My boyfriend doesnt want me to be "too skinny"

bossbabewithcake
bossbabewithcake Posts: 16 Member
in Chit-Chat
My dream weight is 120, my boyfriend told me thats way to small and he likes me to be healthy and lower my weight to 230 (thats how much i weighed when i first met him), honestly i dont mind 230 but im tired of shopping at layne bryant for clothes because they are so expensive!!!

I think 120 will be nice because i will look better, im going into the healthcare field and i dont want to feel embarrassed of my weight and when my daughter gets older i dont want her to be embarrassed of me because im obese.

Do you think 120 is too small?
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Replies

  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,348 Member
    You don't say your height, so it's hard to tell.

    There's a lot of ground between 230 and 120. Why don't you just get started and see where you start to feel comfortable? Frankly, I started at 250 and I can't even wrap my head around wanting to be XXX lbs, I have no concept of what I'd look like at that weight and depending on body composition people who are the same weight, and even same height, can look completely different.

    It's good to have a goal in mind, but I think that worrying about this now if a bit pre-emptive...
  • Hockey_Winger
    Hockey_Winger Posts: 1,164 Member
    IMHO: don't get too hung up on a number and more "when it feels/looks right."

    I don't know you or your boyfriend so can't say for sure, but I have seen something like this before. The one doesn't want the other to be too attractive cause then they are afraid the other will stray with all the extra attention.
  • debubbie
    debubbie Posts: 767 Member
    I think it is dependent upon how tall you are if 120 will be too small. But, more importantly, I think it all boils down to what you will feel the best at. Like you, one of my reasons for weighing less is to be able to shop for cute clothes that I don't have to pay almost twice as much for because I am overweight.

    Good luck on your weight loss journey and I hope you reach the weight that makes you the happiest. :)
  • sweedee1218
    sweedee1218 Posts: 98 Member
    I think it is dependent upon how tall you are if 120 will be too small. But, more importantly, I think it all boils down to what you will feel the best at. Like you, one of my reasons for weighing less is to be able to shop for cute clothes that I don't have to pay almost twice as much for because I am overweight.

    Good luck on your weight loss journey and I hope you reach the weight that makes you the happiest. :)

    This ^^^
    My hubby says the same thing but I am going to wait and see what weight I feel the best at!!
  • Strikingly_Jackie
    Strikingly_Jackie Posts: 21 Member
    You should just try to be healthy and see where that leads you. I can't even fathom myself at 120 and I have made my way from 250+. At this point my goal weight is set at the top of the range for a healthy BMI, but I honestly just want to feel good and am really not tied to any particular number. That being said, you should do what makes you happy, not for any one else! I can say it is thrilling for me to be shopping at mainstream stores and out of Lane Bryant FOR GOOD!! :happy:
  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,573 Member
    When you have this much weight to lose, 120 is such an arbitrary number. There's a lot that goes on in between those two weights. You might find you love being 180, 150, 160. Just get to work! The closer you get and more goals you make, you understand more where your body wants to, and should go.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    You don't say your height, so it's hard to tell.

    There's a lot of ground between 230 and 120. Why don't you just get started and see where you start to feel comfortable? Frankly, I started at 250 and I can't even wrap my head around wanting to be XXX lbs, I have no concept of what I'd look like at that weight and depending on body composition people who are the same weight, and even same height, can look completely different.

    It's good to have a goal in mind, but I think that worrying about this now if a bit pre-emptive...

    I totally agree with this. OP, it's not like you MUST decide right now on your final goal weight.

    I've lost 134 lb total. I thought 220 was the lowest I could get, and when I happily turned out to be wrong I reset a goal of 180. I have found it really helpful for me to do smaller goals. Honestly when I started trying to lose weight at my all time heaviest of 307, it would have been overwhelming and demotivating for me to shoot for a goal of even 170-175 where I currently am. I would have felt like that was just too much for me to accomplish.

    We're all different though. Some people start in the 200s and reach their original goal of 120 or whatever.

    Depending on your height, you may be happy with a bit larger number than 120. Or maybe that IS the right weight for you. The beauty of the weight loss process is that it DOESN'T happen overnight and you are able to assess and prioritize all the way down the scale numbers. It's highly likely that your boyfriend will come to see new bonuses about your figure and size when you are smaller. My husband is a guy who loves big curvy women and he loved me at 271 when we met and he loves my body now at 173. Yes I'm nearly 100 lb smaller than when we met but I still have the same big bust, big hips, etc. Just smaller overall.
  • HartJames
    HartJames Posts: 789 Member
    All that matters is what is comfortable FOR YOU. You have to keep yourself the priority! If he REALLY loves you it won't matter.
  • CharlieBeansmomTracey
    CharlieBeansmomTracey Posts: 7,682 Member
    do what makes YOU feel better but at the same time make sure its a healthy weight. I have to agree with HartJames. if he really loves you the change in weight wont matter. I have weighed 120 before(when I was about 14 or 15 and then again at 20 yrs old) and I didnt feel as good as I did when I was 140lbs. The most I have weighed is 209 and I definitely didnt feel good at that weight.My hubby loved me when I was heavy and he loves me just the same now that I weigh less.You have to do what makes you feel good mentally and physically. I agree with setting small goals and going from there.
  • libbydoodle11
    libbydoodle11 Posts: 1,351 Member
    My dream weight is 120, my boyfriend told me thats way to small and he likes me to be healthy and lower my weight to 230 (thats how much i weighed when i first met him), honestly i dont mind 230 but im tired of shopping at layne bryant for clothes because they are so expensive!!!

    I think 120 will be nice because i will look better, im going into the healthcare field and i dont want to feel embarrassed of my weight and when my daughter gets older i dont want her to be embarrassed of me because im obese.

    Do you think 120 is too small?


    How did you come up with the magic number of 120 pounds? Do you think it realistic for your height and body type?
    It all comes down to what weight you are going to be comfortable at. It is up to you and maybe even your doctor to decide what weight you should be. Have you looked up a BMI calculator? That may give you a better idea of what to strive for number wise. It will give you a weight range.
  • lacurandera1
    lacurandera1 Posts: 8,083 Member
    Not enough relevant information.
  • joepage612
    joepage612 Posts: 179 Member
    Have you spoken to a doctor about your ideal weight? I think their opinion has more merit than mine.
    If your goal is for your best chance at a life of good health you should follow whatever the health guidelines are and not what random peoples opinions are.
  • simplydelish2
    simplydelish2 Posts: 726 Member
    Reality is that some men prefer larger women, just as some are only attracted to smaller women. If your boyfriend happens to be one that likes some meat on your bones - you need to face the possibility that he may not find you attractive at 120.

    I know all the arguments that if he really loves you it doesn't matter the size...but I've seen it so many times when women lose lots of weight their men leave - many times out of the insecurity since you get tons more attention from other men (non-solicited).

    My best advice is be healthy, and find your best weight for you. Not what you think your boyfriend wants, not what you think society expects of someone in the health care arena, and not what you think your daughter will be proud of/embarrassed by. If you do what's best for you - you win all the way around!
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    Not enough relevant information.

    YUP
  • Strange_magic
    Strange_magic Posts: 370 Member
    here's the thing.
    My fiance doesn't want me to lift and get "too big" so you know what. I don't talk to him about about my goals or workouts anymore.

    So I've gained muscle and he hasn't said a word.

    Do your thing. It's not his business unless you make it his business.
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
    IMHO: don't get too hung up on a number and more "when it feels/looks right."

    I don't know you or your boyfriend so can't say for sure, but I have seen something like this before. The one doesn't want the other to be too attractive cause then they are afraid the other will stray with all the extra attention.

    ^ This.
    I mean "ideal weight" doesn't always mean anything-nor does BMI 100% of the time. By both of those standards, a gymnast (who are mostly muscle, very low BF%) is overweight...
    Go by fitness instead of getting stuck on the number.
  • DiamondDiva914
    DiamondDiva914 Posts: 50 Member
    There is a very long way between 230 and 120....you don't know what will happen between now and then. Keep working until you get to where you look and feel your best, and don't worry about anyone else's opinion except yours. After all, you're the one who has to be comfortable inside that skin, no matter how much it weighs! Good luck to you!
  • LeslieTSUK
    LeslieTSUK Posts: 215 Member
    i'm aiming for 168 maybe a little less, which is a bmi of 25 for my height.
    then i'll let my weight fluctuate 7 pounds either side of that..

    bmi chart:
    http://oi61.tinypic.com/90agjl.jpg
  • miss_jessiejane
    miss_jessiejane Posts: 2,819 Member
    You should worry about what you want. If he really loves you, he'll be happy when you're happy.
  • borst13
    borst13 Posts: 1,826 Member
    You should worry about what you want. If he really loves you, he'll be happy when you're happy.

    Exactly this.
  • CharlieBeansmomTracey
    CharlieBeansmomTracey Posts: 7,682 Member
    you cant get "too big" you are a woman. the only way you would get huge is if you used steroids,HGH,etc. A woman is not going to bulk up like a man because our bodies do not make that much testosterone and other things needed to make that much muscle.
    here's the thing.
    My fiance doesn't want me to lift and get "too big" so you know what. I don't talk to him about about my goals or workouts anymore.

    So I've gained muscle and he hasn't said a word.

    Do your thing. It's not his business unless you make it his business.
  • Missjulesdid
    Missjulesdid Posts: 1,444 Member
    There are a LOT of pounds between 230 and 120. If you are 5'4"/5'5" you'll likely start to be in "regular" sized clothes starting at around 190-210 pounds and you'll be able to shop at nearly all major stores at 170. I'm 235 and I'm wearing a non plus size XL in many tops and skirts now (skirts that fit my waist but have lots of space for my bum and lower belly)
  • vanillacoffee
    vanillacoffee Posts: 1,024 Member
    When you have this much weight to lose, 120 is such an arbitrary number. There's a lot that goes on in between those two weights. You might find you love being 180, 150, 160. Just get to work! The closer you get and more goals you make, you understand more where your body wants to, and should go.

    I agree 100% with this.
  • leggup
    leggup Posts: 2,942 Member
    Unless you are 6'9, 230 lbs is an unhealthy BMI. Even if you have no symptoms, that weight puts you at risk for all number of health problems down the line. If your boyfriend cares about you in the long run, he should prioritize health.

    That said, he may just be saying that 230 is good to try to be encouraging. He probably doesn't want to come off as a jerk.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    Lol wut? :huh: :huh: :huh: :noway:

    Just break up.
  • iheartinsanity
    iheartinsanity Posts: 205 Member
    He wants you to weigh 230? 230 (unless you're like 7' tall) is in no way healthy. Go with what makes you happy but don't get too fixated on numbers (though I think it's important to have goals).
  • Jennifer10723
    Jennifer10723 Posts: 374 Member
    I have lost 27 pounds and when I hit 20 my bf at the time told me he liked me the way I was before and that I shouldn't lose anymore weight because HE wouldn't like it.

    It wasn't the only reason, but it was the last straw and I broke up with him. He would always make comments, I miss the old you when you would actually eat good things with me .. you know like McDonalds and subs and pizza EVERY MEAL. Some people don't handle change well.

    Do what makes you happy and see how he reacts.
  • Jennloella
    Jennloella Posts: 2,286 Member
    I say don't worry about it until you begin to get closer to that number. Really it's silly to fight about now when it could easily be a year before you lose that much weight.
  • kittyd7015
    kittyd7015 Posts: 4,546 Member
    My dream weight is 120, my boyfriend told me thats way to small and he likes me to be healthy and lower my weight to 230 (thats how much i weighed when i first met him), honestly i dont mind 230 but im tired of shopping at layne bryant for clothes because they are so expensive!!!

    I think 120 will be nice because i will look better, im going into the healthcare field and i dont want to feel embarrassed of my weight and when my daughter gets older i dont want her to be embarrassed of me because im obese.

    Do you think 120 is too small?

    I have had boyfriends who have told me that but sometimes there just trying to make you feel good about yourself tbh xxx
  • ShannonS921
    ShannonS921 Posts: 194
    When you have this much weight to lose, 120 is such an arbitrary number. There's a lot that goes on in between those two weights. You might find you love being 180, 150, 160. Just get to work! The closer you get and more goals you make, you understand more where your body wants to, and should go.

    ^^^^THIS.

    Good luck!!

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