How do you deal with critics?

lsgibbs83

I am on Day 113 (this time) on MFP along with help from my employers Employee Wellness Nurse. I have done well so far and am about half way to my goal. Surprisingly I have not yet hit a plateau. I have focused on eating well balanced meals and snacks, nearly cut out diet soda, exercising an average of 6 days a week, and making an attempt to eat more "clean".

I have one co-worker who constantly makes comments like "I just hope you don't gain it back again like you did before", or "can you eat that?" Today the office went to a local Mexican restaurant to celebrate the retirement of one of the gentlemen in the office. I had the day off so I just met the group at the restaurant. When I sat down and picked up the menu she says "You can't eat anything they have here". I had never eaten at this restaurant before but it's Mexican. I figured there would be some sort of healthy choice. I just remarked to her, like always, that I can eat anything I want, I just choose healthier foods now. I did find a healthy, grilled chicken and veggie lunch entree and asked that they not bring the rice or refried beans with it.

This co-worker is not a healthy woman and takes multiple medications for BP and cholesterol as well as other conditions that could be managed by a healthier lifestyle. So far instead of turning on her and pointing out her unhealthy habits, I just reinforce that I am happier with the choices I am making now. She just won't stop!

Any ideas on other ways to get her snide comments to stop?

zoeysasha37

I'm guessing she knows that she's not very healthy but just doesn't want to deal with her own issues right now so instead chooses to make snarky comments about your lifestyle change, because she really doesn't want to confront her own
I'm sure she'll eventually give up after she sees that you aren't gaining it back and then she'll stop. At that point, she may even ask you for advice.

sentaruu

Tell her to mind her own damn business

kgeyser

It sounds like you are doing a great job by not retaliating and making comments to her, so good for you. However, you do have the right to set limits as well, since what you eat and how much you weigh has no bearing on your job or your ability. Tell her in no uncertain terms that the topic is off limits and not up for discussion the next time she makes a comment. I don't know your organizational culture, but go to your boss or HR if you feel like that's an appropriate response should her behavior persist.

ukaryote

It is difficult to not tell her to f- off. I might try something gentler, acknowledge her attention:

"Thank you for your concern. I think this will fit into my plan. By the way, how many pounds overweight are you? I want to avoid whatever you are having."

Aw nuts, then kgeyser had to make a sensible comment. Yes, after a while it does rise to the level of harassement.

LeslieTSUK

Some people are just naturally nasty people, and your doing right in staying polite, as people like that just want to drag you down to their level.

But, if it gets too much, just retort something like this to her...

I eat what I like when I like, and if I wish to fill my body full of junk food, then I will, but till that day comes around, I shall enjoy being healthy and full of life. now if you'll excuse me, I have a meal to enjoy in peace.

Then if she says anything else totally blank her, as if she doesn't exist.

If only real life had a permanent block feature

pcoakley12

Just do you and forget what others want to say. You will be happy in the end.

JenAndSome

If she is truly being as blatantly rude as you described your best choice would be to bluntly tell her that you are doing fine on your own without her input. If ahead continues to make remarks take it to HR. That is what they are there for.

FitOldMomma

Oh boy, she sounds like a load of fun to work with, lol! Seriously though, is she like this with other aspects of co-worker's lives?

The reason I ask, I know someone just like that. Unfortunately, their mouths engage way before their brain does. Kind of like 'no it all's, but they are really the most clueless ones.

I think I'd just ignore her stupid comments..I don't mean pretending you didn't hear her, but outright ignore it until she gets a clue that she's being ridiculously rude.

lsgibbs83

Thanks all! You are awesome!

I do wish there was a real life "block" function.

Bonus is that with my weight loss I will meet all 4 fitness goals; BP, Cholesterol, Non-smoking, and BMI, that our company has set to qualify for a discount on our health insurance premiums and I will have $0 deductible. She, on the other hand, will have a $1500 deductible.

lsgibbs83

Yes, she is pretty much a busy body and a gossip. She is a good worker and is good at her job but she simply has no concept of minding her business.

logicalinks

Rudeness is difficult to deal with, but some people are so oblivious to other's feelings, they may not know they're coming across that way.

The next time she says something, ask her (in private), why she's making these kinds of comments. That will open the door to find out her motivation. And it will also give you the opportunity to tell her that you'd prefer she support you or not make any comments at all if she can't bring herself to do that.

Good luck!

thunderseed

Oh my god, people like her are the reason why so many women suffer from eating disorders and body image problems.

My first reaction would be to punch her in the face.

After calming down, I would make her know that it is not alright to say those things to any person, and that she is being a rude sonofaB. I would set firm boundaries for her to follow, and make it known that I will not tolerate her harassment.

If she still persists, I would file a harassment report to my boss and get her fired. You can very easily get someone fired for that, especially if you notify your boss that her harassment is effecting your job.

I would be ruthless if someone did that to me. After overcoming anorexia myself, I know just how much a comment like that can really harm a person.

After that, I would learn to not care what others think of me. It's really not as hard as it seems, all it takes is after you feel yourself worrying about what they think of you, simply telling yourself, "I do not care what they think!" Their opinion does not matter!
I would not base my goals on looking pretty or beautiful, I would base my goals on being healthy. I would remind myself every time someone insults me or compliments me, that I am much more than what is on the outside.
I would keep determined and not let the critics stand in my way!

I am on Day 113 (this time) on MFP along with help from my employers Employee Wellness Nurse. I have done well so far and am about half way to my goal. Surprisingly I have not yet hit a plateau. I have focused on eating well balanced meals and snacks, nearly cut out diet soda, exercising an average of 6 days a week, and making an attempt to eat more "clean".

I have one co-worker who constantly makes comments like "I just hope you don't gain it back again like you did before", or "can you eat that?" Today the office went to a local Mexican restaurant to celebrate the retirement of one of the gentlemen in the office. I had the day off so I just met the group at the restaurant. When I sat down and picked up the menu she says "You can't eat anything they have here". I had never eaten at this restaurant before but it's Mexican. I figured there would be some sort of healthy choice. I just remarked to her, like always, that I can eat anything I want, I just choose healthier foods now. I did find a healthy, grilled chicken and veggie lunch entree and asked that they not bring the rice or refried beans with it.

This co-worker is not a healthy woman and takes multiple medications for BP and cholesterol as well as other conditions that could be managed by a healthier lifestyle. So far instead of turning on her and pointing out her unhealthy habits, I just reinforce that I am happier with the choices I am making now. She just won't stop!

Any ideas on other ways to get her snide comments to stop?

kristydi

"can you eat that?" Or "they don't have anything you can eat here"
You say, as kindly and blandly as possible
Thank you for your concern, but I've got it under control.
Then repeat exactly that phrase whenever needed.
You can't eat that can you?
Thank you for your concern, but I've got it under control.
But that's unhealthy.
Thank you for your concern, but I've got it under control.
I hope you don't gain the weight back this time.
Thank you for your concern, but I've got it under control.

Eventually she'll get bored. It's called the broken record. Works great on kids that argue and adults with no boundaries.

happyvalentinesday

Gee she sound's like a true psychopath . Next time totally ignore her and put on a classy smile and see what she does. If she repeats her self then say . Excuse me? Or something to make her feel like she doesn't know what she's talkin about. And eating too much never made me fat in the past . It was a lack of excersise and for some people its junk food. But just not too much food . Lol I can't tell you how many times I ate Mexican food and never gained a pound. So don't worry about the weight coming back .

Fat people like her are just trying to be annoying because it's easier than getting on the same path you're on.

You can add me so we can talk about her more lol

curlygirl513

Here is my two cents and how I would handle it.
I'd say thank you for your information, but I do things differently. Simple and respectful.

And I'd keep in mind that what she is saying is coming from an unhealthy person physically. It is obvious from your description of her behavior toward you that she is not well emotionally or psychologically. See her for the person she is and realize you are doing much better. In my heart I would wish her well as I set boundaries for myself with her to take care of myself.

When people criticize, they showing their own negativity. Don't catch her negativity. I have a support system here and in my own life. I think that having support and acknowledging and being rightly proud of my getting healthy totally important to deflect the rare negative/controlling person's unwelcome input.

LumberJacck

I know how I'd deal with that. Other people may decide to not use this method.

When she says something negative, take out a piece of paper and write it down, together with the date and time. Use the same piece of paper each time, so anyone can see what she's said and you've written.

She'll stop saying those things by about the third or fourth time.

If she asks why you're writing it, say "it's for your Wikipedia webpage on the quotes section".

Chezzie84

My nan is like that. I just ignore comments and just do what I want anyway.
She is just transferring her frustrations on to you.

twinkleboobee

Simply put, this woman has major issues with HERSELF and all these comments are a way of detracting her attention
from her own, what it seems, low mental health. You are easy 'prey' to be picked on (I have been through this at work, so called
colleague/friend constantly went on for years about me being fat and chubby when I was only 133lbs!) but she has no issues with you, is not interested in what you eat or you weight loss/gain, it's all about her.

If she can put her 'nastiness' on other people, you in this instance, this will make her feel
better about herself, momentarily, then she'll be looking for the next opportunity to make a snide/rude comment to gain some sort of mental satisfaction that she's upset someone.

I can assure you this woman goes home and is NOT a happy person! (and also doesn't think about you and your diet at all...), My old colleague/friend
(we socialised until he called me 'fatty' 5 times and I got upset, as we were close) I found out has a major issues with weight gain and he was never happy with his body, sometimes he had a belly, sometimes skinny, but then he was dangerously underweight as a 16 yr old as he told me his Mum sent him to a hostel to live and he had no money so would eat 1 meal every 3 days and was very sick....through conversation with him its seems his issues about weight and size (he thinks women should be skinny like 11 yr old boys, anything more is fat) started when he lived alone as a young teenager. So, I do realise these weren't personal, but his mental health was not in a good state - doesn't matter how slim you are!

I'm sorry you have to put up with this, have heard of women and men alike, commenting like this quite a bit, but the majority are very bitter people as many have put here, with a nasty streak (some are just weird/nuts). So how better to deal with your unhappiness than to take it out on someone else, to get that 3 second slice of satisfaction.

Next time she mentions your weight/food in take, ask her how happy she is with herself and has she considered seeing a therapist
as she's a little obsessed with you and your eating habits, and then ask if she is happy. It will shut her up, and maybe even make her think, helping her with her issues!

Good luck, keep doing what you are, and be thankful you are not her!!

twinkleboobee

Oh, and top of my long reply (sorry!) - agree with everyone here about speaking to HR etc.They will help and also
agree that this is not right, someone needs to step in, someone official, your colleague shouldn't be getting away with this.

Respect at work is of the utmost importance, you do not need colleagues like that!. I'm so passionate about this subject
as I have seen it bring people down at work and myself in my younger years fall into depression from bullies and bitter/jealous
people.

kommodevaran

Eye her, then look her straight in the face, wink, lean in, lower your voice and say something like, "I see you know what you are talking about".

Brolympus

There are a lot of aspects in your life where people are going to try to derail you from accomplishing things simply because they can't accomplish things in theirs. This woman at your workplace is no different.

She is probably also just a troll and trying to get a negative reaction out of you for her amusement. You can really piss her off being passive aggresive "nice" to her mean comments. Kind of like when somebody is a total a$$hat to you when driving and you give them a big smile and a wave. Drives them absolutely bonkers.

logg1e

I have similar problems with a couple of colleagues, thankfully not ones I have to see often. Like you I tend to be able to smile and ignore, but sometimes it really gets to me.

Reading your thread, a new tactic occurred to me - asking a question.

E.g. Her, "I hope you don't put it all on again like you did last time".
You, "Hmm, yeah, good point. How do you stop yourself from getting overweight?".

Her, "There' s nothing on this menu you can you eat".
You, "Hmm, you may be right. How do you decide what's a good thing to order?".

I'm envisaging the "hmms" as a slightly bored, distracted noises and then paying no attention to the answer.

Timelordlady85

Tell her to mind her own damn business

+1

Mr_Knight

Any ideas on other ways to get her snide comments to stop?

Have you politely talked to her about your concern?

catb58

Do none of your co-workers say anything? If I heard something like this going on continually with one co-worker sniping at another, I'd speak up with something like "She seems to be doing just fine so far, don't you think?"

Madame_Goldbricker

I nod, I smile, I carry on doing what I'm doing.

**Side note - I used to get teased some by co workers about my food choices (I eat a lot of chocolate/crisps at work). They'd say 'Oh, are you really going to eat all that. Just so you can burn it off at the gym?'

I followed the nod, smile, carry on approach.. I still eat my chocolate. And they've stopped mentioning it.

Liftng4Lis

You did great handling that because I would have told her off! I know we're supposed to remember, what other people think of us is none of our business. Some people are just *kitten* and they belittle others to make themselves feel better. Kudos to you for not knocking her out!

TravelsWithHuckleberry

I tend to take an upfront approach with this kind of thing (though it's not been weight-related for me -- yet!).

I agree that it's none of her damn business, and that you should not be treated this way. But some people simply cannot / will not take a hint, so being direct but professional may be the only way to get through to her.

I would find a time to speak with her privately so she can actually *hear* what you have to say, rather than in a public place where she's going to be embarrassed or defensive, which will cause your words to go in one ear and out the other.

I would simply say that you do not appreciate her comments and you would like her to please stop. And that's it. No discussion, no "here's why I don't like the comments" (you) or "I only say those things because...." (her).

If she comments again, tell her immediately that she needs to stop and that if she doesn't, you will discuss the situation with HR. And if she comments AGAIN, go to HR.

Three strikes and you're out in my book. (And yes, I realize she has way more than three strikes at this point, but until you say something directly, you kind of can't count them.)

Good luck!

PS - I do think you should start documenting her comments in case you do need to go to HR. Doing in front of her is kind of genius.

BigLifter10

I know how I'd deal with that. Other people may decide to not use this method.

When she says something negative, take out a piece of paper and write it down, together with the date and time. Use the same piece of paper each time, so anyone can see what she's said and you've written.

She'll stop saying those things by about the third or fourth time.

If she asks why you're writing it, say "it's for your Wikipedia webpage on the quotes section".

Oooh, I like that. I've always just stuck with the favorite and easy thing I have used: Thank you for your concern, I'll take that under consideration. The end.

randomtai

Punch her in the face.