Found My Voice, I wasn't "Hangry"

Goldeeloks615

I was standing up for myself. Now maybe I did finally just take it a step too far but I don't think I am the one that really should have to be the one to apologize.

Tory Johnson had the "The Switch".. I apparently have found "My Voice". I said, 'No. Thank you." to the cookies..
I said, "No thanks" to the follow up question, "Want cake?"
"Come ONNNN"...
"Really. I'm good. Thank you, but no thank you. Share with my the rest of our co-workers. Enjoy."
"I'm going to go get a piece of cake and just leave it on your desk then."
"Do NOT do that."
"Why not?" she said.
Now... not that I owe ANYONE that I work with ANY type of an explanation, but unless you are blind and/or don't know me you know I need to lose weight!
"For certain health reasons I must lose 40 lbs. so, again, thank you, but NO."

Now really. Should not that have been THE END of it..?

"oh Come on, Kill joy. Have one Oreo stuffed, peanut butter cookie. Just one, it won't kill you."

You know what, one cookie might not kill me. But.. My Voice took over and said....
"What is WRONG with you? NO means NO. Are you trying to make this something more than what it needs to be. I said no. Leave it alone. One? Really? Have YOU looked in the mirror lately? YOU couldn't stop at just one could you? If I could or would want to stop at that one would I be facing this road of weight loss? Would you tell someone that had been sober for 30 days oh come oh.. just have one scotch, it won't kill you? Of course not! So turn and walk away. I said NO! "

Another co-worker looked at her and said, "I think she has an opinion. I think she said no."

Again.. I wasn't hangry, you know, so hungry I was angry. I was tired of being harassed. Was I wrong for retaliating, yes.
Yes.. part of me feels that I need to apologize to her, at the same time, I feel she owes me an apology.

In the end though I've found my Voice. I just need to make sure to let it be heard sooner, rather than as a last resort!

LaserOctopus

I kind of love this story...

BombshellPhoenix

You actually asked someone to look in the mirror to justify yourself? I really hope you didn't. I'd be crying after something like that.

Alatariel75

I too snapped at a co-worker the other day and wondered if I ought to apologise. It was actually for the opposite reason, she was giving me crap about my snack being 'unhealthy' and I basically said "Well, I've lost a sh!tload of weight and seem to be doing fine so how about you do you and I'll do me".

She seemed to take it onboard, and has been irritatingly 'supportive' since.

If you had a go at her appearance, that's probably worth an apology. Me, I'd tend to do it as a "look, I'm really sorry I took a shot at your appearance. I was just angry because you XXXXXX" so the insult is apologised for but you haven't backed down on your overall stance.

cookeylady

WOW! At least you recognize both sides of the wrong here and are willing to step up and be an adult. I would apologize, just because, of the lash out, and explain, but i did tell you multiple times NO and NO MEANS NO. hope it doesn't ruin your day.

_HeartsOnFire_

Good for you for standing up for yourself.

I think you both need to apologize to each other. I say you should apologize because, "Have YOU looked in the mirror lately? YOU couldn't stop at just one could you?"

I'm sorry, I don't care if she was putting the cake on your desk, that comment takes it a bit too far.

Next time, you could just take the cake or cookie and put it in the trash in front of her. I'm sure she won't offer you any more after that. Not that I'm an advocate for throwing yummy food that could be fit into my day (I said MY not yours) away.

kgeyser

Yes, you owe your coworker an apology for the "look in the mirror" comment.

Goldeeloks615

You actually asked someone to look in the mirror to justify yourself? I really hope you didn't. I'd be crying after something like that.

Never said it was a good moment. Saying, THIS is the part that I feel that I need to apologize for, and the ONLY part.

Crying? No... I was positively abashed that anyone would feel that they would think it's okay to continue to push what I've told them is in no way an okay choice for me.
That my handicap has lead me to become overweight and now can't have the needed surgery and she wants to push food that I obviously don't want and or need.. is almost abusive.

How she chooses to treat her own body I can't control. I am sorry that I was mean to her though,

Daiako

You weren't angry but you all but called her fat?


I wonder how you are when actually angry.

2bFit1959

Congrats on finding your voice!!!: flowerforyou:
You don't have to apologize for doing what is right for you.

Keep up the good work!

2bFit1959

Congrats on finding your voice!!!: flowerforyou:

You don't have to apologize for doing what is right for you, but maybe you should for the unkind words.

Keep up the good work!

cookieinbk82

I think you should apologize for the "you couldn't stop at one" comment. However, your co worker should have just asked you once and when you said no that should have been it.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

Did you feel any better about yourself after making the mirror comment than you would have if you would have eaten cake?

randomtai

I want cake now. :sad:

Heirgreat

You know I think you should apologies for going to the"fat" look in the mirror comment but also let her know you are on a journey and welcome friends who want to be supportive - tell her about MFP and maybe this whole incident opens a friendship

BombshellPhoenix

You actually asked someone to look in the mirror to justify yourself? I really hope you didn't. I'd be crying after something like that.

Never said it was a good moment. Saying, THIS is the part that I feel that I need to apologize for, and the ONLY part.

Crying? No... I was positively abashed that anyone would feel that they would think it's okay to continue to push what I've told them is in no way an okay choice for me.
That my handicap has lead me to become overweight and now can't have the needed surgery and she wants to push food that I obviously don't want and or need.. is almost abusive.

How she chooses to treat her own body I can't control. I am sorry that I was mean to her though,

The crying thing... I was referring to feeling like the person you told to look in a mirror.

I often put myself in other's position rather than taking the storytellers view completely.

No, she should not have kept badgering you about the cake. But you know, there isn't anything inherently wrong with cake....or kindness.... I was obese once, too. I treat my body to cake. And absolutely no to it being abuse.

FitForL1fe

So, is that cake still up for grabs, or what?

Mr_Bad_Example

Hmm... maybe you should have had that cookie, OP.

DamePiglet

Did you feel any better about yourself after making the mirror comment than you would have if you would have eaten cake?

Agreed.

There's some drama in that office.
You owe her an apology and you should probably try to figure out better ways to resolve conflicts, 'cause... day-um.

JazmineYoli

I want cake now. :sad:

RIGHT!!! That Oreo stuffed, peanut butter cookie sounds like a freakin dream!!!

zoeysasha37

Lmao that the OP referred to her Co workers offering cake as abusive. Lol

zyxst

Guess I'm the lone b!tch who doesn't think OP needs to apologize.

PurringMyrrh

Guess I'm the lone b!tch who doesn't think OP needs to apologize.

Not a chance. I'm all down for the no apologies in this situation.

We gotta travel in packs, ya know.

randomtai

Guess I'm the lone b!tch who doesn't think OP needs to apologize.

I agree. I also want cake. :laugh:

besaro

it wouldn't hurt for you to say, "I'm sorry for the way i spoke to you" and leave it at that, do not add that you were pushed, or she was being too whatever, or any other excuse. be the bigger (er sorry) person. if she's a decent person she will also apologize.

NinjaJinja

Yeah, I probably wouldn't apologize for saying that. If someone makes me angry enough to make me say something really mean to them like that, we are either going to pretend it never happened or they can get the hell out of my life forever. I'm probably fine with either one and lean towards the latter.

hearthwood

Food being brought in by co-workers is and has always been a problem, and very hard to resist at times. You don't want to tell anyone you're trying to lose weight, because you'll get the Oh "you don't look like you need to lose weight", so come up with something else that doesn't offend them, but makes sense. I am going gluten free to stop my headaches, no sugar for me, because I don't sleep well, and I get a much better sleep if I don't have any, etc. etc. etc. Then the pressure stops.

mathandcats

As people have said, you should apologize for the mirror/can't stop at one comment. That went too far. The rest was completely justified, she absolutely should have stopped when you said you really didn't want any.

Venobambino

I don't think you should feel the need to apologize either. She was just asking for it! I just had this scenario in my head that could be more effective than snapping, though, and no angry words would have to be said. Next time, after saying no the first and second and third times, or whatever, finally sigh and say "okay, hand it over," then dramatically dump the food in the garbage in front of them. Then hand back the empty plate. She'd probably never offer you food ever again. Hee hee.

Goldeeloks615

I don't think you should feel the need to apologize either. She was just asking for it! I just had this scenario in my head that could be more effective than snapping, though, and no angry words would have to be said. Next time, after saying no the first and second and third times, or whatever, finally sigh and say "okay, hand it over," then dramatically dump the food in the garbage in front of them. Then hand back the empty plate. She'd probably never offer you food ever again. Hee hee.

Oh that would have been the best!

I went in today (was off yesterday) and brought in sliced gala apples from the famers market with some local raw honey and sat the tray at the desk and told everyone to help them selves. I did approach my co-worker and tell her that I wanted to apologize for snapping at her.

(For all those folks that thought I was such a great big meanie head.... )

She laughed and said.. "Ha, No worries. Mom and I had a bet about whether or not you would break down and eat the cake or the cookies".

I smiled at her and told her to enjoy the apples and Raw Honey.
NOT ONCE did I say... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT, YOU *kitten*?! Or even, the thought that crossed my mind, hope you lost, you hateful wench!
Still.. Not HANGRY..
Hangry, being angry BECAUSE I'm hungry.
Then I was ticked off cuz she was hateful! LOL! Oh well. I had a great day today! I felt better all the way around!

randomtai

I don't think you should feel the need to apologize either. She was just asking for it! I just had this scenario in my head that could be more effective than snapping, though, and no angry words would have to be said. Next time, after saying no the first and second and third times, or whatever, finally sigh and say "okay, hand it over," then dramatically dump the food in the garbage in front of them. Then hand back the empty plate. She'd probably never offer you food ever again. Hee hee.

Oh that would have been the best!

I went in today (was off yesterday) and brought in sliced gala apples from the famers market with some local raw honey and sat the tray at the desk and told everyone to help them selves. I did approach my co-worker and tell her that I wanted to apologize for snapping at her.

(For all those folks that thought I was such a great big meanie head.... )

She laughed and said.. "Ha, No worries. Mom and I had a bet about whether or not you would break down and eat the cake or the cookies".

I smiled at her and told her to enjoy the apples and Raw Honey.
NOT ONCE did I say... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT, YOU *kitten*?! Or even, the thought that crossed my mind, hope you lost, you hateful wench!
Still.. Not HANGRY..
Hangry, being angry BECAUSE I'm hungry.
Then I was ticked off cuz she was hateful! LOL! Oh well. I had a great day today! I felt better all the way around!

This sounds like a hostile work environment... :noway: