What if she's right?

toadg53

what she is trying to say to you is no different than some people claiming they are big boned, or bloated, or just retaining a lot of water, or on prednisone. not to say that people aren't all those things. But if you do have a larger frame, that alone is not going to account for an additional 50 pounds or more on a 5' 3" woman. OR you're not going to bloat or retain 50# of water. Yes, taking some medications can trigger you to eat more or can cause other changes in your body and you will gain weight. It happened to me. But I don't think it was JUST the meds that did it. It was coupled with an increase in food AND a decrease in moving around that also contributed.

at any rate, as people on here so often say ... it's food in and exertion out that will determine what ultimately your weight and body will be. sounds to me like YOU are the one on the right track. as long as you stay there and show how it's done, maybe and hopefully your mom will see and realize that she's been mistaken all these years, come around and get healthy herself. you can only hope. I came around late in life, so it does happen.

rachelrb85

She could be right if you choose like her and decide to let yourself go after having children. Don't let her be right.

lanton5110

Genetics only make up part of your physical health- you control the rest Keep at it! You're doing this for YOU not for her. It's not for nothing.

smantha32

Well, you control your own destiny. You are in charge of how much you eat and if you exercise. You said that your mom stopped exercising and ate poorly. Don't do those things.

This.

scottacular

She's not right. The reason she says those things is that she wants them to be true because it will validate what she has told to herself, which is that she was destined to be at the size she is at now and shouldn't try to fix it.

My mom also does this.

If you lose weight, then it might mean that she should try to change, also. If you get heavier, then the status quo is all good.

You need to ignore her and focus on your goals. You can lose weight if that's what you want to do.

This.

I know so many people who insist they can't lose weight like it's somehow out of their control. This person, like them - is merely seeking legitimacy for their excuses. Nobody's weight is linked to anyone else's, only you control how your body ends up.

_Tink_

Genetics are only part of the equation. The person I am genetically most like in my family is my paternal grandmother. I got so much from her - my looks, height, large frame, big feet, etc. I am most like her. Except that she was morbidly obese. She had diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol. She had 2 heart attacks and a stroke before she died; after the first heart attack she lost 100 pounds and was still obese. In my whole life, I don't ever remember seeing her standing upright - she would get up from the recliner and shuffle to the door, hunched over, when we came to visit, and then hobble back and sit again. In fact, I had no idea she was tall until I was in my 20's and asked my mother where I got my height from.

In contrast, I'm a size 2. I'm fit and healthy and I've pretty much always been. She had 4 kids, but I had 3 and the 3rd was just last year, at age 40. I live a healthy lifestyle that includes regular exercise and a well-rounded diet. Over the years people have asked me why I bother to eat right and work out since I'm already thin (that's a rant for another day). Besides all of the obvious answers about health, I'm well aware that genetically, I could have ended up like my grandmother. I choose not to.

Don't listen to your mother. You are what you choose to be in terms of your health and fitness. No one is locked into a future of obesity just because another family member struggles with it.

Mischievous_Rascal

I started to look like my mom, and then I started to eat right and exercise and now I look better than I did in high school. (My mom is still adorable, though. )

She's wrong, the choice is yours, and you may want to talk to her about how you feel about her words to you.

MinnieInMaine

If she's right, then you must be insane. Either you two wear the same size or you don't. She says you do, but you insist that you don't. So, one of you is off your rocker.

But even if you're the nutty one, you can still lose weight.

I love this reply! So true and :laugh:

She's not right and you know it so stop using letting her mind games get to you. If it was my mother, I'd tell her that straight up and probably even prove it by putting on her clothes and showing how they were too big for me. I don't let my Mom get away with BS like that.

erincatfacemeowmers

Your mother may have self-esteem issues of her own that she feels she has no control over and thus those feelings get projected onto you. No one should ever be shamed into not taking care of their physical and mental health.

Maybe propose that your mother try a gentle or meditative yoga class or DVD with you, and/or keep a feelings and food journal and share them with each other every week. You could use this as mother-daughter bonding time and a way to encourage her to be healthier.

If your mother continues in this vein of argument, just find a gentle way to communicate that being healthy is a way to show the people in your life that you care about THEM; you take care of yourself so that you can live a long, healthy life because you want to be there to care for and enjoy your family and friends for as long as possible. This may help to change her tune about your healthy efforts, and maybe even her own.