MFP has really changed

baconslave

dancing with the kitty now!

http://youtu.be/O8hOqsVAgwI

:bigsmile:

FitForL1fe

WHOA TL;DR

:noway:

Not making a "For Dummies" version.

Such a jokester :laugh: I hear verbosity is a virtue?

trinatrina1984

It is painfully obvious that everyone has their own definition of the words: rude, insulting, and mean.

So what about a definition?

I think we can agree that mean isn't people disagreeing with you or telling you advice you don't want to hear. This is a public community, all kinds are going to respond to you. If you post in the general boards, you are opening your question up to everyone and their pet opinions.

People want to be honest. And many of those honest people want to help. But here is where we get murky on our definition of mean.

Honesty isn't necessarily mean, right? Right. Ah, but it isn't necessarily nice either, is it? Not inherently.

It's the words and tone you use. If you use an insulting tone, insinuations about a person's intelligence or education level or sanity in your "honest" replies, you may be honest, but you can also easily be rude and insulting. I think this is where we get people who agree with the OP and other "mean people" threads. Their definition of mean lies with this issue. There are some people, not all obviously, who are brutally honest to the point of rudeness and insult, that hide behind the "I'm not mean, I'm honest" line.

And let's be honest with ourselves, there is a lot of that going on out there. And it does not get challenged most of the time. And it does get high-fived a lot.

Here are some examples, modeled on real posts I have seen here. Remember, I am describing tone.

Not mean: I disagree with you. I think it is better to eat this way (gives reasons)..... (Polite. Thumbs up!)
Rude and insulting (aka pushing it): You are obviously mistaken, perhaps you lack the necessary education, because it is crazy to eat that way. And those who eat that way must be unintelligent/have-poor-logic because they have made that decision. And really I'm better than you. (Insults: Basically indirectly calling the person stupid, uneducated, and that they have a crazy. Maybe the wording is funny as h*ll. Still rude and insulting though.)

Now surely there will be some who read the first example and will hear in their defensive minds the second. But sometimes, the second is what is typed, or some clever derivation thereof. The tone is clear. There is no mistaking it. And the speaker can claim that they are being honest (as they see things). But honest doesn't necessarily denote "not mean." Sure you can call a cat an orange all you like, but if you bite into the cat, it's still going to be furry and not taste at all like an orange. Unless you are on some serious hallucinogens.

I think there are a great many people who routinely style their posts as the second, and know exactly what they are doing. And routinely get validation and high-fives for their unnecessary snark. Sure it's cool to be the mean, funny kid, but it's still rude and insulting, and in certain circumstances can escalate to bullying meanness.

That is what happens sometimes and is what many people are talking about when they say "mean."

But this definition that some of you called for isn't going to change anything.

The nice people will be nice, the honest people will either be nice or mean, and people will get their feelings hurt. Because haters have to hate, otherwise the universe implodes. And some people have to be uber-defensive. And some people have a legitimate reason to feel insulted.

So people who don't like those who disagree with you, get over it. And those who don't like being talked to like you are stupid, crazy, and etc and don't like being insulted, get over it, because there will always be buttholes. You can ignore people, and you can defend yourself without sinking to their level. It is possible. Whether or not people admit it, everyone knows when someone is being genuinely mean, and that person is showing their *kitten*. Let them. They are the ones who look bad. And you really shouldn't care about fake people on the internet. Everyone shows you only what they want you to see. Their opinions matter zero in real life and effect your real life zero as long as you don't let them get to you.

When you get among a group of people behind screens with keyboards, they are going to act like people behind screens with keyboards. You can't expect anything different. You get the good, the bad, and the ugly. That doesn't change. Making posts 8 times a week about people being terrible isn't going to change that, it's just going to draw a mob of people to heckle you.

There you go. My 56 and 3/4 cents worth of web/MFP philosophy.

Enough serious.
And now it's time for some kittehs. To roll this mofo.

This GIF - I just can't help singing, I'm a cat (bing) I'm a kitty cat and I dance dance dance and I dance dance dance

Edit TL DR - Too Liquored Didn't Read

MyChocolateDiet

IN!...

















...on page 18...:grumble:

unapologetically_crystal

in the forums, you have to have a thick skin.. i have been here for almost three years and from the beginning i saw the people you are speaking of which is why i stayed quiet for the longest time.

there are ALOT of good people here too.. just look past the negative people.. block or ignore them and go about your business.

rachelrb85

This piece of junk thread is still here?

trinatrina1984

This piece of junk thread is still here?

Yep

MissTattoo

In...just because! ^_^

baconslave

It is painfully obvious that everyone has their own definition of the words: rude, insulting, and mean.

So what about a definition?

I think we can agree that mean isn't people disagreeing with you or telling you advice you don't want to hear. This is a public community, all kinds are going to respond to you. If you post in the general boards, you are opening your question up to everyone and their pet opinions.

People want to be honest. And many of those honest people want to help. But here is where we get murky on our definition of mean.

Honesty isn't necessarily mean, right? Right. Ah, but it isn't necessarily nice either, is it? Not inherently.

It's the words and tone you use. If you use an insulting tone, insinuations about a person's intelligence or education level or sanity in your "honest" replies, you may be honest, but you can also easily be rude and insulting. I think this is where we get people who agree with the OP and other "mean people" threads. Their definition of mean lies with this issue. There are some people, not all obviously, who are brutally honest to the point of rudeness and insult, that hide behind the "I'm not mean, I'm honest" line.

And let's be honest with ourselves, there is a lot of that going on out there. And it does not get challenged most of the time. And it does get high-fived a lot.

Here are some examples, modeled on real posts I have seen here. Remember, I am describing tone.

Not mean: I disagree with you. I think it is better to eat this way (gives reasons)..... (Polite. Thumbs up!)
Rude and insulting (aka pushing it): You are obviously mistaken, perhaps you lack the necessary education, because it is crazy to eat that way. And those who eat that way must be unintelligent/have-poor-logic because they have made that decision. And really I'm better than you. (Insults: Basically indirectly calling the person stupid, uneducated, and that they have a crazy. Maybe the wording is funny as h*ll. Still rude and insulting though.)

Now surely there will be some who read the first example and will hear in their defensive minds the second. But sometimes, the second is what is typed, or some clever derivation thereof. The tone is clear. There is no mistaking it. And the speaker can claim that they are being honest (as they see things). But honest doesn't necessarily denote "not mean." Sure you can call a cat an orange all you like, but if you bite into the cat, it's still going to be furry and not taste at all like an orange. Unless you are on some serious hallucinogens.

I think there are a great many people who routinely style their posts as the second, and know exactly what they are doing. And routinely get validation and high-fives for their unnecessary snark. Sure it's cool to be the mean, funny kid, but it's still rude and insulting, and in certain circumstances can escalate to bullying meanness.

That is what happens sometimes and is what many people are talking about when they say "mean."

But this definition that some of you called for isn't going to change anything.

The nice people will be nice, the honest people will either be nice or mean, and people will get their feelings hurt. Because haters have to hate, otherwise the universe implodes. And some people have to be uber-defensive. And some people have a legitimate reason to feel insulted.

So people who don't like those who disagree with you, get over it. And those who don't like being talked to like you are stupid, crazy, and etc and don't like being insulted, get over it, because there will always be buttholes. You can ignore people, and you can defend yourself without sinking to their level. It is possible. Whether or not people admit it, everyone knows when someone is being genuinely mean, and that person is showing their *kitten*. Let them. They are the ones who look bad. And you really shouldn't care about fake people on the internet. Everyone shows you only what they want you to see. Their opinions matter zero in real life and effect your real life zero as long as you don't let them get to you.

When you get among a group of people behind screens with keyboards, they are going to act like people behind screens with keyboards. You can't expect anything different. You get the good, the bad, and the ugly. That doesn't change. Making posts 8 times a week about people being terrible isn't going to change that, it's just going to draw a mob of people to heckle you.

There you go. My 56 and 3/4 cents worth of web/MFP philosophy.

Enough serious.
And now it's time for some kittehs. To roll this mofo.

This GIF - I just can't help singing, I'm a cat (bing) I'm a kitty cat and I dance dance dance and I dance dance dance

Edit TL DR - Too Liquored Didn't Read

There's a TL DR up there somewhere for when you are sober. Or skip it and just dance with the kitty cat. Dance, dance, dance and a dance dance dance!

Going to be stuck in my head all day. How many calories do you burn dancing with the kitteh?

Miss_1999

happyvalentinesday

Oh god. I seen that and all the nasty things people said to her . Well clearly those people who say not to log it don't have temperature in the triple digits , no air conditioning and a dirty house like me . Cause cleaning my restroom is enough to burn 30 lbs .

paperpudding

^ People disagreeing about whether to log cleaning calories are not saying nasty things.

They are just disagreeing on whether to log cleaning calories.

No_More_Waiting

I started on this site for the first time about three years ago. At that time it was a wonderful place to get motivation and support. I found a lot of nice and helpful people. This site is suppose to be about supporting each other, but more and more I see people being less supportive and just down right mean. Some users seem to have an attitude that they are better because they have been a successful where another user wasn't as successful or is taking just a little more time.
I have read multiple post today where a person asked a simple question and they were ridiculed for it. One poor girl simply asked what was the difference between light cleaning and heavy cleaning. That's all she wanted to know, but there were post after post about how she shouldn't log cleaning. It's not anyone's right to tell another person what they should and shouldn't log. If I decided to log "walking to my fridge to get a snack" it's no one's business but my own.
I think some users are forgetting the reasons for a site like this. I also want to make it clear that I'm saying "some users", because there are still a lot of genuinely nice people on here.
We all need to be kind to one another. Most of us have all been in the same situation and for the few of you that have always been fit and use the site to keep track of your fitness then you need to understand that it doesn't come as easy to some as it does to you. For the ones that have been overweight and out of shape remember where you have come from and how you felt in the beginning.
It shouldn't matter if you are morbidly obese, too thin, or have never had an issue. We are all here for the same reason and that's to be the best us we can be. So, as I said before be kind to one another or you're disrespecting the site, the members, and yourself. It's fantastic to look good but real beauty still comes from within.

I couldn't have said it better myself. For some, it may be hard to stay motivated if they're constantly being ridiculed for doing something different or taking more time than those " more successful". It's important to remember that most of us on this site has been in or are in the same situation. We all need encouragement.

paperpudding

I started on this site for the first time about three years ago. At that time it was a wonderful place to get motivation and support. I found a lot of nice and helpful people. This site is suppose to be about supporting each other, but more and more I see people being less supportive and just down right mean. Some users seem to have an attitude that they are better because they have been a successful where another user wasn't as successful or is taking just a little more time.
I have read multiple post today where a person asked a simple question and they were ridiculed for it. One poor girl simply asked what was the difference between light cleaning and heavy cleaning. That's all she wanted to know, but there were post after post about how she shouldn't log cleaning. It's not anyone's right to tell another person what they should and shouldn't log. If I decided to log "walking to my fridge to get a snack" it's no one's business but my own.
I think some users are forgetting the reasons for a site like this. I also want to make it clear that I'm saying "some users", because there are still a lot of genuinely nice people on here.
We all need to be kind to one another. Most of us have all been in the same situation and for the few of you that have always been fit and use the site to keep track of your fitness then you need to understand that it doesn't come as easy to some as it does to you. For the ones that have been overweight and out of shape remember where you have come from and how you felt in the beginning.
It shouldn't matter if you are morbidly obese, too thin, or have never had an issue. We are all here for the same reason and that's to be the best us we can be. So, as I said before be kind to one another or you're disrespecting the site, the members, and yourself. It's fantastic to look good but real beauty still comes from within.

I couldn't have said it better myself. For some, it may be hard to stay motivated if they're constantly being ridiculed for doing something different or taking more time than those " more successful". It's important to remember that most of us on this site has been in or are in the same situation. We all need encouragement.

You have been here since June and have written 2 other posts.

How much encouraging have you done yourself to all those others who need it?

No_More_Waiting

I started on this site for the first time about three years ago. At that time it was a wonderful place to get motivation and support. I found a lot of nice and helpful people. This site is suppose to be about supporting each other, but more and more I see people being less supportive and just down right mean. Some users seem to have an attitude that they are better because they have been a successful where another user wasn't as successful or is taking just a little more time.
I have read multiple post today where a person asked a simple question and they were ridiculed for it. One poor girl simply asked what was the difference between light cleaning and heavy cleaning. That's all she wanted to know, but there were post after post about how she shouldn't log cleaning. It's not anyone's right to tell another person what they should and shouldn't log. If I decided to log "walking to my fridge to get a snack" it's no one's business but my own.
I think some users are forgetting the reasons for a site like this. I also want to make it clear that I'm saying "some users", because there are still a lot of genuinely nice people on here.
We all need to be kind to one another. Most of us have all been in the same situation and for the few of you that have always been fit and use the site to keep track of your fitness then you need to understand that it doesn't come as easy to some as it does to you. For the ones that have been overweight and out of shape remember where you have come from and how you felt in the beginning.
It shouldn't matter if you are morbidly obese, too thin, or have never had an issue. We are all here for the same reason and that's to be the best us we can be. So, as I said before be kind to one another or you're disrespecting the site, the members, and yourself. It's fantastic to look good but real beauty still comes from within.

I'm gonna try to address this without making it a whole thing.

Yes, you can log whatever you want. But when you ask for advice, you'll get advice. And anyone who cares is gonna tell you logging things as exercise that aren't really exercise is a bad idea.

It may not be what you want to hear, but it's good advice. And that's the problem. Some people want advice, some people want to be told they're doing everything right no matter what.

I've seen people be unnecessarily rude, I've seen people be extraordinarily kind. Just like life. It's no different here. It's everyone's choice if they want to focus on the positive or the negative.

I agree. I see where the op is coming from because I've felt the same way.... like people only respond to ridicule. But, I do expect honest advice when I ask for it. You're right though... it's all going to be in how you choose to look at things.

No_More_Waiting

The ones who want to actually read both sides of an issue and decide for themselves what they feel is right.

Good point.... It's what makes a great "discussion".