By recommendation - MFPism's

Deena_Bean
Deena_Bean Posts: 906 Member
in Chit-Chat
This is posted to my blog, but one of my buddies said I should put it on the forums for comedic values (since blogs go largely unread unless you're like a super-hero on MFP :tongue: ). Enjoy :drinker:


That time (last week, yesterday, probably today) when...

1. Deena_Bean completed her food and exercise diary. Everyone else completed her food and exercise diary and was under her calorie goal. Damn it.

2. xxx burned 60000 calories doing 30 minutes of badass olympic training events. Deena_Bean burned 238 calories walking 3.0 mph for eternity. Damn it.

3. If you ate like this every day you would weigh 158 pounds in 5 weeks. 5 weeks later: .5 lbs lost. Win.

4. Troll here, troll there, troll everywhere.

5. xxx doesn't see the harm in eating 800 calories a day because she's "just not hungry enough to eat more than that." Ok, so where'd the extra weight come from? *raised eyebrow*

6. xxx doesn't understand why she can't lose weight - she doesn't weigh her food, she "mostly" stays around the same calories and exercises 6 days a week. *scratches head*

I know there are more...maybe I'll just keep editing to add when they come up, because it makes me giggle.

The End.
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Replies

  • branflakes1980
    branflakes1980 Posts: 2,516 Member
    :laugh: :laugh: I like you!! :flowerforyou: :laugh: :laugh:
  • 7seas_sailing
    7seas_sailing Posts: 224 Member
    This is great! Keep adding when you think of new ones. In fact, xxx lost 2 pounds. I gained .5 pounds. Damn it.
  • Organicgasm
    Organicgasm Posts: 592 Member
    Lol. I like it.
  • Pipsg1rl
    Pipsg1rl Posts: 1,414 Member
    I don't want to format but:

    xxx posts that xyz food is the "enemy."
  • Deena_Bean
    Deena_Bean Posts: 906 Member
    I knew I could count on some additions :)
    I hate it when xxx loses 5 pounds and I gain....fail.
  • DjinnMarie
    DjinnMarie Posts: 1,297 Member
    Xyz posts that running or spin bikes makes your legs bulky and manly
  • Forty6and2
    Forty6and2 Posts: 2,492 Member
    Hey, have you guys heard of this new product that Dr. Oz is selling? It helps you lose 50 lbs in 2 seconds. My great aunt's daughter's dog's cousin's friend's uncle's sister took it and it worked for her!
  • DjinnMarie
    DjinnMarie Posts: 1,297 Member
    Hey, have you guys heard of this new product that Dr. Oz is selling? It helps you lose 50 lbs in 2 seconds. My great aunt's daughter's dog's cousin's friend's uncle's sister took it and it worked for her!

    But will it give me a flat stomach?
  • Forty6and2
    Forty6and2 Posts: 2,492 Member
    Hey, have you guys heard of this new product that Dr. Oz is selling? It helps you lose 50 lbs in 2 seconds. My great aunt's daughter's dog's cousin's friend's uncle's sister took it and it worked for her!

    But will it give me a flat stomach?

    It will make your stomach (and almost everything else) so flat that you look like Spongebob.
  • srr728
    srr728 Posts: 549 Member
    who wants to join my weight loss "team"? just join my scheme....i have shakes and pills, who wants pills. they're like the guy with the watches and jewlery inside his coat flashing you as you walk by.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,224 Member
    That time Alatariel75 ate .5lb of food and gained 2lbs. Dammit.
  • Deena_Bean
    Deena_Bean Posts: 906 Member
    :laugh: :laugh:
    This game is fun. :flowerforyou:
  • DoingitWell
    DoingitWell Posts: 560 Member
    lol *raises eyebrow*
  • katya_be
    katya_be Posts: 227 Member
    All of these are so true :)
  • WhatAnAss
    WhatAnAss Posts: 1,598 Member
    XXX has logged in for 2,356 days until that one day that you forget and ruin it all. dammit!
  • dj1skywalker
    dj1skywalker Posts: 86
    Hi! I'm "dj1skywalker completed her food and exercise diary and was over her calorie goal...Again!"

    Absolutely L:heart: VE your post!!! xx
  • dj1skywalker
    dj1skywalker Posts: 86
    "HELP! I need to 'loose' 20 pounds by next week. I'm not 'loosing' weight fast enough"
  • genki90
    genki90 Posts: 94 Member
    "HELP! I need to 'loose' 20 pounds by next week. I'm not 'loosing' weight fast enough"
    Hey "grammar nazi", don't be mean.. What's wrong with loosing?


    "xxx completed her food and exercise diary and was under her calorie goal" - cool, let's like it to encourage her!
    View diary >> Total calories: 300 - :noway: no, no, no, no! Me no likey, NO!
  • Monkey_Business
    Monkey_Business Posts: 1,800 Member
    Hi, I am xxxx, I am back for teh 29th time and I am serious this time need supportive friend to motovate me!
  • nilbogger
    nilbogger Posts: 870 Member
    "I know you can't spot-reduce, but how do I reduce fat from this one spot on my body?"
  • nyboer
    nyboer Posts: 346 Member
    I'm eating 1200 calories and not losing! Wah! What I am doing wrong???
    ...
    ...
    ...
    ...

    YOU'RE MEAN! RUDE! How dare you tell me that what I'm doing is WRONG! I will report you to the MFP gods!
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
    #5 is my altime favorite. :drinker:

    Oh, and what about the raspberry ketones?
  • SuperVixen2B
    SuperVixen2B Posts: 218 Member
    Hey, have you guys heard of this new product that Dr. Oz is selling? It helps you lose 50 lbs in 2 seconds. My great aunt's daughter's dog's cousin's friend's uncle's sister took it and it worked for her!

    UGH, that name! Dr. Oz is the keynote speaker at the American Massage Therapy Associations National Convention this year. There's a lot of feathers ruffled about that. Massage Therapists have been working hard to improve their standing in the healthcare arena and gain credibility, and then they invite Dr. Freaking Oz to be the keynote speaker. What a joke. Not saying he isn't a good cardiologist, or whatever he was actually trained to do...but the ridiculous crap he peddles. He should be ashamed of himself...while he swims in his Scrooge McDuck style coin vault.

    Back on topic, sort of - anyone get a friend request and have a back and forth message exchange, and they seem so nice and they ask questions about you and you *really* start to get to know each other....and then several emails in, you find out they sell herbalife or body by vi or beachbody or some other such nonsense. I always hear sad trombone.
  • WhatAnAss
    WhatAnAss Posts: 1,598 Member
    Friend Request "I need friends for motivation and support and I wish to do the same. We have mutual friends"
    *checks profile* 5,435 friends - duh of course we have mutual's since you are trying to acquire all of MFP. And if MY friends are not supportive enough for you what makes you think I will be?!?
  • Cheekies_
    Cheekies_ Posts: 319 Member
    Great thread!

    Am I in 'starvation mode'?!?!


    edit for wordy dird.....
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  • Tldavis3s
    Tldavis3s Posts: 83 Member
    Commenting because this is hilarious... ;)
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  • WhatAnAss
    WhatAnAss Posts: 1,598 Member
    Also no I don't want to lift heavy because I put on muscle easy.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • royaldrea
    royaldrea Posts: 259 Member
    Q: Hey guys, my hair is falling out and I'm urinating blood. Any 5'3" females with a goal weight of 145lbs having similar symptoms?

    A: Lift heavy

    lmaooo crying #death #atworkplzstop
    Hey guys, so I have my sisters wedding coming up 3 weeks from now and I need to know what the fastest way to lose 200lbs is because I need to fit into a bikini for the reception. I lost a bunch of weight 6 months ago using green smoothies and cocaine but then I moved in with my boyfriend who eats very badly and I gained a bunch of weight back. So what I'm really looking for is some recommendations on what types of alcohol is best for someone who's doing the 3 day Military Diet. Also no I don't want to lift heavy because I put on muscle easy.

    You're amazing

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