Why do so many women care what men prefer?

yellowlemoned

I think it's normal to take some interest in in the general preferences of "men" (assuming one is sexually and emotionally attracted to men). What's not okay is when we decide all men prefer the same exact thing and/or that we have to change our appearance (or even personality) to meet that preference in order to find a mate.

This too.

MyChocolateDiet

Actually I mostly dont! lol

answer matches avi.

ETA: Is that a snowflake on your beanie?

PRMinx

I think reducing it to simple insecurity is short sighted and unfair. We tend to reduce everything to insecurity here but there are so many forms of insecurity, and so many reasons for it, that it's really an oversimplification of more complex issue.

Women care what men think for a number of reasons:

1. Biology
2. Media messages and expectations
3. Upbringing / family nurturing / childhood experiences
4. Religion
5. Culture

Just to name a few...

MyChocolateDiet

Really sick of the insecurity answer. How about because it's only natural to want to appeal to the opposite sex ... it's called sexual selection. If only we could admit to ourselves that we want to secure a sexual partner instead of berating other women for wanting to do exactly that. Disclaimer: not to be mistaken for putting up with abusive, degrading, or non-reciprocating partners, aka making sammiches for a demanding man who never makes you sammiches in return and doesn't respect you.

Ding ding ding. Winner winner chicken dinner. Although I will say...some relationships are structured to make a sammich for the man that doesn't make you sammiches (because you don't eat them) and as long as both parties are into it, it's fine. Personally I also like kneeling by his chair while he strokes my hair

answer matches avi

MyChocolateDiet

mistake

Unknown

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BusyRaeNOTBusty

Because society, advertising, shows and movies all tell us to care. So we are all brought up to think (this is the majority mind you) that our worth is in our ability to make all the men want to look at us. And women go along with it.

If the man doesn't like you how you are, he isn't worth bothering with in the first place.

The reverse applies for you, too, fellas! Let the haters hate, and find the real woman you should be with.



Edit: Damn, that ended up huge. Cartman is scary up close.

You really believe this? You reject anthropology (mentioned earlier), biology, and the obvious patterns of other organisms that don't have access to TV, societal programming, advertising?

I really wonder if I live in the same world as some of you.

Those who do, they are market centric and pragmatic. After all, one's value is determined by others. I might think I am most attractive person but if women don't think so, then, I am in living in delusion. This seems quite antithetical to what people think but is the reality.

Brings a tear to my eye to see subjective theory of value used in this topic. Great answer.

Did you know that little kids (who might not have watched that much media) prefer pretty teachers to ugly ones and believe they are nicer and smarter and have other positive quality attributes when asked?

Also:

rml_16

That's all. Discuss as you like.

It is human nature to want to be attractive to the opposite gender. Men also care what women prefer.

The problem with specific questions, though, is that if you ask 100 people what they like about something, you might well get 100 different answers. So, it's best to just be yourself and someone who prefers the kind of person you are will be attracted to you.

Galatea_Stone

Serious answer because I figure I need at least one of those a day.

I care what other human beings think in general. I value the opinions of others because I want them to value my opinion. I value the opinions of men because when you pretend to listen to them and nod and even occasionally repeat back some of the nonsense they vomit, they think you're prettier.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

Women have been societally conditioned to base their self worth on males finding her attractive.

BinaryPulsar

I understand what you mean. But, on the other hand don't you enjoy being with a man that adores you, and knowing all the ways to drive him wild. Doesn't everybody enjoy that kind of sexual passion. And if a person is single they want to meet men that will be sexually compatible with them in that way.

the_arghbowl

Because they need to get the D.

Duh.

mccindy72

As a straight woman I could give a crap less what men prefer. Except my man. I care what he prefers. Everyone else, meh.

baconslave

Because society, advertising, shows and movies all tell us to care. So we are all brought up to think (this is the majority mind you) that our worth is in our ability to make all the men want to look at us. And women go along with it.

If the man doesn't like you how you are, he isn't worth bothering with in the first place.

The reverse applies for you, too, fellas! Let the haters hate, and find the real woman you should be with.



Edit: Damn, that ended up huge. Cartman is scary up close.

You really believe this? You reject anthropology (mentioned earlier), biology, and the obvious patterns of other organisms that don't have access to TV, societal programming, advertising?

I really wonder if I live in the same world as some of you.

You are making an incorrect assumption. We were talking about women who live in a society that has the societal norms and that influence of someone who has access to this technology. This topic was posted on a website. On the internet. Not in the village ceremonial ground. People who live in this type of social environment can easily become obsessed with appearance as that is what is pushed from childhood onward, and the influence they received through media is perpetuated by whatever nurture we received growing up. It's a self-renewing cycle.)

Anthropology....hmmm. There are big differences between mainstream culture and native populations. Not the same. People in cultures such as you bring up, without media and web-head mentalities...well that is a different ballgame altogether. Sure they want to look good to attract a mate. But I doubt the pervasive obsession is the same as in media-cultures. Sure there is a basic, want-to-procreate urge in common. That's a "duh." But the topic suggested implies, IMO, "why do they care so damn much what men prefer?" Why should what a man thinks affect your worth?" And I argue that the inundation of the obsession with visual perfection is perpetuated with media. For all you know, in a more-primitive culture, appearance is valued in addition to the individual's worth and accomplishments. Not just the visual preference of the male to the exclusion of all else. What is the woman's dowry? The reputation of her family? Does she look like she will bear strong sons? I imagine women have many suitors to choose from. They can take their pick. Not having to worry if she can catch a mate, but having the decision of which one to choose among many.

You're trying to compare bananas to turnips here. Sure they have "being the produce of a plant" in common. The similarities end there.



It is so terrible to suggest, that instead of being obsessed with what the opposite sex thinks or prefers, you should look to your own self-worth, like yourself and find someone who likes you for you as you are. Such an awful POV...shame on me. :laugh:

Because sex is the ONLY thing that is important. Wait...what? No it isn't. Sorry.

JenAndSome

When I get up in the morning and go to the gym, I do it for me. When I get dressed and put on my make up for the day, I wear clothes that I think make me look good. If a man looks at me an likes what he sees, that is a bonus. I enjoy being appreciated, but I am not going to go out of my way to wear things I don't like or act a different way just to get male attention.

Mr_Bad_Example

Why do so many women care what men prefer?

Why ask why?

Aero1dynamic

How will we know how to dress or think or act or what shape we should be if a man doesn't tell us? We can't just do what makes us happy, because what if that's not what a man would like?? We need constant validation from men that we're making the right choices. I think that's what it is anyway. Let me go ask a man if I'm right.

It's a good thing we have all these helpful forum topics to guide us along the right path.

It really is! Now I just have to figure out how to be in my twenties with a perfect hourglass shape, always be in a dress, and be feminine but not too clingy and make awesome sammiches and give a man his space, but let him know I'm always there for him and wear make up, but not too much. What am I missing? What else do I need to do?

I think you also have to have super-hot friends and not mind when he checks them out and you have to love his mother, no matter what

baconslave

When I get up in the morning and go to the gym, I do it for me. When I get dressed and put on my make up for the day, I wear clothes that I think make me look good. If a man looks at me an likes what he sees, that is a bonus. I enjoy being appreciated, but I am not going to go out of my way to wear things I don't like or act a different way just to get male attention.

Exactly this.

Hey, I like to get appreciative looks as much as any other lady. It's just icing, though. I'm not destroyed if I don't.

My husband met me thin, still married me 3 years later when I got fat on him. He stuck with me being fat all this time. Now I have a different shape, consistently approaching my "started dating weight", which he definitely appreciates more, but it's still me inside. Whether I'm rocking a t-shirt and holey mom-pants or dressed up. He obviously saw something worthwhile in me. Every woman deserves a man like that. I'm not saying that it isn't better with me in better shape. I wish I was strong enough to do that sooner.

chadya07

um. survival of the species....

pretty much the most basic of our instincts.

trojan_bb

It is so terrible to suggest, that instead of being obsessed with what the opposite sex thinks or prefers, you should look to your own self-worth, like yourself and find someone who likes you for you as you are. Such an awful POV...shame on me. :laugh:

It's a comfortable belief much like belief in an afterlife is comforting.

If you read solarpower's answer and my response, you'd know that I don't believe humans have intrinsic self worth. Subjective theory of value.

And I argue that the inundation of the obsession with visual perfection is perpetuated with media

Or the media reflects an existing obsession.

frayst

Really sick of the insecurity answer. How about because it's only natural to want to appeal to the opposite sex ... it's called sexual selection. If only we could admit to ourselves that we want to secure a sexual partner instead of berating other women for wanting to do exactly that. Disclaimer: not to be mistaken for putting up with abusive, degrading, or non-reciprocating partners, aka making sammiches for a demanding man who never makes you sammiches in return and doesn't respect you.

Ding ding ding. Winner winner chicken dinner. Although I will say...some relationships are structured to make a sammich for the man that doesn't make you sammiches (because you don't eat them) and as long as both parties are into it, it's fine. Personally I also like kneeling by his chair while he strokes my hair

Right. As long as he is reciprocating in one fashion or another and you are both satisfied.

likitisplit

I don't care what men prefer. I do like looking pretty. Pretty for me, not somebody else's pretty.

If you haven't noticed "attractive" is a big umbrella.

DenDweller

Subjective theory of value.

I haven't read about this. But I'd like to find out if there's anything there or if it's pseudo-intellectualism. I mean it sounds obvious on the surface, doesn't it? Worth, by its very nature, is comparative, not absolute.

trojan_bb

Subjective theory of value.

I haven't read about this. But I'd like to find out if there's anything there or if it's pseudo-intellectualism. I mean it sounds obvious on the surface, doesn't it? Worth, by its very nature, is comparative, not absolute.

hmm? It's an idea spread by classical economists followed by Austrian economists, rejecting labor theory of value (Marx and others who believe value is proportional to the societal labor put in). Not pseudo-intellectualism. Not scientific fact either.

it forms the basis of modern free market philosophy

arditarose

I like a healthy balance. I'm old fashioned. My preference comes first BUT I do enjoy making my man happy. As long as I'm happy too, I don't see the harm in caring what men prefer too.

BlueBombers

I don't.

BinaryPulsar

Men are very visual. Women are compatible with that. It's part of evolution.

baconslave

It is so terrible to suggest, that instead of being obsessed with what the opposite sex thinks or prefers, you should look to your own self-worth, like yourself and find someone who likes you for you as you are. Such an awful POV...shame on me. :laugh:

It's a comfortable belief much like belief in an afterlife is comforting.

If you read solarpower's answer and my response, you'd know that I don't believe humans have intrinsic self worth. Subjective theory of value.

And I argue that the inundation of the obsession with visual perfection is perpetuated with media

Or the media reflects an existing obsession.

No intrinsic worth. Well, humans are naturally self-serving...but there is perceived worth. Worth we have perceived that we have earned and worth that people perceive in others. Might not be intrinsic, but what we are talking about lies in perceptions, doesn't it. Take a girl in shabby clothes with no make-up and untidy hair. Compare her a girl made-up and dressed provocatively. What worth do we project on one and not the other, based upon mere appearances?

The comforting belief: It is a comforting belief, but I think having good self-esteem is important. I used to hate myself. Now my perspective has changed. And maybe my behavior has changed as well to some degree. My husband perceives me as a good mother and wife. He thinks I am attractive. Others may disagree. In the end, my perceptions of myself, and the perceptions about me of those important to my life, are the most important perceptions to me.

I still disagree about the media. I see the media as "magnifying" underlying preoccupations inherent in the human animal. Without the magnifier, I believe the preoccupation would have less power. Would be less intense. But good point.

PurringMyrrh

Because they have a penis and a wallet. Duh.

Aero1dynamic

Because they have a penis and a wallet. Duh.

Best ( and truest, imo) answer ever!