Not impressed with Dear Abby
treeniemarie
Posts: 40 Member
in Chit-Chat
I read this, this morning and not impressed with Abby's response.
OVERWEIGHT WOMAN'S BIKINI TOP GETS HARSH REVIEW FROM MOM .
Dear Abby . . . .... . .. .. DEAR ABBY: I'm a 24-year-old plus-sized woman (60 or 70 pounds overweight), but very comfortable in my own skin. When swimming in public, I wear a one-piece bathing suit because it doesn't attract a lot of attention. When I'm home, I have a bikini top and shorts I prefer to wear. This is because I don't like being covered up like it was in the 1950s, and I feel good when my curves are properly accentuated.
When I go back to see my family and swim, I wear a bikini top and black shorts. Recently, my mother said, "When the family comes over, you can't wear that. It makes people uncomfortable." I was shocked, and we had a huge argument. Most of my cousins are fine with my attire, as are my aunts. Only Mom has a problem with it. I asked if she'd feel the same about a large man swimming without a T-shirt. She said it's different for women. Am I wrong for wanting to be comfortable in my childhood home? Mom should be proud to have a daughter who accepts herself as she is. Who is wrong here? -- OFFENDED DAUGHTER IN CHICAGO
DEAR OFFENDED DAUGHTER: You are not wrong for wanting to be comfortable. But please remember that when you visit someone else's home, that person's wishes take precedence -- even if it used to be your childhood home. While you say you are comfortable in your own skin, it would be interesting to know what your physician thinks about your obesity. I suspect that your mother would be prouder of you if you were less complacent and more willing to do something about your weight problem.
OVERWEIGHT WOMAN'S BIKINI TOP GETS HARSH REVIEW FROM MOM .
Dear Abby . . . .... . .. .. DEAR ABBY: I'm a 24-year-old plus-sized woman (60 or 70 pounds overweight), but very comfortable in my own skin. When swimming in public, I wear a one-piece bathing suit because it doesn't attract a lot of attention. When I'm home, I have a bikini top and shorts I prefer to wear. This is because I don't like being covered up like it was in the 1950s, and I feel good when my curves are properly accentuated.
When I go back to see my family and swim, I wear a bikini top and black shorts. Recently, my mother said, "When the family comes over, you can't wear that. It makes people uncomfortable." I was shocked, and we had a huge argument. Most of my cousins are fine with my attire, as are my aunts. Only Mom has a problem with it. I asked if she'd feel the same about a large man swimming without a T-shirt. She said it's different for women. Am I wrong for wanting to be comfortable in my childhood home? Mom should be proud to have a daughter who accepts herself as she is. Who is wrong here? -- OFFENDED DAUGHTER IN CHICAGO
DEAR OFFENDED DAUGHTER: You are not wrong for wanting to be comfortable. But please remember that when you visit someone else's home, that person's wishes take precedence -- even if it used to be your childhood home. While you say you are comfortable in your own skin, it would be interesting to know what your physician thinks about your obesity. I suspect that your mother would be prouder of you if you were less complacent and more willing to do something about your weight problem.
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Replies
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yikes! talk about body shaming!0
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Seems like a reasonable answer to me.0
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Yeah mother would be getting ignored for a while.0
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I saw this and was annoyed. I was with her when she told her that, "when you visit someone else's home, that person's wishes take precedence -- even if it used to be your childhood home." This makes total sense, because it is her mom's home and rude or not, she has the right to enforce a dress code if she wants.
Attacking her body size and dragging her doctor into it, is neither here nor there. It has nothing to do with her question.0 -
That is exactly what I was thinking. And her mom would be prouder if she lost weight... that seemsed rather rude0
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When I go back to see my family and swim, I wear a bikini top and black shorts. Recently, my mother said, "When the family comes over, you can't wear that. It makes people uncomfortable." I was shocked, and we had a huge argument. Most of my cousins are fine with my attire, as are my aunts.
Well, when you marry your cousin it makes everyone just a little bit uncomfortable even if it's been done for generations.0 -
I saw this and was annoyed. I was with her when she told her that, "when you visit someone else's home, that person's wishes take precedence -- even if it used to be your childhood home." This makes total sense, because it is her mom's home and rude or not, she has the right to enforce a dress code if she wants.
Attacking her body size and dragging her doctor into it, is neither here nor there. It has nothing to do with her question.
same.0 -
Wow!
Yes, she should respect her mother's wishes.
No, Abby should not have even broached the subject of the girl's weight. People always assume obesity is self-inflicted. It's truly sickening. Any number of medical conditions can cause obesity. This girl didn't ask for Abby's professional, medical opinion!
Just rude! :mad:0 -
I saw this and was annoyed. I was with her when she told her that, "when you visit someone else's home, that person's wishes take precedence -- even if it used to be your childhood home." This makes total sense, because it is her mom's home and rude or not, she has the right to enforce a dress code if she wants.
Attacking her body size and dragging her doctor into it, is neither here nor there. It has nothing to do with her question.
same.
This.0 -
she is a ungreateful daughter and shows no respect to mom
its moms house, don't like it, dont go in the pool.............
mom knows best0 -
well, isn't Abby a peach....0
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Wow, Abby just ventured into concern trolling.0
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Why is everyone mad that Abby talked about her weight? She mentioned it in the opening of her letter. And if she's big, then there's a higher chance of health issues, so I don't really see a problem with that part.
The end about her mom respecting her more was kinda eh. No point for it. But suggesting a visit to the doctor for some weight loss help isn't bad. Why is it suddenly bad to want people to be healthy?0 -
Meh, I see no issue.0
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I am fine with Abby's answer.0
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The only thing that bothers me is the mother saying fat women have to dress differently than fat men, and I wish dear Abby had a response to that. Otherwise, there's nothing in there that's offensive to me.0
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Seems like a reasonable answer to me.
Ditto, Not your home anymore.0 -
People still read Dear Abby? Well people who aren't elderly aunties and grandmothers?
I have it automatically emailed to me daily. I enjoy disagreeing with half of her advice.0 -
Dear Abby is just like the MFP forums.
○ Post question asking for help.
○ Doesnt receive answer they wanted/were expecting.
○ Everyone is mean.
○ The End.0 -
Dear Abby is just like the MFP forums.
○ Post question asking for help.
○ Doesnt receive answer they wanted/were expecting.
○ Everyone is mean.
○ The End.
And a mean people thread was posted on MFP about her!
Consistency. MFP has it.0 -
Seems fine to me. If someone is that hypersensitive about a subject there is usually a reason.0
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People still read Dear Abby? Well people who aren't elderly aunties and grandmothers?
I have it automatically emailed to me daily. I enjoy disagreeing with half of her advice.
It's not even the real Abby anymore. I'm pretty sure the original Abby could have advised her and expressed concern without belittling her in print.0 -
I;m with Joe Tex on this one. . .0
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Ha! She's a hootchi mama who dresses too skimpy for her size!! Ya'll know what the mom is raging about wrong or not, it's the truth!! There are fat, obese, whatever you want to call it, sausaged into their bodycon dresses, leggings, strapless tube tops, camis, etc!! They may be comfy with their bodies, ideally I believe their mirrors are totally off or they never look at themselves to truly see what the world sees!!
As for Deaf Abby, she's a stuffy old bat with nothing but negative, condescending things to say while she sips on her bottles of whiskey casting judgement on others...stuffy wench! ahahahahha she reminds me of my old fashioned gramma.0 -
I thought Abby was dead0
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wutHa! She's a hootchi mama who dresses too skimpy for her size!! Ya'll know what the mom is raging about wrong or not, it's the truth!! There are fat, obese, whatever you want to call it, sausaged into their bodycon dresses, leggings, strapless tube tops, camis, etc!! They may be comfy with their bodies, ideally I believe their mirrors are totally off or they never look at themselves to truly see what the world sees!!
As for Deaf Abby, she's a stuffy old bat with nothing but negative, condescending things to say while she sips on her bottles of whiskey casting judgement on others...stuffy wench! ahahahahha she reminds me of my old fashioned gramma.0 -
I saw this and was annoyed. I was with her when she told her that, "when you visit someone else's home, that person's wishes take precedence -- even if it used to be your childhood home." This makes total sense, because it is her mom's home and rude or not, she has the right to enforce a dress code if she wants.
Attacking her body size and dragging her doctor into it, is neither here nor there. It has nothing to do with her question.
Yup. And Dear Abby is normally pretty nice so this was pretty shocking as I'm a regular reader.0 -
I saw this and was annoyed. I was with her when she told her that, "when you visit someone else's home, that person's wishes take precedence -- even if it used to be your childhood home." This makes total sense, because it is her mom's home and rude or not, she has the right to enforce a dress code if she wants.
Attacking her body size and dragging her doctor into it, is neither here nor there. It has nothing to do with her question.
I feel the same way about Abby's response.
I am actually about 80% on board with it...and even if the letter writer was a normal/healthy weight but her mom felt the bikini top and shorts would make family uncomfortable, I would be on board with Abby's advice.
But I still think it was just uncalled for to bring the doctor/obesity topic into it. Personally, I would imagine that the writer's mother is perhaps more concerned about her breasts hanging out for all to see than her fat. Or not. Who cares.0
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