Question for men who lift

knittinlady
knittinlady Posts: 143 Member
in Fitness and Exercise
I noticed a guy struggling with his bench press yesterday. He looked like a beginner, because he was lifting less than I do(I'm still pretty much a beginner myself; been lifting for two months). I almost asked him if he wanted a spotter, but changed my mind at the last second. I thought he would feel insulted, having a chick offer to spot him.

My husband agreed with me, that it was a good thing I hadn't offered.
One of my fitness buddies(another chick) said it's better to have a spot than not, so next time I should offer.

Now I'm not so sure... Would you feel insulted? Or be grateful for the help?
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Replies

  • JTick
    JTick Posts: 2,131 Member
    1. Just because someone lifts less than you, it doesn't mean they're a beginner. He could be coming back from injury/illness/etc.

    2. I would probably not be totally irritated, but would brush you off if you offered to spot me. If I need a spot, I ask for one. If he's too stubborn to ask for a spot, it's not your problem.
  • MsHarryWinston
    MsHarryWinston Posts: 1,027 Member
    And any guy that is "insulted" that a woman would offer to spot them is a complete d*ck. So long as you have the strength to spot him properly incase something goes wrong, your gender shouldn't be an issue! Seriously, that shouldn't even cross your mind. Let's try to squash that whole "real lifting is just for men" junk. Do your thing! :D
  • lishie_rebooted
    lishie_rebooted Posts: 2,973 Member
    1. Just because someone lifts less than you, it doesn't mean they're a beginner. He could be coming back from injury/illness/etc.

    2. I would probably not be totally irritated, but would brush you off if you offered to spot me. If I need a spot, I ask for one. If he's too stubborn to ask for a spot, it's not your problem.

    ^so much this.

    I'd be annoyed if someone butted in to offer a spot.
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,219 Member
    I offer to spot all the time. Most politely decline, a few have said they appreciate it.

    I don't get offended by the few that lash out or act like an *kitten* when I offer. That's their personal issue, not mine.
  • jmc0806
    jmc0806 Posts: 1,444 Member
    I honestly wouldn't mind at all, I tend to limit myself on bench and stick with a weight longer because I don't have a spotter, so I'd definitely welcome it from any gender.
  • accelerashawn
    accelerashawn Posts: 470 Member
    I get my wife to spot me and she benches 150lbs less than I do.

    If he is struggling as in looking like he is about to drop it on himself i might ask if he wants a spot. If he is just slowing down and having difficulty with his last rep...that's normal and he probably doesn't need a spot.

    Doesn't hurt to offer help. Don't need to make a big deal about it...if you feel like you want to offer help..offer it. Worst that could happen is he says WTF? HOW DARE YOU! and then he rips you in half and eats you....but that's unlikely
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    I tend to mind my own business at the gym. It has worked for me well so far.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    I offer to spot all the time. Most politely decline, a few have said they appreciate it.

    I don't get offended by the few that lash out or act like an *kitten* when I offer. That's their personal issue, not mine.

    You can spot me any day of the week. :wink: :love:
  • parkscs
    parkscs Posts: 1,639 Member
    You would get offended at an offer for a spot? I guess maybe if they said "Hey bro, you're looking pretty scrawny, you definitely need a spot to lift that weight"... but then again, what's offensive in that statement is pretty much everything except the offer for spot. I've lifted with women before and I've known lots of guys much stronger than I am that do the same. In short, I think if you approached it in the right fashion, there's nothing offensive about simply offering to spot someone who's benching.
  • GiddyupTim
    GiddyupTim Posts: 2,819 Member
    It is a difficult question. But, things are changing. Women used to use little pink weights in the privacy of their own home. Now they don't.
    I do Crossfit and there are women sometimes who use heavier weight than I do for the workouts. Course, they are younger and better looking.
    I play tennis and I could never beat Serena Williams or Maria Sharapova or anyone in the top 100, and I play a lot and I play well.
    It is just the way it is. We can get over our ego and get used to it. It's not like you were going to laugh at him. You were just going to offer to help. Usually when someone spots on a bench press they aren't lifting the weight completely; they're simply assisting on the last couple of reps.
    Next time I need some help, I'm going to wish you were there! (Yes, i have climbed out from underneath a barbell -- or dropped one on the floor -- more than a few times.)
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    So I think you are asking for example.

    I put on some weight on bar and you feel I cannot do it. I say well you can watch if you like to. I do ask for spots when I need it though.
  • DvlDwnInGA
    DvlDwnInGA Posts: 368 Member
    If I have the bb stuck on my chest because I can't push the weight off me, I don't care who comes to the rescue. Haha.
  • Hornsby
    Hornsby Posts: 10,322 Member
    I offer to spot all the time. Most politely decline, a few have said they appreciate it.

    I don't get offended by the few that lash out or act like an *kitten* when I offer. That's their personal issue, not mine.

    You can spot me any day of the week. :wink: :love:

    I agree with this^
  • PwrLftr82
    PwrLftr82 Posts: 945 Member
    If I have the bb stuck on my chest because I can't push the weight off me, I don't care who comes to the rescue. Haha.

    Yup--that was me on Friday. Luckily this little guy (like 5'1") was there and took it off me. I was ridiculously thankful that he was there and looking out for me!
  • SonyaCele
    SonyaCele Posts: 2,841 Member
    i don't offer to spot a stranger at the gym, even though i know i physically can. I assume most responsible people aren't gonna lift more than can handle if they don't have their own gym buddy/spotter . I'll offer to spot my friends, all the time.
  • andywrightpt
    andywrightpt Posts: 4
    Nothing wrong with offering someone a spot if they look like they need it.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    i don't offer to spot a stranger at the gym, even though i know i physically can. I assume most responsible people aren't gonna lift more than can handle if they don't have their own gym buddy/spotter . I'll offer to spot my friends, all the time.

    You be surprised I watched a guy barely bench 275 once. The he process to put 315 on the bar and gets stuck immediately on his chest.

    I ask random people at my gym all the time for spots. I rather have one then get stuck and do the roll of shame.
  • Cherimoose
    Cherimoose Posts: 5,208 Member
    I tend to mind my own business at the gym. It has worked for me well so far.

    The question is what's best for the person who might need help, not for us.

    Some people do get in deeper water than they can handle, so there's nothing wrong with offering help. If that feels awkward, just build a little rapport first.
  • smittybuilt19
    smittybuilt19 Posts: 955 Member
    bump, for forthcoming responses.


    ETA: I wouldn't mind a woman offering a spot, however I generally do not work with more than I know I can. When I do go for say a 1RM I will plan accordingly and have a spot lined up.
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,950 Member
    I'd totally take a spot from a woman. Ovaries doesn't mean that they can't provide assistance.

    Now, if they offer to spot, and bunk it up, well... mostly my fault for taking more weight than I should have and agreeing to a random spot.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    I tend to mind my own business at the gym. It has worked for me well so far.

    The question is what's best for the person who might need help, not for us.

    Some people do get in deeper water than they can handle, so there's nothing wrong with offering help. If that feels awkward, just build a little rapport first.

    Exactly what I said... goes both ways.
  • stumblinthrulife
    stumblinthrulife Posts: 2,558 Member
    I'll take a spot from anyone prepared to give it. I've worked hard to learn to leave my ego at the door when I hit the gym. It's probably just as well, since we have a dude that pulls 765lb ("I'd do more, but I can't fit more plates on the bars here"), and another guy that benches 400+lb, which is more than me and my max bench combined.

    But that's me, and I'm not the guy you saw. He may well take offense. But that's his problem. Offering a spot to someone that should probably be working with a spotter - i.e. all of us when pushing heavy weights - is common courtesy, and so long as you know what you are doing being a girl shouldn't stop you.
  • j4nash
    j4nash Posts: 1,719 Member
    I wouldn't mind, having a spotter would be nice, I usually stick to dumbbells since i don't have a spotter
  • civilizedworm
    civilizedworm Posts: 796 Member
    Now I'm not so sure... Would you feel insulted? Or be grateful for the help?
    If I am in my later sets (85% and up of my 1RM) I would be grateful of the offer so I can push myself for another rep by anyone.

    That's very nice of you.
  • ohpiper
    ohpiper Posts: 697 Member
    I would hope that I wouldn't be doing something stupid like trying to bench too much weight without having a spotter, otherwise it would just be a matter of Darwinism coming into play.

    As far as the gender of the person spotting me, that is not an issue. At my gym there are some pretty badass women and they know what they are doing when it comes to lifting.
  • mrdwp
    mrdwp Posts: 17 Member
    Meh... Just focus on yourself to avoid awkward moments. If someone needs help, they will ask.

    I personally wouldn't mind... but some people would - and there is actually nothing wrong with that.

    Everyone is so quick to jump on the "check your ego at the door" trite-crap-bandwagon that they forget that some people are super focused and don't want to be bothered at all while doing their thing... and that is a personal preference.
  • jimvic37
    jimvic37 Posts: 25
    I personally wouldn't have a problem with you spotting or assisting me at all. I work out with several of the women in our gym and as a matter of fact many of them out lift me and I use that to my advantage. I particularly like to do squats with two of the gals because they make me work so much harder. About a year ago I would notice that they were pretty much squatting as much as me or at least very close so I decided to start squatting with them. I knew my male ego would add at least 10-15 pounds and I was right.
    I am always inspired by the women in our gym. We cultivate that atmosphere where I work out. We insist that everybody leave their egos at the door.
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,950 Member
    lol. the juxtapositioning is awesome there.
  • jrsutton83
    jrsutton83 Posts: 1
    Personally if I am on my last set and struggling, I will always ask for someone to spot. I feel like I need to get the last rep(s) in to complete the workout, or if I am on incline press, for example, it can be hard to get those dumbbells up at first, but after I'm good, so I'll ask if someone is next to me to help out.

    As for someone asking me if I need a spot, I wouldn't be offended, but I think it is usually fairly obvious when someone NEEDS as spot. Some are too proud, but whatever, you're just being nice and lending a hand.
  • Lofteren
    Lofteren Posts: 960 Member
    Always offer a spot if you think there's a chance the lifter will need one. It would be better to insult them than it would be for them to get trapped under a bar and possibly injured.

    I train in my garage and have my kids spot me. They're not strong enough to get the bar off of me but one time I got stuck under a bench and my son ran back and forth stripping weights off the bar until I could rack it haha.

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