It's official...I'm a liar :(

adrienne454

I think that's the thing Im looking forward to the most about this whole weight loss thing- losing my shame. I HATE that I can not admit to my boyfriend or family how much I truly weight. I'm lucky in that I wear my weight very well ( as if there's such a thing...) so I don't look like I'm over 300 pounds, but... I am. I work out as though I am 207 too, we walk and jog 6 miles a day 4 days a week. But I am... I was 320 when I started this journey 45 or so days ago.. and now that I'm 307 I want to talk about it, but I don't. I lie. I tell him I'm 207. What a terrible person I am!!! I want him to be equally as proud..

I had a baby 6 months ago, and I made sure to have it put in my file that my weight is NOT to be discussed when he is in the room. Oh lord, living in secrecy is ridiculous. It's stressful, and I want to SHARE my journey with him, not lie to him and create a false journey but- I can't do it. No matter how badly I want to, I. cant. do. it. I think oh gosh, it's definitely too late now that I've lied for a year about my weight. Surely he'll never forgive me... And then the other half of me says I know he'd understand because i'm OVER 300 pounds... he'll definitely understand the shame and embarrassment that goes hand in hand with such a weight. But, ultimately I just let it go...lying every day that I step on the scale. It makes me feel like a p.o.s. though, because he is super amazing.

Obviously he is the only one I lie to about such things. My dr knows how much I weight, and I weigh myself everyday- so I'm not living in a fantasy world. Im just ashamed. Super amounts of ashamed.

I guess being able to speak honestly about such things is one of my huge motivations.

heidispideymfp

I have never told my husband what my weight is either . I was always ( and am still) ashamed to let him know.

JoRocka

something tells me he already knows.

5-10 pounds is one thing.

But 100 pounds is something else.

Think about how bad you feel now- and how much better you feel after you just come clean.

rogerOb1

Yeah....he kinda knows already.....

If hes interested in your health/fitness journey, share it with him.

bukowski_shine

100 Lbs :sick:

ebyrnes66

I'm sorry if this comes off as harsh because I don't intend this in a mean way at all, but don't you think he probably knows you're not really 207? I know you say you wear the weight well, but 100lbs is a big difference for somebody to not pick up on, and somebody who's 200lbs looks dramatically different from somebody who's 300lbs. Like, maybe he doesn't realize exactly what the difference is between your weight and the weight you're telling him, but I doubt he doesn't realize you're not telling the truth.

I think the bigger picture is that he probably doesn't care what the real number you weigh is, and you shouldn't really beat yourself up about not being truthful. Women have been lying about their weights one way or another since the dawn of time, so it's not like this is uncommon or especially terrible. If you feel like you have to, maybe just bring up the topic with him and mention you didn't want people to know how much you actually weigh. Otherwise, I think weight is a private matter between you and your scale. If you don't want people to know how much you weigh, don't feel like you're obligated to tell them! Be happy with the progress you've made so far, and let the results show without feeling like you have to justify it with a number to people

shadowofender

There's no way he doesn't have an idea, 100lbs is HUGE and you're kidding yourself if you think no one realizes. I thought because I was six feet tall I could get away with fudging it a bit when I was 307 but I realized admitting it out loud to the people who support me has only been a help. I told my bf how much I was and it didn't phase him at all because why would the number matter? He sees what you look like, it's not like knowing the number is going to make him look at you differently.

BigT555

something tells me he already knows.

5-10 pounds is one thing.

But 100 pounds is something else.

Think about how bad you feel now- and how much better you feel after you just come clean.

i was thinking the same. just tell him. he wont care, i can almost guarantee it, especially if you're actively trying to change

Daiako

He may not know your exact weight...but he probably doesn't believe the 207 number. Not trying to be mean but I've found that I, personally, looked bigger than I thought I did when I started losing weight but, looking back on it I looked very much the weight I was.

He1loKitty

I lie about my weight to my husband too. Or well, I just don't tell him exact numbers. To be clear, he has specifically told me he doesn't need to know what I weigh. Why is it so important that he knows what you weigh? Why not keep it vague and then when you lose the amount you want, you can tell him for real? On the other hand, it sounds like you feel the need to come clean but are worried he'll judge you. Honestly he may surprise you and won't be fazed by it and you'll feel better for having gotten it off your chest.

dawnmcneil10

First of all congratulations on how far you've already come!

Your weight is your own, you don't have to tell anyone what it is but you do need to own it for yourself. I have a feeling that your BF doesn't care what the scale says, he loves you for your total package. I do think you should have a discussion with him if you're unhappy though, I don't mean with the relationship I mean with yourself because that will ultimately start effecting the relationship.

You've got a 6 month old, you have a chance to show someone right from the beginning what "healthy" is. Keep on plugging along because each day you get stronger, healthier and that child is seeing positives, a happy mommy means the world to a child.

PikaKnight

something tells me he already knows.

5-10 pounds is one thing.

But 100 pounds is something else.

Think about how bad you feel now- and how much better you feel after you just come clean.

^This

yopeeps025

something tells me he already knows.

5-10 pounds is one thing.

But 100 pounds is something else.

Think about how bad you feel now- and how much better you feel after you just come clean.

i was thinking the same. just tell him. he wont care, i can almost guarantee it, especially if you're actively trying to change

Same. He will be madder for the lieing than the weight. Your being dishonest with him.

Cryptonomnomicon

Sorry dear but you have heard of the idiom "Elephant in the room" yeah I would hazard a guess they may not know your correct weight but could garnish that you are being dishonest at the very least. One of my favorite sayings is "Hustlers of the world beware there is a mark you can not hide and that is the mark on the inside" I would rather be called overweight, fat etc than dishonest any day.

Come clean and then you will be able to move forward with the extra weight of guilt. Honest communication is paramount in any relationship...unless you are a spy.

Good luck OP.

msf74

Just tell him.

He probably cares much less about what you actually weigh and more about you being happy with yourself.

jsherrill0613

I have told strangers, my parents, sister, friends how much I weigh. I will not tell my husband. He weighs more then me but he is quite a bit taller then me and the weight difference is about 13 lbs. When I was pregnant the nurse slipped and told my weight out loud, I then quickly looked at my husband to see his reaction but he didn't act any different. I know he loves me no matter if I weighed 400 lbs or 100 lbs, but there is just something about this process that I don't want him knowing how much I weigh for at least another 20 lbs. But he knows that I weigh close to what he does, just not my exact weight.

laurie04427

Been married 14 years and I just told the hubs how much I weigh recently. And that was only after I had lost some weight so the number wouldn't be so hard to say lol. So yeah I can relate.

Edit: that being said, he didn't look surprised. I think they can guess our weight and are just kind enough not to let on and/or don't think it is a big deal.

blondageh

Wait until you get down to 299 and then tell him you weren't honest before because you were embarrassed. Something about breaking into the 200's (even if it is just 1lb under 300) makes it seem not so bad. This is if you lying about your weight is bugging you. I can see how it might be bugging you because eventually you are going to start wanting to shout from the top of the world, HEY LOOK AT ME! I"VE LOST 50, 75, 100LBS! And you won't be able to do that if no one knows you had that much to lose in the first place. Good luck! Sounds like you are well on your way!

UsedToBeHusky

Actually, shame was what motivated me. I never cared one way or the other about my weight. Then, I went to the doctor and got on the scale. 309 lbs! Nothing was said about it. Not the nurse or the doctor. They just notated it on the chart. But I could not have been more ashamed of myself in my entire life. Shortly thereafter, I found MFP. It's been a long time since then, and even though I am not at goal, I feel so much better about myself than I did 3 years ago. Things will get better if you just keep at it!

Icoza87

My fiance weighs a good 90 lbs less than I do and I tell him my weight on a weekly basis. I also have a chart of my weekly weigh ins on the wall in our bedroom... he, frankly, couldn't care less what that number is. It doesn't change how I look to him just because he knows the number.

In fact... I'd be willing to bet, if asked, he wouldn't even remember the last weight I told him. The only person that number really matters to is me. And I'm trying to change that too.

rach503

Congrats on your progress! that's fantastic!

Just tell him - what are you truly afraid of? That he'll leave you? That he'll realize you lied? That he won't care at all if you do weigh 300 pounds? You'll feel better once you're not carrying the burden of dishonesty with a loved partner. That'll weigh you down every day.

hyg99

I didn't tell my husband my weight till I was back to less than him, although I have never lied about it. He's joined me in this and we have lost weight together, becoming a weekly discussion and he's been very supportive . Personally I would fess up and let him support you and share your successes.

blc1971

Well, first off, he may actually NOT know you're lying. Lots of people are saying he can surely see you are over 300 lbs, but maybe he really can't! I was 213 lbs when my husband and I married. He honestly thought I was about 165 lbs (and no, he told me this after I had lost the weight, so he wasn't lying to make me feel better). He had what I call "love goggles" on and just couldn't see how overweight I really was.

Second, I was in your shoes for a long time, except I never lied about my weight. I just never told him the number. For some reason I figured if he heard that actual number out loud, he'd suddenly come to his senses, see how fat I was, and run screaming out the door. I constantly evaded the subject, even though it didn't come up often. My husband is tall, thin, and very fit. He never commented on my weight, but he did make suggestions for BOTH of us to better our health. I woke up the first part of September, 2012, and decided I wanted to be around to enjoy my life. I was tired of going on bike rides with my husband and having him hold back so I could keep up. I wanted us to do fun, fit stuff together! I joined MFP then and never looked back.

I wanted to share this new journey with my husband, and told him every time I lost an ounce. He was my biggest cheerleader and supporter, complimenting me as my body changed and making sure I had time to workout. We continued doing fun, active things together and eating healthy. After I had lost over 30 lbs, I finally told him my starting weight. I was so nervous/scared/sick to say that number, but guess what? He shrugged, complimented my thinner, "Hot" body, and went about his business. It was NO BIG DEAL!!! Once I got past that, I felt so free! I now have no problem telling people I was 213 lbs, but now I'm 142 lbs!! You will get there too, but in the interim, be honest with your sweetie. Share this journey with him without reservations. If he's as great as he sounds, he will focus on YOU and your progress, not the starting number.

Good luck on your journey!! Feel free to add me if you would like support!

caracrawford1

I think that's the thing Im looking forward to the most about this whole weight loss thing- losing my shame. I HATE that I can not admit to my boyfriend or family how much I truly weight. I'm lucky in that I wear my weight very well ( as if there's such a thing...) so I don't look like I'm over 300 pounds, but... I am. I work out as though I am 207 too, we walk and jog 6 miles a day 4 days a week. But I am... I was 320 when I started this journey 45 or so days ago.. and now that I'm 307 I want to talk about it, but I don't. I lie. I tell him I'm 207. What a terrible person I am!!! I want him to be equally as proud..

I had a baby 6 months ago, and I made sure to have it put in my file that my weight is NOT to be discussed when he is in the room. Oh lord, living in secrecy is ridiculous. It's stressful, and I want to SHARE my journey with him, not lie to him and create a false journey but- I can't do it. No matter how badly I want to, I. cant. do. it. I think oh gosh, it's definitely too late now that I've lied for a year about my weight. Surely he'll never forgive me... And then the other half of me says I know he'd understand because i'm OVER 300 pounds... he'll definitely understand the shame and embarrassment that goes hand in hand with such a weight. But, ultimately I just let it go...lying every day that I step on the scale. It makes me feel like a p.o.s. though, because he is super amazing.

Obviously he is the only one I lie to about such things. My dr knows how much I weight, and I weigh myself everyday- so I'm not living in a fantasy world. Im just ashamed. Super amounts of ashamed.

I guess being able to speak honestly about such things is one of my huge motivations.

Its hard to admit you're true weight or really anything if you're embarrassed about it. I get that. It really is better to just face facts and lay it on the table. Once you lose all your weight it will be that much more impressive when people realize where you really came from. And to be honest...one hundred pounds? I've fibbed about ten pounds, but 100 is a bit over the top.
I'm sure your husband knows that the numbers are way off but he won't say and neither should he. Just keep doing what you're doing and when you find the courage be honest. He'll still support you. You're awfully pretty and I wish you good luck.

mspianomistress

Congrats on your weight loss so far. This sounds like such a difficult situation you are in. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. You will feel much better if you just tell him - tell him everything you said here. Even read this post to him if you can, so that he will understand what you are going through. It also sound like maybe you could use some extra help, such as counseling, to deal with your deep-rooted issues you have.

mickiebabs

Please don't take this too harshly because I don't mean it to be but I just have to say it. I can understand the shame of wanting to hide how much you weigh but I can guarantee you that unless he's a complete idiot, he already knows your lying. Yeah this may seem a small thing to lie about but if your willing to lie about something that can affect your health, he may start questioning other things you've told him. Sit him down and talk. If you don't want to give him an exact number then don't but you need to open up and be honest otherwise it can start to affect your relationship. And in all honesty, he'll probably feel better that you are opening up and telling him the truth.

Personally, my husband knows exactly how much I weigh. He knows exactly what my goal weight is and he knows all the work I put into myself on a daily basis. Not only is the open communication good for our relationship but the support he offers me helps to keep me going. It's great to have someone in real life cheering me on every time the scale drops lower or to congratulate me for busting my butt in the gym. When I first started trying to lose weight, I wasn't open about it and he would do things that sabotaged my weight loss. We sat down and talked about what I was doing and why, then discussed what he was doing and how it affected me. It helped tremendously.

You are setting a great example for your child by starting to get physically healthy. Now set an example for your child on how healthy relationships work.

Again, I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but the smallest lies in a relationship can turn into something huge that can destroy the relationship.

laura_happy

You don't have to tell him yet! I never tell my husband a number, but he is very supportive and he could probably very easily guess where I am at. Focus on what you have lost- that is the number to share. You will know when you want to tell him.

MelRC117

I've done the same thing. My husband has no idea what I weigh, but I know I weigh more than him. By a good amount. I don't even say what I weigh, but I do lie about how much I lose to people. Let's say I lost 20 pounds, I'll say its 10. I don't want them to be able to do the math and realize I was over 300 pounds.

You don't have to really tell him your weight if you don't want to, but if you feel you're lying just say you are more than 207. I get it and you're not alone in the fact you aren't 100% honest with your weight. I want to one day be 100% honest with the DMV too! I don't think it really matters to your husband, but I'm sure he knows 207 is accurate, but what's the point of knowing the exact number? You're working on losing weight, and whether its 15 pounds or 150 pounds, having his support is important.

derekj222

your lies will only hold you back....so what happens when you lose 100 lbs, you are now 107? Honey, he knows, he loves you enough, not to talk about it. Stop living in secrecy.

brightsideofpink

It is frightening to say it out loud, but who else would you tell? Do you love him? Does he love you? There's an intimacy in sharing this. Trust me. I've done it. It is incredibly liberating, and at the same time, it will make you feel closer. You can do it.

parkscs

So you tell him you're 207 but you publicly post in your profile "No easy fete at 300 plus pounds." You gotta work on this whole lying thing... or you know, just not lie about silly stuff in the first place.