Open Relationships
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I think that depends on what kind of relationship you've had up until the point they suggest an open relationship. If this is "out of the blue" and you haven't always had a relationship where communication has been open and excellent, then I would say that,"Yes, It could be a sign that you are not fulfilling their intimacy/sexual needs." To remedy this I would suggest a serious conversation about why the other person thinks an open relationship would be a good idea.
If you've always had great open and honest communication and your partner brings this up because they are secure in being completely honest with you, then I would say, "No, it isn't a sign that you are not fulfilling their intimacy/sexual needs. They are just looking to expand their sexual experiences."
Regardless, both had better be on the same page and have the authority to put an end to this open relationship for any reason. I've seen more than one couple's relationship crumble because they thought they were okay with it, when they really weren't.
It isn't something that should be entered in to lightly.0 -
I have a hard time understanding this situation in general. If you want to be with other people why be in a committed relationship to begin with? I see it as wanting your cake & eat it to.
Who the hell wants cake they can't eat??
Especially with whipped cream ome top...0 -
I wouldn't call it "honest cheating" because the word "cheating" would mean that some sort of deception was going on in the relationship.
Also, people who are in open relationships have already made it clear that they do not fell satisfied or fulfilled by having only one sexual partner. That doesn't make it wrong, just different than what many people would consider the norm. I'm sure that many people in open relationships have a much better line of communication than some couples that have been "monogamous" for years. I would much rather have someone tell me that they want an open relationship than to have someone cheat on me.0 -
As someone who has been in a polyamorous (I stress POLYAMOROUS and not OPEN RELATIONSHIP), I would have to say that the term "honest cheating" doesn't make much sense. If you're cheating, it's not honest.
My husband and I have been together for about five years. I have a long term boyfriend right now of about a year and a half. Both of these mean a lot to me, and I love them equally. The relationships are very different from one another, and I receive different treatment and can expose a different side of myself to each person. I have been polyamorous since I was 17 years old, so 10 years. It's all about open and honest communication. Cheating can still be done if someone does something outside of the realms of pre-established rules which differ from couple to couple.0 -
I personally see it as a form of "acceptable" cheating. In my opinion, what's the point of being in a relationship/marriage if you're open to seeking gratification (sexual or not) from someone other than your significant other? To me, that defeats the purpose of committing yourself to someone. That's not to look down on folks who do this and it works, I just personally couldn't do it.0
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Well said!I think that depends on what kind of relationship you've had up until the point they suggest an open relationship. If this is "out of the blue" and you haven't always had a relationship where communication has been open and excellent, then I would say that,"Yes, It could be a sign that you are not fulfilling their intimacy/sexual needs." To remedy this I would suggest a serious conversation about why the other person thinks an open relationship would be a good idea.
If you've always had great open and honest communication and your partner brings this up because they are secure in being completely honest with you, then I would say, "No, it isn't a sign that you are not fulfilling their intimacy/sexual needs. They are just looking to expand their sexual experiences."
Regardless, both had better be on the same page and have the authority to put an end to this open relationship for any reason. I've seen more than one couple's relationship crumble because they thought they were okay with it, when they really weren't.
It isn't something that should be entered in to lightly.
It takes strength and communication to make any relationship work, but even more so when you chose to open your hearts to others. The more people involved the more comfortable you need to be communicating feelings without accusations. It is not the way for everyone, but neither is monogamous or same sex relationships.0 -
No. Yes.0
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I have a hard time understanding this situation in general. If you want to be with other people why be in a committed relationship to begin with? I see it as wanting your cake & eat it to.
Who the hell wants cake they can't eat??
Especially with whipped cream ome top...
I just want the icing. I'll eat the icing, you can have the cake.0 -
I don't think it's for me, but then again I have grown up with years of conditioning that it's wrong, you should be everything to your partner and open relationships lead to heartache.
I wish there weren't as much stigma attached to open relatinships because there are a lot of people out there who just don't seem to be suited to monogamy. They're just screwing up their lives and their partners' lives trying to fit in this box that society tells them is the only one available. I don't see the harm in two people being in an open or poly relationship if that's what they both want.0 -
I agree with Teresa.
My husband and I have had an open relationship since we started dating. Today we are happily married and raising a family together. It is as simple as he has interests that I don't and I have interests he doesn't. We concurred that neither one of us wanted to be forced to participate in something we didn't want and at the same time we didn't want the other to have to sacrifice part of who they are either. I find that it has helped make me more secure in my current relationship than I have in any other I have ever had.0 -
In my opinion, what's the point of being in a relationship/marriage if you're open to seeking gratification (sexual or not) from someone other than your significant other? To me, that defeats the purpose of committing yourself to someone. That's not to look down on folks who do this and it works, I just personally couldn't do it.
Exactly! My husband & I have been together for 12 years and married 10 years in December. I was 20 when I got married and have never struggled with him not satisfying my needs as a whole. I couldn't commit to someone that couldn't do that, plus the bs that comes in relationships in general is enough for me....much less if I were add more people to it!0 -
It's not stealing if you take candy from a bowl that says "free".0
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Like many people have said: it isn't cheating if everyone knows about it and is ok with it.0
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Yep!If you want to be with other people why be in a committed relationship to begin with? I see it as wanting your cake & eat it to.0 -
I personally see it as a form of "acceptable" cheating. In my opinion, what's the point of being in a relationship/marriage if you're open to seeking gratification (sexual or not) from someone other than your significant other? To me, that defeats the purpose of committing yourself to someone. That's not to look down on folks who do this and it works, I just personally couldn't do it.
Logic does not compute...Isn't having friends a form of gratification from someone other than s/o?0 -
I personally see it as a form of "acceptable" cheating. In my opinion, what's the point of being in a relationship/marriage if you're open to seeking gratification (sexual or not) from someone other than your significant other? To me, that defeats the purpose of committing yourself to someone. That's not to look down on folks who do this and it works, I just personally couldn't do it.
If your spouse is supposed to fulfill all of your needs, then why don't people drop their friends and families the second they get hitched? When I read this, it feels like you define "commitment" as "sexual monogamy" and nothing else. I don't mean to sound judgy; I kind of feel the same way although I'm such an introvert that it's hard for me to be a good partner to someone so I'd love to be in a poly relationship where my bf/husband had another partner...I'm just too insecure and jealous maybe?
To the OP: it's probably different for everyone. You'd have to ask to know for sure. I would be suspicious if it came up suddenly in a monogamous relationship but still wouldn't jump to a conclusion.0 -
My boyfriend and I are so in love it's sickening - haha! But we are also very adventurous, and sexually open-minded. We will sometimes invite a third into our bed (someone we know and trust) for a little added fun. All three of us get a lot out of it, and we've done it more than once. As long as we are doing it together, it's a blast. We've decided that opening our relationship to sexual experiences without one another (AKA sleeping separately with other people) is not really our style, so we stick to threesomes. But to each their own! Far be it from me to judge someone else's bedroom habits when I myself prefer things a little kinkier. Same goes for people who like their sex more vanilla - you do you, and don't judge me! As long as everyone is adult, satisfied, SAFE, and on the same page I think it would be best if everyone kept their assumptions, judgements, and noses in their own business!
Also, in case the argument arises that we are somehow compensating for or trying to fix a problem with our sex life... We have a dynamite time together (just us) as well, thank you very much! It's amazing how far a little communication and trust can go.
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I have a hard time understanding this situation in general. If you want to be with other people why be in a committed relationship to begin with? I see it as wanting your cake & eat it to.
Who the hell wants cake they can't eat??
Especially with whipped cream ome top...
I just want the icing. I'll eat the icing, you can have the cake.
Do you like it straight from the container or applied?0 -
I personally see it as a form of "acceptable" cheating. In my opinion, what's the point of being in a relationship/marriage if you're open to seeking gratification (sexual or not) from someone other than your significant other? To me, that defeats the purpose of committing yourself to someone. That's not to look down on folks who do this and it works, I just personally couldn't do it.
Logic does not compute...Isn't having friends a form of gratification from someone other than s/o?
That totally makes sense, but that is not in the context of the original thread post. It's about open relationships, meaning (to me) people who are in committed (romantic) relationships with more than one person. I do see where you're coming from, though.0
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