Am I spending too much time at the gym?

sloth3toes

At minimum, you should get 150 mins a week. Over 300 then you may need to ask yourself some questions if she doesn't like it.

Where do you get these numbers from? You are saying that if he wants over 6 hrs a week to himself, they might have a problem?
3.5% of his totally weekly time to himself doesn't seem very selfish to me.

Weightlossdude53

Will definitely talk to my wofe about her taking some time for herself. There are times during the week when the nurse is watching our you ger daughter and our older daughter (22) is busy. My wofe could do something then. Shechoses to,stay home and watch tv or do housework/errands. Neither of us have many friends. It was difficukt to cultivate friendships when our daughter was born and needed so much attention. When my wife needed to work less than part-time in order to be home whe. Our daughter girs to school amd comes off the bus, it created financial issues which resulted in fewer expendituresmthat were entertainment related. As a result, we spend most of our time at work and at home )with just the four of us). My wife amd I rarely get to go,outon "dates" probably 1-2 times oer year if we are lucky. We haven't been away from our kidsovernight in 16 years since we haven't had anyone to watch our younger daughter. It all may be sad ir pathetic, but it's a fact if kur lives.

Josalinn

2 hours is not too long at the gym. I try to get in as early as I can so that I don't feel rushed and sometimes 2 hours is not quite enough.

However, communication is key. When do you go? Did your workout spill over into say family dinner time? Maybe you could plan your workouts ahead of time and block the time off in the family calendar so that she has some heads up.

So for an alternate view point, my friend invited me over to play board games. My boyfriend and I arrive there at the designated time. My friend is no where to be seen. His roommate lets us in and says that my friend will be back soon. Three hours pass and our friend finally shows up. We were upset, mostly because of the lack of communication. We had only blocked out about 4 hours that afternoon to be there because we had another commitment that evening and had really wanted to spend time with this person that we rarely see.

So it isn't about you spending too much time at the gym, from what I can tell, but a lack of communication. Good luck, and congratulations on the weight loss!

sloth3toes

Will definitely talk to my wofe about her taking some time for herself. There are times during the week when the nurse is watching our you ger daughter and our older daughter (22) is busy. My wofe could do something then. Shechoses to,stay home and watch tv or do housework/errands. Neither of us have many friends. It was difficukt to cultivate friendships when our daughter was born and needed so much attention. When my wife needed to work less than part-time in order to be home whe. Our daughter girs to school amd comes off the bus, it created financial issues which resulted in fewer expendituresmthat were entertainment related. As a result, we spend most of our time at work and at home )with just the four of us). My wife amd I rarely get to go,outon "dates" probably 1-2 times oer year if we are lucky. We haven't been away from our kidsovernight in 16 years since we haven't had anyone to watch our younger daughter. It all may be sad ir pathetic, but it's a fact if kur lives.

I don't wanna be too much of an internet Bob Newhart, but.... it sounds like it's mostly your wife's issue. She is having a hard time adjusting to your new interests.

Your life isn't sad or pathetic.... you are doing the best you can given your circumstances. It sounds like you have always done everything you can to take care of your family. And it definitely doesn't sound like your family suffers due to your time in the gym. As you say, they will probably benefit from it.

In the long term... being healthier, and living longer, therefore being able to support them, is going to be in their best interests.

redman1740

Its like this, if you want to be the best you must become obsessed with it. 2 hrs a day in the gym 3 times a week isn't enough to cause a problem at home. You have to lay out some ground rules, develop a schedule and stick to it. Women are consistent creatures and will get bent out of shape when the regular schedule is interrupted. Lay it down to her, say listen, this is for me and my health. Set a standard weekly schedule with her, stick to it and you'll both be happy. I'm a bachelor that works out 5 days a week and everyone knows between 4pm and 7pm my phone is in the locker at the gym. Sat, its 1pm - 3pm. I spend this much time in the gym and I balance out work, gym, nutrition and dating. Good luck!!!

Weightlossdude53

Thanks! Imhaven't mentioned that prior to,the gym Imwas feeling very burnt out. I am also dealing with aging parents whollive out of state and a younger brother with psychiatric/medical issues. My parent have serious health issues but are very provate andnot receptove to assistamce. My brother's life is like a soap opera and he is extremely dependent on my parents. Mynlife used to cinsist if work and home (cleaning, care of daughter, etc ) and little else. I ised to feel loke Imwas under home arrest and watching the world go by. I am sure mynwofe felt the same. I feel less burnt out since I have been going to,the gym. It has been mynonly consistent time/way if dealing with the stress.

EvelineUK

Does your wife know about all these advantages you've been experiencing since going to the gym?
Does she know that besides losing weight (which is a big deal, too!) it's helping you get stronger so you can look after your family better, making you more healthy so hopefully you will not be in the same position as your brother, and on top of all that, helping you clear your head, all of which is in aid of looking after your daughter and being a better you?

It sounds like she doesn't really understand why you're doing this, and why it would take you 'this long'. And as a compromise, you could set some kind of alarm or make sure you don't go on for hours.

Keep up the great work though, it sounds like you have a tough job as a parent. Wishing you and your family a happy and healthy life together.

sloth3toes

Thanks! Imhaven't mentioned that prior to,the gym Imwas feeling very burnt out. I am also dealing with aging parents whollive out of state and a younger brother with psychiatric/medical issues. My parent have serious health issues but are very provate andnot receptove to assistamce. My brother's life is like a soap opera and he is extremely dependent on my parents. Mynlife used to cinsist if work and home (cleaning, care of daughter, etc ) and little else. I ised to feel loke Imwas under home arrest and watching the world go by. I am sure mynwofe felt the same. I feel less burnt out since I have been going to,the gym. It has been mynonly consistent time/way if dealing with the stress.

Ya, well.... some of what redman says is sorta true.....

Its like this, if you want to be the best you must become obsessed with it. 2 hrs a day in the gym 3 times a week isn't enough to cause a problem at home. You have to lay out some ground rules, develop a schedule and stick to it. Women are consistent creatures and will get bent out of shape when the regular schedule is interrupted. Lay it down to her, say listen, this is for me and my health. Set a standard weekly schedule with her, stick to it and you'll both be happy. I'm a bachelor that works out 5 days a week and everyone knows between 4pm and 7pm my phone is in the locker at the gym. Sat, its 1pm - 3pm. I spend this much time in the gym and I balance out work, gym, nutrition and dating. Good luck!!!

You do have to stand up for yourself to some extent, and do what you know is best. Redman, however, is single, and his advice comes from a bachelor's point of view. He sounds a bit like Charlie Harper. Only you know best how to deal with your wife.

But obviously, you are getting big benefits from going to the gym. And those benefits are going to translate to the family.

What's up with your typing?

20yearsyounger

At minimum, you should get 150 mins a week. Over 300 then you may need to ask yourself some questions if she doesn't like it.

Where do you get these numbers from? You are saying that if he wants over 6 hrs a week to himself, they might have a problem?
3.5% of his totally weekly time to himself doesn't seem very selfish to me.

Numbers are fitness recommendations for weekly exercise from various organizations. Not talking about time for self.

sloth3toes

At minimum, you should get 150 mins a week. Over 300 then you may need to ask yourself some questions if she doesn't like it.

Where do you get these numbers from? You are saying that if he wants over 6 hrs a week to himself, they might have a problem?
3.5% of his totally weekly time to himself doesn't seem very selfish to me.

Numbers are fitness recommendations for weekly exercise from various organizations. Not talking about time for self.

Ah, OK.... I jumped to a conclusion.

With a quick Google, I found a recommendation of 150 mins minimum for 'moderate aerobic exercise.' I can't find any max number. And no recommendations for time allotments for weight training. Can you cite a source for me?

Weightlossdude53

Was curious myself about the recommendations. I found the following:
http://www.cdc.gov/physicalactivity/everyone/guidelines/adults.html

20yearsyounger

At minimum, you should get 150 mins a week. Over 300 then you may need to ask yourself some questions if she doesn't like it.

Where do you get these numbers from? You are saying that if he wants over 6 hrs a week to himself, they might have a problem?
3.5% of his totally weekly time to himself doesn't seem very selfish to me.

Numbers are fitness recommendations for weekly exercise from various organizations. Not talking about time for self.

Ah, OK.... I jumped to a conclusion.

With a quick Google, I found a recommendation of 150 mins minimum for 'moderate aerobic exercise.' I can't find any max number. And no recommendations for time allotments for weight training. Can you cite a source for me?

I wasn't recommending a max. I was just saying that at 300 mins you can get a great additional benefit. At that level he should get everything he needs to relieve stress etc. Weight training shouldn't take as much time as cardio.

There is a balance here between getting what he needs and giving her what she needs. We may not all agree with it but he's the one that made the commitment to her, it's his marriage. Single guys may not understand this.

I just wanted to give him some extra material to justify how he feels about the need to exercise.

20yearsyounger

Ops forgot the link - http://www.health.gov/paguidelines/guidelines/chapter5.aspx

Josalinn

Just wondering, if its the weekend that is the issue, is a Monday, Wednesday, Friday schedule doable?

GlynnisSapsfordHey

I work out 6-7 days I try to take one day of and it's 75min a day. My husband says nothing about my time. Does your wife want a unhappy and overweight husband. 3 to 4days and 2hours each time is not bad. Try to work out during the week and take weekends of and see if that helps. Try going for long walks as a family that's a workout but not in the gym.

Weightlossdude53

Friday is nit doable because the nurse is usually off and other daughter has an appointment every week. If I went on Friday then wife would have to take care of special needs daughter herself. I am not allowed to walk for exercise due to mild arthritis in knee as per orthopedist. He wants me to cycle. Yes, I was very unhappy before and was overweight. Am trying to avoid more weight related healthnissues.

Weightlossdude53

My wife has only recently (after almost three mknths) a out how Imlook thinner and seem stronger. Imhave been doing more things "because I am stringer ". I also recently had to,buy new pamts because the old ones were too big. I never specifically discussed what imdomat the gym or why mostly because she didn't seem interested and didn't want tomforce ot on her. I had worked briefly (5 free sessions included in my "prize") amd how I would like to continue (imoutlined the benefits, etc) amd she agreed that It would be helpful amd we agreed to spend some mkney in it since I am nit paying formthe gym.