Ladies, what’s on your mind? Let’s talk about it..

apetty21

Posted this one yesterday. Do you have a dog? HELP! lol

I really like my boyfriend, and I really love his dog. He adopted him after a few months into us dating. The dog is affectionate and adorable. I have grown rather attached to him. The actual problem is how this man lets the dog dominate his entire life, which is ruining our relationship. He cannot spend one night without it. We cannot go on trips where the dog cannot stay, and even if we do, we cannot stay long because we have to "get back" -- same with even short social gatherings. Moreover, he lets the dog sleep wherever it wants (in between us in his bed), and he insists that it is "cute" or "funny" that the dog seeks affection during and after we do the dirty. I can even count on one hand how many times we've been intimate without the dog in the room, which is now disgusting me as I write this. It has ruined the intimacy level in our relationship, since he believes that shutting the dog out of the bedroom is also cruel. He will often lie around kissing, stroking and petting the dog (even lying on the floor with it) in front of me while we spend time together, but refuses to give me the same affection (he was very loving at the start of our relationship, however). It is really slowly starting to upset me and may even drive me to a breaking point. I have said little things like - "I would like to lay next to my boyfriend" or, "I never sleep at your place with the dog in the bed". Nothing. Am I crazy and seeing things? Does he have a problem or do I? I'm smart enough to know that there's something wrong with this picture at this point and have been giving him the benefit of the doubt to come around due to his redeeming qualities, but on the same end I feel stupid for feeling this way, as if I am overreacting.

To be honest, this wouldn't bother me. I have dogs (chihuahuas) and am a dog person. Yes, I kiss them. No, not on the mouth. That's gross. One of them is constantly in my lap and I love it. She's my girl.

Yes, they've been present during intimate moments. My boyfriend at the time and I just laughed when one jumped on the bed. We removed the dog and shut the door. That boyfriend didn't mind if they slept in our bed. Luckily he loved them as much as I did. Another boyfriend did not want them in the bed. Guess what? They didn't sleep in the bed. I understood not everybody is ok with that.

I think it's cute seeing a guy play with his dog and being affectionate. I think the issue is you've discovered you're not really a dog person. He is. If you give him an ultimatum "Me or the dog" don't get too upset if he chooses the dog. Ultimatums are terrible in relationships. Tell him how you feel and he should be able to compromise. Same for you. Maybe the dog is out of the bed but the dog can sit on the couch by your SO. But if he is unable to compromise then you have to decide if this is a deal breaker.

roylawrence87

Yea yea yea... I get it. We is simple. Brit has got it right.

Mrbackslap

Did someone say sammiches? Mmmmmmmhhhhhh Bacon

feetypajamas

I had something on my mind, then forgot it when he said BACON. Dangit. >.<

MzBug

My guy has a 5 S approach to our relationship.... 1. Sleep, 7-9 hours a day, nap if necessary. 2. Sandwich, keep sandwich fixings in the house at all times. 3. Sports, let the guy watch his fav sport, or at least sportscenter. 4. Silence, no talking during sports unless it is related to the action on the tv. 5. Sex, good and often. In return for following these simple rules I get pretty much anything I want (projects done, yard mowed, nights out, whatever!).

meggonkgonk

My guy has a 5 S approach to our relationship.... 1. Sleep, 7-9 hours a day, nap if necessary. 2. Sandwich, keep sandwich fixings in the house at all times. 3. Sports, let the guy watch his fav sport, or at least sportscenter. 4. Silence, no talking during sports unless it is related to the action on the tv. 5. Sex, good and often. In return for following these simple rules I get pretty much anything I want (projects done, yard mowed, nights out, whatever!).

And pearls and heels to wear while you're vacuuming! :laugh:

tater8589

Posted this one yesterday. Do you have a dog? HELP! lol

I really like my boyfriend, and I really love his dog. He adopted him after a few months into us dating. The dog is affectionate and adorable. I have grown rather attached to him. The actual problem is how this man lets the dog dominate his entire life, which is ruining our relationship. He cannot spend one night without it. We cannot go on trips where the dog cannot stay, and even if we do, we cannot stay long because we have to "get back" -- same with even short social gatherings. Moreover, he lets the dog sleep wherever it wants (in between us in his bed), and he insists that it is "cute" or "funny" that the dog seeks affection during and after we do the dirty. I can even count on one hand how many times we've been intimate without the dog in the room, which is now disgusting me as I write this. It has ruined the intimacy level in our relationship, since he believes that shutting the dog out of the bedroom is also cruel. He will often lie around kissing, stroking and petting the dog (even lying on the floor with it) in front of me while we spend time together, but refuses to give me the same affection (he was very loving at the start of our relationship, however). It is really slowly starting to upset me and may even drive me to a breaking point. I have said little things like - "I would like to lay next to my boyfriend" or, "I never sleep at your place with the dog in the bed". Nothing. Am I crazy and seeing things? Does he have a problem or do I? I'm smart enough to know that there's something wrong with this picture at this point and have been giving him the benefit of the doubt to come around due to his redeeming qualities, but on the same end I feel stupid for feeling this way, as if I am overreacting.

I can relate in some way. Worst part is the dog sleeping in bed. I can't take it. Between the dog and him, I barely have room - even to move. And at times, it's like he loves the dog more than I. Does he? I doubt it, but sometimes I too, would like the same affection.

My husband was similar with his dog, except he wanted me to do all the care while he always got to play and not take responsibility. It came down to "Its me or the dog"... I hated to do it, but it wasn't fair to me and was causing problems in our relationship. For us it was our 1st year and almost broke us-- things are better now. I wish you both the best of luck. Sometimes you just have to be blunt and tell them what is going on. Maybe you can work things out.

tater8589

WHAT!!!! Men would rather pursue porn than real women? Maybe some men, but I know alot who are looking for a "normal" woman who isnt looking to change them, accept them for who they are. Men like porn cause it doesnt ***** at them when they want to watch football.

Just to set this right-- My husband is the one who b*tchs when I want to watch football. I can't watch a game if he is home.

ceebs9

I love sex, sandwiches and football. I shoulda been a man.

apetty21

Why are sandwhiches so amazing to guys? It's just a sandwhich.:huh:

RoadDog

Wow. Got us all figured out, huh?

VictorianJade

Just a quick thought- for all of their 'simplicity'.... that's what attracts me to men. I've dated men and I've dated women. Men are much easier, for me as a woman, to handle. Women are complicated. We have hormone surges. Two women together, whose periods line up with each other, are, in my experience, a ticking time bomb.

So... however complicated we women are, men's 'simplicity' is the yang to our yin.

meggonkgonk

Just a quick thought- for all of their 'simplicity'.... that's what attracts me to men. I've dated men and I've dated women. Men are much easier, for me as a woman, to handle. Women are complicated. We have hormone surges. Two women together, whose periods line up with each other, are, in my experience, a ticking time bomb.

So... however complicated we women are, men's 'simplicity' is the yang to our yin.

Aaaand overshare...

VictorianJade

Just a quick thought- for all of their 'simplicity'.... that's what attracts me to men. I've dated men and I've dated women. Men are much easier, for me as a woman, to handle. Women are complicated. We have hormone surges. Two women together, whose periods line up with each other, are, in my experience, a ticking time bomb.

So... however complicated we women are, men's 'simplicity' is the yang to our yin.

Aaaand overshare...

No, not really. Just honest, matter-of-factness.

lordt

Stereotypes?

We men-folk typically love all manner of stereo equipment!

We can talk about stereo types for hours!

Waheeeeeeey. This is a right *****fest. It's making me hungry reading it all.

apetty21

Just a quick thought- for all of their 'simplicity'.... that's what attracts me to men. I've dated men and I've dated women. Men are much easier, for me as a woman, to handle. Women are complicated. We have hormone surges. Two women together, whose periods line up with each other, are, in my experience, a ticking time bomb.

So... however complicated we women are, men's 'simplicity' is the yang to our yin.

Aaaand overshare...

:laugh:

TayJoMama

Oops!

TayJoMama

ThIs is the funniest conversation i've seen on MFP aside from a couple of snarky comments. Gotta love my MFPs.

meggonkgonk

I feel compelled to share...my bf is one of the most complicated people I know.

I guess I've been a nudge on this thread, but it's because I really don't see "men" as simple (at least not in the binary meaning that we, women, are complex and impossible next to them, therefore implying intellectual and emotional superiority of one over the other). This conception is really a matter of traditional and socialized gender roles. Me and my woman power are not going to subject you all to that rant but suffice to say, each of us are what we are. Lumping people together is just ...well kind of silly. You have problem with your sweetie? Be a big kid, sit down and discuss it rationally and try to find a compromise. ie- No dog during nookie, and maybe an elevated dog bed/cot that can be on his side. Just like with weight loss, the solution to your romantic problems is proly much less a "what can I do?" and much more a "step up and do it".

*steps down from soap box*

And Jade, it was an overshare lady. No one wants to read about others periods. At least not with out warning (and even then...) Periods don't kill people, people kill people.

ceebs9

Silly is fun sometimes.

meggonkgonk

Silly is fun sometimes.

Touche salesman. I too like sports, sandwiches, sleeping and sex. I just don't like maligning an entire gender (or both of them) with broad, presumptuous labels. But maybe I'm being too much of a complicated chick :laugh:

TayJoMama

I feel compelled to share...my bf is one of the most complicated people I know.

I guess I've been a nudge on this thread, but it's because I really don't see "men" as simple (at least not in the binary meaning that we, women, are complex and impossible next to them, therefore implying intellectual and emotional superiority of one over the other). This conception is really a matter of traditional and socialized gender roles. Me and my woman power are not going to subject you all to that rant but suffice to say, each of us are what we are. Lumping people together is just ...well kind of silly. You have problem with your sweetie? Be a big kid, sit down and discuss it rationally and try to find a compromise. ie- No dog during nookie, and maybe an elevated dog bed/cot that can be on his side. Just like with weight loss, the solution to your romantic problems is proly much less a "what can I do?" and much more a "step up and do it".

*steps down from soap box*

And Jade, it was an overshare lady. No one wants to read about others periods. At least not with out warning (and even then...) Periods don't kill people, people kill people.

OMG, Debbie Downer, yes I think you are making this way more complicated than it has to be. Just showed my hubby this post and he thought it was funny and true for the most part. I don't think this post was saying that everyman is the same, of course there are exceptions, for men and women! BTW I thought Jade's comment was interesting. Women talk about their TOM a lot in these forums.

feetypajamas

There has to be a Negative Nancy in EVERY crowd. *shrug*

ceebs9

Now, now. She has valid points. This may just not be the thread for them.

xarrium

I don't know... I don't think I've ever met a man who hasn't screwed with me. Maybe they're not complicated, but in my experience they're sneaky...

Mrs_McFadden

Oversimplification sucks.

dengarrett

And women are the most straightforward, basic creature on the planet eh?

Carl01

And women are the most straightforward, basic creature on the planet eh?

123456654321

I grew up in a house that was male dominant. I have my mom and my grandmothers, but that was pretty much it. Guys really aren't that hard to figure out. They like to feel good and are believers in instant gratification.

Why did he stop calling?? Because he didn't enjoy talking to you anymore
Why isn't he having sex with me?? Unless he has a medical problem, he either wasn't attracted or it wasn't fun enough
He treats me like a girlfriend but won't call me that, why? He doesn't want to be tied down, if he wanted to, you'd be GF
Why does he leave his s**t laying around for me to pick up? Because you keep picking it up...and alot of men are slobs

Those are just examples. There are exceptions here as men can be clueless sometimes....simple to a fault. See ladies alot of this falls on our shoulders. Most of what he does or doesn't do reflects on what WE do or don't do.

Feel secure with your man but he isn't romantic or chivilrous anymore? He stopped DOING it when you stopped DEMANDING it

They want to be told what to do, preferrably with written instructions and photos. They want lots of praise whether he built a house, or tied his shoelaces. Most positive reinforcement should come in food or sexual form.

I hope this helps my friends!

This reminds me of that Dr. Laura's BS....."MEN ARE APES! ALL THE RESPONSIBILITY TO HAVE A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP IS ALL ON THE WOMENS SHOULDERS"....Psshhha.

SunLovin1

I love sex, sandwiches and football. I shoulda been a man.

God, me too. Then I could watch the game in a bar without it being "weird." :laugh: