Things my father said.

ZebraHead

Skipped school one day (only time ever I swear). My girlfriend too. Her house burned down and her parents called for all the older high school kids to come home and help clean up. Vice principal put her being absent and me being absent together and busted me the next day with a 'fake' note.
They got my dad on the phone the next day saying I couldn't come back until he met with the principal. My dad shut them down and said "I give my son permission to sign my name to his note" and "I'm not coming in there wasting my time for this crap" and "I'm sending him to school and he will be allowed in". Then the person on the other end caved and my dad hung up and turned to me and said "Don't let this *kitten* happen any more, I don't have time for it". And that was the end of it.

One night when I was like 16 I came home slightly intoxicated. My mom got on me and as I was sliding down the hall to my room my dad came staggering down the hall bouncing off the walls a few times and said "don't come home like this anymore, you're getting me in trouble".

HealthyChanges2010

bump

just4peachy

He was as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

made me think:

"Busier than a one legged man at an *kitten* kickin' contest"
"Busier than a one armed paper hanger"
"Hotter than 47 hells"
"Queerer (strange not gay) than a 3 dollar bill"

He would twist "people in hell want ice water' into "people in ice want hell water".

"So poor I can't even pay attention"

My dad said most of these too!

Another favorite: I'm gonna knock you into next week.

elainegsd

My father never apologized. Granted, he was rarely wrong. Once, though, I had got in trouble for something I hadn't done. I was about 15. Can't remember what it was, but I think I was accused of doing something in the neighborhood. Anyways, my father came outside and tol me to go to my room and stay there. After I went to my room, he went to figure out what had happened. About 30 minutes later, he came up to my room.

Told me, "You can come out, I found out you didn't do it, BUT it's just like something you would have done."

That WAS an apology from my Dad.

My dad saidvsomethingbsimilar when he was wrong, and he was wrong a LOT! He'd say "did you ever do anything wrong that I didn't punish you for?". I'd say "Yes." He'd reply "Well, this is for THAT time."

RoadDog

Forgot about this one.

"Back when men were men and women were damn glad of it."

just4peachy

"It's like riding a moped, it might be fun but you don't want your friends to see you."

ZebraHead

About my girlfriend at the time:

"Yeah she's OK but do you want to wake up looking across the breakfast table at her for the rest of your life??"

"She's like Pizza (you like pizza right)?, We'll you want eat pizza three times a day for the rest of your life??"

Can't believe I forgot this one he was fond of saying:

If it Flys, Floats, or F**ks it's cheaper to rent...

just4peachy

Can't believe I forgot this one he was fond of saying:

If it Flys, Floats, or F**ks it's cheaper to rent...

ZebraHead, do we have the same dad?

ZebraHead

Can't believe I forgot this one he was fond of saying:

If it Flys, Floats, or F**ks it's cheaper to rent...

ZebraHead, do we have the same dad?

He was an old Army Lifer maybe they traded sayings around in there?

just4peachy

Can't believe I forgot this one he was fond of saying:

If it Flys, Floats, or F**ks it's cheaper to rent...

ZebraHead, do we have the same dad?

He was an old Army Lifer maybe they traded sayings around in there?

Mine was Air Force, guess they really are all the same :happy:

lilRicki

Oh my dad has a few...and I find myself saying them too

1) If if's and buts were candy and nuts we'd all have a merry christmas
2) if you're gonna hit 'er, hit 'er hard (when my sister's and I would fight)
3) "here comes the all star"...we use to play family league slow pitch...my dad thought he was Mickey Mantle lol
4) I brought you into this world, I can take you out
5) Go ask your mother
6) Such is life
7) People die in bed you know (I sleep a lot)

tristalin

My dad didn't necessarily have a specific saying, but the men on my dad's side of the family have a habit of swearing profusely and in a most inventive fashion when fixing things are not going as planned. The tone of voice is something of a caress, but the words coming out are just plain vile!

My husband does have something that he says to our daughters very frequently..."Whatever keeps you farting through silk"...this is said when he does something that makes them happy. I don't know where he ever heard it from, but it is quite silly and funny.

RoadDog

I was the oldest of 5. My sister was only 13 months younger than me and always wanting to argue. One day we were in the living room (Dad was in another room). She got mad enough at me to start swinging, but I was too fast for her. She's swing and miss, then I would jut my jaw out at her to taunt her. She was getting very frustrated as this went on. Finally she started crying and swinging. My father yelled from the other room.

Dad: " What's going on in there!!??!"

Darla (sister): "Mike won't let me hit him!!!"

Dad, "Mike!! You stop that!!"

Just goes to prove Bill Cosby's saying that "Parents don't want justice -- they want quiet."

♥jewelchristian♥

My father is a very serious/stern Man, so I don't recall things he said, per se. However, when I did something really well when I was little, he would always call me a cracker jack or a whipper snapper. That was the biggest compliment to me

lilRicki

My dad didn't necessarily have a specific saying, but the men on my dad's side of the family have a habit of swearing profusely and in a most inventive fashion when fixing things are not going as planned. The tone of voice is something of a caress, but the words coming out are just plain vile!

My husband does have something that he says to our daughters very frequently..."Whatever keeps you farting through silk"...this is said when he does something that makes them happy. I don't know where he ever heard it from, but it is quite silly and funny.

hahaha my fiance says that all the time when things are going as planned "we're fartin' through silk now honey"...


My dad also called everyone that made him mad a bonehead...i call people boneheads too now lol or a knob..."that guy is such a knob"

ZebraHead

When things were working out we were:

"Sh!tting in tall cotton"

weaklink109

My dad has said many of the things already posted, but the one "I'm not a man, I'm your dad!" reminded me of something my mom said to me when I was just old enough to swear and young enough to think it was "cool":


"Don't swear, it sounds like h3LL!!":laugh:

My mom will be 95 years young in January, and my dad just had his 84th birthday. I guess she was a "cougar" before they made a tv show about it.

sillygoose1977

Mike - Thanks for sharing that.

My dad is also gone. Some of his more memorable sayings:


"*kitten* in one hand and wish in the other and see which one get full first"

Forgot about that one. Probably one of my Dad's faves. Use it all the time myself. I don't even have to say it anymore. Just lookat my daughter and hold my hands out, palms up. She rolls her eyes.

My dad says that all the time too. He also says a million other weird southern sayings. I still don't get a lot of them.

When you irk him he says: "Do you know bob?" Bob who? "Bob up and bite my @ss!"

chelekaz

My father passed away in April 2000 at the young age of 50. He was a tough marine who fought in Vietnam and Jell-o when it came to me. We were best friends and I wouldn't change a minute of our time together. He taught me how to fish, play baseball and took came to see every game, ballet recital and football game I cheered at.

He had such a sense of humor (showing up at surprise birthday parties dressed as the "Hooker", "Geriatric Nurse" and even a Belly Dancer once).

Some of his sayings:

If I were meant to have patience I would have become a doctor.
When I was your age .... (fill in the blank)
Honey, if I am not embarrassing you it means I am too old. (He was the type of Dad that when he chauffeured my friends and I around he would sing along to the radio with us... loud).
To my sister: If you want to cry I will give you something to cry about. (Uh, Dad doesn't she already have something to cry about).
If you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything.

Just remembered another one (because I said it to the boys just now)... when being called the 4th time to dinner, he would end it with "Do you need an engraved invitation?".... my boys just looked at me and rolled their eyes... LOVE IT.