Family Members that try to keep you/make you fat...
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Come back in a decade and let us know how that goes.Nobody in my life makes me do anything I don't want to.
Not sure what you mean by this. :huh: I've been making my own choices for decades. And when I come back in another decade I'll still be making my own choices...:drinker:
I think the OP meant that it's easy to say no one can control us, but it doesn't last forever. At some point, people have more control over us than we ever desired. Yes, it is a struggle that is different for everyone. Sometimes people have control over us and we don't even realize it.
Could it possibly be that there are actual people who don't let anyone else control their actions? Hmmm...0 -
Aw.When you are 80 and can no longer make decision for yourself.
With my family history, I will still be making decisions for myself at 80!
I will just barely be able to...0 -
My dad is the same way. If he knows I'm eating good again he'll bring Reese peanut butter cups and Cool Ranch Doritos (my 2 favs) over and pushes and pushes every time I say "no thank you". He did the same thing when I quit smoking 4 years ago. He'd buy my favourite cigar or cigarillo and constantly try to get me to have "just one puff". He still does it from time-to-time.
Makes me want to punch him in the neck.
If there was a competition for the best dad of the year, I'm sure you're dad would've won the first place.... Bringing cigars when he knows you're trying to quit?? Wow...0 -
I was a fat kid since around age 6 and I didn't learn to take control of what I ate until around 7th or 8th grade when I developed an eating disorder basically and when I recovered from that I gained all the weight back and then some. I didn't try to control it again until I was 18 and then that's when I started losing for good. I started at 226 and now I'm down to 188, and still going down! I'm definitely going to make it this time, the healthy way.
However, by this post in general, I did not mean that family members control you really, but that they instigate it, I guess I would say. For example, last summer I got in an argument with my Aunt about desserts and healthy eating. When I was little, she would often let me and my brother have ice cream before dinner or even FOR dinner. I told her that my kids will never have that if I can help it. They will have desserts only once in a while and learn to eat properly so that they can make their own healthy choices. From my own point of view, it's all really how we were raised. I was raised to stress eat and love chocolate! haha0 -
When I was younger and less mature my family would make me uncomfortable, and then my reaction would be an unhealthy one. Now that I'm on this kick, even if my family makes backhanded compliments or doesn't understand, it really doesn't phase me. Either I work into my day whatever food they're offering, or I say no.
What's much harder is my boyfriend's mother. She's got a heavy dose of Catholic guilt and thinks if everyone around her isn't halfway to drunk and with a plate of food, there's something wrong, and she's failing as a hostess. I haven't been around long enough to really be firm with my denials, but I do say no to her frequently. It causes some tension between my bf and me, because it grates on me that I don't want to drink and I get comments from his mother, but I am hoping it's something that time can make better. They've only ever known me as quite large, and I know it comes from good intentions so I do my best to let it roll off me.0 -
The subject is misleading - because I wanted to Reply - No one Can Make you FAT!
But after I read, you are AWESOME! That's exactly what it takes to stay in check. Temptation is everywhere, you have to decide how you are going to deal with it!
Way to Go!0 -
Nobody in my life makes me do anything I don't want to.
Bam! Thank you, ma'am. I feel the same way. I wasn't successful at this weight loss thing until I adopted this mindset0 -
The subject is misleading - because I wanted to Reply - No one Can Make you FAT!
But after I read, you are AWESOME! That's exactly what it takes to stay in check. Temptation is everywhere, you have to decide how you are going to deal with it!
Way to Go!
I was worried someone might take it the wrong way lol0 -
People close to us attempt to sabotage weight loss and fitness goals because of their own insecurities.
I was overweight for 15 years...I listened to my Mother moan about not being able to lose weight for my entire life until I took control, lost 3 stone and got fit. Now she says nothing except "don't get scrawny" or don't get bulky doing all those weights" or "why do you want to run a half marathon, that's just hard work"?
Partners do it because they are scared that their other half will become more attractive to other people.
I am lucky because my husband supports my fitness endeavours. He understands that I am a happier and nicer person because of it and that taking time to look after myself makes me happy and more able to take care of our family.
If anyone tries to sabotage/criticise my eating habits I usually tell them to worry about what's going in their own mouths and leave me to decide what goes in mine. They usually shut up quite quickly.0 -
Sadly, my husband seems to prefer me when I am fat, unhappy and have no self-confidence.
Last year I had lost lots of weight using MFP and Jillian Michaels DVDs. So he stopped looking after the children for half an hour everyday, stopping me from exercising. He refused to go to the swimming pool any more (I don't drive and can't go on my own). He was horrible to me because he knows I overeat when I am stressed.
He succeeded : I fell back into binge eating and put on 35lbs.
I am back on track now but I am still unable to exercise because of this - all I can do is go for walks with the children.
AWE! Don't let him get you down! Remember, you are doing this for you!! Find creative ways to exercise with the kids in tow!! 0 -
The subject is misleading - because I wanted to Reply - No one Can Make you FAT!
But after I read, you are AWESOME! That's exactly what it takes to stay in check. Temptation is everywhere, you have to decide how you are going to deal with it!
Way to Go!
I was worried someone might take it the wrong way lol
Ha Ha Somebody always takes it the wrong way! I understand
I eat salads and chicken everyday across from coworkers whom eat nachos, pizza, mcdonalds, pasta, chinese, burger king, etc..... But I'm in shape and they're are not. :-D0 -
Lol. I live 3000 miles away from where I grew up and over a thousand miles away from any family. Plus I live alone. Needless to say, unless I go see them, I don't have this problem. The first thing I did before going to grad school and after finishing my B.A. was figure out a way to get the hell out of dodge. Family is precious....at a distance. 0
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Sadly, my husband seems to prefer me when I am fat, unhappy and have no self-confidence.
Last year I had lost lots of weight using MFP and Jillian Michaels DVDs. So he stopped looking after the children for half an hour everyday, stopping me from exercising. He refused to go to the swimming pool any more (I don't drive and can't go on my own). He was horrible to me because he knows I overeat when I am stressed.
He succeeded : I fell back into binge eating and put on 35lbs.
I am back on track now but I am still unable to exercise because of this - all I can do is go for walks with the children.
UMMMMMM... and your still with this guy?0 -
Sadly, my husband seems to prefer me when I am fat, unhappy and have no self-confidence.
Last year I had lost lots of weight using MFP and Jillian Michaels DVDs. So he stopped looking after the children for half an hour everyday, stopping me from exercising. He refused to go to the swimming pool any more (I don't drive and can't go on my own). He was horrible to me because he knows I overeat when I am stressed.
He succeeded : I fell back into binge eating and put on 35lbs.
I am back on track now but I am still unable to exercise because of this - all I can do is go for walks with the children.
:noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway:0 -
If anyone tries to sabotage/criticise my eating habits I usually tell them to worry about what's going in their own mouths and leave me to decide what goes in mine. They usually shut up quite quickly.
This! I am amazed at how thoughtlessly the people close to me can behave at times. Some are well intentioned but others I feel sure are certainly trying to sabotage me. I've always been a direct, head on type of person so I don't get much, if any, push back when I tell people to knock it the hell off. And my god, if anyone ever tried to put food in my mouth, after I said no, I'd go ballistic. Luckily the people close to me know me well enough not to try something insane like that.
I will say that my boyfriend is an amazing cook and we've spent this past 5 years together enjoying food like it was our job. I've gained 4 dress sizes since we started dating. He's gained a lot too. He completely supports all my efforts but he hasn't changed his habits yet. I can tell that he's coming around to it but he still indulges in some of my favorite things and that can be tough at times. But I've developed strategies to deal with controling my own temptation. In life, temptation will always be there since we live in such a food-centric culture. Strategies to deal with it are necessary to succeed. . . at least for me.0 -
Sadly, my husband seems to prefer me when I am fat, unhappy and have no self-confidence.
Last year I had lost lots of weight using MFP and Jillian Michaels DVDs. So he stopped looking after the children for half an hour everyday, stopping me from exercising. He refused to go to the swimming pool any more (I don't drive and can't go on my own). He was horrible to me because he knows I overeat when I am stressed.
He succeeded : I fell back into binge eating and put on 35lbs.
I am back on track now but I am still unable to exercise because of this - all I can do is go for walks with the children.
UMMMMMM... and your still with this guy?
She has children, as she said. It's MUCH easier to say "I'd leave the jerk!" or "Kick him out!" than it is to actually do it. Child care, finances, careers, and much, much more need to be considered. I'm NOT saying to stay together simply for the children, but I don't think she needs negative comments here. Sounds like she has enough to deal with at home. Her post made me very sad. I hope she rises above it and is victorious!0 -
Sadly, my husband seems to prefer me when I am fat, unhappy and have no self-confidence.
Last year I had lost lots of weight using MFP and Jillian Michaels DVDs. So he stopped looking after the children for half an hour everyday, stopping me from exercising. He refused to go to the swimming pool any more (I don't drive and can't go on my own). He was horrible to me because he knows I overeat when I am stressed.
He succeeded : I fell back into binge eating and put on 35lbs.
I am back on track now but I am still unable to exercise because of this - all I can do is go for walks with the children.
UMMMMMM... and your still with this guy?
She has children, as she said. It's MUCH easier to say "I'd leave the jerk!" or "Kick him out!" than it is to actually do it. Child care, finances, careers, and much, much more need to be considered. I'm NOT saying to stay together simply for the children, but I don't think she needs negative comments here. Sounds like she has enough to deal with at home. Her post made me very sad. I hope she rises above it and is victorious!
Nothing negative about a reality check.0 -
My mom is notorious for starting a diet herself and buying all the good stuff, then falling off the bandwagon. However, she is also notorious for ordering take-out and getting frozen pizzas when I'm trying to lose weight.
Eager to move out on my own again!!0 -
Sadly, my husband seems to prefer me when I am fat, unhappy and have no self-confidence.
Last year I had lost lots of weight using MFP and Jillian Michaels DVDs. So he stopped looking after the children for half an hour everyday, stopping me from exercising. He refused to go to the swimming pool any more (I don't drive and can't go on my own). He was horrible to me because he knows I overeat when I am stressed.
He succeeded : I fell back into binge eating and put on 35lbs.
I am back on track now but I am still unable to exercise because of this - all I can do is go for walks with the children.
:noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway:
^^^ x10... seriously, that sounds like an abusive situation to me.... Why on earth would someone that loves you want to have no self-confidence and to be unhappy?0 -
you go girl!!!! good for you! I live with roommates who always have bad food in the house like baked goods and soda and I keep falling off the wagon with having some of these things but I am not going to let myself get off track!0
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The only person that makes you fat is you.
Good for you on making your own decisions instead of taking the easy route and splurging, but I hope you realize you could've been doing that all along. Your family members aren't shoving copious amounts of food down your throat. Offering someone a treat or ordering their usual Starbucks drink for them isn't "trying to make you fat." It's you that picks the food up and puts it in your mouth, and so only you are to blame, not them.
Like I said, good for you with the NSVs. Keep it up and remember that the responsibility to keep going is all on you. We can't blame others for our lack of willpower.0 -
My family has never cared about my eating habits, but I had an ex whose mom was always trying to get me to eat more and more. Eventually I did gain weight. She was obese and a spiteful, miserable person and tried to make everyone else's lives hell. Luckily my now husband's family treat me very well. Although my M-I-L has an eating disorder and is terrified of gaining weight... so sometimes I feel fat just being around her, even though I know she's not healthy.0
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Thank you for your concern. I know that it is most definitely not a normal behaviour from a loving spouse. I am thinking a lot at the moment.
Losing the weight is a small, first step towards regaining control over my life.0 -
Sadly, my husband seems to prefer me when I am fat, unhappy and have no self-confidence.
Last year I had lost lots of weight using MFP and Jillian Michaels DVDs. So he stopped looking after the children for half an hour everyday, stopping me from exercising. He refused to go to the swimming pool any more (I don't drive and can't go on my own). He was horrible to me because he knows I overeat when I am stressed.
He succeeded : I fell back into binge eating and put on 35lbs.
I am back on track now but I am still unable to exercise because of this - all I can do is go for walks with the children.
UMMMMMM... and your still with this guy?
She has children, as she said. It's MUCH easier to say "I'd leave the jerk!" or "Kick him out!" than it is to actually do it. Child care, finances, careers, and much, much more need to be considered. I'm NOT saying to stay together simply for the children, but I don't think she needs negative comments here. Sounds like she has enough to deal with at home. Her post made me very sad. I hope she rises above it and is victorious!
Lots of people have children and overcome these situations, however this is abuse and she needs to know that. Im not trying to put her down. Or leave her a negative comment. But abuse is abuse and it needs to be recognized.0 -
This is totally my mom as well. I don't live at home, so when I come over (even though I visit about twice a month), it's always festive. Last time I visited, my parents made ribeye steaks, baked potatoes, garlic bread, daiquiris. I ate some of each (refused the daiquiris), and my mother accused me of trying to starve myself because I didn't clean my plate.
I think a lot of it, at least with my mom, is it can feel like a value judgement to some people. As you said, a lot of our eating habits are learned behavior, so changing those can seem like spurning the eating habits of your loved ones. I know my mom feels like I'm judging her if I don't eat the meal she's made (that she's also, obviously, eating). I always try to strike a balance of having some, while staying mindful of my calories and not overindulging.
Part of it too is a kind of jealousy. My mom has fought her size my whole life (even though she's usually been on the slim size up until the last 5 years), and I think it irks her to see me lose weight (especially since I've been overweight since 6th grade). She makes it competitive, and it's hard to make her see that my losing weight is about *me* and not at all about her. That said, she's still my biggest champion in so many other ways that I have learned to let this roll off of me and understand where it comes from.
Parents 0 -
I don't think her goal is to make me fat, but my mom (a Type II diabetic) doesn't listen to anyone when they say they don't want sweets in the house. I don't live with her anymore, but on our family vacation she brought brownies and 2 types of ginger bread. A TON of refined sugar and carbs. Then she got ice cream and chocolate fudge, oh and about 10 Lindt candy bars. It was very hard for everyone not to eat all the junk and I personally wouldn't have even wanted any of that had it not been in the house already.
I wish she would stop for her own health as well as the rest of our family. She says she can't stop eating poorly, but she keeps it in the house all the time so the cycle will never stop. ; (0 -
If left to her own devices, my mother would feed me till I burst.
She believes food is love. She wants to keep shoveling love into me to prove to herself she's a good mother.
My husband has been doing this too. The second he finds out I'm dieting, all of a sudden, Dunkin Donuts and Bagels begin to appear in my kitchen for breakfast. He brings them home from work once in a while after his night shift as a treat for the family.
I think everyone likes me to be plump because it makes them all feel thin.
My mom is the same way about the food is love thing! I grew up in an italian family so everyone was always telling me "eat, eat!"
I also sometimes wonder about the staying plump thing as well. One of my close friends is always discouraging me from losing weight or 'too much' in her eyes because I think she's afraid she wont be the most attractive/fit one of the group anymore haha. But I really think that's more of a fear she may not actually be aware of also.
I think she has already lost that battle to you! 0 -
Food is social, food is comfort, food is family time, food is friends and fun.
All of these things are associated around food. They have been for eons and they will continue to be long after we're gone.
Whenever you meet people outside of the home, it's at a coffee shop or for lunch or dinner and/or drinks, or even a picnic. Even inside the home, there are holidays, birthdays, BBQ's, etc. Road food is a requirement for all road trips and travel. It's the norm.
I never looked at it as family members trying to keep me fat or make me fat, I look at it like that's just human nature in social interaction. It just takes stepping back and realizing that we are responsible for our choices and that we need to be mindful of how much we are consuming instead of mindlessly shoveling food in our mouth talking about conspiracy theories on this seasons Big Brother.0 -
I had problems with one family member, who really wasn't happy with my post baby diet, health and exercise choices. They eventually got used to the situation and the comments and attempts to feed have long stopped.
Whilst jealously is strong factor behind some comments, I just thing that with some people it's all about worry/concern. They don't like you changing because they don't know what it means for you, or for them. When you stick to your guns and show them you mean business the people who care start supporting.0 -
I would have never noticed such things before.
Mindfulness is the first piece of the puzzle! Good for you for noticing the slight pressure, recognizing it as dangerous, and making a good decision anyway.
While I don't have any stories about family members who actually want to make me fat, I am constantly saying "no thanks" to food and drink suggestions that do not contribute to my plan to be a healthier person. If you have someone in your life who won't stop offering you Reese's PB cups (which are nigh irresistable to this girl) despite your frequent "no thankses", it pays to be direct about the situation. I've had to do this before, too. The worst is homemade "special" fattening food. It is handmade for you. LIkely, the person you say no to is going to be offended.
Good luck on your journey 0
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