Family Members that try to keep you/make you fat...

weightliftingaddict

I would def not say he tried on purpose, but my husband loves to cook for me. And something dif every day even if it means not the most healthy. Over the course of seven years I put on 30 lbs. I had to put a stop to it, and though I did not want to hurt his feelings or anything, I let him know I needed to change up some things. He was like, "just work out more". Um no. It does not work like that.

I explained that not only is he younger than I, he can lose weight at the drop of a hat. And at this rate, who knows how big I would end up. It was frustrating how hard I worked out, only for it to be undone by what we were eating. I added the fact that I know my body, what works and what don't, explaining how I ate before meeting him to maintain the physique he seen me have once upon a time. In the end, he understood. So now it's a joint effort, we cook and prepare together. And needless to say, some things are not a part of my diet anymore.

ValGogo

It took months for the family to stop bringing home chips and dip. They know I like it and tried to do me favors. When I left the chips until they got stale and the dip until it got green and fuzzy, they finally got the message and stopped buying crap.

DW does not admit she is fat, and DD is way too heavy for her health. Neither wants to discuss it. They just keep bringing home bagels and cream cheese.

You guys are my motivation. No one else even notices.

Nobody in my life makes me do anything I don't want to.

Come back in a decade and let us know how that goes.

Haha, I was this close....glad it was you.

randomtai

It took months for the family to stop bringing home chips and dip. They know I like it and tried to do me favors. When I left the chips until they got stale and the dip until it got green and fuzzy, they finally got the message and stopped buying crap.

DW does not admit she is fat, and DD is way too heavy for her health. Neither wants to discuss it. They just keep bringing home bagels and cream cheese.

You guys are my motivation. No one else even notices.

Nobody in my life makes me do anything I don't want to.

Come back in a decade and let us know how that goes.

Haha, I was this close....glad it was you.

ValGogo

Nobody in my life makes me do anything I don't want to.

Come back in a decade and let us know how that goes.

Not sure what you mean by this. :huh: I've been making my own choices for decades. And when I come back in another decade I'll still be making my own choices...:drinker:

I get why she posted that. It was the tone behind it, the "pffft, look at you being controlled by your family, pfff, you unenlightened so-and-so."

I'm not saying that is EXACTLY what she was thinking, but strangely enough, I felt a bite in that comment. SO, I THINK that's where she was coming from with the decade comment.

I'm learning to stop judging people with food issues, to stop making comments about self-control to someone who, I assume, struggles each time they lift the hi-cal treat to their lips. For ME, I can't really justify getting a 700 calorie drink at Starbucks or even anything with whipped cream on it, but some people do. My sister does it all the time and has battled her weight her entire life along with the denial of how much she eats.

So, this is me coming clean with my judgment and also with trying to curb it.

And, yes, I judged Pink Shorts too, didn't I, and I'm aware of it. Progress, not perfection.

ValGogo

It took months for the family to stop bringing home chips and dip. They know I like it and tried to do me favors. When I left the chips until they got stale and the dip until it got green and fuzzy, they finally got the message and stopped buying crap.

DW does not admit she is fat, and DD is way too heavy for her health. Neither wants to discuss it. They just keep bringing home bagels and cream cheese.

You guys are my motivation. No one else even notices.

Nobody in my life makes me do anything I don't want to.

Come back in a decade and let us know how that goes.

Haha, I was this close....glad it was you.

I love Jennifer Lawrence. She's cool.

Mnecka

Way to go :happy: I know it can be so hard sometimes when they just don't get it....

tulips_and_tea

Sadly, my husband seems to prefer me when I am fat, unhappy and have no self-confidence.
Last year I had lost lots of weight using MFP and Jillian Michaels DVDs. So he stopped looking after the children for half an hour everyday, stopping me from exercising. He refused to go to the swimming pool any more (I don't drive and can't go on my own). He was horrible to me because he knows I overeat when I am stressed.
He succeeded : I fell back into binge eating and put on 35lbs.

I am back on track now but I am still unable to exercise because of this - all I can do is go for walks with the children.

UMMMMMM... and your still with this guy?

She has children, as she said. It's MUCH easier to say "I'd leave the jerk!" or "Kick him out!" than it is to actually do it. Child care, finances, careers, and much, much more need to be considered. I'm NOT saying to stay together simply for the children, but I don't think she needs negative comments here. Sounds like she has enough to deal with at home. Her post made me very sad. I hope she rises above it and is victorious!

Lots of people have children and overcome these situations, however this is abuse and she needs to know that. Im not trying to put her down. Or leave her a negative comment. But abuse is abuse and it needs to be recognized.

I completely agree with you and my comment was not directed to you personally. I just feel (and realize it is my personal viewpoint) that since I don't know anyone personally on an anonymous message board, giving personal marriage advice isn't a good idea. I'm sure she knows her situation is not good but maybe a bit of positivity from the group here would be more helpful. I try to add positive to my comments. YMMV.

Bellodesiderare

Sadly, my husband seems to prefer me when I am fat, unhappy and have no self-confidence.
Last year I had lost lots of weight using MFP and Jillian Michaels DVDs. So he stopped looking after the children for half an hour everyday, stopping me from exercising. He refused to go to the swimming pool any more (I don't drive and can't go on my own). He was horrible to me because he knows I overeat when I am stressed.
He succeeded : I fell back into binge eating and put on 35lbs.

I am back on track now but I am still unable to exercise because of this - all I can do is go for walks with the children.

Sounds like the husband is a control freak!!! You need to get your license and take control of your life. Get a babysitter for an hour or join a gym that offers childcare. Your husband sounds mean and spiteful. Mental and emotional health are just as important as physical health and I don't think it would be a bad idea to visit a counselor to find out why he feels the need to control you in such a manner. Do not let this man abuse you. Life is too short to be anything but happy and fulfilled and your children need to see by example what a healthy, happy relationship looks like. I wish you the best of luck.

acct95413

Any chance you could have some neighbors that you could trade time with?? When my children where little, I used to have several neighbors and we traded workout times, I'd take them all for a walk or to park while they worked out and then the others took their turns.

seltzermint555

I eat salads and chicken everyday across from coworkers whom eat nachos, pizza, mcdonalds, pasta, chinese, burger king, etc..... But I'm in shape and they're are not. :-D

Kinda off topic, but I used to be the obese woman eating salads and chicken across from coworkers eating fast food...some were fat, some were VERY fit, honestly...but I do credit those healthy foods for me being the obese woman with normal blood pressure and no diabetes, healthy joints, loads of energy, and so on. Just another side to it! Healthy is always a good idea.

mmarino312

I feel your pain.

My mom is naturally a skinny minnie and buys/eats terrible foods all the time without gaining an ounce. I prefer healthier foods (whole grains, lean meats, etc.) but when the bad stuff is around, it's hard to stay away!

I'm going to college soon and while all of my friends are afraid of he freshmen 15, I'm exciting for the newfound freedom of eating salads and grilled chicken in the dining commons and taking full advantage of my gym membership at school (which I can't at home cause I don't have my own car) I can't wait!

mmd575

People close to us attempt to sabotage weight loss and fitness goals because of their own insecurities.

I was overweight for 15 years...I listened to my Mother moan about not being able to lose weight for my entire life until I took control, lost 3 stone and got fit. Now she says nothing except "don't get scrawny" or don't get bulky doing all those weights" or "why do you want to run a half marathon, that's just hard work"?

Partners do it because they are scared that their other half will become more attractive to other people.

I am lucky because my husband supports my fitness endeavours. He understands that I am a happier and nicer person because of it and that taking time to look after myself makes me happy and more able to take care of our family.

If anyone tries to sabotage/criticise my eating habits I usually tell them to worry about what's going in their own mouths and leave me to decide what goes in mine. They usually shut up quite quickly.

Exactly! When you are trying to lose weight and eat better it seems everyone wants to micro-manage your diet! Well said!

mmd575

I eat salads and chicken everyday across from coworkers whom eat nachos, pizza, mcdonalds, pasta, chinese, burger king, etc..... But I'm in shape and they're are not. :-D

Kinda off topic, but I used to be the obese woman eating salads and chicken across from coworkers eating fast food...some were fat, some were VERY fit, honestly...but I do credit those healthy foods for me being the obese woman with normal blood pressure and no diabetes, healthy joints, loads of energy, and so on. Just another side to it! Healthy is always a good idea.

Good for you! I actually was diagnosed as a borderline diabetic but reversed my condition (through weight loss and diet) and this diagnosis isn't something I'd wish on anyone. So I commend you on eating well and preventing it. But at the same time the diagnosis is what got me to turn my life around and I am thankful for that. I am now the woman who eats salad and chicken at work , watching others who are more obese than I am eating foods that are pretty bad for you. The funny thing is I used to make fun of people who ate healthy until I became one of them, I think once you start learning that there more to life than just junk food your whole attitude changes. Also healthier food just makes me feel better so my coworkers can make fun of my salads but at the end of the day I've lost 55 lbs and I have more energy than I think I ever had in my life, my sugars are normal, my blood pressure is good, and I don't have a fatty liver.

LadyGisborne

Acct95413 : no neighbours who could do that. I live in a remote place. There are no nurseries or children's clubs either.
My youngest is also extremely clingy - I cannot leave her at the moment. It will get better in a year or so when she is a little more independent. I will be able to send the children to their rooms to play quietly while I put on a fitness DVD.
The driving test is next on my list.

tulips_and_tea

Acct95413 : no neighbours who could do that. I live in a remote place. There are no nurseries or children's clubs either.
My youngest is also extremely clingy - I cannot leave her at the moment. It will get better in a year or so when she is a little more independent. I will be able to send the children to their rooms to play quietly while I put on a fitness DVD.
The driving test is next on my list.

Good for you! Make sure you are able to drive and have some independence. Very important also for your safety and that of your children, right? You say you're in a remote area and don't drive. Sounds a bit worrisome to me...

Also, I see your profile says you have 3 "very demanding" children. Start now teaching them to NOT be so demanding! Honestly, the more you can teach them about independence themselves the better off all of you will be as a unit. Good luck to you!

sherambler

My best friends are all thin and gorgeous. They can pretty much eat whatever they want, but they still don't ever really eat anything "bad" or unhealthy. We all live pretty far apart so when we get together it's an occassion. Because they eat so well all the time they're able to splurge. But for me, someone who eats badly pretty frequently, it's a different story. When we're together there's drinking and eating out and cake and all sorts of things. It doesn't help that one owns his own hard cider/meadery business, so we're always guzzling his newest creations and taking gift bags home.

My best friend though lives 45 minutes away and we hang out regularly. Whenever she comes over we tend to order pizza and french fries. I'm just as responsible for this as she is. It was our thing in college and it remained in our adult lives. I'd never talked to my friends about my weight issues or my binge eating. I finally opened up this year and they still kind of don't get it, but they're trying to be better about it and not introduce as much temptation. I appreciate this and let them know it often, which helps them keep that kind of support going.

My family are huge eaters and holidays just spell disaster. So much drinking, so much butter, so much cake and pie. I avoided family gatherings for a long time because of this. Plus the stress of some of the relationships caused me to eat even more when I was around them. But my dad is on a diet now, so I have a buddy for those events. Without him though it's incredibly tough to keep my resolve.

Like with my friends, it's about breaking old habits when you're in the company of people who help perpetuate those habits. If you do something out of the ordinary, you sometimes feel like you owe them an explanation, which is embarrassing and personal.

blukitten

My mother is terrible at this as well, as is my father. When I first started eating healthy, they would make comments like "well that hot dog you ate wasnt healthy so why not eat this as well" when I would only eat one hot dog because it was all that was available. It has been years in the making but I think they are finally starting to get it. I had to tell my mother she either stopped giving my kids soda or she was not going to be able to see them anymore unless it was at my home. This part pisses me off the most, when my mother knows I am making efforts to feed my kids healthy and get them to eat healthy and all she gives them is junk at her house. I have had several discussions with her about this and have told her to respect my wishes for my children or there will be limits to the amount of theim she is allowed to spend with them. She is getting it now that her and my dad have had to go to a dietician due to illness including type II diabetes,, but she still slips up every now and then like last week when she brought my kids home each with their own bag (full size) of chips or some sweet. I swear the next time she pulls something like that, I will promptly tell her to take those things home and please do not bring them back.

AglaeaC

Sadly, my husband seems to prefer me when I am fat, unhappy and have no self-confidence.
Last year I had lost lots of weight using MFP and Jillian Michaels DVDs. So he stopped looking after the children for half an hour everyday, stopping me from exercising. He refused to go to the swimming pool any more (I don't drive and can't go on my own). He was horrible to me because he knows I overeat when I am stressed.
He succeeded : I fell back into binge eating and put on 35lbs.

I am back on track now but I am still unable to exercise because of this - all I can do is go for walks with the children.

UMMMMMM... and your still with this guy?

She has children, as she said. It's MUCH easier to say "I'd leave the jerk!" or "Kick him out!" than it is to actually do it. Child care, finances, careers, and much, much more need to be considered. I'm NOT saying to stay together simply for the children, but I don't think she needs negative comments here. Sounds like she has enough to deal with at home. Her post made me very sad. I hope she rises above it and is victorious!

Lots of people have children and overcome these situations, however this is abuse and she needs to know that. Im not trying to put her down. Or leave her a negative comment. But abuse is abuse and it needs to be recognized.

I completely agree with you and my comment was not directed to you personally. I just feel (and realize it is my personal viewpoint) that since I don't know anyone personally on an anonymous message board, giving personal marriage advice isn't a good idea. I'm sure she knows her situation is not good but maybe a bit of positivity from the group here would be more helpful. I try to add positive to my comments. YMMV.

I actually prefer concerned honesty over positivity any day. Honesty is realism and as long as it isn't bitter, cynical or such, I'm good.