Open Relationships
Replies
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I personally see it as a form of "acceptable" cheating. In my opinion, what's the point of being in a relationship/marriage if you're open to seeking gratification (sexual or not) from someone other than your significant other? To me, that defeats the purpose of committing yourself to someone. That's not to look down on folks who do this and it works, I just personally couldn't do it.
Logic does not compute...Isn't having friends a form of gratification from someone other than s/o?
Totally screwed up trying to edit my own post. FAIL.0 -
I have a hard time understanding this situation in general. If you want to be with other people why be in a committed relationship to begin with? I see it as wanting your cake & eat it to.
Who the hell wants cake they can't eat??
Especially with whipped cream ome top...
I just want the icing. I'll eat the icing, you can have the cake.
Do you like it straight from the container or applied?
Hmmmm.....it depends.
What flavor is it?0 -
As someone who has been in a polyamorous (I stress POLYAMOROUS and not OPEN RELATIONSHIP), I would have to say that the term "honest cheating" doesn't make much sense. If you're cheating, it's not honest.
My husband and I have been together for about five years. I have a long term boyfriend right now of about a year and a half. Both of these mean a lot to me, and I love them equally. The relationships are very different from one another, and I receive different treatment and can expose a different side of myself to each person. I have been polyamorous since I was 17 years old, so 10 years. It's all about open and honest communication. Cheating can still be done if someone does something outside of the realms of pre-established rules which differ from couple to couple.
I wanna be you
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I think some people just aren't made for monogamy. They crave the chase and the thrill of flirting and new sex, but love their partners dearly. Often, the relationships don't work out because one partner gets jealous. That's why communication is SUPER important.
The cookie-cutter relationship doesn't work for everyone. And that's okay.0 -
I have a hard time understanding this situation in general. If you want to be with other people why be in a committed relationship to begin with? I see it as wanting your cake & eat it to.
Who the hell wants cake they can't eat??
Especially with whipped cream ome top...
I just want the icing. I'll eat the icing, you can have the cake.
Do you like it straight from the container or applied?
Hmmmm.....it depends.
What flavor is it?
Not sure ..rumor is it is a little salty0 -
When your partner suggests an open relationship, is that a sign that you are not fulfilling their intimacy / sexual needs?
Depends on why they're asking for the open relationship. If it's to have sex with other people, then you may not be fulfilling their intimacy/sexual needs, but there might not be anything that you can do about that. For example, if their needs entail random partners, no matter how hard you try, you cannot fulfill that need.
Open relationships don't work for everybody, but for some people, they work really well. It's all about having an honest, up front discussion, and setting the proper rules (which get to be whatever the folks in the relationship decide). You just have to understand that there's always some risk in any type of relationship "shake up" (whether it be from going from closed to open, open to closed, or some other rule change).0 -
I personally see it as a form of "acceptable" cheating. In my opinion, what's the point of being in a relationship/marriage if you're open to seeking gratification (sexual or not) from someone other than your significant other? To me, that defeats the purpose of committing yourself to someone. That's not to look down on folks who do this and it works, I just personally couldn't do it.
If your spouse is supposed to fulfill all of your needs, then why don't people drop their friends and families the second they get hitched? When I read this, it feels like you define "commitment" as "sexual monogamy" and nothing else. I don't mean to sound judgy; I kind of feel the same way although I'm such an introvert that it's hard for me to be a good partner to someone so I'd love to be in a poly relationship where my bf/husband had another partner...I'm just too insecure and jealous maybe?
To the OP: it's probably different for everyone. You'd have to ask to know for sure. I would be suspicious if it came up suddenly in a monogamous relationship but still wouldn't jump to a conclusion.
If I could pay you to explain this to people, I would.
Being in a relationship doesn't mean that you no longer have other sorts of relationships in your life. If two people agree that sexual relationships are acceptable to have outside the marriage or partnership or whatever, then it's not cheating. Cheating is dishonest and secretive.
People are so judgy!0 -
I've heard of this going well for some couples and horribly wrong for others.0
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I have a hard time understanding this situation in general. If you want to be with other people why be in a committed relationship to begin with? I see it as wanting your cake & eat it to.
We've had friends that deployed and told their wives they could have "girlfriends" and do whatever they wanted together while they were gone but if they were with a man it was considered cheating. Once they came home the girlfriend had to go.
Maybe don't think of it as one cake? Maybe some people like all different kinds of cake and reject the rules made by who-knows-who that they can only have one piece of one kind forever and ever the end.0 -
I personally see it as a form of "acceptable" cheating. In my opinion, what's the point of being in a relationship/marriage if you're open to seeking gratification (sexual or not) from someone other than your significant other? To me, that defeats the purpose of committing yourself to someone. That's not to look down on folks who do this and it works, I just personally couldn't do it.
If your spouse is supposed to fulfill all of your needs, then why don't people drop their friends and families the second they get hitched? When I read this, it feels like you define "commitment" as "sexual monogamy" and nothing else. I don't mean to sound judgy; I kind of feel the same way although I'm such an introvert that it's hard for me to be a good partner to someone so I'd love to be in a poly relationship where my bf/husband had another partner...I'm just too insecure and jealous maybe?
To the OP: it's probably different for everyone. You'd have to ask to know for sure. I would be suspicious if it came up suddenly in a monogamous relationship but still wouldn't jump to a conclusion.
In the context of the thread, yes. I do.0 -
I have a hard time understanding this situation in general. If you want to be with other people why be in a committed relationship to begin with? I see it as wanting your cake & eat it to.
I've often had trouble with the phrase "having your cake and eating it too". Like, why would that be bad? How can two cakes be bad?
Polyamory often means being in more than one loving committed relationship. If you like being in a loving committed relationship, why just have one?We've had friends that deployed and told their wives they could have "girlfriends" and do whatever they wanted together while they were gone but if they were with a man it was considered cheating. Once they came home the girlfriend had to go.
Ahhh, the One Penis Policy. Because sex isn't real sex if there is no penis involved, and therefore it's not a real relationship. It's just misogyny.0 -
I think it boils down to a few things - level of security and trust, level of communication, and religious/social constructs around relationships and marriage.
I find that insecure people are often more afraid of open relationships than secure ones. The purpose of open relationships isn't just sex. Its about finding intimacy in all of its forms in many different ways while balancing commitments with all of them. Its not for everyone. Its certainly not for the insecure. However, it is not just an orgy with lots of random people.0 -
I've heard of this going well for some couples and horribly wrong for others.
Well, that's just how relationships are. Certainly we have a lot of threads on here where monogamy seems to have gone horribly.0 -
I have a hard time understanding this situation in general. If you want to be with other people why be in a committed relationship to begin with? I see it as wanting your cake & eat it to.
Who the hell wants cake they can't eat??
Especially with whipped cream ome top...
I just want the icing. I'll eat the icing, you can have the cake.
Do you like it straight from the container or applied?
Hmmmm.....it depends.
What flavor is it?
Not sure ..rumor is it is a little salty
Is there a separate forum for disgusting and desperate online sex chats perchance?0 -
Ahhh, the One Penis Policy. Because sex isn't real sex if there is no penis involved, and therefore it's not a real relationship. It's just misogyny.
This doesn't always follow this gender norm; Despite wanting to be open-minded enough to think I'd be ok with polyamory, I always end up reverting to the one vagina policy with my husband.0 -
I have a hard time understanding this situation in general. If you want to be with other people why be in a committed relationship to begin with? I see it as wanting your cake & eat it to.
Who the hell wants cake they can't eat??
Especially with whipped cream ome top...
I just want the icing. I'll eat the icing, you can have the cake.
Do you like it straight from the container or applied?
Hmmmm.....it depends.
What flavor is it?
Not sure ..rumor is it is a little salty
Is there a separate forum for disgusting and desperate online sex chats perchance?
Desperate, maybe, but I don't see what's disgusting about it. We're all adults here.0 -
if you're in a relationship and you aren't happy, the get out or make it work. wrong is wrong even if both agree to do it. :P0
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My morals regarding open relationships are strongly rooted in my religion. With that said, I wouldn't hold any of my friends to my moral standards and wouldn't judge them on it if all parties involved were okay with it.
If my husband suggested an open relationship to me though, he'd probably get a brick in his windshield.0 -
The research on this subject reflects that, as long as both partners are fully on-board with being in an open relationship, they actually tend to report being happier than folks who are in monogamous relationships. But that's a big condition - BOTH partners have to be FULLY on-board. If one requests opening the relationship and the other agrees just to please their partner or for fear that the partner will cheat otherwise, then resentments, anger, disappointment, self-doubt, low self-esteem, etc can result. As with many foundational beliefs, it's important for both people in a romantic relationship to be on the same page about monogamy.
Sidenote, on the phrase "have your cake and eat it too" - it actually means that once you've eaten the cake, you don't have that cake anymore. You can't both have a particular cake and eat that particular cake at the same time. Trust me, that one confused me for a long time 0
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