Life after divorce is it scary?
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I am newly single this year with a 12 yr old daughter & I have to say we are both having so much fun!0
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When my husband left a friend told me two happy homes is better than one miserable one. She was right. After the adjustment we would all agree life is better this way.0
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It feels like someone smashed the world of my children, not mine because They are world to me. Now the question remains? What's next? If I can do it? Everything should now be easier and calmer but if will be?
Gonig through this myself right now....
Was my decision to leave....
FELT LIKE $#!% when we sat down and told them I was moving out....and just watch them break apart.
My daughter had known for a bit.....and she was struggling with it already.
But my boys didn't.....
Broke my heart.....still can see it now.....makes me cry.
My oldest son has said a couple times "dad, it's not the same around here without you".....
MAN IT F**KING SUCKS!!!!0 -
I will have been divorced two years this October.
Financially it's been a struggle but other than that I have been very much happier on my own and in charge of my own life without having to deal with someone else's crap. We didn't have any kids together, though, that made it a lot easier.
I will never marry again.0 -
I'm going to say that it depends on your situation. If you're not the one who wanted the divorce, it will be more difficult. If you were financially dependent on your spouse, it will be difficult. If you now have to go get a job and juggle childcare, it will be difficult. If you have to move, it will be difficult.
I'm recently divorced, but it was my decision. I can support myself and my kids on my own. I kept the house. I have my own car. Does that mean it doesn't suck? Absolutely not. But being miserable sucked worse and I didn't want that life anymore.0 -
I've been divorced for 4 years. Life after divorce is what you make of it.
They say it takes the first person in the marriage 12 months to get over the relationship (this often happens during the relationship). Once the other person is informed or the relationship ends it takes the second person 18 months to feel closure.
Give it time and focus on taking care of yourself and your kids. Don't let the other person's new life separate from you impact how you feel about yourself. Their life has nothing to do with you anymore.0 -
My divorce was final last year and I am the one who made the decision. My children are still VERY young but they are adjusting well. I have my good days and my bad days still, but ultimately, as others have said, it's better to have two happy homes than one in which you are always walking on eggshells. My parents stayed together MUCH too long and I didn't want my kids growing up in the same kind of house that I did.
Focus on you OP. The happier you are, the happier your kids will be. Hopefully, your divorce is amicable and you have a good co-parenting plan with your ex. That has made all the difference for me, my ex-wife and my kids.0 -
I got divorced almost two years ago after 6.5 years and four kids. You'll be okay. Have a positive/strong attitude, it's what you make it.0
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I was married for four years, and the divorce was final August 2013. It was my decision to leave and I feel I have grown as a person a huge amount in the last year. All of the things I wanted to do but couldn't do because I was being held back I have started to accomplish.
It is/was not scary at all, but of course as _dracarys_ said, it really depends on the circumstances.0 -
November 1st it will be 4 years since my divorce was final... I was the one to say enough was enough... I was terrified!! But I knew in the long run we would all be much better off.
Yes, there are struggles (financially and mentally), but once the dust settled we are all much happier.... even my ex who was totally against it.
My words of advice, don't be afraid to ask for help, and you are not alone! If you and the children are having difficulties seek councelling (if you do not have the money for a psychiatrist, try a local pastor).
Best of luck to you and the children. You will find that happy place, just take it a day at a time!0 -
When my husband left a friend told me two happy homes is better than one miserable one. She was right. After the adjustment we would all agree life is better this way.
Most change is tough but better for everyone in the long run once you adjust to the "new normal"
I haven't been there myself (had to adjust to widowhood - same but very different). All I know is my husband came from a broken
home and as he heard once "better to come from a broken home than live in one"
Be strong and good to yourself and your children.0 -
After having been with my husband for 10 years (3 dating, 7 married) I finally got the guts up to leave and it was challenging. I hate hated him for years but was always too scared to leave. I had been a SAHM and now I had to make ends meet and play mom at the same time. I was worried about how I was going to do it, but it wasn't nearly as scary as I had thought it would be. It was mostly just a lot of work. :P
Scary for me was being left by my fiance... pregnant.
In the end, life just keeps pushing forward and things will work out one way or another. Do I have the white picket fence home I always thought I wanted with a yard and a dog and a husband and 2.5 children? Nope. But I find happiness in what I do have and never let go of it and trust that I am a strong woman and will manage to make it through each day no matter what happens because I am awesome.
You can do this.
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I left my husband in January, what a blessing. I am happier than I have been in a long time. It is scary wondering if you're doing the right thing or how it affects the children (I have a 4 yr old) but at the end of the day I decided I needed to be happy to for my own sanity. You can do this. You deserve to do whats best for you too. Best wishes and Keep your head up!0
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I've been a divorce lawyer for 31 years.... nearly everyone finds a way to get through and make their lives better. While children are not immune from the negative impact of divorce, they are also resilient and can find security and happiness if at least one parent works on it...better yet if both parents find ways to support and encourage their kids. One of the key things is to stop the fighting... that tears kids up more than anything, which is why I am not a huge fan of "staying together for the kids". It can work sometimes, but not usually.
Just finished one custody trial today and starting another one on Wednesday.... too much fun for just one week...
Looks like there are a lot of emotionally healthy people here on MFP.... maybe goes hand in hand with getting physically healthy...too....0 -
Give it time. Everyone needs time to heal following a divorce.
I am newly divorced after 20 years of marraige, with an 18 year old daughter. I was with my ex since we were 17. It's a completely different world to me now. And I am happy!
Best of luck to you!0 -
I'm going to say that it depends on your situation. If you're not the one who wanted the divorce, it will be more difficult. If you were financially dependent on your spouse, it will be difficult. If you now have to go get a job and juggle childcare, it will be difficult. If you have to move, it will be difficult.
I'm recently divorced, but it was my decision. I can support myself and my kids on my own. I kept the house. I have my own car. Does that mean it doesn't suck? Absolutely not. But being miserable sucked worse and I didn't want that life anymore.
I like this post. Lots of truth there.
I wasn't going to respond after reading the original post because I don't have kids and for me, that meant divorce was relatively easy in all ways. But even then (divorcing with no kids) it's not that way for everyone. I think this is just a highly individual thing. For some people it's extremely hard to transition into a new life post-divorce.0 -
My divorce was final last year and I am the one who made the decision. My children are still VERY young but they are adjusting well. I have my good days and my bad days still, but ultimately, as others have said, it's better to have two happy homes than one in which you are always walking on eggshells. My parents stayed together MUCH too long and I didn't want my kids growing up in the same kind of house that I did.
Focus on you OP. The happier you are, the happier your kids will be. Hopefully, your divorce is amicable and you have a good co-parenting plan with your ex. That has made all the difference for me, my ex-wife and my kids.
This is almost exactly my story as well, except I have a 3 year old daughter.
It hasn't been easy, that is for sure, but ultimately all of our lives are better because we live in happier environments.0 -
I hate it, even though I know its not my doing but the pain some days is so unbearable. Sometimes I sit and wonder why I and my children have to go through this. I'm pretty sure tomorrow is coming but sometimes I wonder will I be happy again0
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I think some parts will be scary and some are just...a bit awesome?
I'm separated now and will be divorcing soon.
For me, it's not the finances, the housing, or the emotional changes that threw me for a loop - I expected those - it's the changes in my interactions with those around me and the relief I feel for finally not having to TRY so hard to make it work each day. I can be me with no apologies or compromises and it's these realizations that I had compromised so much.... that make me realize it was the right decision.
I'm not at the divorce stage yet - but I hope that it means you can live the life you want, each day and you can make it a wonderful one. To me, it meant that I finally could control the direction of my life - because I didn't have to work it out with him first.
Not sure if this helps - but I hope you find some joy in this new stage. I know it's possible.0 -
I will say for me, the positive aspects:
- No longer on egg shells
- I feel at home at my place, I felt like I didn't belong in my own house when I lived with her
- She has no control over me
- Don't have to bust my @$$ for crap sandwiches
- I can leave the toilet seat up
- I can get up when I do, and not be fussed at
- I can eat how I want, and not be fussed at.
- I can come and go as I please
- I can be on time, and not be fussed at for "rushing" her
And many other things0 -
Recently separated from a 10 year relationship/marriage. Beginning the process for the divorce. My kids are older and their bio dad passed away a few years ago. So he is all they have had as a father. My boys are older and are pretty independent. My daughter though misses him terribly. He never adopted her, but he know that he is the only father she has ever had.
It was my choice. We have good days and bad. I think staying in an unhappy home is scarier than trying to live a happy, healthy life. Even if it means being single for awhile..0 -
it really depends on each person, but with children you have no choice but to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and be the best you that you can be. Be happy with yourself and allow yourself time before deciding to move on, if you choose to move on.0
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I think single life, with kids is just a different kind of hard. But a hell of a lot more rewarding and deserving of your energy. I've been free for over 5 years and every year brings more awareness to my level of independence.0
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I will say for me, the positive aspects:
- No longer on egg shells
- I feel at home at my place, I felt like I didn't belong in my own house when I lived with her
- She has no control over me
- Don't have to bust my @$$ for crap sandwiches
- I can leave the toilet seat up
- I can get up when I do, and not be fussed at
- I can eat how I want, and not be fussed at.
- I can come and go as I please
- I can be on time, and not be fussed at for "rushing" her
And many other things
wow, I just can't even imagine living with someone that is constantly nagging just to nag. Kudos for getting out and just stay positive for those babies.
OP, yes, it's scary, but you'll do it and find a way. I divorced my first husband 16 years ago. I didn't date for 10 years, just focused on raising my son who was 2 at the time. Like others have said, life still moves forward and as time goes by, you get stronger.0 -
I walked out two months ago after 21 years of marriage. We have three children, and only one of them is out on her own.
What he is going through emotionally now is what I went through years ago when he mentally checked out on me then. I'm not going to bash the man, he is the monster I created in that when he became complacent, I let him. I made excuses for him. It was easier than arguing. But I am also the monster HE created.
For me, it hasn't bothered me one iota. I realized that when we argued...back when I cared, it hurt, but over the last year or two, when we argued it's just pissed me off. I no longer cared. It's been hard on my kids though, even though two of my three saw it coming for a very long time. I told them I wasn't going to continue to be alone forever.0 -
I will admit I am terrified at the thought of divorce and all the change it would bring. Also afraid of the concept for my kids. So when I was asked if I was happy about a month ago I wanted to lie and say yes just to keep the peace but I decided then and there to start being honest about how I feel cause it won't get any better if I am not.
Currently we are trying counseling...... and it is still scary...... now that all the truths are out in the open.....0 -
I will admit I am terrified at the thought of divorce and all the change it would bring. Also afraid of the concept for my kids. So when I was asked if I was happy about a month ago I wanted to lie and say no just to keep the peace but I decided then and there to start being honest about how I feel cause it won't get any better if I am not.
Currently we are trying counseling...... and it is still scary...... now that all the truths are out in the open.....
Kudos to the counseling. I tried to get mine to go with me after I walked out the FIRST time. I told him if I left again, I was gone. This was my second walkout, and this time I stayed gone.
Be VERY sure before you step out. Weigh every scenario. If you have any doubts, then you are not ready.0 -
hope your counseling works0
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hope your counseling works
Same here! Counseling for us was the nail in the coffin. Some people see success, for us it was the opposite.0 -
hope your counseling works
Agreed. My ex husband refused to go to counseling, which told me he didn't really want to save our marriage. That's when I knew it was really over.0
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