Why can't I stop binging (ED recovery)

chene249

Hi guys.

I am suffering from AN and trying to gain to a healthy BMI.. I think i have about 2-3kg till I am there. However, for the past couple of days I do not understand why I have started to "Binge" again. It's not like I am starving myself anymore...

Like, it's not even mid morning yet, and i've already eaten:

2 wholemeal slices with 2TBSP peanut butter
3 LARGE TSP nutella
3 tim tims
3 granola bars...

Thats already 1600 calories...for breakfast...

It is a lot of high fat, high sugar foods and i guess i am feeling a wave of anxiety/ guilt/ fear that all my weight gain will just be fat. What am i meant to do for the rest of the day? I have th urge to restrict again. Normally I would try to eat a little less during the day, but for the past couple of days I have been overeating as well - not to the crazy extent like today. But still, i feel like i've gone overboard. The fact that i binged on such bad foods, i don't know what to do, or how to stop..

Any advice?

_HeartsOnFire_

Have you seen a medical professional to try to help you with your recovery?

Here is a website which has a free chat feature. They may be able to help you.

I wish you luck in your recovery. You can do this. :flowerforyou:

Is it about your TOM? I know I want to eat everything in sight during that time.

Beezil

If you're trying to gain, why are you worried about over-eating? Also, worrying about the kinds of foods you're eating probably isn't the best thing for someone with an ED to do, when trying to gain, at least. I wouldn't recommend MFP to anyone recovering from AN or bulimia, personally. But this site does have resources for people with eating disorders, so I would suggest checking those out.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1392905-updated-eating-disorder-resources

chene249

I guess I am worried about eating the "wrong" foods in recovery. It has just been junk foods and I worry about how my bad will decide to put fat on me (lol). Aka, health wise, I am not sure almost 1600 calories for breakfast would be "healthy" - and I just want to know whether it is... er.. somewhat okay that i did this... or whether this is a problem ..

And no, my TOM was last week LOL

xmichaelyx

If you keep crap in your house, you will eat crap.

Shop like a fit person; eat like a fit person.

SomeNights246

If you keep crap in your house, you will eat crap.

Shop like a fit person; eat like a fit person.

Terrible advice for someone recovering from an eating disorder.

You want to get away from that bad food mentality in recovery from an eating disorder. Especially when it's AN.

In the early stages of recovery from starvation, you are going to binge. This will be different from a normal binge. In fact, to most people who were starved... it wouldn't even be a binge. But rather, it would be considered the body's natural response to being deprived of nutrients for so long. That's all this is. Your body is still starved, whether you're restricting or not, and as a result you are going to have days where you don't want to eat at all, and days where you want to eat everything in sight. Don't hit the panic button yet. In recovery from an eating disorder this is okay, and it isn't really binge eating in the sense that most consider a binge. In the greater scheme, 1600 isn't much. I know it feels like a lot. It did to me, too, when I was early in recovery. Sometimes it still does. But in recovery from AN, some people have to eat upwards of 3000 calories. The caloric intake can be anywhere from 3000-5000 depending on gender, how underweight the sufferer is, and how long the sufferer was restricting.

Weight gain will happen in recovery, and it should. And I encourage you not to worry too much about whether it's fat or not. I know that's easier said than done. Even now I have those fears sometimes. But the anxiety you're feeling is coming from worrying too much about what you're eating, and what kind of weight you're going to gain. Part of recovery is just learning to trust your body (it knows what it's doing, it is repairing itself), learning to get rid of the good vs bad food mentality, and learning that an occasional binge is not a bad thing (especially when you're still underweight). I remember binging on foods I never thought I would even eat... because I didn't like them. I hate them, even. We're talking asparagus. Salmon. Cans of tuna with nothing added to them. Bread... Granola bars. It happens. I even went through phases (sugar - I ate a lot of peeps during this time, protein - a lot of eggs and meat, fat - a lot of peanut butter, etc). In recovery from an ED, no, it is not a problem.

Continue on with your meal plan. A binge should never cause you to skip a meal in recovery (as that could trigger a lapse). Don't panic. It's okay, and it happens to many of us in recovery. :flowerforyou:

JoRocka

However, for the past couple of days I do not understand why I have started to "Binge" again. It's not like I am starving myself anymore...

because binging isn't about hunger- binging is often emotional and psychological way of dealing with something (or a way to NOT deal with something. )

True binging has about jack all to do with hunger.

Any advice?

go see a medical professional and a therapist.

Trueray

Because you like food.

Graelwyn75

Op, you might find this article on youreatopia useful and helpful.
It is a site that explains facets of EDs and ED recovery processes.

http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2012/10/31/bingeing-is-not-bingeing.html

maineapple

I think the picture in your photo is great! Actually it is someone else's picture I guess. The one that says Serious *kitten*, which must be a type of protein or something. Lol.

JoRocka

I think the picture in your photo is great! Actually it is someone else's picture I guess. The one that says Serious *kitten*, which must be a type of protein or something. Lol.

I love it- thank you wish I had thought of it but it's joke meme- someone took of their gainer shake powder

"came home to find my dad had taken a sharpie to the M on my mass gainer- my father's 55 years old"
"serious mass"

I love it- getting old can be awesome it seems. I'm SO going to be THAT guy when I'm older- no lies.

Beezil

I guess I am worried about eating the "wrong" foods in recovery. It has just been junk foods and I worry about how my bad will decide to put fat on me (lol). Aka, health wise, I am not sure almost 1600 calories for breakfast would be "healthy" - and I just want to know whether it is... er.. somewhat okay that i did this... or whether this is a problem ..

And no, my TOM was last week LOL

Of course it's okay. Is it ideal? No, but you are working on it. This isn't going to be something you can fix overnight or even in a month, you're going to have work on this every day for a long time, possibly for the rest of your life. I think your biggest concern, for the here and now, should mostly be getting enough food into you - and second on your priority list should be getting the proper amounts of fat, protein, vitamins, and minerals.

As long as you are doing a reasonable exercise routine, incorporating some strength training and a little cardio, you are much more likely to gain muscle and a minimal amount of fat. Fat is not your enemy, it is your friend, and vital to many processes in our body that we all need to function healthily. I struggle with abnormal eating too. It's a daily battle for me, as my profile says, "One day at a time." I've been through anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, using laxatives, pretty much everything. I think it does get easier the longer and more frequently you maintain a healthy relationship with food. I have some days that are easy and once in a while I have very hard days.

Add me if you want, and I will try to support you in your recovery.

lysolgirl

.

daniellekunkel1

OMG! I have been doing the SAME thing the past four days!!! Seriously! It's awful, and I can't stop myself as much as I try. It's like suddenly I switch to garbage-disposal mode where I'm simply a mechanism with no feelings or thoughts that does nothing but eat as much as physically possible (not that I really want to, but I do). I eat everything in my house, I drive or walk to the gas station to get more, and I even pull around drive-thrus and order more junk to fill my mouth and my stomach. I'm not even hungry, but I don't even seem to feel full...until finally, I somehow I stop and become completely cognitive what I've been doing, like I reawaken from a trance. Some days I eat between 4,000 to 6,000 calories, no lie, and I don't purge. Sometimes, I can tolerate how much I've consumed (psychologically), but other times, I feel immensely guilty. What If these binging behaviors never stop? What if even after I return to my healthy weight, my weight doesn't stop increasing? I have a meal plan specially designed for my weight gain process, but I seem to have the most difficult time following it. It seems like my ED still has control over me, and now it's punishing me by making me binge. SCREW EATING DISORDERS!!!

shartran

If you keep crap in your house, you will eat crap.

Shop like a fit person; eat like a fit person.

Terrible advice for someone recovering from an eating disorder.

You want to get away from that bad food mentality in recovery from an eating disorder. Especially when it's AN.

In the early stages of recovery from starvation, you are going to binge. This will be different from a normal binge. In fact, to most people who were starved... it wouldn't even be a binge. But rather, it would be considered the body's natural response to being deprived of nutrients for so long. That's all this is. Your body is still starved, whether you're restricting or not, and as a result you are going to have days where you don't want to eat at all, and days where you want to eat everything in sight. Don't hit the panic button yet. In recovery from an eating disorder this is okay, and it isn't really binge eating in the sense that most consider a binge. In the greater scheme, 1600 isn't much. I know it feels like a lot. It did to me, too, when I was early in recovery. Sometimes it still does. But in recovery from AN, some people have to eat upwards of 3000 calories. The caloric intake can be anywhere from 3000-5000 depending on gender, how underweight the sufferer is, and how long the sufferer was restricting.

Weight gain will happen in recovery, and it should. And I encourage you not to worry too much about whether it's fat or not. I know that's easier said than done. Even now I have those fears sometimes. But the anxiety you're feeling is coming from worrying too much about what you're eating, and what kind of weight you're going to gain. Part of recovery is just learning to trust your body (it knows what it's doing, it is repairing itself), learning to get rid of the good vs bad food mentality, and learning that an occasional binge is not a bad thing (especially when you're still underweight). I remember binging on foods I never thought I would even eat... because I didn't like them. I hate them, even. We're talking asparagus. Salmon. Cans of tuna with nothing added to them. Bread... Granola bars. It happens. I even went through phases (sugar - I ate a lot of peeps during this time, protein - a lot of eggs and meat, fat - a lot of peanut butter, etc). In recovery from an ED, no, it is not a problem.

Continue on with your meal plan. A binge should never cause you to skip a meal in recovery (as that could trigger a lapse). Don't panic. It's okay, and it happens to many of us in recovery. :flowerforyou:

Well said...I too suffer from ana and was hospitalized last year for many months. During recovery, my meal plan kept increasing and increasing until I was consistently eating 3500 - 4000 cal's/day. Breakfasts were huge: 2 pieces of toast; oatmeal or cereal; peanut butter, butter, soy milk, banana, egg or 1/2 cup of almonds, and cheese....we had to eat it all or face 'Boost' Meal replacement. I remember one day I just couldn't do it...so on they (Boost) came....I had to drink 3 Boost Plus Calorie bottles (360 for one).

Don't worry...I know you feel 'out of control' because it is so out of your 'ordinary'. This 'binge' thing will pass - it is SO not uncommon for ana sufferers to go through this.

But you really need medical support! Seek some out if you haven't already.

Good luck to you - friend me if you would like to

chene249

Thank you for everyone's contribution. It is day 2 and I'm trying hard to forget about my binge yesterday... although i resorted to "restricting" behaviours again.. Hmm... relapse?

How did you guys cope with your body changing when it came to gaining weight.... That's going to be something i know id have to tackle

Nataliecatalie93

I've been in that position before. When I started recovery I had about 30 pounds I needed to gain. Once I started to allow my body to eat again, I wanted to eat all the time. I started to binge on a weekly basis for a very long time. I ate a lot of crappy foods and even though I was trying to gain weight, I felt like it wasnt good to eat all the bad food. Coming from that experience, I can tell you it's not.

Some advice that I can give to you
Do not restrict and eat balanced through out the day. Easier said than done. I stopped feeling like binging when I consistently started eating about 2500 to 3000 calories a day with a little exercise everyday. It helped to make sure every meal and snack I was eating I looked forward to but also healthy and then I would allow myself a dinner and desert that was more treat like, such as macaroni and cheese and a brownie. Once my body realized from getting 2500 to 3000 calories a day that I was not going to starve it anymore, I didn't feel like binging anymore. After a couple months of that, I started to gradually bring my calories down to a more slower weight gain or maintenance and probably eat a little healthier now.

The best thing I learned and am still learning in recovery is to forgive yourself. If you feel like you ate too much food you need to tell yourself that it's okay and then move on. Don't try to restrict because it leads to a viscous cycle. For example if I felt like I binged at breakfast I would tell myself that for the rest of the day, I would treat myself and my body like it didn't happen and eat exactly the same amount and exercise the same amount.

Walter__

Lack of self control.

Just keep trying until you get a hold of your eating habits. I tried and failed numerous times before I was finally able to control myself.

panchakshara

One thing (which you noticed) is that it looks like you're eating a lot of simple carbohydrates and sugars. That's going to lead to binge type urges because it will lead to extreme blood sugar fluctuations. Try including more complex carbohydrates and proteins at meal times. Whenever you eat something containing a large amount of sugar (nutella, tim tams, etc), make sure to pair it with a significant amount of protein (at least 15 g) and other healthy foods like vegetables or oatmeal. I find that, especially when I start my day off with triggering foods, it can be very difficult to recover and control my urges for the rest of the day.

AllOutof_Bubblegum

If you really can't stop bingeing, then you are not really in recovery. You are still sick. And that's ok, it just means you need help. Go talk to a therapist trained to counsel patients with EDs. No one here is really licenced to help you. Good luck.

Graelwyn75

Lack of self control.

Just keep trying until you get a hold of your eating habits. I tried and failed numerous times before I was finally able to control myself.

I suggest you keep your words to yourself on a topic like this, since you clearly have no clue about eating disorders.
She had enough self control to end up with anorexia so that is not her issue.
Seriously, your comment is totally inappropriate in a thread like this.
Go away.