Un-supportive family?

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thedestar
thedestar Posts: 1,278 Member
in Motivation and Support
I try my best to just ignore him, but my husband isn't very helpful for achieving my weight loss goals. After dinner and I put my daughter to bed he asks if I want ice cream and I say no. He gets mad and says "FINE then I won't have any either!" We take turn cooking some times, and if he thinks I didn't get a big enough portion of what he cooks, he gets offended. As I said, I'm trying to just ignore it, but its hard. Any tips?
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Replies

  • NuclearGirl
    NuclearGirl Posts: 80
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    Punch him on the nose :devil:
  • cheshirequeen
    cheshirequeen Posts: 1,324 Member
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    :laugh: i was going to say something mean, but i wont say that. tell him you are either with me or against me, you pick which one it is.
  • heather0mc
    heather0mc Posts: 4,656 Member
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    Punch him on the nose :devil:

    LMAO!!!

    maybe if you showed him how you have to log your food he would get a better idea? if not, throat punch....:devil:
  • baylee2010
    baylee2010 Posts: 3
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    i have the same prob my family thinks im fine but the doc says i need to lose thirty pounds to be in my height weight average, i would just explain to him that you are trying to to this for you and to make you happy and that if he wants something that you know you cant have to go ahead but like a few people told me that you have to reward yourself every once in a while otherwise it seems like you want it more just tell them that you are trying to make a healthier and happier you and if they cant understand that then they are selfish, i know exsacly what you are going through its glad to know that im not the only one :)
  • JRIV60
    JRIV60 Posts: 732 Member
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    I have had to deal with that at times but I am just consistant and the hubby's comments have ebbed off tremendously over the past 3 weeks.
    If he offers you a full plate just take it and eat reasonably then toss out the rest or offer it back to him.
    As for the desserts/sweets, the hubby is a candy and cookie addict. So for dessert when he asks if I want a Twix bar or cookies I say "No thanks but I will eat a Smart Ones dessert while you eat some cookies."

    You just focus on what you are trying to accomplish and do not put too much stock into his negativity. Good luck!
  • bjmk19047
    bjmk19047 Posts: 123
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    My EX used to say, If you just eat what I make you, you'll lose weight. Problem was, I normally hated what he was cooking!!!! There's a REASON why he's an ex!!!
  • Amb1976
    Amb1976 Posts: 241 Member
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    aww im so sorry to hear that...well....we're not your hubby, but we will be your support....buy low cal ice cream (or frozen yogurt better yet) and save some of your cal intake for that....
  • DancingDreamer
    DancingDreamer Posts: 520
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    significant others are NOTORIOUS for being the most unhelpful person for a diet. you need to talk to him about this. tell him you're trying to lose weight and if he says "i think you look great the way you are" come back with "while thats sweet i'm not doing this for you. this is for me." and if he's a smart man he'll shut his mouth and start supporting you in this. if he's not............punch him in the nose :devil: :laugh:
  • butterfly25
    butterfly25 Posts: 186 Member
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    oh well let him get mad..he will get over it..you have to think about you..i go threw it my hubbie loves his junk and i have to say no cause he is not the one on the tread mill or at a gym or however you work out..but i know what i go threw and its alot and its not worth putting that crap into my mouth..you have to think about you...
  • baby81girl2003
    baby81girl2003 Posts: 79 Member
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    Punch him on the nose :devil:

    LMAO!!!

    maybe if you showed him how you have to log your food he would get a better idea? if not, throat punch....:devil:


    LOL I'm down for the throat punch idea!
    Without knowing anything about you or your relationship it's hard to say. Some guys get insecure when their wife wants to lose weight in fear that she will get more attention, or seek someone else with her hot new body. I would explain to him you're trying to lose weight. Show him the website. Explain why proper portions are good, and why ice cream isn't good :-\ Then tell him he needs to be supportive of what you're trying to accomplish. If he has a problem after that, then you need to ask him, and address it. Maybe he feels if you lose weight, he will have to do the same? Again, withouth knowing you, these are some ideas. And if there don't work....kicking him square in his @$$ is a great way to start exercising :-)
  • atomiclauren
    atomiclauren Posts: 689 Member
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    Definitely do *not* ignore it! That's like a free pass for him to continue that behavior!

    Sit down and tell him (again, if you have) why you are doing this and that it is important to you. He doesn't have to join, but he certainly needs to be respectful!
  • tater8589
    tater8589 Posts: 616
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    My husband isn't much better. You may just have to sit him down and tell him he is hurting your feelings when he acts this way and explain how important it is for you to be healthy and stick to your diet. If that doesn't work then I'm not sure?? I tend to make my own dinner and if my husband(who won't eat fruit or vegies) won't eat what I make then he makes his own. I'll add that I try to make dinners we can both enjoy when our work schedules allow us time to eat together.
  • bluemartini6
    bluemartini6 Posts: 81
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    Try getting him to understand how important your goals are for you and your family-long happy healthy life. Explain that you need his support and yes you probably want the dessert but are saving it. See if he'll do this with you. And try buying healthier option or lower cal at least. I buy frozen yogurt from schwans-really tasty and half the calories of ice cream so I have half a cup guilt free
  • dubmav
    dubmav Posts: 17
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    Is he interested in shaving a few lbs. as well? It's a 100% easier if you guys are both chasing the same goal.
  • BlueEyedMomma88
    BlueEyedMomma88 Posts: 558 Member
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    Punch him on the nose :devil:

    LMAO!!!

    maybe if you showed him how you have to log your food he would get a better idea? if not, throat punch....:devil:


    LOL I'm down for the throat punch idea!
    Without knowing anything about you or your relationship it's hard to say. Some guys get insecure when their wife wants to lose weight in fear that she will get more attention, or seek someone else with her hot new body. I would explain to him you're trying to lose weight. Show him the website. Explain why proper portions are good, and why ice cream isn't good :-\ Then tell him he needs to be supportive of what you're trying to accomplish. If he has a problem after that, then you need to ask him, and address it. Maybe he feels if you lose weight, he will have to do the same? Again, withouth knowing you, these are some ideas. And if there don't work....kicking him square in his @$$ is a great way to start exercising :-)

    EXACTALLY what I was gonna say!! Great response hun!! :happy:
  • AndriaLL
    AndriaLL Posts: 162
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    I bet he's the one who buys the ice cream, too? That's how it is in my family. My husband thinks the rest of the family shouldn't have to "suffer" because I (and one of my daughters) don't have self control around food. So he buys chips, ice cream, and orders pizza a lot. I buy alot of fruit and veggies and eat a frozen Weight Watchers pizza as they eat Papa John's. Our younger daughter is now starting to have a weight problem and he still insists that overeating is our issue, he's always been lean and he'll encourage her to exercise, but there's no way he'll stop buying what he likes to eat. He has agreed to hide his "goodies" at least, but doesn't always remember. Honestly, that is part of the reason I am on MFP. There is support here when there's none at home.

    Good luck to you!

    Also sending friend request...
  • 33nessy
    33nessy Posts: 104
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    ive had that happen before with my hubby....just be straight with him and let him know hes not helping...if he wants a high calorie snack try and encourage him to do it either at work or away from you.
  • mlbc565
    mlbc565 Posts: 1
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    I think if that were my situation, I would open up the topic directly using a reflexive listening approach, sharing how you perceive his behavior, to see if his response will provide some insight into the intent behind his behavior. Sometimes there's wide gap between what someone means and how it comes across.

    "I feel like you get angry when I say I don't want ice cream. If so, why does this make you mad?"

    Support within the home is really important - and I think support can simply be your family respecting your choices and not trying to derail you. I don't think my husband necessarily agrees with my assessment that I needed to lose some weight. I knew he was OK with it when he recently picked up a salad for me for dinner, and he thought to get the low cal dressing which he never had before.

    Good luck!
  • tater8589
    tater8589 Posts: 616
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    I bet he's the one who buys the ice cream, too? That's how it is in my family. My husband thinks the rest of the family shouldn't have to "suffer" because I (and one of my daughters) don't have self control around food. So he buys chips, ice cream, and orders pizza a lot. I buy alot of fruit and veggies and eat a frozen Weight Watchers pizza as they eat Papa John's. Our younger daughter is now starting to have a weight problem and he still insists that overeating is our issue, he's always been lean and he'll encourage her to exercise, but there's no way he'll stop buying what he likes to eat. He has agreed to hide his "goodies" at least, but doesn't always remember. Honestly, that is part of the reason I am on MFP. There is support here when there's none at home.

    Good luck to you!

    Also sending friend request...

    Personally (and please don't take this wrong) I believe in everything (mostly) in moderation. However if something is a 'trigger' food then it should be avoided until control is easier and its inconsiderate of him to consistantly bring it infront of you and your daughter who are trying hard to do things right. May also suggest that if diet isn't the total issue you and your daughter may want to have the dr do a thyroid test. My mom and I have hypothyroid which makes it significantly harder to lose weight, even with healthy diet and exercise. I wish you both good luck :)
  • bbygrl5
    bbygrl5 Posts: 964 Member
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    I try my best to just ignore him, but my husband isn't very helpful for achieving my weight loss goals. After dinner and I put my daughter to bed he asks if I want ice cream and I say no. He gets mad and says "FINE then I won't have any either!" We take turn cooking some times, and if he thinks I didn't get a big enough portion of what he cooks, he gets offended. As I said, I'm trying to just ignore it, but its hard. Any tips?

    My husband is very supportive, but wasn't always at first. He wasn't trying to sabatoge me, but he really just didn't understand how serious I was being about accomplishing this. It seemed like it took about half of my weight lost before he really understood that I was never going to have ice cream when I said I didn't want any and that if I was going to splurge, I had to make the decision myself. For some reason, he took it personally a lot at first, but finally he just started understanding my mindset.

    Now, he's on MFP with me and wanting to make changes himself. He is making them very slowly, which is the way it works for him. I encourage him, but never, never have I judged him for falling short on working out or not eating better. I didn't like someone trying to affect the choices I made, so I won't do the same to him.

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