Am I spending too much time at the gym?

Weightlossdude53

I won a one year membership at a gym and have been going religiously three times per week since July 8. I take it very seriously because I want to be a healthier person. Simce then, I have lost weight, feel better, feel stronger and have a better self esteem. I am well on my way to being i. The best shape in my life in my mod-50's! I have been logging my food and doing cadio 20 min on bike x 2) amd strength training (with the machines). It takes 40 minutes or so (syncing my Jawbone UP, bathroom amd changing shirt take extra time). I do the sam exercises every time amd am in the zone, so I don't really notice the time. I got in a little trouble today fir being at the gym for 2 hours today! That's the only thing (besodes eating healthy) that I do,for myself. Other than that Imgo to work amd am home,

Am I spending too much time at the gym? I don't want to be too self-centered. Thanks.

Jim_Barteck

Am I spending too much time at the gym? I don't want to be too self-centered. Thanks.

Not knowing how you spend the other 22 hours of the day, no one is going to be able to answer that question for you.

Are you making as much time for your SO as you are for yourself at the gym? Meaning just you two time, actually interacting with each other, not just being in the same building or room as each other.

If not, that's going to be a sore spot in pretty much every relationship. No one wants to play second fiddle.

Personally, I belong to a 24 hour gym so I can go after the wife and kids are tucked into bed. My wife is thrilled that I'm able to do this for myself without it cutting into any of our family time. There may be some kind of similar compromise you may have to make as well.

Nobody else knows, or can know, the specific relationship dynamic between you and your wife. What counts as self-centered in one relationship wouldn't in another. Bottom line: neither of you is going to be happy until you come to some kind of agreement. Talk to her.

Weightlossdude53

Thanks for your input Jim. You are right. My wife and I definitely spend more quality time together. Our younger daughter is multiplyndisabledmamd completelyndependent on us for all her care. My wife and i primarily care for her(our older daughter helps some, as does a nurse [48 hours per week]). When she was diagnosed we automatically decided to provide the best care for her at home. Because ifmthis, we have made some sacrifices (mostly unconcious) to our marriage (such as vacations alone, time alone, etc) and many things that people take for gramted such as friends and working full-time ( wife). My going to the gym also has the hidden agenda, that I am improving my strength to,be able to safely (for her amd me) move/lift her. I am teying to improve my health, so I am there longer for my family. I have heart disease in my family (3 out of 4 grandparents, father, younger [age 49] brother) and Imam working out tomhelp,avoid that.

DavPul

the issue doesn't seem to be "how long you're at the gym." it seems more "significant other's expectations" related

Beautifulbridgittlee7

Who cares? It is where you want it to be, I personally know exercising is an escape and I don't mind if I spend1 1/2 to 2 1/2 hrs sometimes, like if I'm going through a lot of stress or training for something, I feel like an athlete. I try very hard not to care what others think, even though I do too much. I figure there are worse than tings than liking to workout at home, outdoors, at the gym. The gym doesn't let you down, and it can be an individual and group thing as well.

michelle225

So it was your wife who was upset that you spent 2 hours at the gym (not the gym workers, I don't think it was clear). I totally understand getting into the zone at the gym especially if your outside life is so focused on taking care of someone else. I'm a SAHM and I take my daughter to the gym child care and work out for the full 90 minutes I'm allowed every weekday because she gets socialization with other kids and I get my only alone time of the day. But if your "you time" is putting more of a burden on your wife to take care of your daughter or the house then I totally get her being upset. Does she have a similar outlet where she can get away and focus on herself every day? If not I'd suggest you limit your gym time to an hour a day which should be more than enough for your health goals and then take over things when you get home and encourage your wife to get out and recharge.

Weightlossdude53

Going to the gym IS a great way to deal with stress (and I have stress on a regular basis). As a family we have alot going on this fall. Imtry to,be flexible about what days I go to the gym. I can't go before work because I have to,help,get my yiunger daughter ready for school. She goes to bed about 8 but my wife usually goes to bed at 11 or later (i go to bed at 10 since I get up at 5 for work). The gym closes at 11 and I think working out late in the evening would interfere with sleeping. The days that I go to the gym during the week, my wife isn't home. The Weekend workout day seems to be the problem! Maybe Imcan try to get up early amd go.

Weightlossdude53

I'm glad your gym has a place where you can leave your daughter when you work out! When i was at the gym, my daughter's nurse was taking care of her (6 hours/day, 6 days per week). I do alot of the care for our special. Needs daughter since she is a"Daddy's girl". My wife could use more time to herself, but chooses not to. She says she is tired or her back hurts. Money is an issue, so it is very dificult for us to,have a "date night" on a regular basis or even to find the time whe. The nurse is watching our daughter.

mckat08

My weight loss stalled so I have been spending up to 2 hours at the gym 6 days a week. I normally go before my husband gets up, (5:00 am), so it doesn't interfere with our time together. If it's something you really want to do, you'll find a way. Good luck.

Weightlossdude53

Thank you! I am certainly willing to be flexible. The days don't matter, as long as I am going three times per week. I kniwmthat will be the limit and I am happy with that. Unfortunately, As I said, I can't go before work. During the week, I usually go after my daughter is cared for (usually by her nurse) and my wife isn't home. On either Saturday or Sunday, I go at a time that dits in with things.

JoRocka

the issue doesn't seem to be "how long you're at the gym." it seems more "significant other's expectations" related

ding ding.

really though 2 hours roughly 3 times a week is what I spend there- I don't consider it to much- it's less than what I used to spend- but I don't have someone up my *kitten* about when I'm going to be home- and my BF is only here two days out of the week.. and yes- I go when he is here- I try my best to get out of there quickly- but I can only do so much.

Has little to do with "to much time" at the gym- and all about what the SO is expecting/wanting.

sloth3toes

Has little to do with "too much time" at the gym- and all about what the SO is expecting/wanting.

And are those expectations reasonable?

jemhh

Have you sat down and talked this out with your SO? That's what needs to be done. The total amount of gym time doesn't seem unreasonable but you have to consider how it affects her too. My husband works nights and most weekends and his days off change every 6 weeks. Every Sunday I look at the week's calendar and tell him when I'd like to run (daughter isn't old enough to stay home alone) or go to the gym rather than working out at home. We work it out together so I get my gym time but we also have family/couple time. I'd imagine that your caregiving duties are exhausting for both of you. So you both deserve a bit of a break, whether it's going to the gym or just having a walk on your own. The best way to accomplish that and maintain happiness is to work it out as a couple.

Weightlossdude53

We usually de ide on a weekly basis what days I will go,to the gym. My wife goes shopping with my older daughter, to,sporting events amd craft fairs, so she does have time away from home to destress. There are also several old time tv shows she reallynlikes and watches on a daily basis.

Jennloella

my workouts are longer than that on occasion, but I workout when my husband is not at home. When he's home, I'm with him. However, if your only time to workout happens to be when your SO is expecting time with you, why can't she come? I'd definitely offer to go with hubby before I asked him to workout less.

VelveteenArabian

It sounds like it's only one day a week that your wife has a problem with you being at the gym (the weekend day). Make sure that she gets the same amount of time to do whatever she wants. If she has sufficient time to herself and with you and she's still complaining about you being at the gym, she's just being selfish.

Weightlossdude53

My wife is interestiped in joining the gym after the holidays (it's a time committment issue right now). When Imgomto the gym, I focus on my workout. i do the same workout(basically every time) every time and don't really pay attention to the time. I am not intentionallynstaying our longer or working out slower. I use alot of the machines.

Weightlossdude53

Forgot: imdon't think my exoectation is unreasonable. I don't really do anything else for myself or for fun except going to the gym.

JoRocka

My wife is interestiped in joining the gym after the holidays (it's a time committment issue right now). When Imgomto the gym, I focus on my workout. i do the same workout(basically every time) every time and don't really pay attention to the time. I am not intentionallynstaying our longer or working out slower. I use alot of the machines.

Thought: it's rarely (read never) a time commitment issue. It's strictly a priority issue.

If it's important - someone will make time. If it is not- they will not make time.
That's pretty much as easy as simple as it really is.

ukaryote

WeightlossDude, it reads like you have achieved a very satisfactory life balance, and your gym time actually helps. It will certainly help caring for your daughter (personal experience and I am over 50).

Three times per week at the gym is just about perfect, it allows for recovery days in-between. I also struggled with the idea of selfishness, then decided it was necessary for both me and my family. It is analogous to the airlines stating you should put the oxygen mask over yourself before your child. You have to be healthy and available to help your child and family.

You are balancing very well. Keep it up.

-- edit --
I also have no "me" time outside the gym. I have decided this is unhealthy and must get around other people, for fun and a support network for dealing with a family member that needs much care. Not much success yet, I will keep looking and trying to find some appropriate activities. Problem is, damn few people "get it" about caring for an adult child. "Why can't you make the team playoffs next week?"
---

yopeeps025

You go to the gym three times a week. There is no go to the gym too long. I never heard of this. Especially if it is done correctly. I go to the gym five times a week.

sloth3toes

Has little to do with "too much time" at the gym- and all about what the SO is expecting/wanting.

And are those expectations reasonable?

Forgot: imdon't think my exoectation is unreasonable. I don't really do anything else for myself or for fun except going to the gym.

I was actually referring to her expectations. If you don't think your expectations are unreasonable... and she doesn't agree with you, that suggests to me that you would feel that her expectations are not reasonable. If you follow my logic.

Kate7294

I can see both sides. I'm home with a toddler doing everything with little me time. Luckily my gym offers the 2 hours of daycare. My husband had T.I.A.'s ( min-strokes in 2012) so I tend to do everything so he won't get stressed out. He's on blood pressure meds, anti-anxiety meds, and nerve pills. When he's home he tends to spend all his time doing his hobbies out in his building.
Weekends are always harder for me to get any gym time since my gym closes earlier on weekends.

Can you take your disabled daughter for walks with you? I know I often stroll my toddler around the neighborhood on days I can't make the gym. I use the mapmyfitness app on those days. Have you tried going to the gym on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday instead of Saturday/Sunday? I've even seen a few people pushing others in a wheel chair around the indoor track at my gym.

Otherwise I'd just try to talk to your wife about her expectations. Everyone needs time to recharge. Maybe she feels "Like her cup is empty? right now"

212019156

That is not too much time at the gym. What kind of trouble did you get into?

Weightlossdude53

Yes, i do follow your logic.

Weightlossdude53

Used to,love walking around the neighborhood. Mynorthopedist doesnot wantme to walk for exercose because it could pose damaging stress to my knee(I have mild osteoarthritis, fraying me iscus in my right knee). He suggested bike riding. My gym is a basic gym. They have cardio equipment, weights and machines. No classes andnothing else.

DvlDwnInGA

Have you asked your wife this? That would be where I would start. I personally don't think you are, but I go 7 days a week for around 45 minutes a day, and I am not your wife. So maybe ask her if she minds you being in the gym for the time you are there.

Good luck!

MyRummyHens

It sounds to me like your wife needs some quality time herself, but for whatever reason doesn't take it. Because she chooses not to take it she seems to resent you taking it.

As your daughter is in professional care for 6 hours, 6 days a week, I don't think it's at all inappropriate for you to take 2 hours a day three times a week to go to the gym to keep healthy. Is there anything your wife could do in that same block? Had money not been tight I'd have suggested booking her in for a massage or something to kick start her taking some time for herself. Does she have any hobbies, interests, friends she could visit?

Taking a small amount of personal time as a break makes you a better parent (speaking as a mother myself) and not a selfish one. Especially when your 'me time' is centered around being as strong and healthy as possible to support your family.

20yearsyounger

the issue doesn't seem to be "how long you're at the gym." it seems more "significant other's expectations" related

+1. You have to make sure that your wife doesn't feel like you are abandoning her. It's a balance. At minimum, you should get 150 mins a week. If she can't let you have that then you guys need to really talk because then she doesn't care enough about your health. Over 300 then you may need to ask yourself some questions if she doesn't like it.

sherambler

Have you sat down and talked this out with your SO? That's what needs to be done.

Agreed. My boyfriend used to feel really deprived and unimportant when I'd spend a couple hours working out (even at home) 3-6 times a week. But when we talked about it, I realized he didn't understand much about weight loss, how many calories are burned in a certain amount of time, or how long it takes to do a good weights routine. He also didn't understand why working out so much was important for me: (when I'm working out I'm not binge eating and it's making me stronger, and it gives my weight loss an extra boost, etc.). Once we talked about it, we were able to be more on the same page. I understood why he felt neglected, and he understood why it was so important to me and time consuming. Also, so he didn't feel so neglected, we agreed to a board game afternoon on the weekends...maybe you could work something out with your wife and setting a schedule might help, so you both know when you'll be around or not.

Weightlossdude53

My wife was just upset. I don't think she realized that my workout would take two hours. I didn't realize that that much time had gone by.