It's official...I'm a liar :(

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Replies

  • CindyMarcuzAdams
    CindyMarcuzAdams Posts: 4,007 Member
    Your guilt about a silly number is going to become worse for you. He will begin to sense there is something wrong. Your feeling could begin to sabotage your weight loss as well. Imho you should just fess up. He loves you. You just had a baby. You have that to deal with. Give your self a break. Get if off your chest.
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
    I feel so badly for you. I hate lying, its one thing I strive never to do, still that you felt you had to to someone who obviously loves you must be horrid for you.
    I commend you on coming clean publicly, that's usually the first step in any recovery. You're half way there now, because really as others have already mentioned, he knows.
    Best of luck!
  • winbig1982
    winbig1982 Posts: 43 Member
    If he doesn't ask you your weight, don't tell him - Just you tell him how much you're losing :) Well done you for talking about it, some of these comments sound a bit harsh - I wouldn't suggest lying but theres no need for you to tell him exactly what you do weigh xxx Keep up the great work :) xxx
  • Sie_Con
    Sie_Con Posts: 101 Member
    I also lie about weight. DMV has one number, my family and loved ones don't get to know. I have even lied about how much I've lost also because I don't want them to do the math and realize exactly what my number was before. I've never had anyone ask me "How much do you weigh?" directly, so i don't feel the need to tell them. If someone says I look nice, like I've lost weight, I'll say yeah I've lost a few pounds, thanks.

    There's really no need to get into specifics with people other than your doctor, I think.
    Your loved ones know approximately, there's no getting away with a 100 pound lie, but the exact number isn't that important.

    If your husband knowing your exact number every week helps you, then great, but I think the important thing is that they know you're trying to lose weight so they can be supportive in that. I keep it general and don't think it's a big deal.
  • RllyGudTweetr
    RllyGudTweetr Posts: 2,019 Member
    something tells me he already knows.

    5-10 pounds is one thing.

    But 100 pounds is something else.

    Think about how bad you feel now- and how much better you feel after you just come clean.
    i was thinking the same. just tell him. he wont care, i can almost guarantee it, especially if you're actively trying to change
    I disagree on one thing. He will care. He will care that you're now being honest about your weight, and will care that you're trying to make a positive difference in your health. Other than that, if your weight was either a mystery to him or an actual impediment to your relationship, he'd already be gone. He's not. Being honest with him will help that stay true.
  • adrienne454
    adrienne454 Posts: 18
    Wow- unsure of what I expected but the amount of replies astounds me. I never intended on telling him anything at all, but he kept wanting to come with me to the dr for appointments and such and he kept asking me questions, so I just blurted something out. Also his exwife was a good 330 and he always says that she has at least 100 pounds on me... so I just sorta took it and ran with it.

    To the guy that mentioned my public profile, I did that on purpose. I also never shut the door when I weight myself. Almost as if i'm hoping he just accidentally finds out, and that takes all the pressure off of me. I dunno, Im a liar AND a wuss. Yay :O/

    I haven't lied to him about anything else. We met while married to other people and our love story is super deep and unique so I went into this completely honest. I just felt cornered and since we've only been together 16 months (4 at the time of my stupidity) I didn't want him to look down on me. I didn't want to mess anything up. I am the antithesis of lazy, I keep an immaculate home and am supportive and loving. I just can't see myself in any sort of worthy light. I am working on it. I am a different person now, than who I was when we first met. I give a ****.

    I realize my mistake, he knows I'm trying to lose weight. He jogs or walks with me everyday, he weighs himself and went 95% red meat free with me. He allows me to spend whatever I want at the farmers market 3 times a week and helps me when Im over chopping veggies. He is BEYOND supportive. It's me, all me, I am messing up my relationship every day and busting my *kitten* to fix my body so that I WANT to own my weight. I WANT to be a great woman. I needed all these comments, harsh or not. Simply just to feel less alone.

    Thank you everyone, for everything. It's been good for me.
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
    I don't think there's anything wrong, necessarily, with not telling him what you weigh, but it seems like it really bothers you. He sounds like a wonderful, supportive man. I'd be honest with him. You could even print these paragraphs out and give them to him to read -- they seem to explain a lot about your relationship and your feelings for him:
    I haven't lied to him about anything else. We met while married to other people and our love story is super deep and unique so I went into this completely honest. I just felt cornered and since we've only been together 16 months (4 at the time of my stupidity) I didn't want him to look down on me. I didn't want to mess anything up. I am the antithesis of lazy, I keep an immaculate home and am supportive and loving. I just can't see myself in any sort of worthy light. I am working on it. I am a different person now, than who I was when we first met. I give a ****.

    I realize my mistake, he knows I'm trying to lose weight. He jogs or walks with me everyday, he weighs himself and went 95% red meat free with me. He allows me to spend whatever I want at the farmers market 3 times a week and helps me when Im over chopping veggies. He is BEYOND supportive. It's me, all me, I am messing up my relationship every day and busting my *kitten* to fix my body so that I WANT to own my weight. I WANT to be a great woman. I needed all these comments, harsh or not. Simply just to feel less alone.
  • tabicatinthehat
    tabicatinthehat Posts: 329 Member
    I lie about my weight to my husband too. Or well, I just don't tell him exact numbers. To be clear, he has specifically told me he doesn't need to know what I weigh. Why is it so important that he knows what you weigh? Why not keep it vague and then when you lose the amount you want, you can tell him for real? On the other hand, it sounds like you feel the need to come clean but are worried he'll judge you. Honestly he may surprise you and won't be fazed by it and you'll feel better for having gotten it off your chest.

    I get the whole "why does he NEED to know" thing, but to actively lie and hide it is a problem.
  • skittle316
    skittle316 Posts: 128 Member
    it's just a number, stop associating it with your self worth. That itself is more unhealthy than starving to loose weight, it's actually mentality of those who suffer from body dis morphia and anorexia. Is it nice for the number to go down? it depends on the person, but what you see in the mirror is more important. Where i come from 150lbs is considered obese, I can't wait to be 150lbs and proudly flaunt that number. I proudly tell people i used to be 240lbs, and that the number is not what made me want to change but what i saw in the mirror. All that 240 did was show me what path i was heading at. If your 300lbs is how far you've gotten be proud.
    Once you get to 200 be proud and so on and so forth :)
  • FitOldMomma
    FitOldMomma Posts: 790 Member
    Why is it anyone's (other than your doctor) business on how much you weigh?
  • smarieallen85
    smarieallen85 Posts: 535 Member
    I've never told a significant other how much I weigh. They have never asked. They just know I weigh about the same as them ha. Right now I MIGHT be less than my boyfriend. Amazing.
  • Gingergal12
    Gingergal12 Posts: 64 Member
    Your weight is your business. I was always taught not to talk about money, age or weight. Losing weight for your health is the important thing. It's just a number, no need to share until and unless you reduce to a number you want to!
  • He1loKitty
    He1loKitty Posts: 212 Member
    I lie about my weight to my husband too. Or well, I just don't tell him exact numbers. To be clear, he has specifically told me he doesn't need to know what I weigh. Why is it so important that he knows what you weigh? Why not keep it vague and then when you lose the amount you want, you can tell him for real? On the other hand, it sounds like you feel the need to come clean but are worried he'll judge you. Honestly he may surprise you and won't be fazed by it and you'll feel better for having gotten it off your chest.

    I get the whole "why does he NEED to know" thing, but to actively lie and hide it is a problem.

    I'm not actively lying about my weight or supporting lying to one's spouse in general. Hence my clarification regarding my husband's statement that he doesn't care or need to know my weight and me keeping it vague. Honestly, I think one's weight is very personal. If you want to share it with your spouse, or not share it for that matter, it's fine either way and you should do what makes you feel comfortable. :smile:
  • He1loKitty
    He1loKitty Posts: 212 Member
    Oh and one last thing. I think it's okay to lie about one's weight. I thought that was just called being female?!?! :tongue: :laugh: just kidding (sort of not really) lolz
  • amunet07
    amunet07 Posts: 1,245 Member
    I can relate. A gal from work wants me to meet her friend that is super active. I've been putting that off for months hoping I will lose enough weight to feel confident enough that he won't go running for the hills and hate her for introducing us. (luckily...I think she has just been talking to me about him not him about me)
  • Aemely
    Aemely Posts: 694 Member
    Ehhh, I don't get it. My personal opinion, so take it with a shaker of salt... If you wear underwear, a bathing suit, or (shock!) are nude in front of your partner, I'm guessing s/he knows roughly how fit/healthy you are, even if there is no "number" attached to that size. As long as you are working to be healthier, I wouldn't stress out about oversharing at this point. If you *stop* working on your health journey, then perhaps an honest discussion would be motivational to your journey.

    My husband of 20+ years could care less what a number says as long as I'm happy, healthy, and not in pain or not able to get out and walk a few miles. I don't nag, I don't brag (too much), and I don't ask what he weighs. We try to eat better together, but I cannot attach my personal weight journey to someone else. That doesn't seem fair to me or to the other person. I am responsible for owning and fixing my bad habits. :glasses: :tongue:
  • curlygirl513
    curlygirl513 Posts: 199 Member
    It is okay not to be ready. The shame is what keeps us sick. It is ok not to be ready to share what you weigh, with anyone. And you do not need to be ashamed of not being ready to share. What you weigh is your business. You don't have to tell anyone else and that is just fine.

    Practice compassion on yourself. And see the whole picture, not just the fact you are not ready to share your weight with your loved ones. (which is not bad anyway).

    What I mean by see the whole picture is that you are doing such a good job taking care of yourself. You are not ready to share and you don't. You are exercising and eating right. You have a baby and you are taking care of your little one and you! Bravo! Remember this is about progress, not perfection. (perfection is a myth by the way).

    When we are stuck in our heads, it is hard not to just focus on the negative, and beat ourselves up with shame and blame. But I hope it helped you to say it on the board. It took courage for you to let it out, and I am proud of you. I hope you give yourself credit for that courageous act as well as for how well you are doing taking care of you and your little one. You earned it.
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
    Girl, he already knows. 100 lbs is noticeable. But with that being said, obviously he doesn't care how much you weigh. if your weight bothered him, you would probably know it. I would just continue on your journey, and when you get to a place where you feel comfortable talking to him about it, do it then. I'm pretty sure he already knows anyway, and it's most likely not a big deal to him at all.
  • Falcon
    Falcon Posts: 853 Member
    You carry weight like I do. Evenally all around but my friend who is encouraging me to loose the weight already guessed my starting weight and she was only off by a pound.

    He knows, he's just being kind in not saying anything and if he's going on walks with you. He's being supportive in you losing the weight.

    100 pounds is very noticable, he's going to know when you drop all the weight. Cause your body will change dramatically.
  • Mygsds
    Mygsds Posts: 1,564 Member
    Hello, I lost over 50 lbs before coming here. I was huge in my opinion. When I started dropping the weight, my husband noticed but never asked my weight or how much I was losing each week. I asked him when I had lost the fifty what he thought about my progress and he said... "Great job, but I don't love you any more". I was crushed. But then I thought about it. If he would have nagged me into losing the weight and always on my *kitten* over it, I would have despised him for it. My personal opinion, if he doesn't ask, don't tell the exact number.... Give him credit.... He obviously loves you...

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