Can we talk about S-E-X? eek!
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Women, IMO usually underestimate how attractive they are. And they overestimate anything that might make them unattractive. It's your attitude, your smile, the way your approach him and treat him that will turn him on.0
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Men like curves and something they can hold onto not bones. The sexiest females ever are the old style pinup girls from the fifties and sixties and all of them were curvy and around your size. Your size by the way is average. So the point is, its you that needs to fight your inner demons telling youself you are unattractive. Work on your body confidence issues by pointing out at least ten things each day that you like about yourself... keep trying to up that number as the days and weeks/months go by. Pretty soon you will start to see what he sees in you and more. For now when you feel bad about being slightly overweight just say "I am working on it" then shrug it off and move on with your day. I will tell you this, there is no better and freeing feeling than letting go of the self hate and criticism and replacing it with self love and praise. You will see I am right. Stay positive, all woman are beautiful.. I just wish it didn't take me 37 years to find this out but at least I know it now. Soon you will too. Love yourself sweety,. At the end of the day the only person you need to worry about impressing is that one in the mirror. :flowerforyou:
edit: can I suggest getting some sexy outfits to wear with high heels? my hubby always insists I wear these for him lately and you and I are about the same size. THey have the most rocking clothes at the adult store. Plus mood lighting/candles helps a lot to make you feel not so in the light and all exposed. Also when doing the loving part.. focus on him and don't be looking at your body flaws.. it only ruins your mood more Sorry tmi and all but I am married woman too and these things help us out.0 -
It's more of a mental thing than a physical appearance thing.
I was once nearly 350 pounds.
Married to a 190 6'4" muscle-ly athlete.
Somehow we still made four babies. >.<
Every time I asked him if I should lose weight, he'd smile and LITERALLY sing "You can do side-bends & sit-up's, but please don't lose that butt."
I never lost the weight to "look better naked" or to have "sexier sex".
I did it because I was tired of exercise-induced asthma.
I was tired of Hypertension; constantly feeling sick and dizzy.
I was tired of skin rashes from either extra skin or "obese clothing" that always rubbed me raw.
I was tired of my back killing me (worse than it does now).
I was tired of only being able to play tag for 10 minutes with the kiddos IF I was lucky.
I already knew I was sexy, otherwise, how'd I bag my gorgeous husband?
But he taught me that yeah looks don't hurt, but why be with a boring woman? He wanted someone smart, funny, quick witted, sarcastic and spontaneous.
My advice? Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. You're not a mind-reader, you cannot pretend to know what your husband wants, likes, needs, etc.
Talk to him, without whining.
And if changes are needed, for your HEALTH, then make them. Don't wait for anyone's approval.
Just get your head right first.
Her advice is spot on!
I'm not skinny mini either. I have low self esteem at times, but I know my husband loves me. I never once thought that sex was something I shouldn't do because I'm fat. I see it as a intimate moment with someone I love very much who loves me very much AND Bonus!!! WE get to burn some calories.
Hope this helps.0 -
Sexy is a state of mind. If you spend too long overthinking it you will miss out of some mind blowingly awesome sex.0
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Afew years ago a study was done (can't remember who by) where they showed various couples digitally altered photographs of their partners.
Photographs were altered to to show thinner/more attractive and also with more weight/ less attractive and these where shown to partners with the original photograph. The partner was asked to pick out the correct photo.
Couples who described themselves as happy/in love consistently picked out a photo of their partner which was thinner, with fewer flaws and more symmetrical faces than the orginal.
The point being, your partner doesn't see you the way you see yourself.0 -
Another reason, other than the more obvious ones, to have sex with your husband, is the calorie burn.0
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This^Sexy is a state of mind. If you spend too long overthinking it you will miss out of some mind blowingly awesome sex.
BTW, awesome post0 -
Is it possible that your hormones are out of whack or that you have some extra stress??? Both of these can have an affect on weight and sex drive. If?? you and your husband are in love and the best of friends why not talk to him about it??? Confidence is sexy!!!! Chances are that he loves you for the person that you are. BUT!!! In my opinion..... sounds to me that you are the one not happy with yourself....so do what you have to make it happen. You said your husband is a fit guy...maybe yall could exercise together.0
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This is your HUSBAND, not just some guy who's physically attracted to you. There is so much more than your body that he loves and finds sexy. Yes, get down and dirty. And be open and honest about it. Tell him you don't feel your sexiest, but that you're working to get there, and show him you still find him sexy and appreciate that he finds you sexy in any state.
You're married. You're in it for the long haul. There will be weight changes, illnesses, pregnancies/children (perhaps), periods of depression or serious hardships, old age, etc. Are you going to stop having sex or loving one another at every bump in the road?
Nobody's perfect. We all have flaws, and we all have times we don't look or feel our best. But that shouldn't get in the way of a healthy, loving marriage. Don't put your marriage on hold to get healthy. Strengthen your marriage and your physical health at the same time.0 -
Loving somebody and being sexually attracted to them is two very different things. I've been with my husband for 17 years. I love him and he loves me. But that doesn't mean we will always be sexually attracted to each other, especially if we were to really pack on the pounds. I have had 3 children and each time have had weight to lose after their birth. My husband loves me and supports me, but I would never expect him to be sexually attracted to me if I let myself go.
this this this.
OP don't give up just b/c you're husband says you're okay or you think your sex life is great.
that's not a reason to just throw your hands up. if you are not happy with your body- (and quiet possibly he isn't either)- then change it. God what I wouldn't kill for my bf to actually give a crap about what he looked like- or care that I care. Because he doesn't. And it drives me crazy- and it makes me sad- like my opinion or what I think is sexy doesn't matter.
Nothing wrong with getting back in shape and losing weight because you want to look better- people talk about being fit and this that and quality life and their kids whatever- being vain and wanting to look good naked isn't a bad reason either.
I have no kids- and I never will- no getting to a better life style for posterity and my children's sake. I like the way I look and I love what I can do with this body nothing wrong with that at all. Have at it.0 -
Loving somebody and being sexually attracted to them is two very different things. I've been with my husband for 17 years. I love him and he loves me. But that doesn't mean we will always be sexually attracted to each other, especially if we were to really pack on the pounds. I have had 3 children and each time have had weight to lose after their birth. My husband loves me and supports me, but I would never expect him to be sexually attracted to me if I let myself go.I realize this isn't a popular opinion, but someone has to be honest ...You're over-thinking this. If you go into it enthusiastically, confidently, and possibly creatively your husband is going to think only one thing: Yippeee, I get sex!
I wouldn't. Sex is easy. It can be had at any time with any number of different partners. Not all men are dying to have sex with anyone at any time. Some of us choose our partners based on a number of (potentially stringent) criteria, including fitness.
Personally, I have no interest in having sex with someone overweight, whether she's my wife or not. I'm a fit guy. I date fit women because I respect fit women, and like having sex with fit women.
Similarly, I wouldn't expect my gf to want to have sex with me if I became overweight. I owe it to her to be as desirable as I can be, and to remain as close to the person I was when she started dating me as possible.
There are times when slippage is forgivable: preganancy, sickness, accidents. "I chose nightly pizza instead of remaining desirable to you" is not one of those times.
Can I make a suggestion to you. Don't ever get married. There's this part in those vows that you take "For better or for worse", and honestly, if you're going to base a relationship on something *that* shallow, you're not really going to have anything for very long, anyway. There are very few who are fortunate to be drop dead gorgeous until they're in their golden years, and you'd sure better hope you've got something to talk about when Mr. Happy can't get happy anymore. God forbid one of you has a terrible accident or injury where you're unable to walk, or exercise, and the other has to step up and become a strong supporter, possibly a care giver. "For better or worse", it means something, you're in it for the long haul, not just for desirability, but because you love the person, regardless.
And once again, I ask- what is going to happen when the time comes, that life changes? Life happens. Inevitably BOTH of your bodies are going to change. Unless you're willing to fork out big bucks, you're both going to age, things are going to start sagging, there are going to be wrinkles. As life evolves, you realize that things like the physical body don't matter as much. Sexuality and attraction are SO much more than simply the way you look. If this is what you're banking on, or your husband is banking on- then you may be giving up sex early in life, or, when the time comes that one or both of you might not be able to have sex, I do hope that you've got a strong love and connection to get you through and keep going- THIS is what I'm getting at here (and with the initial post above to the gentleman I was responding to) because without that, basically, all you've got is some good, shallow sex, and yeah, it might be awesome, but it's only gonna last for so long, then with nothing else going for either of you, it's going to fizzle out.0 -
Um... this... topic seems inappropriate but...
Something that might help is to get "cuddly" with your hubby. It may actually make you feel sexier - and then it'll happen more!0 -
I'm sorry you feel this way, many therapists will advise people in any situation where they do not feel like having sex to simply do it.
Just like that, doesn’t matter what is going on in your head just open your legs and do it. Most likely you will enjoy it and it will get some of your intimacy back. I’ve heard of people who had problems after giving birth and this method worked for them.
As far as men goes, I’m 30 lbs lighter and my husband says he wishes I gained some weight back. It doesn’t keep him from coming onto me.0 -
Wow. I just re-read this. Guess what? Five days after I posted this I found out my soon to be ex husband was cheating on me. FIVE DAYS!0
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OH my god. I never blamed myself for his cheating but this can't be a coincidence, right? I was married to a very superficial man.0
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Thank you. Yes, it just showed me how shallow my husband truly was....and is. We've been separated since September and divorce pending. I'd rather be alone than with someone like him. Jerk.0
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