WHY did you gain weight?

askeates

For me it was a combination of things, and I won't go into all of them.... but when I got married things got out of hand, and it was just easier to be fat and not attract attention, well positive attention, to myself, and my ex-hubby preferred it that way as well.

malibu927

I ate more and refused to exercise

Jennifer10723

I believe that each of us is individual. Each of us is totally unique - so there is no one right answer or solution for any of us. For each of us it is an individual journey and thanks to this site - there are always lots of people offering help, advice, and friendship.

Love this!

Annie_01

Because I love food and I didn't care for sports or being active that much. It's as simple as that. I grew up eating food I loved when I wanted it, never caring of what amount was reasonable and what wasn't, and I was always overweight but it wasn't that bad because I walked a lot, then I moved to the US, where you pretty much have to take the car to go anywhere, and I gained 60 pounds or something.

Honestly it gets a bit annoying that everyone thinks there is always an emotional/psychological reason for overeating. Some of us just really love food. Add to that a special love for sweets, and there you go. In my case too I've never had a job that really took my mind off things (my only two jobs in the last 10 years were in French bakeries... need I say more?), so I've always had a lot of time to be bored and think about food. Easier to think about food and eat when your mind is not busy (and I don't think there's anything 'emotional' about this. When I'm bored I think of everything I like, and food just happens to be one of them).

I don't think that anyone said that there is always an emotional/psychological reason for overeating. Sometimes...it is purely for a lack of self-control. I also think that there are times that it is a combination of things. Maybe not caring enough about yourself to just say NO.

For me...

I was never thin...always on the bigger side of life though not obese. I fluctuated from a healthy weight to maybe 20lbs overweight. I was the lifestyle that I had at the time. Then...

I had a teenager that was "unhappy"...a toddler that had health issues...a husband that was very sick and depressed...more work to get done on my own...and was struggling to keep my sanity.

How did this turn out...my daughter got pregnant...my husband committed suicide...my son was so young and confused. Me...I felt guilty...unworthy...simply because I couldn't fix things for everyone. I had always done so before...this time...I just couldn't.

During my husbands depression he said some fairly horrible things to me...while I understood they were said out of his illness and the influence of the medication that he was taking...they still took their toll on me.

To make a long story short...I hid behind food...my wall of fat that it created...that way...no one else would want me...thus I wouldn't be hurt again...nor would I disappoint anyone but myself.

So yes...food...lots of it...can be like a sedative for some of us. That might annoy you but it happens.

I don't blame anyone else...I allowed this to happen...but it was set off by events in my life that I had no control over.

When I set out to "fix" myself...I had to take a look at all of those things I mentioned...I even went as far back as my childhood looking for clues as to why I didn't care enough about myself to allow this to happen. Some of the answers were not pleasant...but they were revealing.

I still work on those things...I still battle feeling worthy of a "healthy and fit life". I have had to learn not everything in life is my fault and I can't "fix" everything. I can however "fix" myself...or at least make strides in that direction.

Mackneeds2losew8

My mom passed away when I was 12, depression hit me hard about 13-14 years old. I ate because I LOVE food (still do) and because I turned to it for comfort. Other than that, 2 pregnancies and nerding video games.. and munchies.

KameHameHaaaa

I've been obese my entire life. I still remember the many fast food trips my mom would take me on, every time her and dad argued and she decided to take me out of the house for awhile. I had some pretty bad eating habits early on. And while taking martial arts helped me stay active and gave me high endurance for someone of my weight, I couldn't out run my eating. Then around age 17 I ruptured a disc in my back, had to quit martial arts. Did almost two years of physical therapy because they said I was too young for surgery. By the time I had surgery at 19 I was completely inactive, almost paralyzed on one side of my body from nerve damage, and 100 lbs heavier.

Jennifer10723

Annie_01 .. Life can be so hard sometimes. Everyone has their own journey and their own path. it is so hard to not get wrapped up in other people's journey and not allow it to affect us. Especially when it is our own family and their particular journey. But that is one thing I try hard to remember is that I have my OWN journey to fulfill. You are as deserving of your own life and your own path as any of us are. Good for you for taking control of it. You can do it!!

DorseyJ618

I SO agree with this. I too lost my father at a young age (5) and was a pretty awkward young girl. I think that ever since I was old enough to know what "pretty" was I just didn't think it was something I had. I was bullied for being the smart kid and I was convinced that my only redeaming qualities were my intelligence and my sense of humor. To this day I still struggle with the belief that I am attractive and I am desirable. Thanks to my VERY loving and doting boyfriend I am starting to realize how unrealistic my feelings were and still are. I have yo-yo dieted ever since I was 13 years old and always lose 15-30 then gain it right back. I think the only way I will keep it off is to realize that not only do I deserve health and happiness but that I am capable of achieving it.

Feel free to add me all

Whalers81

I gained weight during/after my divorce. I was so sad and heart broken (he cheated on me and got the girl pregnant and she showed up on my doorstep flaunting her baby belly) Then .. I was just used to eating that much food and for every emotion I was feeling I ate it.

It wasn't until after I started to deal with all that emotion and unhappiness .. and realized that no one should be in charge of my happiness but me .. that I decided to lose weight. I tried here and there, but I didn't really want it that badly. I was just fine staying in my miserable little bubble. That the more miserable I was .. the more he would feel bad for what he had done. Only .. he didn't care. It was just hurting me. As long as I was sad and miserable, I didn't have to deal with where my life was now. That I was 40 and alone with a child. Not a whole lot of money and without a home.

I realize now that I am much better off. That I was too dependent upon him for my happiness and well being.

This is a huge reason for me too... well, when it really started to get out of control. My significant other of 10+ years cheated and got the girl pregnant, after years of telling me we weren't in the right place in our lives to start a family (that I very much wanted). He chose to go be with her, and my world was out of control and food was one thing I did have control over.

Also, several years before this all happened, I lost a very close family member to ALS. That was devastating.

So, I think it boils down to poor coping skills for me... when life gets difficult, I turn to food.

Kontxesi

1.) I love good food.

2.) My dad resented having to pay for things like youth league sports and loved playing computer games. As a result, I had to stop playing softball (not that I was good) and spent more and more time in front of a screen. The year I stopped playing ball coincides with the year I started gaining.

3.) I've struggled with severe depression since I was in middle school. I gained a lot of weight (~50) when they started me on Zoloft and kept a steady increase after they took me off. Again, around the same time I stopped playing softball.

4.) I was recently diagnosed with narcolepsy, and we're pretty sure that it started in middle school. Undiagnosed narcoleptics snack a lot in a subconscious attempt to get energy, and it's also thought to affect the metabolism. Related: unreal daily Mountain Dew consumption.


All of that boils down to: I was eating more and moving less, obviously. I had a miserable home life and my parents were too worried about other things to help me tackle it. Now, I'm an adult and it's no ones problem but mine!

amcook4

Food is very comforting to me. Growing up I did most of the cooking for my family, it was what I was good at and something that I could totally control.

I had (diagnosed for years) mild depression & anxiety and food was my way to make myself feel better. Once I got help with that I stopped gaining weight, but I maintained at a high level for a long time, because it just seemed like too much work to lose it.

Then being told "You have PCOS, and that will make loosing weight very difficult" was enough of a turn off for me. I thought, "So, losing weight for me is going to be harder than for someone else? F that, I'm just going to comfort myself with food instead, because getting healthy just seems impossible with the odds stacked up against me"

Now I'm in a really good spot mentally, I've really worked on getting myself into a good place lately that I'm able to focus on myself. I am very certain that being in a better place mentally has helped me out a lot this time around.

opus649

I'm glad to see this thread hasn't been overrun by people wanting to point out *how* they gained weight rather than *why*, which is what the OP was asking. It's a very interesting question -- if we know overeating can cause health problems, why do we do it anyway?

For me, the issue is that I simply love the taste of high calorie foods. I would be in absolute heaven right now if I could have an entire package of double-stuf oreos and a quart of milk. Or better yet, some freshly baked chocolate chip cookies... I think there has even been some scientific research into chocolate releasing endorphins in the brain.

But... ah but... I know my body cannot effectively burn all those calories and that consuming them will cause my adipose tissue to expand.

Immediate, short-term gratification vs long-term health.

For me it comes down to will power. And I have no idea why some days I succeed and some days I fail.

gothchiq

Why I gained: When we eat foods we like, the brain releases dopamine, which rewards us for eating them. These are usually fattening foods. The flavor is great and the dopamine rush feels good, so I overate those foods.

Now I have to realize it's just not worth it and abstain from sugar and junk, and replace that stuff with reasonable quantities of fruit and such.

tulips_and_tea

Very interesting and sad stories. Good too see that people are recognizing the issues and making progress, though.

I think the psychological part of weight gain IS important to explore, but only if done in a balanced way. I mean, on those "Hoarder" shows, they too search for the REAL reason the issue exists, so it's important to try to pin point it and then work forward. Dwelling on it or placing blame will only set you backwards.

Good thread and good point, though. I think also just recognizing our own habits and patterns is helpful because they translate into every aspect of our lives, not just weight. That can be a helpful tool in becoming a happier person overall.

Annie_01

Annie_01 .. Life can be so hard sometimes. Everyone has their own journey and their own path. it is so hard to not get wrapped up in other people's journey and not allow it to affect us. Especially when it is our own family and their particular journey. But that is one thing I try hard to remember is that I have my OWN journey to fulfill. You are as deserving of your own life and your own path as any of us are. Good for you for taking control of it. You can do it!!

Life can be hard...at the end of the day however...no matter how long it takes...you can win this battle.

I usually avoid these types of threads. Not because of the stories that are shared but there is always someone that comes along and uses that line...it is an excuse to eat...or...all it takes is will-power.

There are times in life that there is just not enough will power left at the end of the day. You used it all up just trying to survive...

Excuses...not so much...none of us said...oh I think that I will use my experiences to have one more piece of cake.

Where will power comes in to play...is to recognize what is going on in your life...taking the steps to change it...learning to care enough about yourself to take those first steps.

I don't know...as I said...I usually avoid these types of threads...someone will say something that just sets me off! Until you have experienced someone elses life...I don't think that you have the right to pass judgment on them.

If I had the choice of doing my life differently...I would...but I don't...none of us do...all we can do is change our future. We don't have to be the victims.

I'm sorry I ranted...but for someone to be annoyed...just got to me.

johnnyr24

I lived at home. I remember being 15 and weighing 140 lbs and that was good enough for me. But then my mom started getting strict on the house rules and so was my dad and there was just so much stress and family problems going on at home that I got really stressed out and started eating more and more and it was terrible. By the time I was 19 I had gained so much weight I was close to 160 lbs and before I knew it I was pushing 200. It's been a hard journey for me but I am trying my best to get back on my feet and loose it all again.

DorseyJ618

For me it comes down to will power. And I have no idea why some days I succeed and some days I fail.

YES. I feel you on that.

stephmofo

I have developed unhealthy relationships with food! When I was younger I would eat to calm down "the butterflies in my stomach." I lived on my own after high school, I was so broke and worked at different restaurants, to save money I would pig out on the free or lower cost meals they offered. At that time I chose high calorie foods because I thought I would stay full longer, I had no clue how sugar and high carb foods can increase your appetite! Whenever I am dieting I might do well for a little while, all the while obsessing about my weight and food, then I will pig out and have an unsaitable appetite. Tracking everything I eat helps because I know how much I have eaten so I don't feel as deprived. Ironically, stressing about my weight and healthy food makes me want to eat!

cincysweetheart

That is my pet peeve! The assumption that people are fat because of some unresolved "issue." And that they will inevitably gain it back if they don't resolve that issue.

I CALL BULLSH*T! I'm sure there are people out there who do have some unresolved issues and they've used food to self-medicate. Or something. I'm sure they exist. But it certainly is not universal to all overweight people.

I'm fat because I chose to eat too much and lead a sedentary lifestyle. It's that simple. I'm not an emotional eater. I'm not a binge eater. I just like food and I like high calorie food and I didn't exercise.

I've been fat as long as I can remember (seriously… as long as I can remember), so I can't blame some traumatizing event like when my dad got cancer or when my mom died or even some major injury that put me out of commission. I've tried to blame medical problems (thyroid, Cushings Disease, etc) in the past, but nope. Doctors ruled all those out.

I admit, I have all sorts of "issues." But absolutely none of them is to blame for my being overweight. I ate too much and moved too little. Then end.

paperpudding

^ nobody is saying Everyone who is overweight got there because of unresolved issues.

And of course everybody ate too much and moved too little - but for many people there is an emotional/ psychological reason WHY they did that.

Just like being underweight happens because you eat too little/ over-exercise - but nobody would suggest anorexia does not have psychological factors.