help me inspire my mom to lose weight

npryor100

I thought I would throw this question out to the MFP community. Over the last 16 months, I've made small changes in my diet and lifestyle that have led to a weight loss of 50lbs. Yay me! I feel great and know I will get to my goal with a few more months of hard work.

However, both my mom and my mother-in-law are overweight and have made comments along the lines of "you look so good! Great job on your weight loss! But you're young, so it's easier for you"

WHAT? OK, so I am still young and maybe I do not have perspective here. Can anyone give me some advice about how to respond to that? Weight loss for me has been slow, but simple: eat less calories than you burn. My most successful weight loss times have been when I get my butt to the gym and burn calories, just like everyone else.

Why do they feel like "not being young" is an excuse for not exercising and not losing weight they say they want to lose?
As I'm approaching my goal weight (really only about 20lbs from a healthy weight....that 130lbs goal in my signature line is an ambitious goal) I'd really like to inspire and support my family in reaching their weight goal, but it seems like I'm not getting through to them. Any suggestions?

myownweaknesses

I'd say tell them exactly what you posted about your calorie intake and burning cals, and explain that no matter what age you are, you can do what your doing and be healthy. Age doesn't have anything to do with will power, and that anyone of any age can accomplish weight loss. Good luck!

ashlee954

Everyone's journey is their own. Sounds like they may not WANT it as badly as you do. It does get more difficult to lose weight the older we get but it's definitely doable. If they aren't interested in losing then they aren't going to and you cannot force them to share your views. If it is something THEY truly want to do then all you can do is to share your success stories and what has worked best for you, along with encouraging and motivational words. Good luck!

molina76853

The way I see it we all deserve to be healthy and happy no matter what age we are. We deserve to take care of ourselves and feel confident about it.

ZebraHead

Your inspiraton is your continued success. You can't make anyone do anything that they don't want to do.

:flowerforyou:Congrats on your personal sucess.:flowerforyou:

california_peach

Just continue doing what you are doing and maybe they will come around, but you they are not going to do anything until they are ready. Maybe next time they say something you could invite them to go for a walk with you or some other lower impact excise thing. Something that is also social. It might get them going in the right direction.

Aeriel

Tell them that people of every age are losing weight here. My mom is 58 and has lost almost 25 pounds since August following the site. She says it is the easiest thing she has ever done! There are plenty of age related groups that they can ask questions of and plenty of support. However, it is up to them. They have to want it for themselves, and the age excuse may just be convenient. No one can force them to lose weight if they are not ready in their own heads to do it. My mother-in-law is the same way, comments on how good I look, and how she should have started the site when I did. I tell her it is never too late but that it is up to her. I will support her when she makes the decision but it has to be hers.

reneeot

More than likely there is nothing you can say or do. They have to want it for themselves. I have the same problem with my mom and my sister who yo-yo diets.

Many excuses given. The best think you can do is keep up the good example and maintain.

Once they mention "to you or ask you for help", then you will be able to do some good. Just be ready!!

bluiz13

Your inspiraton is your continued success. You can't make anyone do anything that they don't want to do.

:flowerforyou:Congrats on your personal sucess.:flowerforyou:

i agree.....

paticap

I am 58 as well and just passed my goal weight by 2 pounds! I have never felt better in my life. A friend who had just lost 50 pounds with a hospital program was told that he added 15 years to his life with his new, healthy body. I treasure my time on this earth with my wonderful family and want to be here as long as possible. Keep doing what you are doing and the better you look and feel, the more it will encourage them. My husband was watching me lose and is now on MFP and is losing steadily. He is 59. Please encourage them.

Disciplined74

I'm experiencing the same thing at my house. I'm loosing and hearing comments from others that they should do the same but they too have every excuse: too old, bones hurt, too cold, don't get up that early (when I invite them to go with me to a free gym that's open from 6-10).

I've decided that being a good example is the best thing that I can do for them. If you are anything like me this has not been the only time you've tried to loose and not succeed. So I'm just figuring that it's not their time.

I haven't written them off but I just figure being a good example is the best I can do for them.

I wish you the best in your journey and in helping your family.

Eva

ZacFields

Sometimes when people get older, they lose the desire to lose weight for any reason other than to be healthy. They don't feel like they'll ever look good in a swimsuit anymore, and they become so comfortable with their physical appearance that they don't want to go through all the work to lose weight.

That's not universal - please don't kill me over it! :-)

The point I'm trying to make is that sometimes it needs to be an issue where they're concerned with their health. Get Mom to go to the doctor and get a physical, complete with a blood test that will show her the blood pressure, cholesterol, etc. And somehow, she's got to really care about those numbers. Someone's also got to explain the physical toll your bones take from an overweight body over many years as well.

I don't want to discourage you, but at least from what I've experienced in my own family, older family members in general only want to lose weight when they're concerned about the health risks they'd be accepting by not losing weight.

watkinsc

I think the above posters (renee and ashlee?) hit the nail on the head. You can't change them. They will only do something about it when they are ready to, and want it for themselves. Everyone here knows that their excuses are just that, excuses, becuase we have ALL used excuses ourselves. I think the difference is that each one of us reached a point where we decided to take charge of ourselves and say 'no more excuses'. The ladies in your life are just not there .... yet.. Maybe there will be something in their life that will flip the switch and they will see the light. But there is nothing you can tell them that will make that change. THEY have to be the one to figure it out. Just keep on taking such great care of yourself. They will decide on their own to make the changes or not. BTW, on MFP I have met great people of all ages (including persons in their 70's) that have made incredible lifestyle changes and met their goals.

Kim12345

Hi,
Look at the book Fiber 35 Diet by Brenda Watson. Have your Mom look at it. I understand some of what your Mom is saying & she may not feel 100% to diet but this book is incredibly user friendly. If she starts slow with this way of life diet (with fiber - nature's weight loss) she might gradually feel better & this could turn things around for her.

superwmn

Love them and accept them as they are. If they come to you for advice, share your knowledge.

They have to come to the decision on their own.

Charmagne

TaraMaria

Everyone is right on track here. Unfortunately people REALLY have to want it, to really get it...and even then its an uphill battle! My biggest things for encouraging people are showing people MFP, explaining calorie counting, how exercise ties in and offering to be a source of encouragement and a workout buddy! Maybe offering to walk, a very low impact but highly effective workout, with your mom would be a good way to be supportive and offer a solution!

Shirley61

Keep at your mom and mother-in-law.
I am 61 and still doing this, but now it
is for health reasons. Tell them you want
them to be around for a long time and
to take care of themselves. True, it is
harder as you age but it is not an excuse.
Since I have been on this site I have lost
18 pounds but slowly. I have an office job
and sit alot. Exercise is a must with a
proper eating plan. Tell them its a way
of life not a diet.
Good Luck with the Fam. :flowerforyou:

jimmydeanbakker

Some people won't react until some sort of obesity related trauma happens like a mild heart attack. In many cases, it's too late by then. Honestly, the people that lose vast amounts of weight after spending a lifetime of eating badly are rare. It's not easy to all of a sudden stop eating goo-gobs of butter, salt, and all the fatty creams on everything. It's not easy to stop yourself from eating a truckload of chocolate ice cream after you've been doing it your entire life. Therefore, a lot of people with unhealthy lifestyles will just say it's impossible for them to lose the weight. They'll make excuses that they're too old, too poor, and cannot afford the diet. If you nudged them too much into trying to lose weight, you'll start to alienate them. Just keep setting the example; and if they ask about losing weight, talk to them about the program, reducing calories, and doing a little more walking, but don't be confrontational about it.

caitlinclock

It is frustrating when people are making excuses instead of deciding to take action, I know! My sister is the same way - constant excuses and she's so overweight she was just diagnosed with the start of diabetes. She's only 24.

As frustrating as it is, it has to be THEIR decision. However, what you can do is inspire them by losing weight yourself, which you are already doing. When they are ready, maybe they will ask you for advice and you can have that journey together but unfortunately the spark has to come from within themselves.

You just keep doing what you're doing! You're doing awesome! Congratulations on your success.

reneeot

More than likely there is nothing you can say or do. They have to want it for themselves. I have the same problem with my mom and my sister who yo-yo diets.

Many excuses given. The best think you can do is keep up the good example and maintain.

Once they mention "to you or ask you for help", then you will be able to do some good. Just be ready!!

You will not believe this!! Last night, I returned a call from my mom.

Get this after what I just said above, I can't believe this happened.

She told me she had talked to my dad about going to a clinic to help her with her weight problem. But it would require 4 hour drive each week. So they decided for go with Herbal Life program, because I friend does it. She had just come over with info and things they needed to get started. My mom started last night.

I'm not a big fan of herbal life, I don't like the idea of replacing 2 meals with herbal life shakes. But its a start!!

FireRox21

Same song and dance here at my house. My mom and dad are both morbidly obese and just don't get it. My mom is always making excuses to not go to the gym (of which she's had a membership to for almost 3 years and has only gone a couple of times), not eating right, etc. Mom had the Fobi Pouch procedure about 13 years ago and only lost about 50lbs. She NEVER eats properly or exercises. She even had a mild heart attack this year while mowing the lawn. Dad is just a lost cause. He is almost 500lbs and refuses to even get out of bed except to eat.

Mom kinda tried to get on track in Jan of this year. She begged me to buy the original Weight Watchers book from the 70's so she could follow the diet plan. That lasted about 2 weeks. Every single day she comes home with some form of fast food and ALWAYS buys junk food at the store. Now granted, my ticker shows that I haven't lost any weight and you are probably wondering why I am bashing my parents, but I DO have medical issues that hinder weight loss. I am on chemo drugs for my RA, high-dose Seroquel and Depokote for Bi-Polar Disorder, corticosterioids for RA and was recently diagnosed with PCOS. BUT, I work my butt off daily at the gym and use MFP to watch my calories. I could use the same excuses as my mom, but I don't. And it frustrates the hell out of me.

Age has not been kind to me. I'm only 31, but have the body of a 60 year old (no offense to you 60 year olds out there). But I keep fighting through it and I know it will eventually pay off. And I wish there was some miracle words I could say to my mom to jumpstart her weight loss journey because I love my mom and I really, really need her around. But until SHE really wants to be healthy and lose the weight, I can only type out my frustrations. So, I agree with what others have said, your family members have to really want to make the lifestyle change. Just be there for them as a support pillar.