Motivated...but not.

Danielle_Style

I've been here for a month, and I've gained and lost the same two pounds over and over again. I know why too. There's no need to look at my diary (you can if you want). I'll eat healthy for a couple of days, and then I will splurge on a big meal out with my husband. Or I will exercise and then eat twice the calories back.

I've been down this road before. I lost around 12 pounds (which was around 8% of my body weight at the time). But I began to obsess about calories and I became impossible to be around. I then switched to an "intuitive eating" route, but was not exactly eating intuitively. I vowed that I would never count calories again because I resented how crazy it made me. Well, I gained all of those 12 pounds back, and 5 extra to boot. I was so resentful of the process of restricting food that I went completely in the other direction.

Now, I did come back here. None of my pants fit and I'm resigned to wearing skirts only for work these days. I guess I'm glad I am a woman and I have this as an option. But I'm still wary of counting calories and having it rule my life. But I know for me, it's probably the only kind of weight loss tool that will have any chance of success. I could not cut out carbs or fats or any particular food group. I would be even more resentful of trying to only eat "clean" foods (or whole foods or whatever you want to call them).

I think I'm starting to develop an understanding that this is just a process - a tool - to get me where I ultimately want to be (30 - 40 lbs lighter). But I'm struggling to feel really committed. I also have some limiting back issues, so heavy lifting and high impact cardio are out of the question. I am mostly walking and swimming for exercise, but I make excuses not to do even that plenty :-(

Meanwhile, my husband has lost weight just by the fact that we've been eating more at home.

Please send some encouragement my way. I really need to feel like, if I decide to lose weight, I can do it and that it won't be as painful and grueling as all that. I need to feel like it will be a rewarding process and I will adjust to and become happy in this new lifestyle without frequent giant restaurant meals and excuses to be lazy.

Thanks in advance.

P.S. I know a lot of people operate in an M.O. of "Tough Love" around here. While I appreciate that your goal is to be helpful, try not to be too harsh (I'm already my toughest critic, as I know the only reason I'm not succeeding is myself). I'm more looking for stories of people who have turned their lives around and found that they loved the new way of life more than the old. And maybe some advice on how to get there MENTALLY.

MelodyandBarbells

Exercise will help you create a bigger deficit and other awesome benefits, but is not necessary for weight loss. Eating perfectly all the time every single day is not necessary either. You're looking at basic averages. So long as you can even out any high calorie days over a reasonable amount of time, you will lose weight.

I'm curious what strategy you're using right now? I notice your goal is around 1530, is this for 1/2 lb per week? I've had my account set to 1/2 lb since I was approximately your weight but also started using the weekly numbers. The app has a report to show how many calories I have left for the week, and also a setting to lock down the "beginning" of the week to any day I like. I found these two very useful.

If your weekly dinner out is blowing all your deficit throughout the week you'll need to come up with a way to address that. Once every two weeks instead of once a week? Different choices while you're out? Split the appetizers or an entree? Etc etc. You could also try out other activities that you've been interested in, in place of the dinner out every so often

We say it's a lifestyle change so often, but sometimes it really can involve restructuring your life so make it as seamless as possible to eat at a deficit and lose the weight.

And just so I don't forget the basics, if you're gonna log, make sure you're weighing and measuring everything. Once I committed to this, I had a few quick wins where I found calorie bombs that weren't even that pleasing to me. Those were easy to get rid of and I could finally start seeing some progress

Danielle_Style

Thank you Jane. Your advice is very helpful. My current goal is 1lb per week. But the only reason I set it to 1lb was because I was going over my calories anyway when I had my goal set to 1/2 lb. So I figured if I set it lower and I went over, I would still be able to lose weight.

Honestly, the husband and I have stopped eating out quite as much and this has helped him to lose some. But we still eat out some. But I tend to snack at night a lot and I think that I get into the "I deserve this" attitude a little to frequently. I think I need to address my mental roadblocks more than anything - the things that lead me to make excuses.

Kalikel

I think you should stop. If you aren't really and truly motivates, you won't succeed. It's such hard work that you absolutely have to be motivated. Without internal motivation, you can never be determined enough to stick it out or committed enough to do it. You'll just end up making half-hearted attempts that fail.

Then you'll be upset and disappointed in yourself for not succeeding at the thing you'd never really wanted to do in the first place. That's not fair to you and it's no fun at all.

So much unhappiness!! Avoid it. Just decide that you'll put off dieting until you're REALLY ready to do it.

Choose to do the thing you really want to do and then be HAPPY with your choice. If that means not dieting, yay that. Go eat. Enjoy it!

When you're ready - when you're feeling motivated and driven - then you can do it. It won't be as hard, you'll succeed and you'll be happier dieting than eating yummy foods. It doesn't have to be today. You'll get there in your own time and when that time arrives, you'll be as happy dieting as you ever were eating cake (or whatever you like best.)

In the end, it's all about what makes you happy. So do that thing.

Danielle_Style

Well, I appreciate the sentiment that one has to be truly ready for it. But I feel as though I don't want to wake up one day as a 80 - 100 lbs overweight individual, having never taken the time to care for my health. I think it will be harder to change once I get to that absolute breaking point. I am 29 years old. I want to embark on a journey toward health so that my 30s and beyond can be filled with activity and joy (especially once we have children).

I know a lot of people say that you have to wait until you are TRULY ready. But I don't know that everybody has an epiphany moment like that. I think some people have to simply decide that they want to be healthy more than they want to eat junk all the time.

I think, generally speaking, that I am there. But it's in the individual moments, when making individual choices that I find I tend to make excuses. Like, I will eat healthy for four or five days, and then feel as though my unhealthy choice is justified. Maybe occasionally it is okay to eat a cheeseburger or a couple of cookies. But I need to find ways to see that "occasionally" is much less frequently than how I've been currently operating.

I guess the tools are right in front of me - it's all in the weekly numbers - as Jane says.

I don't want to write off the effort yet, though. I've done that before and it left me nearly 20 pounds heavier.

BigGuy47

Motivation is short lived. It's like a pep talk that will get you through the next week.

What you need to develop is self discipline. Self discipline stays with you day in and day out. If you can learn to practice self discipline the mental obstacles will diminish and become far less of a roadblock to reaching your goals.

MelodyandBarbells

I agree you can't count on long term motivation. I have slumps and self doubt what seems like every other week or every month. Times I wonder if I can really do this. To me that is fairly normal.

One thing you've said op that's a red flag to me is making healthy choices for five days and then making one unhealthy one. You may need to stop thinking of food as good or bad. If your goal is weight loss what you need is a calorie deficit, and cake can be part of that plan. Some people prefer to work it into their calorie goals in advance, others prefer to adjust things after a huge calorie meal. Personally I won't keep the cake or donuts at home, but if I have occasion to have a small piece at work or buy a single serving, no biggie you just have to figure out what it'll take for you to come out at an over all deficit

As far as exercise, it could be as simple as finding something you'll love. Are there any forms of exercise you've been curious to try?

Danielle_Style

Thanks, I agree that self-discipline is what's missing. It certainly is hardest at the beginning, right. But I'm starting today! My husband and I are going to a show in Boston tonight, and we are going to eat out - and that's okay. But I decided to have a low-cal smoothie for lunch so that I can try to stay within or very close to my goal for today.

There is always some new reason to eat out or enjoy a treat. The trick has to be finding ways to make room for those things in your life. I will be visiting a friend in FL next weekend and going to a wedding in CO the very following weekend. It's not going to be easy to stick to goals through all of that, but I have to find ways to see it as a process, rather than individual successes or failures.

I really appreciate the encouragement and advice.

Danielle_Style

As for exercise, I do enjoy walking and swimming. I try to do one or the other after school most days (I'm a teacher). But sometimes I get bogged down in schoolwork / housework and make excuses not to go. I never regret a workout when I do it. I always feel better for it. So I think that developing self-discipline in this area is a matter of reminding myself that it always benefits me and I have a clearer head for my tasks when I do work out.

365andstillalive

I've found that the best way for me to control my eating is to attempt to plan my days ahead of time, even if that means I'll be going out for dinner, buying lunch from a mall food court, etc.

I have always been an evening snacker, and it's not a habit that I truly want or feel a need to break. So instead, I leave myself enough calories to have a snack I'm going to be satisfied with as well as my nightly cup of tea. Typically, it's 200-400 calories of my day.

By doing that, I never feel too restricted, and if something does happen and I over-eat at dinner or my plans change, I know I have some wiggle room to change or skip my snack and use those calories.

I have done some switch outs though, while I've felt no need to completely cut anything out, I've noticed that I reach for flavoured rice cake minis before chips, or I'll have greek yogurt instead of ice-cream, etc.

arrjaysketch

Eating out is my weakness, too! When you eat out, share a meal with your husband, or resolve to only eat half of the meal, and take the rest home to have another day. If you share a meal, you'll both save some money, AND you'll have a guilt-free meal!

While I was working in I.T. at a hospital some years back, one of the chefs—a nutritionist—said really stuck with me. He had stopped thinking of food as a comfort, but as a tool. You have to carefully consider everything you're putting into your body. It's not just about the calories, but what kind of food one eats and how it will affect you.

You can still have whatever you want, but you have to think about what a healthy portion is For instance, I love chocolate. I know I can have one piece of Dove chocolate in the morning and I'll be okay. How I eat my food matters, too! I find that I'll take little nibbles of that piece of chocolate and savor every little bite. I used to just pop the whole thing in my mouth, and then it's gone. When I slow down to savor it, I find I don't need to reach for another piece.

I keep motivated and disciplined because I want to get and keep a better, trim body. I also have a family history of diabetes, cancer, and heart disease. I don't want to spend my twilight years feeling miserable because I didn't take care of myself now. In my later years, I'd rather not feel miserable/be in pain every day for the rest of my life. Thinking about that sure lit a fire under my own butt!

funchords

Don't count calories. Let MyFitnessPal count your calories. Don't even worry about making your calorie goals too much, instead use them for planning and reflection. Let all your changes be gentle and loving ones, not changes of deprivation, shame, or punishment.

Instead of committing to eat within your goals, commit to logging everything.
Instead of committing to high-impact cardio, commit to walking thrice a week for 30 minutes.
Then, review and adjust as needed.

Going out to a restaurant? Look up the menu online, figure out your plan, and log it -- before you go. (Where I live, the portions are big so I end up getting my meal and cutting each dish in half, taking home exactly half of everything in a take-home box. Not only is it another entire meal, it's already logged so all I have to do is copy it!!)

Look at my dinner on the13th and lunch on the 14th ...

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/funchords?date=2014-09-13
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/funchords?date=2014-09-14

Mr_Knight

P.S. I know a lot of people operate in an M.O. of "Tough Love" around here. While I appreciate that your goal is to be helpful, try not to be too harsh (I'm already my toughest critic, as I know the only reason I'm not succeeding is myself). I'm more looking for stories of people who have turned their lives around and found that they loved the new way of life more than the old. And maybe some advice on how to get there MENTALLY.

Random people on a forum can't fix your melon. You already know the problem, and the solution.

Good luck!

:drinker:

floridagirl7264

I didn't exercise for the first 50 lbs lost. The reason is because I couldn't. I had so much weight on me that walking was excruciating. My back was that bad. I also don't eat "clean". I know that if I try to eat "clean" again, I would go right back to my old habits. Having said that ... I do watch my calories. If I know I'm going out to eat, I check the online menu and select something that isn't going to clobber my calorie count, but I would still enjoy eating. I don't focus my entire day around eating and calories. A lot of times, I will fill out my menu for the day so that I know what I will eat so that I don't have to focus on calories.

If you can walk, then that's great. I have been walking and it is helping me to keep my focus. I also bought a Polar FT60 heart rate monitor, (I got it on Amazon for about $60 cheaper than the Polar site.) This really keeps me motivated. I set if for lose weight and follow the weekly schedule. It's great to see 280 calories burned. Unlike others, I don't eat back my calories. I've lost close to 60 lbs (my ticker is off because I had lost a few pounds before I started it).

You can do this. You are in control of your brain. You can redirect it whenever you start of obsess about something. I learned that when I quit smoking cold turkey. You can control how you think. Don't think you can't because you definitely can!

floridagirl7264

One other thing ... It is really hot down here in Florida. I get up at 5:00 every morning to do my walking prior to taking my daughter to school. It's out of the way and I don't focus on it during the day so that I can't make excuses.

Francl27

Ok so your problem is that big meal outside with your husband? Think of it this way - the healthier stuff on the menu is just as tasty as the fried stuff. So find a place that has a 'light' menu or healthier options, and order from there.

I totally get it too because I tend to blow it on the week end, but unless you eat 5000 calories in one meal, with a 500 calories deficit during the week, you should still be able to lose even half a pound a week.

Another option is to look up healthy recipes for foods you are craving, and make that at home, where you can control portions and ingredients.

Also... you can totally fit a cheeseburger and cookies in your calories. Just work around it. And maybe don't go for the 1200 calories cheeseburger but make one at home with some lean beef for 500 calories.

shebunkin

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: Hey girl! Have SO 'been there, done that'......as a matter of fact, I'm back here after gaining back 30 lbs. (of a 70 lb. wt. loss!!)

I know how to lose the weight. I know how to keep it off. My problem is denial (and I DON'T mean the river)!!! When I stop tracking my weight, I start kidding myself that I'm 'naturally thin' and begin sliding back into bad eating habits. My biggest downfall is snacking at night......carbs! My biggest 'aha' since being back is that the nutrition info on the food we eat really DOESN'T lie.

You know how we laugh at the serving size on the packages? Like, how in the world is 1/4 c. of peanuts a 'serving'? I can sit down and blindly eat half the can in my snacking mode.....while watching a movie.......and denying that I'm packing on the pounds! What I've finally begun to understand is that my body will cooperate if I set small, sensible goals.

This week is my first week back, so I knew I needed to break the blind snacking cycle. I also knew from past experience that I could do it.......if I could overcome the cravings/addictions. The first hurdle was to get off gluten.....my body bloats and feels much worse when I'm eating gluten, yet when I eat it I crave more....go figure! The other hurdle was to break the 'oral fixation' of putting food in my mouth when I'm not hungry.....esp. at night.

I've been journaling everything I thought or felt regarding food, emotions, eating triggers, etc. this week. There was one night in particular that was so hard.....I wanted to snack on carbs so badly! I journaled RIGHT THEN and realized that the night before I had gone to bed early and slept through all those cravings/triggers! The difficult night I was up late, watching a movie, and my subconscious was telling me to put food in my mouth. I wasn't hungry.....just snacky!

The other thing I would suggest is to have your thyroid tested. Believe it or not, there's a huge problem with people and thyroid problems. I always laughed at that and thought that was an excuse for being overweight.....until my doctor suggested I be tested when I told him I was always tired, always thirsty. Yep.....hypothyroidism! The numbers don't lie! lol

What I've found out this week is that thyroid problems are a SYMPTOM of bigger problems, and I've ordered supplements to help balance out what's going on with my body. I haven't mentioned that at my best I eat Vegan.....gluten-free Vegan, to be exact. I began this when I was losing the 70 lbs. because I realized that my biggest food enemies were in the animal and gluten categories.....dairy and wheat to be exact. Those were the foods I overate. Those foods controlled ME......not I them!! If I sat down with a box of Cheese Nips I could eat the whole box......then HATE myself afterwards......then do it again the next night. When I ate ice cream I'd eat a heaping bowl......then sit there trying to resist the urge to go get a second bowl.......then give in......then hate myself. I've been off the animal products for over a year, which is why I think I didn't gain the whole 70 lbs. back. But I caved on the gluten, ignored the signals my body was giving me, and eventually was binge eating.

If you can see a pattern of red flags in your behavior that are sabotaging your success, I suggest you pick one or two to address immediately. For instance, the eating out is a HUGE difficulty.....understandably so! I would ask my husband to HELP ME break bad habits by NOT eating out for a month.....at least. You're just getting your feet under you. It's hard enough to track food when you're making it yourself, let alone trying to figure out what is on the menu and resist bad choices. If you have to eat out, I'd pick someplace 'safe' where you know what you are going to order beforehand, then ask your husband for support in sticking with your resolve. If there's something that's a weakness for you (pasta for me!), ask him not to order it, also. If the wait staff bring chips or bread with the meal, ask them not to, or just ask for one.

I know what it feels like to hate yourself because of your weight. I was there before the 70 lb. weight loss. I am not there now. I see that our society places value on people based on their weight.....I've been treated COMPLETELY differently before and after!!! That is so arbitrary and untrue!!! You are a child of God created in His image, and for that reason alone you are valuable! We all are walking, talking miracles!!! THAT's the TRUTH I embrace! Not some fleeting surface image Hollywood has forced upon us. Just get healthy for YOU! No pressure elsewhere......just get healthy for you! And kudos to you for being here and being honest!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

shebunkin

Actually, that's not true, or we wouldn't all be here. This reply was neither helpful or necessary.

shebunkin

Actually, that's not true, or we wouldn't all be here. This reply was neither helpful or necessary.

violasmith85

I look at calorie counting the same way I look at my blood sugar. I'm a diabetic. I was diagnosed at 12. I've always had to keep a strict eye on my blood sugar numbers. I do the same with my calories now. When you get used to counting calories it no longer feels to me like obsession, but dedication. If I don't obsess over my blood sugar numbers I can go into a coma. If I don't obsess over my calories I'll gain weight and eventually die younger than I would have. Both are extremely important to my health and as long as you arn't doing some stupid fad or dangerous diet there is nothing wrong with obsession.

astroophys

Hey there, I'll share a bit of advice I read some time ago that helps me:

No zero days: That is, when it comes to exercise, commit yourself to doing at least a few minutes everyday. Usually, when you do those few minutes, you will feel energized enough to do more. Even if you don't feel ready to do more, at least you did something. Everyday, do something.

Past self, present self, future self: Express gratitude for the things that your past self did to bring you where your are today (for example, your past self decided to post on MFP asking for advice. Your present self gets to receive advice. Thank your past self for taking that first step), and do things for your future self. Yes, eating that third slice of pizza would taste great to your present self, but what about the tomorrow you, the you that will feel regret or what about the you in two months, the you that will probably weigh more and have to buy larger clothes because of what your present self is doing today? Think about your future self (you want to be thinner and fitter). Everyday, do things that will support your future self.

Focus on where you want to be. Read a book on the importance of self-discipline. Do all that you can do for yourself!