Can men and women maintain a platonic relationship?

kshadows

Yep. My best friend of 13 years is male.

He's also astoundingly gay, but I don't think it matters ;-)

I'm not sure that qualifies as your standard platonic friendship. lol

Ok, I also have another close male friend who is straight, and happily married. So there.

I think you CAN have a platonic relationship. BUT that doesn't mean one of you won't imagine sleeping with the other at SOME point or another. You can think about it without actually wanting to.

asdowe13

of course you can maintain a platonic relationship.

I have a few very close female friends, who have been friends for decades. My wifes best friend is a guy and was her man of honour at our wedding.

I have no issues with her hanging out with him and vice versa.

frayst

I prefer to call it respectfully non-romantic. I have yet to experience a completely platonic relationship that never began, ended, or momentarily experienced some sort of tension.

jkowula

Yes, but it SUCKS!

HeidiMightyRawr

Yes I do think you can be, but there has to not be romantic or sexual feelings either side IMO or it just makes things awkward. Not to say it can't still be done through determination or whatever, but what's a good friendship when it's awkward and you can't do the things you'd like to do?

Thats not saying that i cant recognize the fact that theyre attractive or have other desirable qualities. my husband also has female friends, ive never felt threatened or like they over stepped boundries, ever.

Also, this. Finding them attractive =/= desiring sexual/romantic relations with them.

That said, I've never been close with a member of the opposite sex, since I was a kid. I get on very well with them, at work, at the gym, I've been out for drinks with guys in a platonic way before, but I wouldn't ever have said we were close enough to say we were real friends, the kind you call up to see randomly, and hang out with.

TwinkieDong

You can find someone physically attractive and still be friends with them. I have platonic friendships with males, while they have expressed what they think about me physically and if we were single, they'd try to hook up with me, it stays platonic. In fact the word platonic means (of love or friendship) intimate and affectionate but not sexual. If a male can't be friends with a female he finds attractive without constantly wanting to put it in her...then it's a personal issue.

stereotypical, and it is things like this that keep sexist comments and keeps men down. Men are continuously being discriminated on.

Joannah700

If i find them attractive, no i cant keep it in my pants
And If i dont find them attractive, there will still come a point when i would start finding them attractive if we keep hanging out regularly, so again no!(its called the mermaid theory i think)

Marbella29660

Not that I'm one for sitting on the fence but both yes and no apply here. For example there's plenty platonic relationships going on here on MFP, also there are plenty non platonic relationships too and finally there are those that are just out there. So pick your medicine and gulp. It's a big bad world that we live in, platonic relationships, who really cares ha ha......

Unknown

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TheRoadDog

My first wife was very good at maintaining a platonic relationship.....with me. With her co-worker...not so much.

Lilly_the_Hillbilly

Yes men and women can, of course, maintain platonic relationships. As long as all the men and women engaged in said relationships are on the same level and want platonic relationships.

A man (or a woman) that has an inability to maintain anything platonic is more a statement of that man's(or woman's) ability to treat woman(or men) as platonic and his (or her) inability to leave gender and sexuality out of the equation.

Those of us that can leave gender and sexuality at the door when it comes to people we do not desire but want to have a relationship with, do it all the time.

So if you honestly feel that men and women can not have platonic relationships, then I think you need to take a hard deep look inside of yourself to figure out why you can't do this.

Because it's possible and very rewarding to do so.

*thumbs up* like* +1

SuperVixen2B

Most of my friends are male. ...but, like, 90% are gay males, so I guess that doesn't quite get at what you're looking for lol

I have a few platonic friendships with straight males that I went through massage therapy school with and so far, so good. Of course, if any one is going to be successful as a massage therapist, they need to be very skilled at drawing lines and maintaining boundaries.

TheRoadDog

Most of my friends are male. ...but, like, 90% are gay males, so I guess that doesn't quite get at what you're looking for lol

I have a few platonic friendships with straight males that I went through massage therapy school with and so far, so good. Of course, if any one is going to be successful as a massage therapist, they need to be very skilled at drawing lines and maintaining boundaries.

I was kind of in the same situation. When I was in Massage School, I was the only guy in a class of 12. Became very good friends with several of the women, and still maintain a close platonic relationship with one of them... 25 years later.

SuperVixen2B

Most of my friends are male. ...but, like, 90% are gay males, so I guess that doesn't quite get at what you're looking for lol

I have a few platonic friendships with straight males that I went through massage therapy school with and so far, so good. Of course, if any one is going to be successful as a massage therapist, they need to be very skilled at drawing lines and maintaining boundaries.

I was kind of in the same situation. When I was in Massage School, I was the only guy in a class of 12. Became very good friends with several of the women, and still maintain a close platonic relationship with one of them... 25 years later.

That's awesome to hear. I hope I'm still friends with the lovely people I met in school in 25 years. It's good to have the support system...and the bodywork exchange to keep yourself from getting burned out.

mank32

Those of us that can leave gender and sexuality at the door when it comes to people we do not desire but want to have a relationship with, do it all the time.

this.

mswoodsy

Yes I do think you can be, but there has to not be romantic or sexual feelings either side IMO or it just makes things awkward. Not to say it can't still be done through determination or whatever, but what's a good friendship when it's awkward and you can't do the things you'd like to do?

Thats not saying that i cant recognize the fact that theyre attractive or have other desirable qualities. my husband also has female friends, ive never felt threatened or like they over stepped boundries, ever.

Also, this. Finding them attractive =/= desiring sexual/romantic relations with them.

That said, I've never been close with a member of the opposite sex, since I was a kid. I get on very well with them, at work, at the gym, I've been out for drinks with guys in a platonic way before, but I wouldn't ever have said we were close enough to say we were real friends, the kind you call up to see randomly, and hang out with.

Uhm, I think my brothers an attractive guy, my whole family has good genes. Doesn't mean I wanna bang him. Same for my male friends. To say I'm blind to their physical appearance is bs. To say I want relationships/sex with them is even more bs. I also notice the attractiveness of other women, does this mean I want to have sex with them?

Thinking someone is attractive to me does not = sexual desires. I graduated high school years ago.

TheProudDadLife

we've put people on the moon so ...yup

lookin4gains

Yes

cuteandfunsized

I would like to think so. Most of my friends are guys. They're easier to talk to and they tell you it straight. Which I love. But I do believe if two people,male and female are friends and hang out and talk on the phone and whatever else,for too long there could be some feelings developing other than friendship.

Hmmm.

I'm going on 25-30 years with some of my guys friends. So far this hasn't happened. How long is "too long"?
.

Well of course there are some factors,if both parties are married then there's no reason to have feelings if both are happy in their marriages/relationships. You also have to realize if one has feelings for the other they may not say so in fear of ruining a good friendship.

I'm 37. I have male friends who were my friends when we were both single. We spent significant amounts of time alone together. No one ever made a move or implied there were feelings beyond friendship.

Now, maybe I'm just incredibly ugly and don't realize it, but plenty of men have wanted to date me, too, so I don't think that's the problem.

We just didn't have personalities that lent themselves to becoming romantically involved with each other. This does happen. Not all human beings are just waiting to jump each other's bones the second they get the opportunity.

Hmm,"jump each others bones" that wasn't quite what I said,in fact,not even close. I said "develop feelings" now if you interpret that as jumping someone's bones than that's on you. Anyone can have feelings or feel connected to someone without sex being on the table. I'm sorry,but sex wasn't even entering my mind when I said that

cuteandfunsized

I would like to think so. Most of my friends are guys. They're easier to talk to and they tell you it straight. Which I love. But I do believe if two people,male and female are friends and hang out and talk on the phone and whatever else,for too long there could be some feelings developing other than friendship.

Hmmm.

I'm going on 25-30 years with some of my guys friends. So far this hasn't happened. How long is "too long"?

Well of course there are some factors,if both parties are married then there's no reason to have feelings if both are happy in their marriages/relationships. You also have to realize if one has feelings for the other they may not say so in fear of ruining a good friendship.

I'm 37. I have male friends who were my friends when we were both single. We spent significant amounts of time alone together. No one ever made a move or implied there were feelings beyond friendship.

Now, maybe I'm just incredibly ugly and don't realize it, but plenty of men have wanted to date me, too, so I don't think that's the problem.

We just didn't have personalities that lent themselves to becoming romantically involved with each other. This does happen. Not all human beings are just waiting to jump each other's bones the second they get the opportunity.

Let me just add this,one should be able to post an opinion without snarky attitudes. Your sarcasm is not needed. It's people like you that make others afraid to post,worried about "trolls" but I am not one of those people. I will post regardless. Have a wonderful day ????

teagirlmedium

I think it depends on the people. I can be friends with some guys without wanting to be anything else. However, some people cannot. My brother is one of the people that cannot be just friends. At this time he no longer has female friends. I had a friend the same way, so she only made guy friends she found unattractive. That helped her. For me it depends on the person. Most friends I do not like in anyway other than friends, but if there is a friend I start to like it depends. If they are in a relationship, I stop talking to them. If they would like to go out then we try that. If they do not want to go out I stop talking to them until I no longer like them, because I hate the feeling of having a crush on someone I can't be with so those felling have to go away before we hang out again.

HeidiMightyRawr

Yes I do think you can be, but there has to not be romantic or sexual feelings either side IMO or it just makes things awkward. Not to say it can't still be done through determination or whatever, but what's a good friendship when it's awkward and you can't do the things you'd like to do?

Thats not saying that i cant recognize the fact that theyre attractive or have other desirable qualities. my husband also has female friends, ive never felt threatened or like they over stepped boundries, ever.

Also, this. Finding them attractive =/= desiring sexual/romantic relations with them.

That said, I've never been close with a member of the opposite sex, since I was a kid. I get on very well with them, at work, at the gym, I've been out for drinks with guys in a platonic way before, but I wouldn't ever have said we were close enough to say we were real friends, the kind you call up to see randomly, and hang out with.

Uhm, I think my brothers an attractive guy, my whole family has good genes. Doesn't mean I wanna bang him. Same for my male friends. To say I'm blind to their physical appearance is bs. To say I want relationships/sex with them is even more bs. I also notice the attractiveness of other women, does this mean I want to have sex with them?

Thinking someone is attractive to me does not = sexual desires. I graduated high school years ago.

That's what I said. =/= means does not equal.

I too find lots of people attractive, people I have no desire to be in relationships or sex with. They're 2 different things IMO.

rml_16

I would like to think so. Most of my friends are guys. They're easier to talk to and they tell you it straight. Which I love. But I do believe if two people,male and female are friends and hang out and talk on the phone and whatever else,for too long there could be some feelings developing other than friendship.

Hmmm.

I'm going on 25-30 years with some of my guys friends. So far this hasn't happened. How long is "too long"?
.

Well of course there are some factors,if both parties are married then there's no reason to have feelings if both are happy in their marriages/relationships. You also have to realize if one has feelings for the other they may not say so in fear of ruining a good friendship.

I'm 37. I have male friends who were my friends when we were both single. We spent significant amounts of time alone together. No one ever made a move or implied there were feelings beyond friendship.

Now, maybe I'm just incredibly ugly and don't realize it, but plenty of men have wanted to date me, too, so I don't think that's the problem.

We just didn't have personalities that lent themselves to becoming romantically involved with each other. This does happen. Not all human beings are just waiting to jump each other's bones the second they get the opportunity.

Hmm,"jump each others bones" that wasn't quite what I said,in fact,not even close. I said "develop feelings" now if you interpret that as jumping someone's bones than that's on you. Anyone can have feelings or feel connected to someone without sex being on the table. I'm sorry,but sex wasn't even entering my mind when I said that

OK. Let me rephrase: I have had male friends my entire life. Some since elementary school, some since becoming an adult. Most of them were single at the same time I was at some point in our friendship. We hung out, talked on the phone, sat alone in a house watching Monty Python together (see, my sarcasm comes naturally) and neither of us developed any feelings. Most of them are married now to other people, with whom I get along fine. I am also in a relationship with someone. We were close friends before and we remain close friends.

We did not develop feelings any more than my female friends and I developed feelings for each other. Being of different genders does not mean feelings are inevitable. At least not for mature adults. Not everyone's personalities click that way.

So, again, please define "too long." Three decades isn't long enough. Are we talking 50 years? 60?

Also, you should probably check the definition of Internet troll. This is not an example. You are welcome to post an opinion. People are going to challenge it. If that upsets you, you might not want to talk to people who don't agree with you.

DMZ_1

Generally speaking, no.

cuteandfunsized

I would like to think so. Most of my friends are guys. They're easier to talk to and they tell you it straight. Which I love. But I do believe if two people,male and female are friends and hang out and talk on the phone and whatever else,for too long there could be some feelings developing other than friendship.

Hmmm.

I'm going on 25-30 years with some of my guys friends. So far this hasn't happened. How long is "too long"?
.

Well of course there are some factors,if both parties are married then there's no reason to have feelings if both are happy in their marriages/relationships. You also have to realize if one has feelings for the other they may not say so in fear of ruining a good friendship.

I'm 37. I have male friends who were my friends when we were both single. We spent significant amounts of time alone together. No one ever made a move or implied there were feelings beyond friendship.

Now, maybe I'm just incredibly ugly and don't realize it, but plenty of men have wanted to date me, too, so I don't think that's the problem.

We just didn't have personalities that lent themselves to becoming romantically involved with each other. This does happen. Not all human beings are just waiting to jump each other's bones the second they get the opportunity.

Hmm,"jump each others bones" that wasn't quite what I said,in fact,not even close. I said "develop feelings" now if you interpret that as jumping someone's bones than that's on you. Anyone can have feelings or feel connected to someone without sex being on the table. I'm sorry,but sex wasn't even entering my mind when I said that

OK. Let me rephrase: I have had male friends my entire life. Some since elementary school, some since becoming an adult. Most of them were single at the same time I was at some point in our friendship. We hung out, talked on the phone, sat alone in a house watching Monty Python together (see, my sarcasm comes naturally) and neither of us developed any feelings. Most of them are married now to other people, with whom I get along fine. I am also in a relationship with someone. We were close friends before and we remain close friends.

We did not develop feelings any more than my female friends and I developed feelings for each other. Being of different genders does not mean feelings are inevitable. At least not for mature adults. Not everyone's personalities click that way.

So, again, please define "too long." Three decades isn't long enough. Are we talking 50 years? 60?

Also, you should probably check the definition of Internet troll. This is not an example. You are welcome to post an opinion. People are going to challenge it. If that upsets you, you might not want to talk to people who don't agree with you.

Haha,oh honey. I have no problems with anyone stating their opinions. I just find it quite amusing that you keep coming back to my post.

BinaryPulsar

Yes I do think you can be, but there has to not be romantic or sexual feelings either side IMO or it just makes things awkward. Not to say it can't still be done through determination or whatever, but what's a good friendship when it's awkward and you can't do the things you'd like to do?

Thats not saying that i cant recognize the fact that theyre attractive or have other desirable qualities. my husband also has female friends, ive never felt threatened or like they over stepped boundries, ever.

Also, this. Finding them attractive =/= desiring sexual/romantic relations with them.

That said, I've never been close with a member of the opposite sex, since I was a kid. I get on very well with them, at work, at the gym, I've been out for drinks with guys in a platonic way before, but I wouldn't ever have said we were close enough to say we were real friends, the kind you call up to see randomly, and hang out with.

Uhm, I think my brothers an attractive guy, my whole family has good genes. Doesn't mean I wanna bang him. Same for my male friends. To say I'm blind to their physical appearance is bs. To say I want relationships/sex with them is even more bs. I also notice the attractiveness of other women, does this mean I want to have sex with them?

Thinking someone is attractive to me does not = sexual desires. I graduated high school years ago.

That's what I said. =/= means does not equal.

I too find lots of people attractive, people I have no desire to be in relationships or sex with. They're 2 different things IMO.

Yeah. Certain boundaries get set in relationships. It doesn't mean it can't change under the right circumstances. But, I can appreciate beauty and attraction without wanting it to become sexual.

athleteguy777

depends on who the man and woman are.

meganlea2431

I believe so. I have guy friends and yes we all flirt but we also know that we are just friends. Everyone just has to respect boundaries.

jordan91mfp

Im going to go against the grain here and say no. I don't think so.

Allow me to qualify. I have LOTS of platonic relationships, so it can be done. But NOT close, "best friend" platonic relationships.

Typically ONE of the people, in very close, "best friends" kind of guy - girl relationships.... ONE of them has feelings. They both always deny it, but typically, from what I have seen... one of the people is fine with the relationship, and one wants more but is afraid to loose it.

If you think "Dude! Me and _______ are opposite sex, and we are best friends and there is nothing there!"... most likely YOU are the one who is ok with it, and the other person, secretly, has feelings.

jeannemarie333

Nope. I say no.

Most guys need to have the 4 foot rule