defeated before ive started

caterpillar2008

i really want to thank all of you for your responses. knowing that im not the only one who does this to themselves is more of a help than you could possibly imagine.

i will keep on with eating right for a start. no matter where my thoughts take me, i can at least manage that much. hopefully feeling that little bit more in control will encourage me to pick up on the activity side of things.

as for changing my name, i will give it some thought, i know what i have now is destructive and that any CBT/doctor/psychologist would tell you that its one of the first things that id need to change. youre right, i wouldnt talk to anyone that way so why do i feel that i deserve to be treated like that?!

believe it or not but my job is actually working with young people helping to improve their confidence and self esteem and im actually bloody good at what i do. i understand (maybe too well) how they feel, that i know what they need to work through it and come out the other side. i wont allow them to say or even think a single negative thing about themselves and only ever reiterate positive reinforcement.

i just wish i could apply the same attitude to myself.

Love the new name - whether it's a personal obsession with caterpillars or a beautiful reference to the metamorphosis that's to come, it's 100x better.

thanks! definitely the latter...but also my complete and utter love of butterflies...but im not quite one of those just yet! Xx

liekewheeless

You've already made a good start by coming here and asking for help.

Don't try to do to much at ones. You can do it, but if you run as fast as you can right out of the gate, you are going to run out of steam fast.

Start with some light walking, or something you don't mind doing. Just to get you moving.
Start logging your food. Don't worry to much about what you are eating right now, just pick a calorie goal at a deficit and stick to it. Nothing to aggressive.

Get used to logging and sticking to your goal. Ones you are comfortable you can start making little changes to your diet that are healthier. Just a couple little things at a time. And don't beat yourself over the head if you mess up a little here and there.

You will start to feel better, and you will find what works for you.

Stay at a deficit and you will lose weight. Nothing is more motivating than seeing that scale move.

Don't expect to much at ones. It will be slow going...but it will happen!

tylerwyman

for the earlier posters, a little harsh. not everyone is a "no pain no gain," "Pain is weakness leaving the body," type person. Some people respond more to support not chastising and hating themselves. I had a friend (emphasize had) that was big into these euphemisms, and I went along with it for a while. in the end he caused me to get hurt twice. I tore a muscle in my leg and in my back. He called me a wimp and I have never talked to him again. I don't think more shame and hatred for herself is the right answer here.

tylerwyman

Go very slow. The biggest mistake I make is trying to take on too much. I started by walking on the treadmill for 15 mins 3 times a week. I forced myself to stay at that level for a while even though I felt like I wanted to do more. It is far better to go slow and stay focused, than gung ho and end up quitting. I lost 50 lbs. doing that. Start small. Short workouts spread out. Also try just tracking what you eat. not limiting, just tracking. that alone will make you lose some. then after you know how much you take in, slowly tier down. subtract 200-300 calories and stay there for a few weeks until it is comfortable. You can do it. Trust me. I am right there with you.

auntiebabs

The good news is you don't have to be perfect, you just have to be better.

The slower you lose the more like you can keep it off. It's the long haul that is important. It's not the first one to the finish line that wins. It's the one who can be the healthiest the longest. YOLO.... you only get one body, no trade-ins. I want it to feel good, so I can go out and have fun for as long as I can.

I want to be capable and dance and run and swim and kayak and climb trees and backpack and throw my niece and nephews in the air. I don't want my body to stop me from living my life. don't worry about looking perfect (you never will) worry about what you can do with your body and what it can do for you!

++Track for a week or two before worrying about losing. This way you'll see where you really stand, odds are it is different than where you thought you were, which is actually good news... information is power

++Be scrupulously honest... you can lie to your friends, you can lie in your diary, you can lie to yourself, but YOUR BODY KNOWS EVERYTHING YOU EAT. So you might as well be honest in your diary (keep it private if you like) but you need that info because you can't get where you are going if your are not honest about where you are right now.

++Focus on what you should eat not what your shouldn't.
Eating your nutritious foods first. Your body will be more satisfied and have less cravings.

As first-steps in combating depression, make sure you...
.... incorporate health fish & plant based fats into your diet
.... coffee!!!!! a natural mood enhancer... swapping out diet coke for coffee did wonders for me.
.... exercise. I'm sure you've heard this over and over, but do just a little bit more than you used to.
.... focus on getting proper nutrition and look at your micronutrients like magnesium, potassium and vitamin D.

YOU MAY NEED MORE HELP THAN THIS AND THAT'S OKAY!!! but I like the idea of starting out with basic nutrition, if you do go to meds you know you've got all your oars rowing in the same direction.

++See where you can make small changes on things that aren't so important to you.
(Don't even think of taking chocolate out of my diet!!!)
--Reducing quantities
--Swapping out things instead of eliminating them.

++Small sustainable changes.
If you completely revamp your diet, it's way easy to revert to old ways in times of stress. (and who doesn't have stress?)
If you make a series of small changes, food still offers you some sense of comfort, sort of a comfort continuum, and after a while the first small changes will seem comforting in themselves. Also rather than having to think about everything all the time. You only have to think about a 2 or 3 new things to focus on.

++Rather than being uberstrict with the target MFP set for me. (I swear this saved my life.) I was happier once I gave myself a range:

ROCK BOTTOM: 1200 cal
TARGET: MFP Calories for lose 1 lb a week (when that hit 1200 I changed to lose 1/2 lb per week)
TOP OF RANGE: Maintain Calories for my GOAL Weight.

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(SAFETY VALVE: Maintain Calories for CURRENT Weight - remember to keep updating this number as you lose)

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++Only worry about it 1 lb at a time.
Forget I *NEED* to lose 20, 30, 50, 100 lbs. I'm only worried about 1 lb the next one. I'll worry about the others later.
Once I found ways to lessen the stress, I found it way easier to focus on the process and let the results follow. (It's what worked for me some people need the stress to get them motivated. Me I get scared and overwhelmed and don't see the big goal as achievable. )

++Think of losing weight like the stock market. Yes, there will be fluctuations but as long as the overall trend is the the right direction don't worry

Food is not the enemy. You need nutrition to fuel your body and make it strong. and healthy just feels so damn good.

Most vitamins are fat soluble*... so remember to include plant and fish based fats (HAPPY FATS) so you can access the nutrients in your food. *(somebody called me on this saying only A,D,E,& K are fat soluble.... so that leaves B's + C as water soluble, still you need fat to access proper nutrition)

All of your foods fall into 1 or more of 3 macro nutrient categories
FATS • CARBS • PROTEINS ... I personally think it's unwise to severely restrict any one of these categories.
Instead of eliminating or limiting quantity focus on the quality...

HAPPY FATS (Plant and fish bases)
COMPLEX CARBS (un or minimally processed)
LEAN PROTEINS

Oddly enough, on my journey here I've reduced guilt over food.
I have the occasional treat and I fully enjoy it with no guilt involved.
The thing is since I'm not eating crap all the time, now the occasional treat is just that a TREAT it's special and I enjoy it so much more than when I was unconsciously shovel junk food into my face.

sofaking6

I noticed you said that often you go to bed feeling positive and wake up feeling negative. Maybe you could try some affirmations first thing when you get up? I know it can feel silly and it's not something that will just flip a switch, but there are free apps and it can definitely help to get that inner meanie to calm down. Or just find something nurturing that you can do for yourself right away - luxury coffee beans, super snuggly robe, anything like that.