Can men and women maintain a platonic relationship?

Strange_magic

Of course.

However to be honest for me, the older I get the less I really yearn for male friendship IRL.
When I DO cut loose from the house, I want it to be with my girls.

ravenmiss

Of course they can!

If this is based on jealous partners etc, well I'm bisexual so does that mean I can't have any friends at all?

If your partner doesn't trust you then you have bigger problems going on than who your friends are.

wolfsbayne

It is highly dependent on who you are, but for me it really depends. My motto is "If I feel uncomfortable with my husband doing this, I won't do it".

I don't feel comfortable being *close* friends with single men. Acquaintances, sure. Pleasantries exchanged, of course. Going out for coffee/ texting conversations/ calling just to talk, NOOOooo. If the guy is married, I feel more comfortable, because I know that intentions are, for the most part (with every "guy" friend I have had this far) completely pure and platonic. Even then, I will only meet with them socially with their wife or my husband there. Never do I call/text/private message unless it's to set up double dates or answer simple work related questions.

Maybe I am a little more conservative than most people, but I never want to give my husband a reason to question my fidelity to him ever. I just love him so much it would break my heart to see him struggle. Again, everyone is different, and you do what works for you. The answer to this question will vary a lot, I think, if you are in a committed relationship.

Agree with everything here

Absolutely. Married men would never have sex with women who aren't their wives!

I think what she was getting at was that there would be no hanging out with them without their wives or her husband.

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

of course they can. I have guy friends I can talk to or go out with and have zero desires for.

Phaedra2014

So just curious on what the general consensus is here. I strongly believe it can be done. I've done it on many occasions and feel a platonic relationship can exist between a man and woman.

My experience has been no. One, or both, always ended up having feelings.

kshadows

Yep. My best friend of 13 years is male.

He's also astoundingly gay, but I don't think it matters ;-)

jc_0324

No, I don't agree. In my experience of trying to have a male friend (unless he was gay), I was always hit on. It's flattering though.

LifeOfBrian78

It probably depends on the people and their personalities.

HardyGirl4Ever

They definitely can

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

So just curious on what the general consensus is here. I strongly believe it can be done. I've done it on many occasions and feel a platonic relationship can exist between a man and woman.

My experience has been no. One, or both, always ended up having feelings.

neither of my very close guy friends have ever hit on me.

mstaser

It can happen but not without naughty thoughts.

ItsCasey

Assuming, for the sake of the antagonists, that you are referring to heterosexual men and women, my answer to this question is always and will forever be:

Only if they are not sexually attracted to each other. I don't even care whether or not you've actually sealed the deal. If you want to do each other, the fact that you haven't done each other yet doesn't make it a platonic relationship.

amsecchi

AGREE! I too have plenty of male acquaintances, but my real friends are all girls.
Of course sometimes there are guy friends/boyfriends/brothers of my friends that come and we have fun, but I've never had a male best friend, unless he's a gay friend.
I think that we usually have some kind of chemistry with the people we like, things in common and things we like about the other person. Chemistry with a girl is (in my case) non sexual because I'm not attracted to girls so they are my friends, but in the case of guys that small thing that become a larger deal. I guess that's why, even though I get along with guys, I don't have anyone I could call a real friend.

Still, my boyfriend has a few friends who are girls, some I don't even personally know, he even hangs out with them without me and I don't have a problem with that. I suppose everybody is different.

YF92

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Illini_Jim

It can happen but not without naughty thoughts.

Bingo!

Lesa_Sass

Yes, it can be done and I am married and my husband trusts me.

In saying that, there are guys that I am not friends with if I feel they are on some level hoping to sleep with me, and we know, we may act like "he is just like my brother" but we know, we are not going to be friends.

I am a friendly person. I was the toddler that would walk up to strangers and talk to them, at 46 I still do. Some people think it is flirting, its not, I am just friendly.

I have guy friends on MFP that I adore and I will say that none of them are single, they are all married and in love with their wives. As soon as someone crosses over the line though, there is no going back for me. I am done.

rml_16

I would like to think so. Most of my friends are guys. They're easier to talk to and they tell you it straight. Which I love. But I do believe if two people,male and female are friends and hang out and talk on the phone and whatever else,for too long there could be some feelings developing other than friendship.

Hmmm.

I'm going on 25-30 years with some of my guys friends. So far this hasn't happened. How long is "too long"?

Well of course there are some factors,if both parties are married then there's no reason to have feelings if both are happy in their marriages/relationships. You also have to realize if one has feelings for the other they may not say so in fear of ruining a good friendship.

I'm 37. I have male friends who were my friends when we were both single. We spent significant amounts of time alone together. No one ever made a move or implied there were feelings beyond friendship.

Now, maybe I'm just incredibly ugly and don't realize it, but plenty of men have wanted to date me, too, so I don't think that's the problem.

We just didn't have personalities that lent themselves to becoming romantically involved with each other. This does happen. Not all human beings are just waiting to jump each other's bones the second they get the opportunity.

Soccermavrick

My opinion. Yes, BUT it is in the minority of cases, exceptions to the rule, rather than the rule. The majority one of you will develop feelings. You may never act on it, but it happens, and when it does the other will either agree, where it is no longer platonic, or probably completely back off, so you might stay friends, but their is always a strange tension there. But I think that is all part of nature.

tialynn1

Yes, it can be done! I have many male friends. One has been with me sinch high school and we have been through a lot together. It has never been a problem with boyfriends. But, I have said I would be willing to give up some male friends for a guy, but I wouldn't give up his friendship.

rml_16

It is highly dependent on who you are, but for me it really depends. My motto is "If I feel uncomfortable with my husband doing this, I won't do it".

I don't feel comfortable being *close* friends with single men. Acquaintances, sure. Pleasantries exchanged, of course. Going out for coffee/ texting conversations/ calling just to talk, NOOOooo. If the guy is married, I feel more comfortable, because I know that intentions are, for the most part (with every "guy" friend I have had this far) completely pure and platonic. Even then, I will only meet with them socially with their wife or my husband there. Never do I call/text/private message unless it's to set up double dates or answer simple work related questions.

Maybe I am a little more conservative than most people, but I never want to give my husband a reason to question my fidelity to him ever. I just love him so much it would break my heart to see him struggle. Again, everyone is different, and you do what works for you. The answer to this question will vary a lot, I think, if you are in a committed relationship.

Agree with everything here

Absolutely. Married men would never have sex with women who aren't their wives!

I think what she was getting at was that there would be no hanging out with them without their wives or her husband.

If the guy is married, I feel more comfortable, because I know that intentions are, for the most part (with every "guy" friend I have had this far) completely pure and platonic.

Strange_magic

It can happen but not without naughty thoughts.

How old are you? Because this thread even is juvenile. The thought that a man and woman cannot have a platonic friendship is dumber than panicatthedisco covering Bohemian Rhapsody.



And that's dumb.

You'll see when you grow up.

headofphat

Yep. My best friend of 13 years is male.

He's also astoundingly gay, but I don't think it matters ;-)

I'm not sure that qualifies as your standard platonic friendship. lol

Slacker16

I have no problem being "just friends" as long as we bang.
Or she's ugly.

Also, there's a difference between being friends and being acquaintances.

headofphat

So just curious on what the general consensus is here. I strongly believe it can be done. I've done it on many occasions and feel a platonic relationship can exist between a man and woman.

My experience has been no. One, or both, always ended up having feelings.

neither of my very close guy friends have ever hit on me.

So you don't think any of your guy friend's would sleep with you given the chance? They would flat out turn you down if you asked for it? They would fight you off like all my dates in high school?..lol

SCW250

Yes, some of my best friends are women and that's how its been all of my life.

Original_Sinner

Yes men and women can, of course, maintain platonic relationships. As long as all the men and women engaged in said relationships are on the same level and want platonic relationships.

A man (or a woman) that has an inability to maintain anything platonic is more a statement of that man's(or woman's) ability to treat woman(or men) as platonic and his (or her) inability to leave gender and sexuality out of the equation.

Those of us that can leave gender and sexuality at the door when it comes to people we do not desire but want to have a relationship with, do it all the time.

So if you honestly feel that men and women can not have platonic relationships, then I think you need to take a hard deep look inside of yourself to figure out why you can't do this.

Because it's possible and very rewarding to do so.

wolfsbayne

It is highly dependent on who you are, but for me it really depends. My motto is "If I feel uncomfortable with my husband doing this, I won't do it".

I don't feel comfortable being *close* friends with single men. Acquaintances, sure. Pleasantries exchanged, of course. Going out for coffee/ texting conversations/ calling just to talk, NOOOooo. If the guy is married, I feel more comfortable, because I know that intentions are, for the most part (with every "guy" friend I have had this far) completely pure and platonic. Even then, I will only meet with them socially with their wife or my husband there. Never do I call/text/private message unless it's to set up double dates or answer simple work related questions.

Maybe I am a little more conservative than most people, but I never want to give my husband a reason to question my fidelity to him ever. I just love him so much it would break my heart to see him struggle. Again, everyone is different, and you do what works for you. The answer to this question will vary a lot, I think, if you are in a committed relationship.

Agree with everything here

Absolutely. Married men would never have sex with women who aren't their wives!

I think what she was getting at was that there would be no hanging out with them without their wives or her husband.

If the guy is married, I feel more comfortable, because I know that intentions are, for the most part (with every "guy" friend I have had this far) completely pure and platonic.

I saw that, but she also said "for the most part" and clarified that she was talking about her experience with her guy friends. She didn't generalize.

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

So just curious on what the general consensus is here. I strongly believe it can be done. I've done it on many occasions and feel a platonic relationship can exist between a man and woman.

My experience has been no. One, or both, always ended up having feelings.

neither of my very close guy friends have ever hit on me.

So you don't think any of your guy friend's would sleep with you given the chance? They would flat out turn you down if you asked for it? They would fight you off like all my dates in high school?..lol

that wasn't the question now, was it? We are friends. I have zero desire for them and as far as I know they have zero interest in me, too.

rml_16

It is highly dependent on who you are, but for me it really depends. My motto is "If I feel uncomfortable with my husband doing this, I won't do it".

I don't feel comfortable being *close* friends with single men. Acquaintances, sure. Pleasantries exchanged, of course. Going out for coffee/ texting conversations/ calling just to talk, NOOOooo. If the guy is married, I feel more comfortable, because I know that intentions are, for the most part (with every "guy" friend I have had this far) completely pure and platonic. Even then, I will only meet with them socially with their wife or my husband there. Never do I call/text/private message unless it's to set up double dates or answer simple work related questions.

Maybe I am a little more conservative than most people, but I never want to give my husband a reason to question my fidelity to him ever. I just love him so much it would break my heart to see him struggle. Again, everyone is different, and you do what works for you. The answer to this question will vary a lot, I think, if you are in a committed relationship.

Agree with everything here

Absolutely. Married men would never have sex with women who aren't their wives!

I think what she was getting at was that there would be no hanging out with them without their wives or her husband.

If the guy is married, I feel more comfortable, because I know that intentions are, for the most part (with every "guy" friend I have had this far) completely pure and platonic.

I saw that, but she also said "for the most part" and clarified that she was talking about her experience with her guy friends. She didn't generalize.

It was her reason for being able to be friends with married men and not single men, as though being married = castration or something and that single men can't be trusted.

Illini_Jim

It can happen but not without naughty thoughts.

How old are you? Because this thread even is juvenile. The thought that a man and woman cannot have a platonic friendship is dumber than panicatthedisco covering Bohemian Rhapsody.



And that's dumb.

You'll see when you grow up.

And you’ll soon discover that most people answer these types of questions in the forums with sarcasm or jocularity and are not trying to be helpful or insightful.