people are judging you. Tomorrow could be a new beginning .....whether you run with it, is up to you. Everyone is here to help....no judging here just total support.:flowerforyou:

Kalikel

I'm 6 stone overweight and have PCOS. I have been advised by my doctors to lose weight but it doesn't sink in, it just makes me want to buy a bag of m&ms. I got married last year, even that couldn't motivate me into a diet and I looked huge on the day. I feel the pitying looks from people when I try and look nice. I can't wear heels for long. I get sweaty really quickly. My thighs rub together in a skirt and cause me agony. I have awful skin. I get heartburn. I have awful stretch marks. I struggle to cut my toenails. I shy away from sex. I hate how fat my face is. Nothing looks nice on me. People look down on me. It makes me sad when my husband says I look nice. I feel judged by everyone. I love to travel but I'm put off going away because I get tired so easily. I am so so unhappy. Yet the thought of anyone seeing me do any exercise in a gym fills me with humiliation and dread. I feel like people will s****** at me trying to way healthy because what's the point. I've been overweight my whole life and always felt conspicuous but over the last two years I've put on about 3 stone with no sign of it shifting. I don't know how to get myself in the frame of mind. I don't know where to start. I don't know what to eat. I can't imagine myself ever not feeling fat and self conscious and it makes me think what's the point of making myself miserable in the gym because it won't make any difference. So this is what I'm dealing with before I've even begun. Not the best start....

You're miserable being fat, but you won't do anything about it because you're worried that other people will see you trying to lose weight and think bad thoughts about it?

First, anyone who would think mean thoughts is a jerk whose opinion you really shouldn't care about. Got that? If they aren't smart and decent people, you should not consider their stupid opinions worth worrying about.

Second, most of the people there don't give a crap about you. They have their own issues.

You really need to think about what other people might think and say, "So what." Who the hell cares?

Maybe you just don't want to lose and that's your excuse. But if that's the real reason you're not going to a gym, get over yourself and just go.

A truly determined, committed person would not be stopped by "What if mean people think bad thoughts?" A determined, committed person would do what it took.

When you're determined and committed, you'll do it. Nothing will stop you.


...and if you work really hard, for a really long time...if you persist through all the obstacles...you can be that thin person.

usmcmp

You don't have to believe it is possible. I sure didn't. All you have to do is make small changes and do your best to stick to them. I didn't gain the weight in a day and I definitely didn't lose it in a day (it took me 3 years). Just commit to waking up every day and trying again.

Doing some research about PCOS will definitely be helpful to you. Many women find that changing their diet in specific ways helps.

elv1ra

well at one point i could relate to almost everything you just said, but here i am 84 lbs lighter, without ever having set foot inside a gym in my life. ive lost it all through calorie control. only now am i beginning to exercise because i dont want to just be thinner, i want to be healthier. at first it seems like an impossible goal, but you have to find the motivation to start and the faith in yourself that you can do it. once you get into the habit and you start seeing the results, you become very proud of yourself and excited to be on a journey to health.

aleggett321

If the thought of the gym is just too intimidating right now, what about walking? I know you said you tire easily so start slowly. Even if you start with five minutes, it's five minutes you aren't sitting. If you increase it by a minute a day you'd be up to thirty minutes in a month.
It really is baby steps, one small achievement at a time. You deserve to be healthy and happy. Best wishes!

crustin1

I've actually read reports about how much more difficult it is for someone to lose weight when they have a negative outlook on their abilities to get healthy or are unable to picture themselves being thin. That is the person I am. In order to combat it, I use immersion theory, and I have a simple tool I use...Pinterest.
I get on Pinterest every evening and usually during my lunch hour and go to the "Health and Fitness" category. Constantly reading motivational quotes, tips on how to make living healthier easier, and short articles to the best exercises and routines helps my journey to a healthier me stay at the forefront of my mind. Maybe you could try something like this?
Also, I have a strange kind of luck in that many of my friends (like me) have struggled with their weight their entire lives. We don't judge each other and we share a special group on Facebook where we encourage and inspire each other when we are on the weight loss wagon. Do you have friends who will encourage you? This is the first time I have been on this website (I usually just use the app to track calories), but perhaps you can find what you are looking for here?

brenn24179

It is possible to live a different way but it is work. People on here will help you. Read the success stories, I read a book by Geneen Roth which helped me but I am an emotional eater. Read peoples diaries that are successful and this will help you with what to eat. Ask questions when you need help. Get some friends on here to support you. Basically it is log your calories and make yourself behave and not go over your calorie limit. You can do it, you have to want it bad and like I said do the work. If I get hungry after my calories are gone, I go to gum, celery, some strawberries, coffee and tea and tell myself I can eat tomorrow. Read those success stories on here for motivation. No need to be depressed, if I can do it anyone can and then you will get better, feel better and be able to wear those smaller clothes and look good for your new hubby that I am sure loves you no matter what.

lyssa999

Have you ever read about keto? It's a lifestyle adjustment, but it's a good, sustainable one. Obviously it's not for everyone, but there are some good links here http://www.reddit.com/r/keto if you'd like to read about it. I've been doing it for about a month now and I feel great. It's very carb-restrictive, but I don't feel deprived and I don't get super hungry and binge anymore.

Losing weight is 90% diet. I have semi-bad anxiety that makes it really hard for me to go to the gym or to go to fitness classes without a friend. So I don't do much except walk my dog, but every little bit helps, right? If you're quite overweight and have been out of exercise for a long time, then walking is just the sort of activity you'd want to start with anyway. Simple, and no one will have any reason to notice you (so no need to feel self-conscious), you're just walking somewhere, right?

Good luck, and don't get discouraged - in six months you'll be glad you didn't wait another six months to get started.

TXBelle1174

I could have written your post myself. I hate the gym and I want nothing to do with it. SO..... I went to nerdfitness.com and found a beginner workout that I can do at home. I also have PCOS, along with Hashimoto's and Fibromyalgia, and Plantar Fasciitis in my left foot. That makes walking SO much fun (note sarcasm). There are a lot of days that it takes everything I have got to get up and go to work let alone go to the gym. Some days I don't work out, some days I do. I made some small changes to my diet and the weight is coming off, despite the lack of exercise. Like one of the previous posters said - take one thing at a time. Make small changes and set small goals for yourself with rewards for small achievements. IE: When I lose 10lbs, I will do XXX for myself. NOT food rewards. Or: When I go 30 days without XXX, I will reward myself by XXX. When you try to look at the big picture, it feels insurmountable and damn near impossible. Break it down into small amounts and it will be much easier. It wont be EASY and it wont happen in 2 weeks but stick with it and it WILL happen. Use MFP to your advantage - there are a lot of support boards out there, including one for ladies struggling with PCOS. They have good advice and are always willing to help. Take it one day at a time. You can do this! Good Luck!

Feel free to add me if you need a friend.

persistentsoul

I also have PCOS among my long list of issues. I have been obese since childhood. I went up 17 stone and felt like you , then I lost lots and felt much better at 12 stone then I went up to 21 stone and felt like you. I got committed and went down to 13 stone. Then I went up to 23 stone more recently and again felt like you. The place you are in sucks but it can always get worse, lots worse. 11 stone is what I recently found I was faced with having to lose. That is worse than 6 stone. But the thing is if I don't do it now then in 10 years maybe I will have 30 stone I need to lose. It can always get worse. I find that thought motivates me to turn around and go in the direction of health. Yes it is hard and it will be slow, there will be weeks when nothing shifts and weeks when scales go up when they should go down. It is not easy but this is the price I have to pay for not turning around sooner. The longer I put it off the worse it will get. I have one life and one body. It is ok to feel sad and scared but ultimately I need to get on with moving toward where I want to get to. I will get there and so can you. Dig down and find your fighting spirit.

Michal833

Walking!!!

ZaCkOX

My journey began when I asked myself, are you happy?? Ask yourself, are you happy? If you are happy with the results, you will do nothing. If you honestly hate it, and hate everything, you are completely unhappy, why let yourself suffer anymore?

If I showed you a picture of yourself in 2-3 years, the future you, and I told you, "You fought for that!" Would you? If the future you was the result of something awesome, and you know you can become that, why not???

When you do something about it, the lazy inside you disappears. The food you eat changes and it changes you forever. JUST DO IT. STOP THE EXCUSES.

asia1967

Hi Kate: Are you sure you weren't reading my personal journal. You are not alone. If I may make a suggestion. What I did when I first started out was I picked one thing to work on at a time. My first thing that I worked on was replacing pop with a non caloric beverage. Flavoured water, Mio, Crystal Light what have you. I worked on that for a while. Then the next thing I worked on was a healthier alternative to potato chips. You get the idea. Baby steps, if you try to do to much then you are only setting yourself up for failure. You can do this, there is a lot of good information on here and some great people. Good luck.

Sorry I wrote someone else name. I guess I'm not very good at multi tasking. But the advise is still solid. :flowerforyou:
P.S. you are worth being healthy!!!

happyfeetrebel1

What helped me at the gym when I didn't have any stamina or endurance and the horrible pain from moving were aqua classes. Then, as I progressed, I got some of Leslie Sansone's 'walk off the pounds' videos. They are easy, low intensity, and you can do them AT home, at your pace.

Baby steps

KrisN30

You sound just like me. i just gave up. i feel like a failure because ever time I try I figure "what's the point because someone will ***** because I didn't lose enough or am not visibly thin." I understand you completely. I found here on MFP that we are all in this together and we are not any different from anyone else on here except for maybe our goals to some extent. I have not figured it all out yet and I'm sure as hell not motivated either, but what has worked in the past for me was some support, calorie counting but not obsessing and just doing what works for me, which as asia1967 said, picking one thing to work on at a time. it all takes baby steps. I pray for everyone's success because I know how hard it can be. Don't give up!

barefoottraveller

Apparently I weigh over 21 stones. I don't know that I have ever envisioned myself as a thin person either. However, I do have to say that the weight is only half of it. I like who I am. I am self conscious sometimes, but I was almost this heavy when my husband met and married me, so apparently he isn't completely grossed out. I have felt a bit like you feel, but honestly, I lived the past 7 years in the US South. It isn't as big of a deal there. I had friends who were almost double my size.

I know how you feel about the gym, working out, etc- but look at it this way: If you are doing your best to look and feel your best, what other people think or say shouldn't matter. Don't let them keep you in a place you are unhappy- in fact, picture everyone you pass as you walk, run, or exercise mentally pushing you on. "Good job, random girl! You are saving your life and making yourself feel better!"

Meerataila

Walking!!!

This is how I started. Walking and counting every calorie. I didn't even try to cut back the first couple of weeks. I just wanted to see what I was eating. And was it an eye opener. And then I slowly cut down. First the soda habit got toned down, then I started sticking to MFP's recommended calories, then when I started having issues with hunger I had to get more creative. But it starts with knowing you can do it.

Don't let my ticker fool you. I've lost almost 10 stone. It takes awhile, but you can do it. And you even have a husband who loves and supports you. I didn't. But I still got to skinnier than I ever thought I'd be again. I'm skinnier than I was through most of high school. I even have pictures of me in eighth grade looking chubbier than I do now. It's not too late, you can do it. By all means if you can enlist the help of a doctor, counselor, and dietitian, you should. You're worth it, get all the help you can get. But you can do this.

angelinaxox

First off all you seem like you need a hug so imagine me hugging you! Second of all, I believe in you and I believe that you can overcome and be healthy! I know it's hard- I've been there. I am there! I was 250 pounds at my highest. After a two month journey, I am 200 pounds, and it's just beginning! All it takes is one little change every day. Say one day you try to work out for even five minutes. Just keeping doing that one thing every day and maybe one day you'll wanna do 10, so you do 10, then 15, then 20. I went from doing nothing to doing 60 minutes a day! And let me tell you, I didn't even notice! You just keep at it and keep at it and it becomes a habit! As for the eating, maybe start introducing healthier foods into your diet. There are so many things out in the world that are so much healthier for us and taste so much better! It really helps when you have people to support you and back you up! Who cares what the people at the gym think?! It's only your opinions and the ones that love you that matter. I have bought all of my gym equipment second hand, online and have spent no more than 100$ on very expensive equipment. Each piece I buy seems to motivate me more because I can't wait to use the equipment! :flowerforyou: You got this girl!

awilson213

Believe me you are not alone! I have over 100 pounds I would like to lose. I often feel the very same way, but I also know that I am worth it and that I should love myself no matter what, and you should to!!! Keep your head up and think positive you are capable of anything you set your mind to!!

sweetcurlz67

You sound like I did most of my adult life.

I had/have excuses too. TONS of them! Hypothyroidism, thyroid cancer, kidney disease, migraines, anemia, sleep apnea? And a whole bunch more!!

But ya know what?!?!

All they are are EXCUSES!!! Yes some of them do make it a little more difficult to lose weight like PCOS, however, it's NOT impossible!!!

Once you determine that you are going to do it for YOU with NO EXCUSES, there will be nothing that will stop you. :drinker:

Patttience

Hi there. We all want to help you and see you succeed. I am sure most of us here believe you can do it. Please come and join us in our group called 3fc pals (meaning 3 fat chicks - we are of different ages, do different things to lose weight and talk about all sorts of stuff. We have a variety of different backgrounds and would love to support you on your way.

Our group is new and needs more members. mars, dorothy and i are the ones who started it and we met on the 3fc forum. Anyone is welcome to join us. We all have our different challenges and have come a long way on our own journeys already but encourage newbies.

My first tip here is make the journey easy to do - that means not going to the gym or bothering with exercise when you don't feel like it. You can do that later when you feel ok about doing it. Its easier to lose weight in the beginning without the added elements of exercise to complicate the whole thing. I've lost all my weight this year without much exercise. Not doing it does not make weightloss any slower. Trust me on this. The reason is that most people who exercise compensate for the calories burned by eating more. Its been shown in studies. To lose weight from exercise you have to a real lot.

However, it seems like investing in a pedometer is highly motivating and will make you move about more so get one of those as soon as you can. From my recent researches it seems that perhaps the best one is called a garmin vivosek or something like that. I know the first word is right but i'm not sure about the second. If you don't want to lay out so much money, just get a cheap thing. But the garmin has the advantage of only needing to replace the batteries about once a year instead of recharging every few days and that to me seems like an enormous advantage.

Food and nutrition wise i have lots of ideas and know how as i've played about with several different approaches that work. I am now a believer that for people with insulin resistance/ diabetes and that sort of scenario, low carb is the way to go. I'm not suggesting you'd have to start off going into it at the deep end. I liked it a lot when i came in from the shallow end i.e. a modest reduction of carbs. Anyway come in and join us if you like the sound of this. Don't worry that i the biggest talker. The others have busier lives than me.

I also have a history of depression and have learnt how to manage it and stress for the benefits of weightloss.
its great that you have a loving hubby.

mimieon

Just try it for a month (weighing and logging your food, hitting your mfp calorie goals), and see what happens. If you don't lose, adjust your calorie goal.

Don't want to go to the gym? Don't go to the gym. I don't. I still lost 19 kg (40 pounds), and am at a normal BMI now. I do 30 minute exercise dvds that I can do from home (I like Jillian Micheals workouts, for instance, youtube ripped in 30). Don't have dumbells for some exercises you would like to try? Use filled water bottles. Work with what you have. Etc.

You don't even have to do exercise at all to lose weight, just hit your calorie goals with your diet - but I would advise you to do some strength training so that you prevent losing muscle.

Remember, You don't have to be 'perfect' in doing this. If you 'mess up' one day, tomorrow is a new day. Don't want to give up pizza? Plan it in your calorie goal for the day. Just keep going, and you will be succesfull. There is a lot of help on these forums if you need it.

If you don't know where to start, I'd advise you to start only logging what you eat now (without trying to hit some calore goal for now). After a week or two, you know where you are at, and you can make changes so you get closer to that calorie goal. One step at a time.

Also, read this gem here: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants

summerlinangel3

We are all different and what works for one may not for another so all we can do is encourage you by telling you what works for us. Right now I do not go to the gym, what I do is Leslie Sansone walk at home 5 Day Slim Down. You do not have to do all five miles to start with. You start out at your own pace walking with Leslie and when you are tired stop. If you will try doing this a little each day soon you will be walking a mile right in your own home with nobody around to watch you. This is how I got into exercising and now I enjoy my walks with Leslie. I am 68 years old and can do a mile walk without any problems but I didn't get to this point overnight. Because I had lung cancer I do not push myself that is why I decided to exercise at home. I lost 120 lbs in 4 years, but over the last year gained 20 lbs of that back due to the thyroid disease that I have. When my levels gets off then my weight goes up, however I have learned to deal with these changes. I do not let myself get upset and start thinking all kinds of negative thoughts, I just keep on my journey of eating healthy. I do not think of my journey as being on a diet, because it's not. I started out with baby steps 4 years ago changing unhealthy foods to healthier foods. One or two things at a time, now 4 years later, I just eat healthy and I stay between 1,200 to 1,500 calories a day. As for the 20 lbs that I gained, now that my doctor got my thyroid levels back to where it should be I am losing it with no problems. Just remember anything worth having is worth working for. Won't you reach out and take that baby step today. I promise you will not regret it.

fitmomhappymom

I have PCOS too, so I know how hard it can be. When its not in control, it feels like your body is attacking you.
The best advice I can give is to understand that you have to eat differently as your body reacts differently to carbs than other people's. Also, exercise it very important when you are trying to control your PCOS.
If you eat right and exercise, you will not only look better, but more importantly you will FEEL so much better. The break outs will be minimal, your hair will be healthier, less ovarian pain, less mood swings, etc. The benefits are completely worth it.

mommyrunning

Weight loss can be treated like any other big goal in life like saving money or getting a college degree. At first it seems overwhelming but when you break it into doable steps it's easier and as you reach small goals you start to feel you can do more. So start with something small such as wanting to be able to walk 1 mile or lose 1lb. Sometimes we get an all or nothing mentality that if we don't do it all to the max we shouldn't bother. It doesn't have to be like that. Here's some examples of small changes you could make:

replace 1 high calorie drink each day with flavored water
replace regular cheese with lowfat cheese at one meal
add 1 work out a week- start with a 10 or 20 minute walk, whatever you can do
park your car 5 spaces further away then you normally would
jog for 10 seconds
pick an exercise (squat, lunge, etc) and do 10-15 reps once per day
add a salad to dinner

Once you've done one, add another. Your progress will be slow at first but making small changes over time rather than overwhelming yourself can be helpful in creating a habit.


My #1 tip: don't think of this as a diet or temporary thing. Think of ways you can improve your health that you are willing to stick with.

I am personally not willing to give up pizza, mexican food, and other things I like or eat things I don't like. So I don't. I just eat smaller portions and make sure I balance it out.


When I was 21 and decided to join the Air Force I could not run 1/4 mile without stopping but I kept trying and after a few months I could do a mile without stopping. 10 years later I have done 2 half marathons. It doesn't happen overnight.

"It always seems impossible until it's done" -Nelson Mandela

Remaking_Me

Been there--- right where you are. And now, Ive come down 3 stones.

You can do it too

---

There IS a solution to unhealthy food addiction: Clean eating.
After 2.5 months I no longer crave or desire ANYTHING unhealthy. Its not probably what you want to hear, but if you fill up on filling healthy foods... everything changes.

First thing my nutritionist had me do: Track my intake and eat 100-125gms of protein a day.
Breakfast 15gm
Snack 25gm
Lunch 15gm
Snack 25gm
Dinner 15gm
Snack? 20gm (approx)

I dont eat 'just like that anymore'--- I start out with 15gms because my tummy is not hungry in the a.m. But filling up on protein, left me so full and satisfied that I couldnt 'fit' what I craved, even if I wanted it.

EVERYTHING changed. Get connected into a support system and stop focusing on your failures and imperfections.
If someone married you, you're loveable. Get that through your head first and foremost.
You need to find some positive encouraging friends, and if you'd consider attending a church or a place of spiritual
development, to help center your emotions and find balance, that would help too.

jkal1979

It sounds like you feel like you are being judged by everyone because you are harshly judging yourself.

Please find three things that you like about yourself and write them down. They don't have to be anything to do with your physical appearance. Write them down and remind yourself that you are a good person and there are many wonderful qualities about you.

Several people mentioned walking and that sounds like a great start for you. If you don't feel comfortable walking outside, Google Leslie Sansone Walk Away The Pounds. These are walking DVD's that you can do at home and don't require any special equipment or much space to do them in. You can find them on YouTube if you want to try them out.

I also recommend that you read The Beck Diet Solution. It's not a diet plan, but it will help with the emotional and self confidence side of weight loss. It will give you a list of things to do to help you build healthy habits and to help you keep going when you are feeling down.

tanyoshka

Hey! I totally understand the feeling of "why try". If I consciously been trying to lose weight at the beginning than I probably wouldn't have ever started. However, it started as a happy accident and then I realized how easy it really could be ("easy" of course being a relative term). Something to keep in mind. You get skinny in the kitchen, and fit at the gym. If you aren't feeling up to working out hard core at the beginning then you shouldn't have to. Just start by eating a little less. Notice I said less and not better. This needs to be something you can sustain forever, so feeling like you're depriving yourself is definitely not going to work. Eat some chips, just don't eat the whole bag because "I'm fat anyway,"If you have a lot to lose, it should start coming off pretty fast at the beginning. This should hopefully give you some motivation and encouragement to keep going. That's what happened with me anyway. I discovered that I had dropped a bunch of weight without really trying that hard, so that got me interested in what could happen if I really DID try.

I wish you luck!