feeders

mazzzery

I love my partner, but I have to give it to him straight, he wants to make me fat, four stone I've put on in the two years I've known him, because everyday he buys takeaways or eats out, or both.

I told him I was on a diet fifty times today, but he sort`ve bullied me into eating a bit of Chinese and pizza, now I feel depressed, he says he likes my weight, and I'm fed up saying no, no, no. I can't have this sabotage.

I know people will say its my fault for giving in, but you don't know this guy!!!.. he really thinks it makes me happy to eat this ****e, but it doesn't. I love cooking healthy meals. But just after I made tomato soup, ate it and felt happy, he says I'm going round to get pizza, and got Me one too. I can't throw it out, and I can't beg not too anymore... he wants me to be fat, eugh,

We went into the shop and he wouldn't stop asking me if I wanted the fattest foods, crisps, etc, really fed up. I am so angry, anyone else have a feeder?

jemhh

Bottom line, it is your fault for giving in. It doesn't matter that I don't know your partner. You are in charge of what you eat. You, and you alone. (I'm assuming he doesn't have you chained down and is force feeding you, obviously.) You've given him mixed messages here. You tell him you don't want the food but then when he pushes, you eat it. So of course he is going to keep pushing the next time. He knows you will give in. It's obnoxious on his part and wishy washy on yours. Just stop it.

coffeeshopgeek

If he had bought you a whole pizza, couldn't you have split it into manageable portions and kept it for lunch during the next few days? That way it didn't go completely to waste and neither would your healthier eating. Also, be more assertive, no means no, not 'aw, go on then!'

SonicDeathMonkey80

You're a grown *kitten* woman and you can do what you want. Including throwing away pizza, breaking up, or getting fat.

verptwerp

You apparently don't want it badly enough yet ...... rethink your priorities ...... and keep on truckin' !

Graelwyn75

1) take pizza
2) throw in the trash
3) point made to your partner.

Alternatively, divide it up and just have a bit at a time,
Until you really put your foot down and show him you mean business, he will continue to bring the food.

Liftng4Lis

You're in charge of yourself and your choice to say yes or no.

PrizePopple

You're a grown *kitten* woman and you can do what you want. Including throwing away pizza, breaking up, or getting fat.

QFT.

My DH doesn't put the food into my mouth and force me to chew it. I do that all on my own. Just yesterday we went into Whole Foods where he wanted to have some pizza by the slice. I wanted just a pack of baby carrots, and he was like "can't you wait until we're getting ready to leave to buy them?" ... uh, no, because I want to eat them instead of pizza. He rolled his eyes, and I told him I would gladly go wait in the car while he got his pizza. Except I was hungry, so I went to the salad bar and put some produce and protein into a take-out box. He paid way more for my bits of broccoli, cauliflower, mushroom, a lone egg, and a tablespoon of salmon.

If you talk to him about the fact that you're making better choices for your health and he still "bullies" you then you could log the mad dash to get away from his *kitten* as exercise.


edit to properly quote OP.

dopeysmelly

You're a grown *kitten* woman and you can do what you want. Including throwing away pizza, breaking up, or getting fat.

^^This.

astroophys

Break up with the feeder. You don't need him. Get therapy and supportive friends to help you break up with him if it is too emotionally difficult for you to do so on your own. Your health is your responsibility. Please don't lose it to someone who evidently cares very little.

*I absolutely hate feeders.

Alluminati

You're a grown *kitten* woman and you can do what you want. Including throwing away pizza, breaking up, or getting fat.

QFT.

My DH doesn't put the food into my mouth and force me to chew it. I do that all on my own. Just yesterday we went into Whole Foods where he wanted to have some pizza by the slice. I wanted just a pack of baby carrots, and he was like "can't you wait until we're getting ready to leave to buy them?" ... uh, no, because I want to eat them instead of pizza. He rolled his eyes, and I told him I would gladly go wait in the car while he got his pizza. Except I was hungry, so I went to the salad bar and put some produce and protein into a take-out box. He paid way more for my bits of broccoli, cauliflower, mushroom, a lone egg, and a tablespoon of salmon.

If you talk to him about the fact that you're making better choices for your health and he still "bullies" you then you could log the mad dash to get away from his *kitten* as exercise.


edit to properly quote OP.

I want to post a certain gif so hard right now but I got in trouble yesterday for it:laugh:
**grinds teef**

PikaKnight

I love my partner, but I have to give it to him straight, he wants to make me fat, four stone I've put on in the two years I've known him, because everyday he buys takeaways or eats out, or both.

I told him I was on a diet fifty times today, but he sort`ve bullied me into eating a bit of Chinese and pizza, now I feel depressed, he says he likes my weight, and I'm fed up saying no, no, no. I can't have this sabotage.

I know people will say its my fault for giving in, but you don't know this guy!!!.. he really thinks it makes me happy to eat this ****e, but it doesn't. I love cooking healthy meals. But just after I made tomato soup, ate it and felt happy, he says I'm going round to get pizza, and got Me one too. I can't throw it out, and I can't beg not too anymore... he wants me to be fat, eugh,

We went into the shop and he wouldn't stop asking me if I wanted the fattest foods, crisps, etc, really fed up. I am so angry, anyone else have a feeder?

How did he "sort of bully" you into eating it? If he's verbally abusing you in order to make you eat, then you need to seek out therapy and a divorce.

PayneAS

I can't throw it out

Why not? He'd get the message. He can't force you to eat it. He buys it. Throw it out or let him eat it.

zoeysasha37

If he's bullying you into eating, then your probably in the wrong relationship. Find someone who will respect your goals.

The bottom line is though, it's your choice to put the foods in your mouth. Did he tie you up and force the foods down your throat??

your an adult, so you really can't blame anyone but yourself.

Turning_Hopes_to_Habits

Throw away the food until he gets the point. If he seriously doesn't want to be with you if you lose weight, you've got a choice to make. But as long as you're together, part of your life is going to be fighting with temptation that he puts in front of you. Unless you do manage to make him stop.

This would drive me crazy. Like, guano crazy.

NC_Nature_Chick

Find someone else who supports your goals in a healthy way

lacurandera1

Make your own decisions. Stop blaming the bad ones on others.

Cranquistador

You do what you want.

wheird

You do what you want.

She doesn't, it seems.

Derpes

LadyHobbledehoy

I would've looked him straight in the eye as I threw the pizza in the trashcan.

VaxSA

Mine was like this! Did my head in for about 2 weeks before I asked him if he cared if I died of a heart attack, if he wants a child or not, if he wants a happy wife or a HARPY wife. (I can harp on like a drone, its quite a skill :P ). If he cares, he will SUPPORT you, and if he doesnt... you know where the door is. Or accept the fat.

missiontofitness

I don't know much about "feederism". But the little I do know, it seems like a very unhealthy dynamic when both parties are not on the same page. He's basing his attraction to you on your size, and wants to keep you big. That isn't healthy. Dump him and eat/do what you want. There's no need to stay in a relationship that is essentially held together by food.

PrizePopple

I love Beavis & Butthead. :happy:

fitfreakymom

Nobody can force you to eat what you do not want to eat, just like nobody forced me to eat a piece of chocolate peanut butter pie I did that all on my own:bigsmile:

Daphnerose86

I think it is simple for others to say that it's your fault. It's hard enough to restrict your own desire for pizza let alone when someone is overbearing and trying to force you to eat it. But you definitely need to find a way to reach him because for whatever reason just saying that you want to get healthy isn't getting through. What is especially true here is that he is being selfish. It doesn't matter that he likes you fat- it is your body and you should not be bullied into being at a weight that doesn't feel right to you. And in the abstract is he going to treat you like this for everything you choose to do in life? If you decide to change jobs but he likes the one you have, will he get in the way of it? Or change your hairstyle is he going to bully you until you change it back?

Partners are supposed to be your partners not your masters. If it is really important for you to lose the weight he needs to respect when you say no. Don't let him push you around- throw out the pizza and takeaways and only agree to eat out if you are comfortable with the menu. Partners should want you to be happy. They shouldn't only want you to do things that make them happy. Find a way to drive your point home how important it is for you to get healthier and if he doesn't listen take a step back and think about how healthy THIS relationship is.

SnuggleSmacks

I have to agree with the previous posters...you can't be forced to do anything you don't want to do, "bullying" or no. You have to decide if you want to make this lifestyle change, and then you have to communicate your choice clearly to your partner, and stick with it. Be honest, tell him how your weight makes you feel. Let him know that you appreciate and love the fact that he cares about you and finds you attractive regardless of your weight, but you fear that his insistence that he loves you at any weight is coming across as an insistence that you remain heavy, and hence unhappy. Let him know that you realize he probably hadn't considered it from that perspective, but now that he knows how your weight, and his behavior, is impacting you, you know you can count on his support.

And if that doesn't work out, then you might need to rethink your relationship and make some further decisions.

missiontofitness

I have to agree with the previous posters...you can't be forced to do anything you don't want to do, "bullying" or no. You have to decide if you want to make this lifestyle change, and then you have to communicate your choice clearly to your partner, and stick with it. Be honest, tell him how your weight makes you feel. Let him know that you appreciate and love the fact that he cares about you and finds you attractive regardless of your weight, but you fear that his insistence that he loves you at any weight is coming across as an insistence that you remain heavy, and hence unhappy. Let him know that you realize he probably hadn't considered it from that perspective, but now that he knows how your weight, and his behavior, is impacting you, you know you can count on his support.

And if that doesn't work out, then you might need to rethink your relationship and make some further decisions.

Most likely going to be your last sentence. Based on what little I've seen on feederism, it's pretty much a form of fat fetishism. The "feeder" gets enjoyment out of feeding the "feedee", and watching them gain weight. If this is the only foundation the relationship has, the OP should definitely rethink the relationship, and prioritize their wants and needs first. Feederism is okay if both parties are consenting, on the same page, and willing participants. Adults can make their own decisions as to what food they want to put into their body, whether they want to gain or lose weight, ect, and can be supported by their partner no matter that their decision is. That is not happening here.

janiceclark08

I think hes afraid if you lose weight, you will attract other men and you may leave him. THATS WHY He WANTS TO KEEP YOU FAT.

SpicyBaconCake

I kept blaming my husband for feeding me. It's an issue I've only recently overcome actually.
See, he would go to the store and ask if I want anything, I'd be thirsty, so sure, get me a soda. Then he would come back with M&M's or cookies, or pizza every Tuesday.
One day, I was telling him how messed up it was he kept bringing me soda and my favorite ice cream. His reply was "you asked for it, so I thought you wanted it, then you ate/drank it all, so I got you some more"
That was when I had to stop blaming him, yes he was enabling me, but it was my behavior that encouraged it.
I realized that I could say I don't need anything, or do they have bananas? Still working on not touching what he brings in for him and kids, but if it's not My favorite, I can at least work a single serving into my calories.
Good luck, we can all do this :drinker:

essa78

1) take pizza
2) throw in the trash
3) point made to your partner.

This. Them tell him to get out. You have made your needs clear, right? You have said to him "I do not want that pizza/Chinese/dessert" Right?! Tell him no. Mean it. I know it's really REALLY HARD to say no to food, food you love and want to eat. But you are trying to practice healthy habits and moderation and your BF isn't playing nice.
DTMFA.

OR....

Make it habit that every time he tries to coerce you into bad habits you're trying to break, LEAVE THE HOUSE. Go for a walk, a long one. A brisk one. When you get home clean house. Clean out the fridge and take out the trash. Put the leftovers in the garbage as well. Tell him again that you did not want that food, and tell him he's an *kitten* for wasting money on food that is now gone to waste.

Then tell him you will be forced to re-evevauluate the relationship if this disrespectful behavior continues, and your priority is on health, not him.

Good Luck, OP! Once you get this all straightened out you will be one step farther along on your way to success!