Why can't I stop binging (ED recovery)

chene249

I usually don't eat such "empty carbs" I guess i did it that day because i have been restricting myself for so long. I am trying to regain a "healthier" relationship with junk food - as in, trying to say that it is okay to eat one tim tam or something... the only problem is I have this crazy thought that if don't it like 3-4 now, then i will never get the chance again. It is almost as though my body is expecting me to restrict again, and so when i give myself permission to "treat" myself once, I go crazy.

I normally eat very health... but I am still terrified of junk food. It just that thought of losing control.

MarineCodie

.

sljohnson1207

I am happy you are seeking help, and trying to understand your behaviors. Most likely your body is just trying to re-feed itself. Could it be you are grabbing those particular foods because they are already there, easy, and delicious? If you don't have other options around, that could just be the case.

You don't have to eat lots of sugary, decadent foods to gain weight, however, in recovery, you do need to learn not to restrict either. Meaning, you should eat whatever, whenever, and never identify a food as bad or good or healthy or unhealthy. Also, please try to stop worrying about what kind of weight you'll be gaining. It's weight and that's it. It's what you need right now. I know from experience that is so much easier said than done, so I wish you the very best success with your recovery.

With that said, you've already gotten some good advice, and some misguided advice. If you're not sure which is which, speak to your health care providers about it, and ask their advice for sorting it out. I do hope you are in a recovery program with appropriate psychological counseling, nutritional counseling, and even a moderated support group.

Getting varied meal plans from a registered dietitian (with experience with EDs) with enough calories (and appropriate amounts of carbs, fats, proteins, vitamins, and minerals) to make you gain weight is possibly the ticket, because this is the first step...eating enough to become a healthier weight and nourishing a malnourished body.

You have to approach recovery one step (or maybe two small ones) at a time. It isn't all going to happen at once, and you may backslide sometimes. Try to keep moving forward overall toward recovery. If you have BDD as well, that may be the last issue to resolve.

mangogirl272727

Lack of self control.

Just keep trying until you get a hold of your eating habits. I tried and failed numerous times before I was finally able to control myself.

Wrong...Instinctual response to starvation actually. Look up the Minnesota Starvation Study.

Raynne413

One thing I wanted to add, when I was having the most problems with binging was also when I was restricting the most. I got help because the lack of control associated with the binging scared me. I couldn't understand why I was going crazy when I had been "good" for so long.

Throughout the process of getting help, and working with my nutritionist, I found out several things. The first is that over-restriction and not eating enough for my activity level was one of the major causes of my binges. Even now, if I work out too much, I will get that same urge again. Sometimes I will be fine for a week, and then it will hit me. So now I have to make sure I eat ENOUGH, or I don't work out as much.

Another thing I learned was to make sure I had a good level of fat in my diet. Even today, I try to keep my fat around 30-40% (G-d I love peanut butter!!). This really seems to help.

I also have to make sure I get enough sleep. Sleep deprivation is a major culprit with my binges, especially if it is combined with any of the above (too little calories, too little fat, or too much exercise).

One big thing is not to try to "make up" for a binge. Because then you restrict, and workout too much, all leading up to another binge, and the cycle just goes on and on. The important thing is breaking the cycle.

I hope some of this might help you!

Val8less

Thanks for sharing.....1)Food is NOT your enemy!.....2)You are in control.....3)Take it a MEAL at a time...I know you can do this....We are here for YOU! ((HUGS))

Dragonwolf

Another thing I learned was to make sure I had a good level of fat in my diet. Even today, I try to keep my fat around 30-40% (G-d I love peanut butter!!). This really seems to help.

This. My first thought reading through the OP's list was "is there enough fat in the usual menu?" Even if the goal is to gain weight on healthy foods, (natural) fats are very healthy foods (vitamins! minerals! other good compounds!) and, from what I've seen via friends with BED, getting enough can really help curb the binge feelings.

chene249

Ah thank you everyone for your support! It is very tough. I am struggling with the mental part of it most of all. Knowing that i ate so many bad foods has kind of lead me to restrict ... it is vey tough breaking that cycle.

Thanks for the advice about upping fats etc. Although i do admit it is vey daunting... my doctor today told me i now have moderate oesteopenia... and that SHOULD spur me on to gain weight and not worry about food... but, it's still a struggle aha

thejuicywoman

A binge is your body's way of crying for help! Part of the problem is the pressure that you're feeling to lose the weight. If a part of you feels at all conflicted around getting thinner, your subconscious mind will trigger a cascade of hormones that will stimulate your body's urge to eat. Your body shuts down when it's under stress and if you're not aware of the fact that you're vulnerable at this time. If you're not in a self-nurturing place, your inner critic can lay you out to dry and you'll end up feeling horrible about everything you do and feel like nothing you do is good enough. But these are just thoughts that aren't true. It's that poor me thinking that keeps you feeling pressured and out of control around food.

My best advice is to look at the emotional reasons why you're overeating. Have you been enduring a loss, feeling envious of someone else's success, facing a betrayal, fearing the future, been out of work, relationship troubles, health issues??? These are all really good reasons that can send you running back to food.

Stop the insanity. Forgive yourself for eating more than you intended because it's the best you can do until you figure out a way to deal with the stress of what's pushing your hungry buttons in a more efficient way. Sustainable weight control is an inside out approach. You have to go backwards to move forwards. When you're in a binge phase, your body is telling you that you need something more than you're giving it. Don't even worry about the food issue, just focus on what's upsetting you and making you eat. Just knowing that will give you a big edge to see a binge as an opportunity to pause and look around you. I'm here if you're in need of some more emotional support.

Warmest regards,

Andrea

cosmiqrust

Lack of self control.

Just keep trying until you get a hold of your eating habits. I tried and failed numerous times before I was finally able to control myself.

literally the worst thing you could possibly say to someone with an eating disorder. learn some f*cking tact.

cosmiqrust

it's all just part of the process. your body has been through a long famine and it's reasonably hungry. as much as it hurts, it's best to just let it do its thing and forgive yourself. once your body balances out it shouldn't be a problem anymore. i would recommend you see a nutritionist if you aren't already -- i've been trying to recover with little to no help for the past 4 years and i think that time frame speaks for itself.

chene249

Hm i actually LOST weight almost 3 days after my "binge." Basically, i am back to where i was almost 3 months ago.. (TW) I lost all the "gains" i made: around 1.5-2kg... (so within three months, I thought i had at least gained that much in fat/muscle etc. But because i lost it so easily, does that mean I've lost muscle? or lost fat? Or was my 3 month gain nothing at all but water weight?

I get that when people go on "binges" they may drastically gain a lot of weight (due to water, bloating, sodium etc.). So is it the same for losing weight too? Perhaps, that weight will come back on the next day? lol....

(In other words, I am petrified i lost the weight. On one hand, I know i need to gain weight, but on the other, seeing that i CAN lose weight makes me want to continue doing so. My mind is conflicted:

1) Woo, i can lose weight = i want to maintain this underweight BMI even though i know its bad for my health.

2) FML. i lost the weight, which means I need to eat MORE and gain MORE - of which I am terrified of doing)

I do not binge at all for emotional reasons - sometimes i force myself to binge so i can put on weight. But then the guilt and stuff floods afterwards and i crumble. I've "tried" to put up with the wave of anxiety and depressive emotions - but then i get too weak, and then restrict or exercise excessively... sigh this is never ending.

chene249

I have eaten around 1800 calories so far and my last meal for the day (dinner) is going to be around 1100 calories more. I ate healthy today, 2 meals, 2 snacks, but even the idea of going OVER 2500+ calories freaks me out. I know it's not even a binge. But sigh, its overwhelming

Kiyy

Cene,
My issues are different however my therapist told me to talk to my food. LOL sounds NUTS.

Now i do three things that work

1. when I am having a day that I'm Hungary I make a bowl of fresh broccoli steamed in the microwave with butter pam speray and salt. _ or i make a salad with fresh broccoli to fill me. that was advice from a friend
2. If my mind gets thinking about a food that I usually binge with I just say" I'm in control not the food" I make a decision to control what im doing and that works for me now.
3. I have a photo on my phone that reminds me what my goal is. Having a clear goal keeps me on track

Dragonwolf

Hm i actually LOST weight almost 3 days after my "binge." Basically, i am back to where i was almost 3 months ago.. (TW) I lost all the "gains" i made: around 1.5-2kg... (so within three months, I thought i had at least gained that much in fat/muscle etc. But because i lost it so easily, does that mean I've lost muscle? or lost fat? Or was my 3 month gain nothing at all but water weight?

I get that when people go on "binges" they may drastically gain a lot of weight (due to water, bloating, sodium etc.). So is it the same for losing weight too? Perhaps, that weight will come back on the next day? lol....

(In other words, I am petrified i lost the weight. On one hand, I know i need to gain weight, but on the other, seeing that i CAN lose weight makes me want to continue doing so. My mind is conflicted:

1) Woo, i can lose weight = i want to maintain this underweight BMI even though i know its bad for my health.

2) FML. i lost the weight, which means I need to eat MORE and gain MORE - of which I am terrified of doing)

I do not binge at all for emotional reasons - sometimes i force myself to binge so i can put on weight. But then the guilt and stuff floods afterwards and i crumble. I've "tried" to put up with the wave of anxiety and depressive emotions - but then i get too weak, and then restrict or exercise excessively... sigh this is never ending.

Chances are, your body is still trying to repair itself from the damage done during starvation. At first, that will probably be at least partially water. Just keep eating lots of good foods, and make sure you're getting at least the sufficient amounts of fat and protein (around 1g/kg of total body weight for fat and 2g/kg body weight for protein), so that your body can heal.

Weight gain, just like weight loss, isn't linear, so don't freak out over a single day's fluctuation. Unless your recovery plan requires you to weigh on a daily basis, it might be good to try not to (or, alternatively, have someone else read the number and keep track for you, that way someone knows what direction the trend is going). Just focus on retraining yourself that it's okay to eat a lot of food.

kellehbeans

I do not often sit and read every reply to a topic, however this one, I could relate to so well, and I read all the advice here. Thank you to everyone for the more helpful comments.

OP - I binge for no reason too. I starved myself on about 300-500kcals a day for around 6 months. Then I put the weight back on. Then I turned to MFP about 4 years later and ate at 1400, then eventually 1800. Then all of a sudden, I started binging. I've always had an extremely bad relationship with food, and yes, I am trying to recover but the waiting lists for help in the UK are ridiculous, so my progress has stalled - in fact, my problem has got worse. I have no emotional reasons to binge, just like you, so I'm interested to know if my body is actually still trying to repair itself from about 6-7 years ago.

Raynne413

I do not often sit and read every reply to a topic, however this one, I could relate to so well, and I read all the advice here. Thank you to everyone for the more helpful comments.

OP - I binge for no reason too. I starved myself on about 300-500kcals a day for around 6 months. Then I put the weight back on. Then I turned to MFP about 4 years later and ate at 1400, then eventually 1800. Then all of a sudden, I started binging. I've always had an extremely bad relationship with food, and yes, I am trying to recover but the waiting lists for help in the UK are ridiculous, so my progress has stalled - in fact, my problem has got worse. I have no emotional reasons to binge, just like you, so I'm interested to know if my body is actually still trying to repair itself from about 6-7 years ago.

You may be eating more now, but looking at your food diary, your fat levels are still rather low, usually in the 30-40g range,and some days you have rather large deficits 500-800 calories. I have found that getting around 60-100g is ideal for me. Sometimes I even get up to 115-120. I know a lot of people would think this is WAY too high, but it works to keep my cravings and urges in check, so I don't care. Maybe try upping your fat and see if that helps?

GYMEIGHT

Maybe you're just having a stressful day, put it behind you and go forward from tomorrow. You know what you've done and you know how to fix it. Onward and upward. X

1stplace4health

Eat the correct amount of calories
Increase your protein
And cut out sugar
Try it for a week & you won't want to binge

gothchiq

I understand. One bite of junk food sets off this chain reaction. I recommend seeing a nutritionist to develop strategies for replacing unhealthy foods with healthy ones on a sustainable daily basis so that you gain good healthy muscle and the right proportion of fat, and have energy and strength. Foods like eggs, yogurt, fruit, cheese in moderation, whole wheat bread, and healthy cereals would be good things to have on hand for breakfast. I'd suggest not keeping junk foods in the house. They really are addictive for a lot of people, and you don't want to set yourself up for another binge/restrict cycle, you want to get out of these cycles by forming stable and healthy eating patterns.