Feeling *this* close to tears...

HappyTemple

So some of you know I've been struggling staying on track here the past few weeks. Well, I got a blow today - while I was talking to my sister, she said that after I left my mother's house for Christmas, my grandma, mother and aunt all started ripping into me about how fat I'd gotten (this was the first time I'd seen them in like 3 years), etc. It made me feel WRETCHED. My relationship with my mom has been strained these past 3 years, and needless to say this has really made me regret taking a step toward reconciliation. Especially since she e-mailed saying to ignore my grandma's comments, and that she thought I looked nice! Guess she didn't think I would find out what they said after I'd left...

Anyway, this was a vent more than anything, but if anyone has any similar crappy situation, what did you do to help cope? I feel like a fat piece of crap now.

Darlis

Been there...know the feeling, however....are you doing this for THEM...or for yourself??? Let it go....easier said than done, I know, but just imagine if you don't see them again until next Christmas.....you can gloat!

Sandeee

Sitting at my mothers funeral this past January, I overheard people saying the same about me. I felt horrible, then decided you know what, they are right, I let myself go and got myself going. So have lost 24lbs, feel pretty good, stopped and now started again for another 7 lbs. I wish you the best!:flowerforyou:

vkpmusic

I'm seeing that you joined in Nov. That means you knew you had to take steps to improve your health before Christmas and before anyone's comments. There are always going to be people who make comments. There are probably going to be people who think you are "starving yourself" when you start dropping the weight.

Just stay on here, join us, and get healthy. Their issues are their issues. Not yours.

givprayz

Remember that there are things we all really shouldn't know about what others think about us. Unfortunately, your relations haven't learned the social skill of keeping those thoughts in. They felt safe, and encouraged by the comments of each other to go right on blasting you, thinking the conversation would remain safely away from your ears. The problem is, once the thoughts have escaped our lips, we never really control them again. Most gossipers would be horrified to find what they said made it back to the subject. The most gracious and adult thing you could do is to say to each, "I heard what you said about my weight and appearance, and I forgive you." That should give them a moment to pause and think about their own issues which are just as ugly as anyone's fat.
Bless you for trying to reconcile, and no matter how badly your are treated, remember you are the mature one in control of your emotions (and your mouth.)

Jamie_S

I guess it's good that your sister was honest with you, but I don't think that in the same situation I'd have brought that up with someone. Sometimes, when a person is already dealing with a lot of stress, it's better to not volunteer new negative information.

skinnyack

get high on endorphins sweetie, high on endorphins and nourished on healthy veggies and nutrients. Hug yourself and know you have a secondary family that is rooting for you! Remember what you do have and hold on to it.:flowerforyou:

I'm sorry for your situation. That's horrible. :noway:

UnclePooh_DewayneBrooks

I've had that feeling before, even the little things like "Hey Big Man", "What's up Big Daddy", the look of "Yeah Right" some give you when you say "'I'm fine, I'm not hungry" or "I don't need anything to eat right now" I'll be honest I don't know what I did to cope besides try to ignore, it does mess with your self esteem especially when its people you care about (and you thought cared about you)

In the end, you have to raise the self esteem and/or confidence within you by whatever means necessary. Appreciate the good things in life, the goals you have accomplished, focus on you inner beauty just as much if not more than your outer beauty. Be blessed and I wish you well on your journey.

RLeighP

It doesn't matter if they thought you wouldn't hear about it or not, nothing gives anyone the right to put down someone because of gaining weight. Maybe if they were concerned about your health, but it doesn't seem that way to me, and that's not how I would have taken such comments.

I took a look at your pictures, and you look beautiful. Don't focus on what they said, and do this for YOU.

pk92101

I'm so sorry to hear you are having a very crappy day...you need to be strong and surround yourself with positive vibes...use this negative energy to help you focus on all of the great things you are doing to be happy...for example joining MFP! Don't let the family drama get to you..although it is a good thing to vent, don't dwell on it..tomorrow is another day :flowerforyou:

NightOwl1

This may sound blunt, but F*** those Bit**es. If they can't love and appreciate you for who you are, then they don't deserve the privilege of having you in their lives.

You are beautiful just the way to you are, and don't EVER let anyone else tell you differently. The fact that you're hear is a tremendous step and it means that you are serious about taking healthier steps in your life. We are all here to support you every step along the way!

Christie_78

That has happened to me in the past, as most of my family does not have a weight issue. However, I can say that for the past 9 months of losing weight they have been super supportive. In fact, I'd say that those comments drove me to lose weight and prove them wrong. That I COULD do it and so can you!!!!!! Be sad if you want for a few minutes, but then get realize that you are doing something about it. You can do anything you set your mind to.

Sigra

I know exactly what you mean. One day I had a sit down and discussion with my mom. She has a huge problem with weight issues which created her to have self-image issues leading to Anorexia. While having a discussion with her, I pointed out a few people and asked her if they were "fat" each person a bit bigger than the last. Finally I asked her, if she thought I was fat (I probably asked for this one).

She blatantly told me, if I wasn't her daughter, she would definitely feel negatively if I walked pasted her in the the store

Thankfully, a lot more talking and 2yrs later she's with the man of her dreams who weighs a little over 400lbs, and she still weighs 120 (give or take). You kinda have to take people's thoughts with a grain of salt and keep working with them, not against them!

And as said before, you should be doing this for yourself, not for other people. It's a lot easier to keep at it, and keep it off if you really want it for yourself

Best of luck!

itsbella

Ahhhhhhhhhh FUK'EM!! Get on the treadmill, go for a walk, paint your nails, take a bath, and TAKE CARE OF YOU!!! YOU is who matters right now! Leave negativity for someone else and allow the positive energy fill your soul. :flowerforyou:

Guatamellon

Sending you hugs. Lots of people have given good comments. I think personally I would be hurt too if my family talked about me when I left and who knows they probably have. You just have to re-focus. Its your time! What do you want? How do you want to feel? Today I actually had a friend look at my before and after pictures since I have lost 18 pounds. She says it looks like you have sucked in really hard. At first I was hurt by it then after a little while I started to laugh becase I didnt suck in. I have lost 18 pounds and I dont have to prove anything to anyone but myself. I feel good and its one day at a time. Its not easy its really hard its a chalenge everyday. Enough about me what I am trying to say. Dont worry about what people are saying just focus on what you want and then they will be talking about how much they want to be you. Again sending you hugs. Good luck with your journey. You can do this.

itsbella

This may sound blunt, but F*** those Bit**es. If they can't love and appreciate you for who you are, then they don't deserve the privilege of having you in your life.

You are beautiful just the way to you are, and don't EVER let anyone else tell you differently. The fact that you're hear is a tremendous step and it means that you are serious about taking healthier steps in your life. We are all here to support you every step along the way!

I'm with ya bro'thah!

CarolHudson11

This may sound blunt, but F*** those Bit**es. If they can't love and appreciate you for who you are, then they don't deserve the privilege of having you in your life.

You are beautiful just the way to you are, and don't EVER let anyone else tell you differently. The fact that you're hear is a tremendous step and it means that you are serious about taking healthier steps in your life. We are all here to support you every step along the way!

Okay, I don't normally react this way. I try to have a calm head about things. But, I have to say it - I agree with NightOwl. That was my first thought when I read what you wrote. Who are THEY to say anything about you? I know it's your family, but that makes it even MORE insulting. I'm so sorry they did that. And I'm extremely sorry that your sister felt the need to share it with you. :brokenheart: What a rotten thing to do all the way around. We're here for you - every single day. Don't you forget it. Take care of yourself and don't let anyone stop you. Not even for a minute.

tawny7

I'm sorry your family said such mean things. I understand how you feel as I've been there too. In the past I didn't cope well at all but now I'm learning to let things go quicker than I have in the past. And that food won't make me feel better, that's the hard thing to get though.

Just remember to do this for yourself and think about how good you're going to feel as you reach each one of your goals!! You can do it!!!

SimonsGirl

So some of you know I've been struggling staying on track here the past few weeks. Well, I got a blow today - while I was talking to my sister, she said that after I left my mother's house for Christmas, my grandma, mother and aunt all started ripping into me about how fat I'd gotten (this was the first time I'd seen them in like 3 years), etc. It made me feel WRETCHED. My relationship with my mom has been strained these past 3 years, and needless to say this has really made me regret taking a step toward reconciliation. Especially since she e-mailed saying to ignore my grandma's comments, and that she thought I looked nice! Guess she didn't think I would find out what they said after I'd left...

Anyway, this was a vent more than anything, but if anyone has any similar crappy situation, what did you do to help cope? I feel like a fat piece of crap now.

I'm sorry you don't realise how pathetic they are, and how cowardly they are for not having a backbone to say that to your face, you are beautiful inside and out don't let people like that get to you, or you will feel as crap as they do, and your a million times better than they are or ever will be :happy: :happy:

crazycelt7

This holiday i had a like story happen. I was at christmas with my extended family, my aunt walks up to me and says straight to my face. Looks like you have gained some weight since last christmas, take it your happy with your boyfriend. First off me and my "boyfriend" broke up before the christmas last year, and I actually am about 20 pounds lighter then last year. Great i have lost weight since last time you saw me and i look bigger wtf. Whatever. I am going to keep on keeping and next year they will see what i have done! stay positive and all will be well.

karenpeb

Screw those A-holes and the glass house they live in.

My conversation went something like this: "Do you have any idea how it feels to be me? The stress I'm under on a daily basis having a child with autism would bring you all to a fetal position by the end of the day so unless you walk in my shoes my weight issues are none of your business. Is being overweight all you see when I come over? If that's the case then I won't be coming over in the future because I don't need people like you. Every time I look in the mirror I know how overweight I am, really I do, and I don't need someone as imperfect as yourselves judging me on how fat I've become."

With a stunned look on all their faces they didn't know what to say and it was tense with all of them for a long time. My stance made them all realize I was someone they couldn't push around because I don't stand for being bullied and I'll defend myself or anybody who deals with insensitive people like that.

SimonsGirl

Screw those A-holes and the glass house they live in.

My conversation went something like this: "Do you have any idea how it feels to be me? The stress I'm under on a daily basis having a child with autism would bring you all to a fetal position by the end of the day so unless you walk in my shoes my weight issues are none of your business. Is being overweight all you see when I come over? If that's the case then I won't be coming over in the future because I don't need people like you. Every time I look in the mirror I know how overweight I am, really I do, and I don't need someone as imperfect as yourselves judging me on how fat I've become."

With a stunned look on all their faces they didn't know what to say and it was tense with all of them for a long time. My stance made them all realize I was someone they couldn't push around because I don't stand for being bullied and I'll defend myself or anybody who deals with insensitive people like that.

Well done to you! you are a very strong woman

Guatamellon

Why cant they have like buttons on some of these comments.... LOL I totally agree with this one too.

QUOTE:

This may sound blunt, but F*** those Bit**es. If they can't love and appreciate you for who you are, then they don't deserve the privilege of having you in your life.

You are beautiful just the way to you are, and don't EVER let anyone else tell you differently. The fact that you're hear is a tremendous step and it means that you are serious about taking healthier steps in your life. We are all here to support you every step along the way!

geeky1

I have always felt that family will say and do all sorts of things which they would never accept from friends or strangers. Just because people are family they think they have the right and OBLIGATION to judge.
That's why I walked away and why family if just a word to me.

Please feel free to message me if you would like to talk.

Remember, you are better than all of them combined.

NoAdditives

Do your best to just let it go. When I still lived with my family, my mom would always tell me how chubby or big I was getting. It's very hurtful, but you have to ignore it. You can't let what other people think or say influence how you feel and behave. Ultimately, you have to do what is best for you, and that's staying on track with your exercise and healthy eating. What your family did was incredibly rude and insensitive, and just plain mean. But there's nothing you can do about what they say or how they act. Keep your chin up and don't give up!

HappyTemple

Wow, thank you all so much. Now I'm almost crying again, but for a good reason! You all, my MFP family, are what keep me coming back here, even when I stumble, fall, and then fall again. I feel like my face is covered in road rash at the moment, but you all made me feel a little warmer and fuzzier inside. Thank you.

Oh, and to add an interesting twist - EVERYONE at that gathering is bigger than I am, except my mother. That's the part that really gets me - you're bigger than I am, so how is it you can judge me and make mean comments behind my back? I just don't understand people.
Just as a side note, my sister wasn't even there. She and my mother haven't spoken in almost 4 years because of the same situation. But she's close with my cousin who was there and got the scoop after I left. She only told me to make sure the fleece wasn't pulled over my eyes. Uggg. Family drama. Bleh.

cmriverside

Here's a smiley to use when it comes to family......yours, mine, most.....

HappyTemple

Here's a smiley to use when it comes to family......yours, mine, most.....

LMAO. Love it!

CarolHudson11

Here's a smiley to use when it comes to family......yours, mine, most.....

LMAO!!! That's right! Yours, mine and most.....my mom told me when I was 15 and had just bought a new pair of jeans - I had moved up to a size 13 - that "Your sister is the pretty one. You're really smart, though. Just use your head and you'll be fine." That has always stuck with me. It kills me because I still believe it to this day. And she told my sister the same thing...."Honey, you're the pretty one. Carol is very smart, though." I'm no Elle McPherson, I know, but still. Damn. Ugh! Parents! It's a wonder we're not all in therapy and on medication.

HappyTemple

LMAO!!! That's right! Yours, mine and most.....my mom told me when I was 15 and had just bought a new pair of jeans - I had moved up to a size 13 - that "Your sister is the pretty one. You're really smart, though. Just use your head and you'll be fine." That has always stuck with me. It kills me because I still believe it to this day. And she told my sister the same thing...."Honey, you're the pretty one. Carol is very smart, though." I'm no Elle McPherson, I know, but still. Damn. Ugh! Parents! It's a wonder we're not all in therapy and on medication.

Wait, you're not in therapy and on medication..? :embarassed:
Hehe.

CarolHudson11

LMAO!!! That's right! Yours, mine and most.....my mom told me when I was 15 and had just bought a new pair of jeans - I had moved up to a size 13 - that "Your sister is the pretty one. You're really smart, though. Just use your head and you'll be fine." That has always stuck with me. It kills me because I still believe it to this day. And she told my sister the same thing...."Honey, you're the pretty one. Carol is very smart, though." I'm no Elle McPherson, I know, but still. Damn. Ugh! Parents! It's a wonder we're not all in therapy and on medication.

Wait, you're not in therapy and on medication..? :embarassed:


LOL! Only because I can't afford to be! :noway:
Hehe.