feeders

VaxSA

Mine was like this! Did my head in for about 2 weeks before I asked him if he cared if I died of a heart attack, if he wants a child or not, if he wants a happy wife or a HARPY wife. (I can harp on like a drone, its quite a skill :P ). If he cares, he will SUPPORT you, and if he doesnt... you know where the door is. Or accept the fat.

missiontofitness

I don't know much about "feederism". But the little I do know, it seems like a very unhealthy dynamic when both parties are not on the same page. He's basing his attraction to you on your size, and wants to keep you big. That isn't healthy. Dump him and eat/do what you want. There's no need to stay in a relationship that is essentially held together by food.

PrizePopple

I love Beavis & Butthead. :happy:

fitfreakymom

Nobody can force you to eat what you do not want to eat, just like nobody forced me to eat a piece of chocolate peanut butter pie I did that all on my own:bigsmile:

Daphnerose86

I think it is simple for others to say that it's your fault. It's hard enough to restrict your own desire for pizza let alone when someone is overbearing and trying to force you to eat it. But you definitely need to find a way to reach him because for whatever reason just saying that you want to get healthy isn't getting through. What is especially true here is that he is being selfish. It doesn't matter that he likes you fat- it is your body and you should not be bullied into being at a weight that doesn't feel right to you. And in the abstract is he going to treat you like this for everything you choose to do in life? If you decide to change jobs but he likes the one you have, will he get in the way of it? Or change your hairstyle is he going to bully you until you change it back?

Partners are supposed to be your partners not your masters. If it is really important for you to lose the weight he needs to respect when you say no. Don't let him push you around- throw out the pizza and takeaways and only agree to eat out if you are comfortable with the menu. Partners should want you to be happy. They shouldn't only want you to do things that make them happy. Find a way to drive your point home how important it is for you to get healthier and if he doesn't listen take a step back and think about how healthy THIS relationship is.

SnuggleSmacks

I have to agree with the previous posters...you can't be forced to do anything you don't want to do, "bullying" or no. You have to decide if you want to make this lifestyle change, and then you have to communicate your choice clearly to your partner, and stick with it. Be honest, tell him how your weight makes you feel. Let him know that you appreciate and love the fact that he cares about you and finds you attractive regardless of your weight, but you fear that his insistence that he loves you at any weight is coming across as an insistence that you remain heavy, and hence unhappy. Let him know that you realize he probably hadn't considered it from that perspective, but now that he knows how your weight, and his behavior, is impacting you, you know you can count on his support.

And if that doesn't work out, then you might need to rethink your relationship and make some further decisions.

missiontofitness

I have to agree with the previous posters...you can't be forced to do anything you don't want to do, "bullying" or no. You have to decide if you want to make this lifestyle change, and then you have to communicate your choice clearly to your partner, and stick with it. Be honest, tell him how your weight makes you feel. Let him know that you appreciate and love the fact that he cares about you and finds you attractive regardless of your weight, but you fear that his insistence that he loves you at any weight is coming across as an insistence that you remain heavy, and hence unhappy. Let him know that you realize he probably hadn't considered it from that perspective, but now that he knows how your weight, and his behavior, is impacting you, you know you can count on his support.

And if that doesn't work out, then you might need to rethink your relationship and make some further decisions.

Most likely going to be your last sentence. Based on what little I've seen on feederism, it's pretty much a form of fat fetishism. The "feeder" gets enjoyment out of feeding the "feedee", and watching them gain weight. If this is the only foundation the relationship has, the OP should definitely rethink the relationship, and prioritize their wants and needs first. Feederism is okay if both parties are consenting, on the same page, and willing participants. Adults can make their own decisions as to what food they want to put into their body, whether they want to gain or lose weight, ect, and can be supported by their partner no matter that their decision is. That is not happening here.

janiceclark08

I think hes afraid if you lose weight, you will attract other men and you may leave him. THATS WHY He WANTS TO KEEP YOU FAT.

SpicyBaconCake

I kept blaming my husband for feeding me. It's an issue I've only recently overcome actually.
See, he would go to the store and ask if I want anything, I'd be thirsty, so sure, get me a soda. Then he would come back with M&M's or cookies, or pizza every Tuesday.
One day, I was telling him how messed up it was he kept bringing me soda and my favorite ice cream. His reply was "you asked for it, so I thought you wanted it, then you ate/drank it all, so I got you some more"
That was when I had to stop blaming him, yes he was enabling me, but it was my behavior that encouraged it.
I realized that I could say I don't need anything, or do they have bananas? Still working on not touching what he brings in for him and kids, but if it's not My favorite, I can at least work a single serving into my calories.
Good luck, we can all do this :drinker:

essa78

1) take pizza
2) throw in the trash
3) point made to your partner.

This. Them tell him to get out. You have made your needs clear, right? You have said to him "I do not want that pizza/Chinese/dessert" Right?! Tell him no. Mean it. I know it's really REALLY HARD to say no to food, food you love and want to eat. But you are trying to practice healthy habits and moderation and your BF isn't playing nice.
DTMFA.

OR....

Make it habit that every time he tries to coerce you into bad habits you're trying to break, LEAVE THE HOUSE. Go for a walk, a long one. A brisk one. When you get home clean house. Clean out the fridge and take out the trash. Put the leftovers in the garbage as well. Tell him again that you did not want that food, and tell him he's an *kitten* for wasting money on food that is now gone to waste.

Then tell him you will be forced to re-evevauluate the relationship if this disrespectful behavior continues, and your priority is on health, not him.

Good Luck, OP! Once you get this all straightened out you will be one step farther along on your way to success!

marinabreeze

I have to agree with the previous posters...you can't be forced to do anything you don't want to do, "bullying" or no. You have to decide if you want to make this lifestyle change, and then you have to communicate your choice clearly to your partner, and stick with it. Be honest, tell him how your weight makes you feel. Let him know that you appreciate and love the fact that he cares about you and finds you attractive regardless of your weight, but you fear that his insistence that he loves you at any weight is coming across as an insistence that you remain heavy, and hence unhappy. Let him know that you realize he probably hadn't considered it from that perspective, but now that he knows how your weight, and his behavior, is impacting you, you know you can count on his support.

And if that doesn't work out, then you might need to rethink your relationship and make some further decisions.

Most likely going to be your last sentence. Based on what little I've seen on feederism, it's pretty much a form of fat fetishism. The "feeder" gets enjoyment out of feeding the "feedee", and watching them gain weight. If this is the only foundation the relationship has, the OP should definitely rethink the relationship, and prioritize their wants and needs first. Feederism is okay if both parties are consenting, on the same page, and willing participants. Adults can make their own decisions as to what food they want to put into their body, whether they want to gain or lose weight, ect, and can be supported by their partner no matter that their decision is. That is not happening here.

This.

OP - It's one thing if you and him were on the same page. However, you have the goal to lose weight, and he is clearly not on board with that. You deserve someone who is willing to support you in your goal, especially when that comes with living a healthier life. That is a huge problem. Yes, you choose what you eat, but if you're in a relationship with someone who is actively and brazenly sabatoging your goals, that makes it infinitely more difficult. His behavior is controlling, and that is not healthy. You are worth more - rethink this relationship.

jofjltncb6

How is Dani doing? She would have had some succinct but solid advice for this thread.

mazzzery

thanks everyone for the good advice, it happened again today tho, pizza @ dominoes, which since i hadn't eaten anything else i had two pieces to not make him feel bad, but i had to put my foot down when he was about to go get me a battered fish about half an hour ago. oh not forgetting the bakery bun he got me, full of toffee and cream, i gave it to my mum when we called round, and she had a word with him about me needing to lose weight.

i understand i was eating what he gave me, but now on this diet, definitely have to be stronger to say NO!... maybe a few more times.

cheers

stuck it out today anyway, proud of myself for saying no to that bun, goodness it was tempting... aswell as the packet burgers he bought when i was asleep this morning, and pot noddles ect, sitting there in the kitchen, have to not go near these, before him, i was a vegan for the most part, and never ate rubbish.

feeling stronger now, i'm writing everything i eat down here, and trying to get better exercise, luckily my wee graze box came today ( they are great) so I've just been snacking at that, after the guilt from the pizza

thanks everyone, best wishes

jc_0324

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be mean but why why why must you eat what he buys you? Tell him, you buy it, you eat it or I am throwing it out! Maybe after the first time of throwing it away, he'll stop.

I know it's hard having delicious food around but there are ways around this and you're going to have to be the one with the solution. It all comes down to you.

Good luck :-)

brightsideofpink

If you love this man, and want to spend the rest of your life with him, you need to sit down and have a very honest and open conversation with him. Don't respond just to each pizza. Have a focused sit down. Ask him to understand your needs, and tell him that you are relying on him for his support. Ask him if there is a reason he keeps trying to insist you eat more. Ask him to look good and hard at that. It may not even be about you. Maybe he feels guilty about his own binges and wants somebody to participate with him. Who knows? Only he does. Talk with him. Lay out what you need from his as a partner. If he can't or doesn't want to give you what you need, its time to evaluate the possible future of a lifetime with a person who doesn't want to support you.

Need2Exerc1se

Like others have said, what you eat really is your choice. If you can't bring yourself to throw out the pizza, then freeze it. Next time he wants to order pizza, say "We already have pizza", and thaw it out for him.

Eat what you want in the amounts you want. Don't let anyone bully you. Don't argue, just say No! Say it repeatedly. Say it and end the discussion. Just say no.

ldrosophila

so youre in a relationship where your partner likes large women. looking past the bullying part what do you think will happen if you succeed and lose the weight?

PikaKnight

thanks everyone for the good advice, it happened again today tho, pizza @ dominoes, which since i hadn't eaten anything else i had two pieces to not make him feel bad, but i had to put my foot down when he was about to go get me a battered fish about half an hour ago. oh not forgetting the bakery bun he got me, full of toffee and cream, i gave it to my mum when we called round, and she had a word with him about me needing to lose weight.

i understand i was eating what he gave me, but now on this diet, definitely have to be stronger to say NO!... maybe a few more times.

cheers

stuck it out today anyway, proud of myself for saying no to that bun, goodness it was tempting... aswell as the packet burgers he bought when i was asleep this morning, and pot noddles ect, sitting there in the kitchen, have to not go near these, before him, i was a vegan for the most part, and never ate rubbish.

feeling stronger now, i'm writing everything i eat down here, and trying to get better exercise, luckily my wee graze box came today ( they are great) so I've just been snacking at that, after the guilt from the pizza

thanks everyone, best wishes

Sorry but...you had your MOM give him a talking to? :huh: :noway:

tapirfrog

Sorry but...you had your MOM give him a talking to? :huh: :noway:

^^^^^^^^^^YES

I was doing okay till I got to this. Then my head blew up.