WWYD if your kid didn't want to go

LaReinaDeCorazones

Interesting responses.

I laughed out loud at the comment about making him go when he doesn't want to won't end well and he'll have a fit.

That is simply not an option, I don't allow that behavior at any time for any reason. I am the parent and he will be well behaved in any situation whether he is excited to be there or not.

And I agree with the advice that this is a teaching moment. We committed to attending the party and it is now an obligation.
As an adult he will be faced with that situation a lot and will need to know how to handle it.
Looks like I was the one looking for a way out. Shame on me for almost messing up a teaching by example moment.

We are going.

Have a great day all. :flowerforyou:

And as far as him not wanting to go, I've been asking him all week. I haven't gotten a real response from him. He is sometimes unsure of new situations though he has been to Chuck E Cheese before. He knows all of the kids who will be there and plays with them at school every day. Since he hasn't given me a real reason, I suspect he will have a good time once he gets there.

Interesting response to the responses OP... If not going was not an option wtf was the point of your post?!

Exactly, and did he commit to it at first or did you without asking him? I would ask my 5 year old if he wanted to go imho but that's just me, but my son also is at that girls are gross period

Owlie45

I would never make a four-year-old child attend a party he/she didn't want to attend. And the ability to articulate why he doesn't want to go could be very difficult. In general, a child's party should only have the number of attendees equal to the child's age. As an introvert, I would have done anything I could to have avoided a Chucky Cheese party.

This is entirely different from requiring a child to attend a family event, which can be explained in terms of familial responsibility. I don't imagine anyone gives a hoot whether he goes to some party where the entire class was probably invited.

In this case, I would respect your child's wishes and call with my regrets. No explanation necessary. "We aren't going to be able to make it today" is all that has to be said.

THIS^^^^^^

I am an introvert. it's not something you become, it's something you're born being. Growing up I went to many parties that I didn't want to go to because I couldn't explain how I felt at them. It's still difficult. My mom is an extrovert and didn't fully understand, thankfully my dad understood so I was allowed to avoid some of them.
And this effects me today. All of my friends are extroverts, I love them but their idea of a good time is at clubs. So I don't get to hang out with them as much as I would like.

If it's a family gathering then yes attendance is mandatory. But a four year olds birthday party is not.

RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle

You go and you take care of yourself. Coffee, daydreaming, detaching, smiling and nodding etc. I'm going to be involved in special Olympics bowling every Friday night which is similar and I have to be somewhat alert the whole time. I just think, I'm doing this for my sister, I'll drink as much diet coke as I want, and smile and nod.

Oh, I guess I didn't read the thread title. :blushing:

This is one of those hard parent decisions. I agree with what people are saying about not being obligated to attend a social function.
I'll take the other side though, for thought.
Possible reasons why it may be good to go:

1) Your son may have some social anxiety or anxiety of going somewhere different. Taking him will open his horizons, and perhaps encourage him not to avoid a unique social setting in the future and when he is older.
2) he will probably have a wonderful time. If he is not and you participate with him a little or facilitate, he will enjoy himself.
3) sometimes we attend functions like birthday party's when we do not want to. It's social etiquette. It's ok to decline an invitation but I think it's rude to cancel at the eleventh hour just because you don't feel like it. This could be a teachable moment.
4) I have known situations with small children where few or none of the invitees have shown up or cancelled at the last minute, and the child's birthday expectations were shattered.

ElikAruna

I'm curious to hear from the OP, now that you've made your decision, how was the party? Did your son enjoy it once he got there, or was he begging to leave?

Personally, I dont have any kids myself, so I don't really know what I'm talking about. But I like the idea of having him come with me to drop off the gift, and then when we get there, suggest staying for the rest of the party. If he didn't want to stay at that point, we'd leave. I know there have been lots of parties I've been forced to attend and was uncomfortable at either because of the people or the setting, so I might be more lenient about attending parties, except for the mandatory family ones. I'd be curious in figuring out why he didn't want to go, though I see you said you've been asking him all week. If he's friends with all the kids, then could it be the location? You said he's been to Chuck E Cheese before, but you didn't say he liked it. Maybe it's a bit too chaotic and stressful for him?

RabbitLost

4) I have known situations with small children where few or none of the invitees have shown up or cancelled at the last minute, and the child's birthday expectations were shattered.

I held off responding until I read this. Having hosted a couple of parties where this happened and dealt with the aftermath, I cannot think of a better reason to honor the commitment to attend. If he has a horrible time, and it turns our he is an introvert or has social anxieties, you will have your own learning moment. But at least your son will not be the cause of a little girls's disappointment.

QueenBishOTUniverse

I'm an extreme introvert and I'm still in the he should at least go camp. Even as an introvert it's still important to at least make the attempt. Forcing him to STAY if it's clear he's not having a good time and uncomfortable would be an issue, but often, even as an adult, I'll dread the function and then end up enjoying myself once I've made myself participate. I know my parents struggled with this with me growing up, but this is an issue he will have to learn how to cope with at some point and it seems to me four is old enough to at least begin the process.

There's also the commitment issue, and the feelings of the little girl to consider, especially if he really is one of her best buds from preschool, both of which are things you can talk with him about to help reinforce why it's important to make an appearance at these kinds of activities.

meshashesha2012

What is "very offensive" has changed a lot in the recent past, apparently.

Too funny!

i know right? i think some people traded their additional fat for additional pearls to clutch

__freckles__

I have a 4 year old. She gets very moody and always says she doesn't want to go to parties. We always go anyways and she ends up having a blast and doesn't want to leave.

Glad you decided to go. I'm sure he'll have fun.

ThePhoenixIsRising

My 4 year old quite frequently says he dosnt want to do things I know he will prob enjoy. We have a rule that if it is scheduled it will be done. I have found at his age not wanting to do or try new things is par for the corse. It is my job as a mom to evaluate the cost/benefit. If he has a valid reason to not want to go I will give in, but if he can't articulate a reason he has to give it a try.

__freckles__

YAY for making your 4 year old do things he doesn't want to do/feels uncomfortable doing....

It's called parenting. If your mom let you make all of your own decisions at 4 years old you probably wouldn't be alive today.

Well, I'm questioning your parenting. There is a reason he doesn't want to go.

LOL. Sometimes 4 year olds just want to do the opposite of what their parents want to do.

If I did everything my 4 year old wanted to do, we'd be eating ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, never go to preschool, and go to the store in our underwear.

Sometimes you just gotta be the parent and make the decisions for them.

It's Chuckie Cheese for Christ's sake. The kid is going to have a ball.

TheNewPriceIsLoading

It's Chuckie Cheese for Christ's sake. The kid is going to have a ball.

True ^ ^ ^

F00LofaT00K

Personally, I think it's important to show your children that a commitment is a commitment. How you handle situations now has a huge impact on the values your child holds into their adult life. I would make my child go.

IHateThinkingOfAUsername

LOL. Sometimes 4 year olds just want to do the opposite of what their parents want to do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsBon3DTwIY
This video made me chuckle. I wish it was a gif!! Dad uses reverse psychology to persuade his child to walk.

Lesleycali

I would explain we have to go to say happy birthday and drop off card/ present and we can leave after that. 50/50 chance he'll want to stay! This way you're teaching him to honor a commitment, but you are also respecting him by allowing him to leave if he is not enjoying it.

amyk0202

I am glad you decided to go. I'm surprised at all the people who said to just not go & no explanation is required for the other mother. Throwing a party at one of these type places is very expensive for the other parents. In my area it runs between $13-$23 per child, depending on the options you select. It is beyond rude to say that you are going to attend & then not show up. It is also heartbreaking to try to explain to your child why hardly anyone showed up for their birthday party. I don't know how it is in your houses, but in my house, my kids have to do things they don't want to all the time. I have 4 kids & it would be chaos.

PMA140

I'm curious to hear from the OP, now that you've made your decision, how was the party? Did your son enjoy it once he got there, or was he begging to leave?

Personally, I dont have any kids myself, so I don't really know what I'm talking about. But I like the idea of having him come with me to drop off the gift, and then when we get there, suggest staying for the rest of the party. If he didn't want to stay at that point, we'd leave. I know there have been lots of parties I've been forced to attend and was uncomfortable at either because of the people or the setting, so I might be more lenient about attending parties, except for the mandatory family ones. I'd be curious in figuring out why he didn't want to go, though I see you said you've been asking him all week. If he's friends with all the kids, then could it be the location? You said he's been to Chuck E Cheese before, but you didn't say he liked it. Maybe it's a bit too chaotic and stressful for him?

We went to the party. He was well behaved and had a great time. He was shy for the first five minutes, which is very normal for him, and then he was comfortable playing with his friends. He is a bit of an introvert as some others mentioned. If he held onto me or was uncomfortable I would have left but he was just fine.

I am glad we showed up. It appears several others didn't as there were only 4 kids there.

lizzybathory

Glad to hear you went! It's totally possible to be respectful of your child's needs without giving in to everything they demand. Sometimes at that age they really don't know WHAT they want. If it turned out he was terrified of a parent there, or something like that, it'd be of course very concerning and I'd respect his wishes... But I think that by helping him just get over his nerves a bit in this case was a good learning moment.

You sound like a great mom.

MyChocolateDiet

I'm curious to hear from the OP, now that you've made your decision, how was the party? Did your son enjoy it once he got there, or was he begging to leave?

Personally, I dont have any kids myself, so I don't really know what I'm talking about. But I like the idea of having him come with me to drop off the gift, and then when we get there, suggest staying for the rest of the party. If he didn't want to stay at that point, we'd leave. I know there have been lots of parties I've been forced to attend and was uncomfortable at either because of the people or the setting, so I might be more lenient about attending parties, except for the mandatory family ones. I'd be curious in figuring out why he didn't want to go, though I see you said you've been asking him all week. If he's friends with all the kids, then could it be the location? You said he's been to Chuck E Cheese before, but you didn't say he liked it. Maybe it's a bit too chaotic and stressful for him?

We went to the party. He was well behaved and had a great time. He was shy for the first five minutes, which is very normal for him, and then he was comfortable playing with his friends. He is a bit of an introvert as some others mentioned. If he held onto me or was uncomfortable I would have left but he was just fine.

I am glad we showed up. It appears several others didn't as there were only 4 kids there.

Bad moms fo' sho'. Make sure you buy a nice pair of judgey pants to wear to the next thing you all get invited to. That way if one of them are there they can feel as bad as they should for not parenting exactly like you.

SwashBlogger

well if he doesn't want to go , then say he is sick and move on. Life is too short for doing stuff you don't like or your kids don't like. That's what I would do

I'm with Amy...totally!

SwashBlogger

and may I add that big, splashy birthday parties for 4 year olds are a drag for classmates. Sorry, but they are. Enjoy a family day, because Grandma always gives a crap.